Boyfriend has manipulated his way back

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Anonymous #1
#1
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#1
So my current “boyfriend “ we had an argument and I threw him out and he went to his brothers
During the arguments he pretended to cut himself in front of me and fake slitting his throat to try get my to not throw him out
He said if I leave him he would K1ll himself
But I stuck to my guns and took him to his brothers
I know I shouldn’t of but I called him Just to check he was ok as I was genuinely worried he would do something Snd offered him some numbers to get help

While on the phone he said he hadn’t eaten In 2 days (the whole time he’s been there ) Snd said if I don’t come get him he’ll hurt himself and stupid me believed jt .. he FaceTimes me showing the knife to his heart
I went and got him in panic ! As I didn’t want to be the reason someone would do that
After he come baxk home he admitted to me while he laughed that he would never hurt himself and he just did it to get him baxk living with me …
I don’t know what to do I don’t want to be in a relationship with him I want to be single I can’t believe he would do that
Someone pls help
What doesn’t help also is that my family love him and never see this bad side
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anosmianAcrimony
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This is a really classic tactic of toxic and manipulative people. In the end, you cannot be held accountable for their actions. It's very fair and even admirable to be concerned for them but in the end you have to put yourself first. You are not wronging them or pushing them towards self harm simply by not being in a relationship with them; even if he had harmed himself (and this kind of person never really would) you would not be "the reason" why. It's incredibly unfair of him to use this kind of thing as leverage.

I really recommend you get rid of him ASAP. If you're worried your family may not understand why, talk to them about it and describe what he's put you through. Also, you could take screenshots and recordings of the correspondence you've had with him, to show them. In the end, you don't have to be accountable to your family for who you are or aren't in a relationship with; it's your life and it doesn't have to make sense to them. I can understand that you would want their wholehearted support, though.

It seems like you've seen through this threat of his, now. If you get rid of him, I don't think he'll trick you the same way again.
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Noshot
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If what you say is its time to get a restraining order.
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
So my current “boyfriend “ we had an argument and I threw him out and he went to his brothers
During the arguments he pretended to cut himself in front of me and fake slitting his throat to try get my to not throw him out
He said if I leave him he would K1ll himself
But I stuck to my guns and took him to his brothers
I know I shouldn’t of but I called him Just to check he was ok as I was genuinely worried he would do something Snd offered him some numbers to get help

While on the phone he said he hadn’t eaten In 2 days (the whole time he’s been there ) Snd said if I don’t come get him he’ll hurt himself and stupid me believed jt .. he FaceTimes me showing the knife to his heart
I went and got him in panic ! As I didn’t want to be the reason someone would do that
After he come baxk home he admitted to me while he laughed that he would never hurt himself and he just did it to get him baxk living with me …
I don’t know what to do I don’t want to be in a relationship with him I want to be single I can’t believe he would do that
Someone pls help
What doesn’t help also is that my family love him and never see this bad side
Kick him out- if he wont move, throw his stuff out the window , if it still doesn't help-please get a restraining order.

And who cares if ur family likes him , im pretty sure YOU are the one living with him and not them so they rnt important in the picture at all.
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Anonymous #3
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My ex went on about how she is going to kill herself if I left her and I also stayed with her just out of concern for her and what she might do. When I finally got the guts to break up here's what she did. Nothing. She's still alive to this day and didn't kill herself. She didn't even go through with the threatened self harm. People who do this are just trying to make you stay they almost never actually go through with it so try not to worry too much. Just move on and so will he eventually, you'll both feel better in the long run if you cut each other off.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by anosmianAcrimony)
This is a really classic tactic of toxic and manipulative people. In the end, you cannot be held accountable for their actions. It's very fair and even admirable to be concerned for them but in the end you have to put yourself first. You are not wronging them or pushing them towards self harm simply by not being in a relationship with them; even if he had harmed himself (and this kind of person never really would) you would not be "the reason" why. It's incredibly unfair of him to use this kind of thing as leverage.

I really recommend you get rid of him ASAP. If you're worried your family may not understand why, talk to them about it and describe what he's put you through. Also, you could take screenshots and recordings of the correspondence you've had with him, to show them. In the end, you don't have to be accountable to your family for who you are or aren't in a relationship with; it's your life and it doesn't have to make sense to them. I can understand that you would want their wholehearted support, though.

