Need advice on a girl

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Sushay
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Im an English lad 20yrs old and have been speaking to a Spanish girl 18yrs old from work.

We were speaking for a 10days back forth on snapchat we would compliment each other and she'd be very touchy/flirty in work with me and over text, constant facetimes etc...

I took her out with my mate and his girlfriend out clubbing in Liverpool (where we are from) we had a great time and shared our first kiss (ended up kissing all night) went back to hers and things got sexual (not sex but other stuff)

Yesterday we went out again but she sat me down and we had a chat, basically she said she doesn't want a relationship and to stop leading me on. She played the victim card about past relationship bla bla bla.

I handled the chat well didn't come across as needy or protective held eye contact and was very understanding and calm.

We still had to get the train together where she sat next to me with her head on my shoulder and stroking my belly? After her saying she doesnt wanna keep speaking. Obviously i stayed abit more quiet and reserved during this.

Girls are wierd but I really do like this one so pls help , gonna try do my research before i speak to her again.
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Satori Tendō
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Perhaps she wants attention with no strings attached/ a label.
It's kind of comedic how she's asking you to not lead her on and then she leads you on immediately after. Maybe ask her why she's being physically affectionate after saying she doesn't want a relationship.
She's young and has already had a bad relationship in her short period of time, she's probably confused and weird about it. Perhaps the maturity of how to deal with these kinds of situations is lacking.

Maybe have another conversation with a more definitive outcome laid out
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Sushay)
Im an English lad 20yrs old and have been speaking to a Spanish girl 18yrs old from work.

We were speaking for a 10days back forth on snapchat we would compliment each other and she'd be very touchy/flirty in work with me and over text, constant facetimes etc...

I took her out with my mate and his girlfriend out clubbing in Liverpool (where we are from) we had a great time and shared our first kiss (ended up kissing all night) went back to hers and things got sexual (not sex but other stuff)

Yesterday we went out again but she sat me down and we had a chat, basically she said she doesn't want a relationship and to stop leading me on. She played the victim card about past relationship bla bla bla.

I handled the chat well didn't come across as needy or protective held eye contact and was very understanding and calm.

We still had to get the train together where she sat next to me with her head on my shoulder and stroking my belly? After her saying she doesnt wanna keep speaking. Obviously i stayed abit more quiet and reserved during this.

Girls are wierd but I really do like this one so pls help , gonna try do my research before i speak to her again.
I'm a girl and tbh i think i get what she means. Yea we're weird but i guess some guys are too.
What you did seems very supportive and reserved at the same time which I agree with. Maybe find out what really happened in her past relationship, since it could be why she wants to hold back even though she seems to really like you. Either she isnt ready for commitment yet and she just wants something casual, or she's fighting with herself about how she feels about you.

If its the first option, then holding back if you want a committed relationship is the answer, since its just not going to end right, if she isnt ready, but maybe try to stick around and be there for her, and when she's ready for a commitment like that she'll come back to you.
If its the second version, then she probably likes you a lot but she's not sure how to go about it since she doesn't want it to end like her previous relationship. So just give her some time, assure her that you do want to take things further with her and how much she means to you.

But then again, I can't help much since i dont know this particular person. Try to find out more about her past relationship and you might know which of the two it is. Also 10 days is pretty fast, maybe she wants to tale things slow? It can be pretty confusing at first like Satori Tendo has said too.
And I'm not sure what you mean by playing the victim card, since her last relationship could have been toxic and she genuinely wants to be safer about her next one?
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_.Jena
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Maybe she's not too sure on her feelings?? Girls sometimes go through stages of denial where they don't truly know if they like a guy or not. Regardless, give it time and she'll soon realise. It's also possible she likes the attention and comfort she finds in you. Maybe lay off a bit and see how she acts?? I'm not too sure tho
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Surnia
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How did you handle this well when you are using the words "played the victim card"?

Why do you think what she said is an excuse and not that she has genuine reluctance?
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Sushay
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(Original post by Surnia)
How did you handle this well when you are using the words "played the victim card"?

Why do you think what she said is an excuse and not that she has genuine reluctance?
Sorry should have re worded it
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Sushay
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I'm a girl and tbh i think i get what she means. Yea we're weird but i guess some guys are too.
What you did seems very supportive and reserved at the same time which I agree with. Maybe find out what really happened in her past relationship, since it could be why she wants to hold back even though she seems to really like you. Either she isnt ready for commitment yet and she just wants something casual, or she's fighting with herself about how she feels about you.

