My flatmate has got a cat and I’m extremely allergic

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TiredBee
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Hi guys! Any advice would be massively appreciated. I feel extremely uncomfortable in this situation. As my housemate is using my good nature against me and is trying to manipulate me into getting her own way even if it effects my health.

So i have JUST moved in with a two girls in a privately rented student house. Before i have even officially moved in one of the girls has sprung on me that she’s been given a cat by her boyfriend for their anniversary and it’s coming to live with us ( she wasn’t asking if this is okay, she was telling us this is what was happening). I immediately told her that this couldn’t happen as I’m extremely allergic to cats and have bad asthma.

She went on for about two days in our group chat being extremely manipulative, sending voice notes of her crying, saying how’s it’s been her dream since she was little and that I should just take allergy medication.

She continued to gaslight my allergies by saying her mum lived with cats and she had allergies etc.. when asking her why the cat couldn’t go and live with her mum, she replied “ no because she’s allergic”……

- Allergy tablet do not work for my cat allergies as they are so bad.
- The cat allergies make my asthma dangerous.
- I don’t feel like I should have to be medicated to live in my own house
- I’ve tried to visit friends with cats many times, every single time I have to leave and I’m messed up for days.

She’s continuing to talk about me behind my back to other people, and posting videos of herself online crying, making me sound like a horrible person for not trying the allergy tablets and letting the cat stay.

Just for some added background, in our housing contract it says STRICTLY no pets allowed.

Am I being unreasonable?

(Sorry for this being long- thank you for reading! c: )
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ajj2000
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You are not being unreasonable. She sounds terrible.
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AzureWind
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(Original post by TiredBee)
Hi guys! Any advice would be massively appreciated. I feel extremely uncomfortable in this situation. As my housemate is using my good nature against me and is trying to manipulate me into getting her own way even if it effects my health.

So i have JUST moved in with a two girls in a privately rented student house. Before i have even officially moved in one of the girls has sprung on me that she’s been given a cat by her boyfriend for their anniversary and it’s coming to live with us ( she wasn’t asking if this is okay, she was telling us this is what was happening). I immediately told her that this couldn’t happen as I’m extremely allergic to cats and have bad asthma.

She went on for about two days in our group chat being extremely manipulative, sending voice notes of her crying, saying how’s it’s been her dream since she was little and that I should just take allergy medication.

She continued to gaslight my allergies by saying her mum lived with cats and she had allergies etc.. when asking her why the cat couldn’t go and live with her mum, she replied “ no because she’s allergic”……

- Allergy tablet do not work for my cat allergies as they are so bad.
- The cat allergies make my asthma dangerous.
- I don’t feel like I should have to be medicated to live in my own house
- I’ve tried to visit friends with cats many times, every single time I have to leave and I’m messed up for days.

She’s continuing to talk about me behind my back to other people, and posting videos of herself online crying, making me sound like a horrible person for not trying the allergy tablets and letting the cat stay.

Just for some added background, in our housing contract it says STRICTLY no pets allowed.

Am I being unreasonable?

(Sorry for this being long- thank you for reading! c: )
Isn't this illegal? It might be class as attempted assault to to the nature of your condition. If not though you could always just pull up the "No pets allowed" clause. You have no reason to ben over backwards for someone so entitled.
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AzureWind
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(Original post by ajj2000)
You are not being unreasonable. She sounds terrible.
This is the 17th time someone stole first as I was writing lol
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Surnia
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This is one reason why some places don't allow pets, to be fair to all the occupants, as well as to avoid the potential mess and damage caused by hair, pee and poo, scratching, chewing etc. Where does the other girl stand in this, has she taken sides or is she staying out of it? Can you get her support?