It seems like you've seen through this threat of his, now. If you get rid of him, I don't think he'll trick you the same way again.
It’s hard because we had an ok relationship uo until January and it went downhill I kind of fell out of love but I still have love for him, I feel sad for him and he has no real family and just got out of Prision a year ago I feel like I’m ruining his life bevause hes already had a bad one ! But I Jusy don’t love him anymore I have no attraction I don’t even want to have sex with him Snd haven’t for months I think it went downhill when I got pregnant Snd he forced me to get an abortion and I’ve not been the same since
I think it’s the fact that he hasn’t ever cheated on me which is what every ex has done to me but he abuses me in other ways like mental manipulation and yaah
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Kick him out- if he wont move, throw his stuff out the window , if it still doesn't help-please get a restraining order.

And who cares if ur family likes him , im pretty sure YOU are the one living with him and not them so they rnt important in the picture at all.
But it never works he always somehow comes baxk I’m not strong enough mentally
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Sinnoh
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(Original post by Anonymous)
But it never works he always somehow comes baxk I’m not strong enough mentally
You could move and don't tell him where
Last edited by Sinnoh; 1 month ago
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Sinnoh)
You could move and don't tell him where
Well I actually live with my Nan right now I have no money to Jusy move otherwise I probably would !
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anosmianAcrimony
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(Original post by Anonymous)
It’s hard because we had an ok relationship uo until January and it went downhill I kind of fell out of love but I still have love for him, I feel sad for him and he has no real family and just got out of Prision a year ago I feel like I’m ruining his life bevause hes already had a bad one ! But I Jusy don’t love him anymore I have no attraction I don’t even want to have sex with him Snd haven’t for months I think it went downhill when I got pregnant Snd he forced me to get an abortion and I’ve not been the same since
I think it’s the fact that he hasn’t ever cheated on me which is what every ex has done to me but he abuses me in other ways like mental manipulation and yaah
If you don't love someone anymore and it just isn't working for you, it's kinder to both people involved to end the relationship. You're not ruining his life, or doing any sort of disservice to him, by doing that. Like you said, you don't have to have been cheated on to have been abused, and you don't need that as an excuse to end a relationship; indeed, you don't need to give him any kind of reason or excuse.
Last edited by anosmianAcrimony; 1 month ago
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Sinnoh
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Well I actually live with my Nan right now I have no money to Jusy move otherwise I probably would !
Can he get in to the house even if you don't want him in?
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Final Fantasy
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(Original post by Anonymous)
he forced me to get an abortion and I’ve not been the same since
I'm really sorry to hear that. Get rid of him immediately and notify the police if he threatens suicide.
Last edited by Final Fantasy; 1 month ago
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Anonymous #4
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(Original post by Anonymous)
So my current “boyfriend “ we had an argument and I threw him out and he went to his brothers
During the arguments he pretended to cut himself in front of me and fake slitting his throat to try get my to not throw him out
He said if I leave him he would K1ll himself
But I stuck to my guns and took him to his brothers
I know I shouldn’t of but I called him Just to check he was ok as I was genuinely worried he would do something Snd offered him some numbers to get help

While on the phone he said he hadn’t eaten In 2 days (the whole time he’s been there ) Snd said if I don’t come get him he’ll hurt himself and stupid me believed jt .. he FaceTimes me showing the knife to his heart
I went and got him in panic ! As I didn’t want to be the reason someone would do that
After he come baxk home he admitted to me while he laughed that he would never hurt himself and he just did it to get him baxk living with me …
I don’t know what to do I don’t want to be in a relationship with him I want to be single I can’t believe he would do that
Someone pls help
What doesn’t help also is that my family love him and never see this bad side
No no no no he didn't manipulate his way back you took him back, got no sympathy as you said you didn't want him
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NonIndigenous
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Record your conversations with him. People will believe it then.

Throw him out. Block his number. Block anyone who might be under his 'influence' that he might send out to get your attention on his behalf. Tell the people close to you about what is happening, and tell them to block him too.

Shut down your social media, except for one channel. Keep it open, as he will most likely be stalking it. You can use that to your advantage, by for example posting false locations of yourself. For example, using an old photo of yourself at the beach from last year, and posting it as if it were today. You can use that to distract him and send him on wild goose chases, looking in the wrong places for you.
Last edited by NonIndigenous; 1 month ago
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anosmianAcrimony
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(Original post by NonIndigenous)
Record your conversations with him. People will believe it then.

