i need serious advice peeps

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rihannnaaaa
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okay so i had a boyfriend, he was 20yrs. im 15 yrs. he treated me so well and i was in a bad situation at home so i ran away with him. the cops ended up finding me. my mom forced me to go against him in court because of the age difference and they're trying to give him 5-8 years for statutory rape. was i wrong for what i did? drop anything about the situation down below cause i feel like im crazy
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AzureWind
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(Original post by rihannnaaaa)
okay so i had a boyfriend, he was 20yrs. im 15 yrs. he treated me so well and i was in a bad situation at home so i ran away with him. the cops ended up finding me. my mom forced me to go against him in court because of the age difference and they're trying to give him 5-8 years for statutory rape. was i wrong for what i did? drop anything about the situation down below cause i feel like im crazy
no...? I don't know the situation that well but in a situation like that, the 20 year old was completely in the wrong for dating you in the first place and anything that happened because of it is his fault and his alone so don't feel guilty, because he should of known better. Mind if I give you some off topic advice?
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rihannnaaaa
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Go ahead! I need anything at this point, im all over the place
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AzureWind
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(Original post by rihannnaaaa)
Go ahead! I need anything at this point, im all over the place
Respect yourself more. Sorry if I'm wrong, but it sounds like you didn't really love him, but fooled yourself into thinking you do because you need that validation. You're a wonderful young woman and you'll make it, so stop seeking validation from people like that, and start being proud of what you yourself do / have become. You passed that test? Congrats! You woke up this morning in a good mood? Awesome! It's the small victories. Treat yourself with respect. You're awesome!
Last edited by AzureWind; 1 month ago
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AzureWind
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(Original post by AzureWind)
Respect yourself more. Sorry if I'm wrong, but it sounds like you didn't really love him, but fooled yourself into thinking you do because you need that validation. You're a wonderful young woman and you'll make it, so stop seeking validation from people like that, and start being proud of what you yourself do / have become. You passed that test? Congrats! You woke up this morning in a good mood? Awesome! It's the small victories. Treat yourself with respect. You're awesome!
Hope this helped you clear your head alteast C:
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rihannnaaaa
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I really needed that! I feel like I was kind of using him as a way out of the situation i'm in at home and then the fact that my father wasn't in my life makes me feel like I need a constant reassurance from men because of his absence. But then I feel extremely stuck because I know the guy I was with was trying to get me out of that situation at home. He would get me hotel rooms and stay with me throughout the night because I constantly felt unsafe where I was. But then at the same time we would end up smoking weed and drinking like crazy when we were alone at the hotel and I would often give myself up which is something I wouldn't do sober. He would always bring weed and alcohol so I just don't know if his intentions were good or bad :/
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Anonbro1
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Smoking weed and drinking alcohol are definitely not positive character traits.
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Surnia
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All you did was have your head turned by someone who was giving you attention, which is what you wanted. However, you were too young and immature to realise it was the wrong kind of attention, especially when sex was involved.

He's an adult and, even if he had just been dating you, he has nothing in common with someone who is still a schoolgirl. He knew what he was doing was against the law and he manipulated you into this situation because he saw you were vulnerable. There was no real love from him, no matter what you might think.

I hope you have had support to get through this, and to try and resolve the situation at home. Please don't see your mum in a bad light; she did the right thing in pushing to get this predator off the streets. Jail stops him from hurting you more, mentally or even physically, because he could have become being more controlling with you, or from raping anyone else.
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rihannnaaaa
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(Original post by Surnia)
All you did was have your head turned by someone who was giving you attention, which is what you wanted. However, you were too young and immature to realise it was the wrong kind of attention, especially when sex was involved.

He's an adult and, even if he had just been dating you, he has nothing in common with someone who is still a schoolgirl. He knew what he was doing was against the law and he manipulated you into this situation because he saw you were vulnerable. There was no real love from him, no matter what you might think.

I hope you have had support to get through this, and to try and resolve the situation at home. Please don't see your mum in a bad light; she did the right thing in pushing to get this predator off the streets. Jail stops him from hurting you more, mentally or even physically, because he could have become being more controlling with you, or from raping anyone else.
Tysm <3. And he definitely took advantage of the fact that I was vulnerable now that I see this.
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chlamydia9000
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If you don't feel traumatised, then don't let others talk you in to feeling traumatised. Like if you were a year older it would have been legal. He shouldn't have done it, but its hard to know if he just fell for someone who happened to be underage or if he was specifically going for teenagers. It's in the hands of the courts now so just try to forget about it and move on.
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Surnia
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(Original post by chlamydia9000)
If you don't feel traumatised, then don't let others talk you in to feeling traumatised. Like if you were a year older it would have been legal. He shouldn't have done it, but its hard to know if he just fell for someone who happened to be underage or if he was specifically going for teenagers. It's in the hands of the courts now so just try to forget about it and move on.
Taking a minor to hotel rooms for alcohol, drugs and sex isn't what you do when you've 'fallen for' someone. You'd be spending quality time together, getting to know each other properly and not sneaking around getting them high and drunk!
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chlamydia9000
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(Original post by Surnia)
Taking a minor to hotel rooms for alcohol, drugs and sex isn't what you do when you've 'fallen for' someone. You'd be spending quality time together, getting to know each other properly and not sneaking around getting them high and drunk!
Maybe he was as socially developed as a teenager and that's what he spends his time doing. Maybe he was a Bill Cosby style predator. I dunno. Re-reading the OPs words yeah, he probably leans towards to the Cosby.
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AzureWind
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(Original post by chlamydia9000)
Maybe he was as socially developed as a teenager and that's what he spends his time doing. Maybe he was a Bill Cosby style predator. I dunno. Re-reading the OPs words yeah, he probably leans towards to the Cosby.
I don't think it's that. I think that one pov of the situation is that he saw what kind of situation she was in and tried to give her an escape through drugs and alcohol and thought she wanted sex, but that's an idiotic thought process in the first place.

Edit: words
Last edited by AzureWind; 1 month ago
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rihannnaaaa
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(Original post by AzureWind)
I don't think it's that. I think that one pov of the situation is that he saw what kind of situation she was in and tried to give her an escape through drugs and alcohol and thought she wanted sex, but that's an idiotic thought process in the first place.

Edit: words
i mean idk cause it was something he did regularly and i guess he just expected me to do it too...
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