People think I'm gay when I'm not

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memyselfandi225
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Hi, recently I've been really bothered by the fact that people always ask me if I'm gay or just blatantly call me gay. I am not gay and have never told anyone I'm gay. I'm bothered about the fact that I always have to repeat myself to people. Its made me hate myself because I don't see what others are seeing and I don't know what to do to make people stop. Any advice ?
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Reality Check
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(Original post by memyselfandi225)
Hi, recently I've been really bothered by the fact that people always ask me if I'm gay or just blatantly call me gay. I am not gay and have never told anyone I'm gay. I'm bothered about the fact that I always have to repeat myself to people. Its made me hate myself because I don't see what others are seeing and I don't know what to do to make people stop. Any advice ?
What you dislike here is that your behaviour, mannerisms or some other aspect of how you come across to others is clearly stereotypically 'gay', and leading other people to either seek confirmation that you are, or even just make some people assume that you are without even needing to check. This is quite interesting really, because it's doubly gay-phobic really. It's unacceptable from the people making the assumptions, because they're relying on very little information based on (probably) lazy stereotypes to think 'oh, he's acting a bit "gay", so he probably is' - as if gay people only act/talk in a certain way. It could also be seen as internalised homophobia by you - but equally you could just be validly annoyed that people are (incorrectly) assuming your sexuality based on these stereotypical traits which you yourself can't see.

You must have some idea why people are repeatedly telling you this. Is it this, really, which bothers you?
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beagerr
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(Original post by Reality Check)
What you dislike here is that your behaviour, mannerisms or some other aspect of how you come across to others is clearly stereotypically 'gay', and leading other people to either seek confirmation that you are, or even just make some people assume that you are without even needing to check. This is quite interesting really, because it's doubly gay-phobic really. It's unacceptable from the people making the assumptions, because they're relying on very little information based on (probably) lazy stereotypes to think 'oh, he's acting a bit "gay", so he probably is' - as if gay people only act/talk in a certain way. It could also be seen as internalised homophobia by you - but equally you could just be validly annoyed that people are (incorrectly) assuming your sexuality based on these stereotypical traits which you yourself can't see.

You must have some idea why people are repeatedly telling you this. Is it this, really, which bothers you?
How is that internalised homophobia? The OP is being asked (or assumed) that he is something which he isn't. Whether that's being gay, or if a gay person is being assumed as straight, it's not fun for people to assume
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(Original post by beagerr)
How is that internalised homophobia? The OP is being asked (or assumed) that he is something which he isn't. Whether that's being gay, or if a gay person is being assumed as straight, it's not fun for people to assume
Read properly what I wrote. I said 'it could be seen as internalised homophobia', but then went on to say exactly what you've just written. I don't think the OP is homophobic.

I was covering all bases.
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memyselfandi225
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(Original post by Reality Check)
What you dislike here is that your behaviour, mannerisms or some other aspect of how you come across to others is clearly stereotypically 'gay', and leading other people to either seek confirmation that you are, or even just make some people assume that you are without even needing to check. This is quite interesting really, because it's doubly gay-phobic really. It's unacceptable from the people making the assumptions, because they're relying on very little information based on (probably) lazy stereotypes to think 'oh, he's acting a bit "gay", so he probably is' - as if gay people only act/talk in a certain way. It could also be seen as internalised homophobia by you - but equally you could just be validly annoyed that people are (incorrectly) assuming your sexuality based on these stereotypical traits which you yourself can't see.

You must have some idea why people are repeatedly telling you this. Is it this, really, which bothers you?
These people will make your life hell when they hear something about you and they see being gay a reason to bully a person. I understand what you're saying about mannerisms, to these people i don't act like you're typical straight boy. A straight boy here is seen as someone who doesn't have much of a personality and isn't well spoken, someone who just cares about girls and is followed around by a gang of boys. I'm quite the opposite, I'm into things "straight" boys here aren't into and don't have an occult following like many of them
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Reality Check
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(Original post by memyselfandi225)
These people will make your life hell when they hear something about you and they see being gay a reason to bully a person. I understand what you're saying about mannerisms, to these people i don't act like you're typical straight boy. A straight boy here is seen as someone who doesn't have much of a personality and isn't well spoken, someone who just cares about girls and is followed around by a gang of boys. I'm quite the opposite, I'm into things "straight" boys here aren't into and don't have an occult following like many of them
Yes, I understand exactly what you're saying. Are you from quite a 'homogenous' community, in that there isn't a huge amount of diversity and 'difference', and people all tend to act in the same way. I hesitate to say 'narrow minded', but a sort of traditional community, such as a market town or rural area in the UK, rather than a more diverse city community?
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memyselfandi225
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(Original post by Reality Check)
Yes, I understand exactly what you're saying. Are you from quite a 'homogenous' community, in that there isn't a huge amount of diversity and 'difference', and people all tend to act in the same way. I hesitate to say 'narrow minded', but a sort of traditional community, such as a market town or rural area in the UK, rather than a more diverse city community?
I live in a city however, Adults and parents here, although they may not agree with being gay, they won't go out of their way to make you feel less than.with teenagers and people my age it's a different story. There's been many cases where people have committed suicide because of young people here even after adults have intervened. They're ruthless towards anything they don't agree with and yeah like you said, all tend to act in the same way.
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