I think my parents are hoarders...

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Anonymous #1
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Report Thread starter 1 month ago
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My father died fairly recently and the rest of my family seem to be pretending his things don't exist any more, so I have been going through them alone, sorting, shredding, trying to figure out how to get rid of various items, and there is just *so* much to get through.

But my mother is pretty much just as bad, but apparently she cannot see it? She seems to think putting things in a pile is organising, so there are piles of her things literally all over the house. On every shelf, every bookshelf, every corner of almost every room. Piles. It took me a full day to go through the stuff on this desk just to be able to use it. Any surface, a box, an old washing machine (I don't even know why it's still here?) becomes a new place to put things on. Broken items get left in a corner and replaced, time and time again. And because the kitchen cupboards are full of things that almost certainly don't need to be there any more, she has started keeping her recent purchases in bags under the table.

This has definitely been going on for a long time, but it's getting to me now, it makes me feel kind of sick. It's like she is intentionally avoiding it, or genuinely doesn't see it.

Any time I even hint at her items strewn across the house, she will deflect to like the 3 belongings I have in the room (and in the past, both my parents pointed the finger at each other). I offered more than once to help her sort one of the problematic cupboards, but each time she opted to watch TV instead. She has also said that she "wants to get on with her life," so the piles persist, but it just seems… lazy to me? Sometimes I wonder if she's planning to leave all this for me to sort through as well. But don't I have a life I'm supposed to be getting on with as well?

I am not sure what I can or should do at this point, but it's getting kind of ridiculous IMO. Any thoughts?
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Final Fantasy
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Just sort it out. No point complaining about it. Your dad is dead. Just do it and let the dead rest.
Last edited by Final Fantasy; 1 month ago
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Final Fantasy)
Just sort it out. No point complaining about it. Your dad is dead. Just do it and let the dead rest.
It is my mother's method of storing her things that is the main issue, to be clear.
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Final Fantasy
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(Original post by Anonymous)
It is my mother's method of storing her things that is the main issue, to be clear.
Tell her to stop and that you'll take care of it.
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harrysbar
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I am not sure what I can or should do at this point, but it's getting kind of ridiculous IMO. Any thoughts?
Your family do sound like hoarders and I would hate it too but what can you do? Not much in reality as it isn't your house. I would just accept it while you live at home and resolve to live in a more minimalist way when you move out.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by harrysbar)
Your family do sound like hoarders and I would hate it too but what can you do? Not much in reality as it isn't your house. I would just accept it while you live at home and resolve to live in a more minimalist way when you move out.
Thank you. I have talked about this with my sibling and have been reading some other declutter/hoarding threads trying to find some way to improve the situation but the consensus seems to be that it is best to just... leave as the person is unlikely to change. Before I do that I could remove some of this stuff (secretly?), but it would most likely only be a temporary measure. But given that this is something she is used to, you are right that I will have to accept (or tolerate) this. I think that until recently I just worked around it, but it is getting to me now. Perhaps that is what I need to work on first and foremost.

(Original post by harrysbar)
and resolve to live in a more minimalist way when you move out.
Certainly.
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