If its the first option, then holding back if you want a committed relationship is the answer, since its just not going to end right, if she isnt ready, but maybe try to stick around and be there for her, and when she's ready for a commitment like that she'll come back to you.
If its the second version, then she probably likes you a lot but she's not sure how to go about it since she doesn't want it to end like her previous relationship. So just give her some time, assure her that you do want to take things further with her and how much she means to you.

But then again, I can't help much since i dont know this particular person. Try to find out more about her past relationship and you might know which of the two it is. Also 10 days is pretty fast, maybe she wants to tale things slow? It can be pretty confusing at first like Satori Tendo has said too.
And I'm not sure what you mean by playing the victim card, since her last relationship could have been toxic and she genuinely wants to be safer about her next one?
Thankyou,

Ive spoke with her and she said we will be friends and continue to get to know each other and if anything happens in the future too go along with it. I asked about keeping our options open as in commitments, she said yeh but she ain't searching for anyone.

Also i dont know if this may effect anything but she is still a virgin and looking back i was moving along abit faster then i should have.

Do I wait? Coz I dont wanna be stuck in the friend zone hoping for a relationship she'll never want, when there are plenty of other girls.
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username3477548
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(Original post by Sushay)
Do I wait? Coz I dont wanna be stuck in the friend zone hoping for a relationship she'll never want, when there are plenty of other girls.
Definitely don't wait.
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Sushay
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(Original post by Satori Tendō)
Perhaps she wants attention with no strings attached/ a label.
It's kind of comedic how she's asking you to not lead her on and then she leads you on immediately after. Maybe ask her why she's being physically affectionate after saying she doesn't want a relationship.
She's young and has already had a bad relationship in her short period of time, she's probably confused and weird about it. Perhaps the maturity of how to deal with these kinds of situations is lacking.

Maybe have another conversation with a more definitive outcome laid out
Thankyou very helpful 👍
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Surnia
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(Original post by Sushay)
Sorry should have re worded it
Ha! Too late. Telling that your first thought is you said the wrong thing, and didn't answer my question.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Sushay)
Thankyou,

Ive spoke with her and she said we will be friends and continue to get to know each other and if anything happens in the future too go along with it. I asked about keeping our options open as in commitments, she said yeh but she ain't searching for anyone.

Also i dont know if this may effect anything but she is still a virgin and looking back i was moving along abit faster then i should have.

Do I wait? Coz I dont wanna be stuck in the friend zone hoping for a relationship she'll never want, when there are plenty of other girls.
Okay so she probably likes you but isn't ready for a relationship yet. It just means that she wants to take things slow this time around, get to know each other first before rushing into a relationship.

The do i wait part depends on if you really do want to. I mean how much does she mean to you? If you're sure you want to keep trying because she is that important to you then wait a while longer and see where it goes, if you don't think it was that special and you want to try with others then thats your option.

And being stuck in the friendzone isnt much of a thing. I cant speak for all girls, but all the guys I've dated before were friends first. The guy I've loved the most and been with the longest, was my best friend first. I've had two kinds of guy friends, the ones I've seen only as friends or bros, and the ones I've been low key attracted to but didn't want to date at that moment, so depending on how she feels for you, you might not be "stuck" in the friend zone, get what I mean?
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Willjay74
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(Original post by Sushay)
Im an English lad 20yrs old and have been speaking to a Spanish girl 18yrs old from work.

We were speaking for a 10days back forth on snapchat we would compliment each other and she'd be very touchy/flirty in work with me and over text, constant facetimes etc...

I took her out with my mate and his girlfriend out clubbing in Liverpool (where we are from) we had a great time and shared our first kiss (ended up kissing all night) went back to hers and things got sexual (not sex but other stuff)

Yesterday we went out again but she sat me down and we had a chat, basically she said she doesn't want a relationship and to stop leading me on. She played the victim card about past relationship bla bla bla.

I handled the chat well didn't come across as needy or protective held eye contact and was very understanding and calm.

We still had to get the train together where she sat next to me with her head on my shoulder and stroking my belly? After her saying she doesnt wanna keep speaking. Obviously i stayed abit more quiet and reserved during this.

Girls are wierd but I really do like this one so pls help , gonna try do my research before i speak to her again.
She's playing with your emotions...leading you on...saying she doesn't want anything then flirting with you...she's playing games and just wants the attention. She's probably got plenty of other guys shes doing the same too. Trust me...shes's not worth it...you'll only get hurt. Move on and find yourself a decent girl who wants a relationship.
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