Remind this girl of the "no pets" clause and say that the landlord and uni accommodation office, even though it's private rent, will be informed if she gets the cat. Follow up with exactly that if she goes ahead. Just because she's called a house 'mate' doesn't mean you have to be friends, so stand up for your rights. You should not have your health put at risk because she's a drama queen! Easy to say, but ignore the bullying and manipulation. Or get your own back with a post on the group chat with a vid of you coughing and wheezing saying you were in accidental contact with a cat and this is how it affects you...

And who on earth celebrates an anniversary with a girlfriend, and does it by getting them a cat anyway, notwithstanding she's at uni? She and the bf don't sound too bright.
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harrysbar
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(Original post by TiredBee)
Hi guys! Any advice would be massively appreciated. I feel extremely uncomfortable in this situation. As my housemate is using my good nature against me and is trying to manipulate me into getting her own way even if it effects my health.

So i have JUST moved in with a two girls in a privately rented student house. Before i have even officially moved in one of the girls has sprung on me that she’s been given a cat by her boyfriend for their anniversary and it’s coming to live with us ( she wasn’t asking if this is okay, she was telling us this is what was happening). I immediately told her that this couldn’t happen as I’m extremely allergic to cats and have bad asthma.

She went on for about two days in our group chat being extremely manipulative, sending voice notes of her crying, saying how’s it’s been her dream since she was little and that I should just take allergy medication.

She continued to gaslight my allergies by saying her mum lived with cats and she had allergies etc.. when asking her why the cat couldn’t go and live with her mum, she replied “ no because she’s allergic”……

- Allergy tablet do not work for my cat allergies as they are so bad.
- The cat allergies make my asthma dangerous.
- I don’t feel like I should have to be medicated to live in my own house
- I’ve tried to visit friends with cats many times, every single time I have to leave and I’m messed up for days.

She’s continuing to talk about me behind my back to other people, and posting videos of herself online crying, making me sound like a horrible person for not trying the allergy tablets and letting the cat stay.

Just for some added background, in our housing contract it says STRICTLY no pets allowed.

Am I being unreasonable?

(Sorry for this being long- thank you for reading! c: )
You're not being unreasonable. I have a cat allergy too (asthma) so completely sympathise. I like cats but couldn't live with one as would be constantly ill.

She sounds very very immature. I think you need to stick to your guns and keep reminding the group that cats literally make you ill. If she brings the cat in regardless you will have no choice really but to inform the landlord as she is breaking the terms of the contract.
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YaliaV123
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It’s bad enough when a young child fake cries for attention, but the thought of a grown woman fake crying makes me want to vomit. Bringing a cat into shared accommodation is irresponsible, reckless and selfish.
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ajj2000
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Unfortunately I'm a bit dubious about some of the advice regarding the contractual status of keeping a cat (assuming you are in England). I think it may be one of those occasions where you have to request to be released from the tenancy as you'll have an unpleasant time staying people who think you stole their kitty.
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Surnia
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(Original post by ajj2000)
Unfortunately I'm a bit dubious about some of the advice regarding the contractual status of keeping a cat (assuming you are in England). I think it may be one of those occasions where you have to request to be released from the tenancy as you'll have an unpleasant time staying people who think you stole their kitty.
There has to be permission given by the landlord to keep a pet and allergies is a valid reason for a refusal. Why should the OP move? It's not her causing an issue; her health is at risk.
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TiredBee
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(Original post by AzureWind)
Isn't this illegal? It might be class as attempted assault to to the nature of your condition. If not though you could always just pull up the "No pets allowed" clause. You have no reason to ben over backwards for someone so entitled.
I have already showed her the no pets allowed part in our contract but she’s saying she doesn’t care and she will pay for any damage or fines etc… she’s being completely unrealistic about the entire situation just because she wants what she wants.
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TiredBee
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(Original post by ajj2000)
You are not being unreasonable. She sounds terrible.
Thank you, sometimes it can be hard when dealing with someone so manipulating.
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TiredBee
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(Original post by Surnia)
This is one reason why some places don't allow pets, to be fair to all the occupants, as well as to avoid the potential mess and damage caused by hair, pee and poo, scratching, chewing etc. Where does the other girl stand in this, has she taken sides or is she staying out of it? Can you get her support?

