Is it normal to change throughout your twenties?? and does it get better in your thir

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Anonymous #1
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The people I was once good friends with, we no longer have anything in common, I feel very lonely and isolated, is this normal? I am 27 When I was 20, I moved away for university, after university all of my degree friends moved away or back home and got on with their lives, around that time I met my now ex partner and continued to live in the area for around 5 yearsFollowing the break up, I got offered a new position at work which involved relocating, having done so and being in a totally new area, alone, made me aware of how lonely and isolated I feltSo I moved back to my home town and met up with some old friends, this left me feeling worse, they tell me they don’t recognise me anymore and that I’ve changed None of them work, have multiple children by different fathers and think the government should give them more money so they stop struggling - me on the other hand, I have multiple degrees and I work hardI just don’t know where to turn and am starting to think all those years of education may have not been a good thing after all
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foobar123
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Making friends isn't so easy in your 20s as it was in school. You need to do stuff and be proactive about it. COVID undoubtedly has made this harder for everyone but in normal circumstances you'd go do something you like to do and meet people doing it too, invite them to do other stuff and in the best case become friends
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NonIndigenous
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If people can change, they tend to only do so superficially.

Deep down, they tend not to change. They can, but it takes a lot more effort. What I am saying, is that your friends were likely to some extent destined to become layabout sods in their late teens, maybe early twenties. I say this bearing in mind that a person's personality tends to develop up until the age of about 25, and it undergoes it's greatest development during early years in childhood, which will fundamentally shape your subconscious thinking, social skills, attitude, worldview, ethics and personal values. By the age of 20-ish, those are mostly fully developed.

Sometimes it just takes some time for those personality traits to manifest their consequences in adulthood. You start to see those in their late twenties. But the underlying personality traits were likely always there.

People can change bad habits, but it's difficult and relatively rare. According to one source I read, it apparently takes approximately 7 years to repattern your mental state and change your attitudes on a fundamental level. Even that, I am skeptical of, as I have seen no evidence of it yet in real life. I don't remember where I read that either. Majority of literature on personalities suggests that they do not really change at all beyond the age of 25-30. At best, people learn how to control their flaws and insecurities better with age, so they can lead slightly more productive and successful lives. That's all.
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NonIndigenous
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(Original post by Anonymous)
The people I was once good friends with, we no longer have anything in common, I feel very lonely and isolated, is this normal? I am 27 When I was 20, I moved away for university, after university all of my degree friends moved away or back home and got on with their lives, around that time I met my now ex partner and continued to live in the area for around 5 yearsFollowing the break up, I got offered a new position at work which involved relocating, having done so and being in a totally new area, alone, made me aware of how lonely and isolated I feltSo I moved back to my home town and met up with some old friends, this left me feeling worse, they tell me they don’t recognise me anymore and that I’ve changed None of them work, have multiple children by different fathers and think the government should give them more money so they stop struggling - me on the other hand, I have multiple degrees and I work hardI just don’t know where to turn and am starting to think all those years of education may have not been a good thing after all
I forgot to actually answer your post properly, and went on one of my rambles about psychology.

You likely never shared the same personal values as you friends, in the first place. There probably was a period during your teenage years when your personal values were not yet fully developed, and so you enjoyed each others' company and exploring those things.

You need to find new people with values similar to yours. Your family also could have done a slightly better job during your upbringing of surrounding you with people of similar values and ambitions, perhaps by sending you to a slightly better school for example. But I can't tell these things from sitting in my chair.
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Final Fantasy
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Yeah it's normal.
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black tea
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It's entirely normal to change throughout your twenties. Why do you think your education is not a good thing?

(Original post by NonIndigenous)
Your family also could have done a slightly better job during your upbringing of surrounding you with people of similar values and ambitions, perhaps by sending you to a slightly better school for example.
I really don't think it's you place to be commenting on OP's upbringing...
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anosmianAcrimony
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(Original post by NonIndigenous)
I forgot to actually answer your post properly, and went on one of my rambles about psychology.

You likely never shared the same personal values as you friends, in the first place. There probably was a period during your teenage years when your personal values were not yet fully developed, and so you enjoyed each others' company and exploring those things.

You need to find new people with values similar to yours. Your family also could have done a slightly better job during your upbringing of surrounding you with people of similar values and ambitions, perhaps by sending you to a slightly better school for example. But I can't tell these things from sitting in my chair.
If nothing else, being able to choose what school to send your kids to is a privilege not all families have.
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anosmianAcrimony
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It's normal to change throughout your life, and especially in your twenties.
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NonIndigenous
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(Original post by anosmianAcrimony)
If nothing else, being able to choose what school to send your kids to is a privilege not all families have.
It was just an example. I forgot how sensitive people can be about the school they went to.
Last edited by NonIndigenous; 1 month ago
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londonmyst
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Yes, it's normal.

Most people change with their personal circumstances and will adapt to function most effectively in new surroundings.
Many friendships and intimate relationships have a limited shelf life.
It seems like your friends always had very different personal ambitions, lifestyle preferences and personalities to you.
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