Guys help me get my guy back please

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#1
Okay so how do I get my guy back lol? Like from your previous relationships or personally how would the girl behave for you to have her back after a breakup.

For bg info, the guy i'm trying to get back with, he was my longest relationship and i was his first real relationship. We loved each other a LOT, and were a very cheesy lovey dovey couple. He had a lot of insecurities from his last crush about me leaving him and stuff, which was okay and I still loved him and we talked it out, but in the end that along with his fear of me cheating on him for someone better, was what caused him to end things between us. He is super possesive and protective over me, and hates it when other guys hit on me, he's got a hero complex and loves to step up when I'm feeling sad and he feels the need to try harder when other guys try to take their chances with me.
I still love him a lot, and I really feel like he's the one for me, he was different from my ex's and we were really good friends first.

If anyone has any suggestions please lemme know. At some point I was thinking of asking a guy who used to crush on me to message this ex of mine, and tell him about how he thinks I'm amazing and wants to try again, to try and get my ex to want to try again. This just sounds really stupid looking back and i miss him. I thought I'd get over it in time, but I still think about him pretty much always and I dont wanna let him go that easy if he really is the one for me.
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Elize W
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#2
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If you already told him you want to be with him i think it would be best to give him some time to process that. Then if you still want it you can start talking again and maybe it could progress from there. Ultimately you need to remember to not lose yourself in this situation and let him go if that is what is needed. Let yourself grieve. Breaking up doesnt mean hating each other. It looks like he has to do a lot of work on himself and if it doesnt work soon maybe he could be a great boyfriend in 5 years but i wouldnt advise you to wait that long. If he knows you still want to be together and he was comfortable talking to you again he will probably come back soon or you will have to accept that he isnt ready for a healthy relationship right now.
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Surnia
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Him being possessive and having trust issues over you cheating are red flags. All this longest relationship/first love doesn't mean anything when he hasn't got the personal qualities to form a proper connection with you. Blaming it on a crush is also a poor excuse; how can someone he isn't involved with make him worry about cheating? I think you are better to move on.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Surnia)
Him being possessive and having trust issues over you cheating are red flags. All this longest relationship/first love doesn't mean anything when he hasn't got the personal qualities to form a proper connection with you. Blaming it on a crush is also a poor excuse; how can someone he isn't involved with make him worry about cheating? I think you are better to move on.
Before him and me got together, and we were just friends, he used to really like this other girl, and she basically led him on over and over again and he fell for it every time and just got hurt. She was just doing it to get him to buy stuff for her and her friends, and cause he's somewhat rich. But he really liked her, she made weird excuses about her not ready for dating but flirted with him and then dated one of his cousins and another dude from his school. It hurt him really bad, he was suicidal for a while too but we were super close back then and in the end we talked it out and he's okay, it's just that he worries about me leaving him for someone who looks better at times, although I'd never do that.

Yea I guess those are red flags for a toxic/controlling relationship but I really care about this guy and I want to make it work. So I wanted to know if you all knew any thing i could do
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Elize W)
If you already told him you want to be with him i think it would be best to give him some time to process that. Then if you still want it you can start talking again and maybe it could progress from there. Ultimately you need to remember to not lose yourself in this situation and let him go if that is what is needed. Let yourself grieve. Breaking up doesnt mean hating each other. It looks like he has to do a lot of work on himself and if it doesnt work soon maybe he could be a great boyfriend in 5 years but i wouldnt advise you to wait that long. If he knows you still want to be together and he was comfortable talking to you again he will probably come back soon or you will have to accept that he isnt ready for a healthy relationship right now.
I think he knows that I do want to get back to him, he knows that I still love him a lot. I've told it to him after we talked after the breakup too. We did start talking again after the breakup after a month of not talking because I wanted to give him time, and he showed me mix reactions, I know he really cared about me, and I feel like the reason behind why we broke up could be something we could fix after talking it over.