Throw him out. Block his number. Block anyone who might be under his 'influence' that he might send out to get your attention on his behalf. Tell the people close to you about what is happening, and tell them to block him too.

Shut down your social media, except for one channel. Keep it open, as he will most likely be stalking it. You can use that to your advantage, by for example posting false locations of yourself. For example, using an old photo of yourself at the beach from last year, and posting it as if it were today. You can use that to distract him and send him on wild goose chases, looking in the wrong places for you.
I agree with almost all of that, except for the mind games and misinformation part at the end. IMO it would be better to just cut him off completely and not think too hard about what he might be thinking. OP shouldn't have to invest mental effort and worrying into distracting him. If she's being stalked, that's for the police to deal with; if not, there's no reason to post anything on social media for his benefit.
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
But it never works he always somehow comes baxk I’m not strong enough mentally
Im sorry but i ant say anything else other than MAN UP, i onow its easier said than done , but u need to stand ur ground, u k ow what he is like , pathetic manipulation troll so whats stopping u . He wont come back if u make it clear u dont want him. Kick him out , block him on everything, throw his things out. U KNOW u arent taking his **** anymore so just come to the realization that u are not letting him back in , WAKE TF UP
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Anonymous #5
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OP he is emotionally abusive. I have been in a similar relationship.

I agree 100% with all the other responses ITT please seek help or support through trusted friends, family or a school teacher.
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NonIndigenous
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(Original post by anosmianAcrimony)
I agree with almost all of that, except for the mind games and misinformation part at the end. IMO it would be better to just cut him off completely and not think too hard about what he might be thinking. OP shouldn't have to invest mental effort and worrying into distracting him. If she's being stalked, that's for the police to deal with; if not, there's no reason to post anything on social media for his benefit.
You're probably right. I do not know however how responsive police are to these kinds of accusations. From my experience, the legal system will do almost f/all unless you present them with evidence in advance. Either by lining up your witnesses, or using recording devices like we had to once with a crazy neighbor. You can even pay private investigators... something I have never done though.

I always preferred to take things into my own hands. It gets dealt with far faster and more effectively that way. The only major disadvantage in the context of this thread is the impaired judgement due to high levels of emotional thinking. Using social media that way to manipulate someone's whereabouts in anticipating of them stalking you, is potentially a way of proving what they're doing. You could post your location and wait somewhere out of sight, for example, and take some photos. Or wait there, with a friend as a witness to confront them.

When I suggested to post false locations, what the specific image I had in mind was if you were commuting to or from work, and didn't want to be followed... so you would post on your timeline that you are away for a week.
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Dunnig Kruger
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What was in prison for? Not that it makes any difference to whether you should kick him out of your life and make it stick. Just asking because it might give you some ammunition to help make his dumping stick.

You ARE mentally strong enough to get rid of him. At the moment he's clinging to you, like something you've trodden in and cant scrape off from the bottom of your boots.

It will all be about his ego. His ego can't cope with him being rejected by you. So he's using all the tricks in the book to get the mental upper hand.
Any bloke with any sense would see that your relationship is effectively over and that there's no point in prolonging it any longer.
But this guy has no sense. He seems to have a track record of behaving with no sense - as per him doing whatever he did that got him in prison.

There are guys out there that won't cheat on you. And that are worthy of your love. So far you have been scraping the bottom of the barrel when it comes to men. Time for you to be more discerning.

Your immediate plan of action:
Have another huge row with him. It doesn't matter about what. Just have a huge row. During which you chuck him out again.
If he self harms, if it's not clearly life threatening, do nothing. He can take himself to A&E. If it's life threatening call 999.
Once he's out, do not phone him. Block his number. If he phones you from another line, simply say "Goodbye" and hang up.
If he starts stalking you, take the appropriate legal action.
Start your search for your next boyfriend. And at the same time, evaluate whether there's any self improvement you could or should do now and then go ahead and do it. In other words, move on with your life in the most positive way you can.
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Surnia
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Did you live together or are you with your family? If the former, get rid of him and change your locks. If the latter, you just need to tell them it's over and not to let him in. In any case, get evidence like screenshots, voicemails etc and save it, and call the police if any funny business.

Delete all contacts, block him and don't respond to any unknown calls etc. He's a manipulative **** and you aren't responsible for him.
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