Remind this girl of the "no pets" clause and say that the landlord and uni accommodation office, even though it's private rent, will be informed if she gets the cat. Follow up with exactly that if she goes ahead. Just because she's called a house 'mate' doesn't mean you have to be friends, so stand up for your rights. You should not have your health put at risk because she's a drama queen! Easy to say, but ignore the bullying and manipulation. Or get your own back with a post on the group chat with a vid of you coughing and wheezing saying you were in accidental contact with a cat and this is how it affects you...

And who on earth celebrates an anniversary with a girlfriend, and does it by getting them a cat anyway, notwithstanding she's at uni? She and the bf don't sound too bright.
I have made it clear that the cat will be unable to stay, she’s now agreed but is continuing to be really manipulating saying the cat is going to help her mental health and that basically I’m being really unreasonable for not trying. She even suggested that maybe the house isn’t a good place for me to live anyways because two cats live next door…. Unbelievable really!
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DiddyDec
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Do you each have your own contract with the landlord or is it joint?
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Surnia
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(Original post by TiredBee)
I have already showed her the no pets allowed part in our contract but she’s saying she doesn’t care and she will pay for any damage or fines etc… she’s being completely unrealistic about the entire situation just because she wants what she wants.
Has she shown you proof that she has asked the landlord to keep a cat even though you have allergies, and that he has given permission for her to do so? That's the next step.
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TiredBee
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(Original post by ajj2000)
Unfortunately I'm a bit dubious about some of the advice regarding the contractual status of keeping a cat (assuming you are in England). I think it may be one of those occasions where you have to request to be released from the tenancy as you'll have an unpleasant time staying people who think you stole their kitty
(Original post by YaliaV123)
It’s bad enough when a young child fake cries for attention, but the thought of a grown woman fake crying makes me want to vomit. Bringing a cat into shared accommodation is irresponsible, reckless and selfish.
The worst part is I don’t think she’s fake crying, I think she genuinely is upset. But she’s so clouded by her selfishness and immaturity surround the situation that she isn’t thinking about me or my health, all she’s thinking about is her and what she wants very toxic..
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Surnia
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(Original post by TiredBee)
I have made it clear that the cat will be unable to stay, she’s now agreed but is continuing to be really manipulating saying the cat is going to help her mental health and that basically I’m being really unreasonable for not trying. She even suggested that maybe the house isn’t a good place for me to live anyways because two cats live next door…. Unbelievable really!
So a cat given for an 'anniversary' is now needed for positive mental health. What if her boyfriend had got her something like a Pandora bracelet as a present?

Sorry, no offence intended for those who genuinely suffer with mental health issues, but this is silly now.
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TiredBee
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(Original post by DiddyDec)
Do you each have your own contract with the landlord or is it joint?
Joint
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DiddyDec
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(Original post by TiredBee)
Joint
Bad luck, not really much help then.
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YaliaV123
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(Original post by TiredBee)
The worst part is I don’t think she’s fake crying, I think she genuinely is upset. But she’s so clouded by her selfishness and immaturity surround the situation that she isn’t thinking about me or my health, all she’s thinking about is her and what she wants very toxic..
I think she’s probably a bit manipulative, even if she is immature. That wouldn’t be a good environment for a cat anyway.
Last edited by YaliaV123; 1 month ago
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Caz1234567
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(Original post by TiredBee)
I have already showed her the no pets allowed part in our contract but she’s saying she doesn’t care and she will pay for any damage or fines etc… she’s being completely unrealistic about the entire situation just because she wants what she wants.
Inform the landlord then, show proof of the situation, they'll handle it.
Also if the situation escalates maybe contact the police about her intentionally putting your health at risk.
Stick to your guns!
Last edited by Caz1234567; 1 month ago
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