First he said he's over me and doesn't want to get back together and wants me to move on and leave. Then he said that he wants us to still stay friends but he wants me to message him only after a few months. Then he told me how he still cares about me, and if I ever need anything he'd be there for me, and that I'm an amazing person who doesnt deserve all this heartbreak and that he's sorry for everything but he just cant be in a relationship right now. Then he blocked me and after a while unblocked me, then I talked to him again, and he called me pathetic. Then I said something rude and he replied by saying that this breakup was just all a test because he wanted to see how I'd react and he knew I'd say that rude thing, and that now he's certain and want's me to leave and that he's been over me for months. But I feel like that's something he just said because he was pissed, and I know what I said wasn't true either. I messaged him once after that saying I'm sorry and that I was pissed and lied about the rude thing and that I don't want to end things on a lie, and told him I do love him and I always have.

I know from what I said it sounds like I should really get over him because the relationship is just toxic, but I don't want to unless I know I've tried everything I could have done. What we had was really special, he was different from my ex's, I'm just not ready to let go of that yet.
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CaptainDuckie
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#6
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I think he knows that I do want to get back to him, he knows that I still love him a lot. I've told it to him after we talked after the breakup too. We did start talking again after the breakup after a month of not talking because I wanted to give him time, and he showed me mix reactions, I know he really cared about me, and I feel like the reason behind why we broke up could be something we could fix after talking it over.

First he said he's over me and doesn't want to get back together and wants me to move on and leave. Then he said that he wants us to still stay friends but he wants me to message him only after a few months. Then he told me how he still cares about me, and if I ever need anything he'd be there for me, and that I'm an amazing person who doesnt deserve all this heartbreak and that he's sorry for everything but he just cant be in a relationship right now. Then he blocked me and after a while unblocked me, then I talked to him again, and he called me pathetic. Then I said something rude and he replied by saying that this breakup was just all a test because he wanted to see how I'd react and he knew I'd say that rude thing, and that now he's certain and want's me to leave and that he's been over me for months. But I feel like that's something he just said because he was pissed, and I know what I said wasn't true either. I messaged him once after that saying I'm sorry and that I was pissed and lied about the rude thing and that I don't want to end things on a lie, and told him I do love him and I always have.

I know from what I said it sounds like I should really get over him because the relationship is just toxic, but I don't want to unless I know I've tried everything I could have done. What we had was really special, he was different from my ex's, I'm just not ready to let go of that yet.

I don’t think he wants to be with you tbh.

Once you try wanting to solve his insecurities, this is how things become toxic even more.

Just give him time to get over his ex.
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Elize W
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I think he knows that I do want to get back to him, he knows that I still love him a lot. I've told it to him after we talked after the breakup too. We did start talking again after the breakup after a month of not talking because I wanted to give him time, and he showed me mix reactions, I know he really cared about me, and I feel like the reason behind why we broke up could be something we could fix after talking it over.

First he said he's over me and doesn't want to get back together and wants me to move on and leave. Then he said that he wants us to still stay friends but he wants me to message him only after a few months. Then he told me how he still cares about me, and if I ever need anything he'd be there for me, and that I'm an amazing person who doesnt deserve all this heartbreak and that he's sorry for everything but he just cant be in a relationship right now. Then he blocked me and after a while unblocked me, then I talked to him again, and he called me pathetic. Then I said something rude and he replied by saying that this breakup was just all a test because he wanted to see how I'd react and he knew I'd say that rude thing, and that now he's certain and want's me to leave and that he's been over me for months. But I feel like that's something he just said because he was pissed, and I know what I said wasn't true either. I messaged him once after that saying I'm sorry and that I was pissed and lied about the rude thing and that I don't want to end things on a lie, and told him I do love him and I always have.

I know from what I said it sounds like I should really get over him because the relationship is just toxic, but I don't want to unless I know I've tried everything I could have done. What we had was really special, he was different from my ex's, I'm just not ready to let go of that yet.
Then if that is ok with you just stay friends and give each other distance. He really needs to heal right now and clearly isnt ready for a relationship. You made his life better and got him to grow but the growing process is painful and slow... he needs to do it on his own even if someone like a therapist helps him. He obviously wants best for you but best doesnt mean a relationship. He wants you to move on so he doesnt feel guilty for leading you on. To me the signals you described arent mixed at all. You need to slowly move on. Dont jump into a new relationship. Just grieve this one. Dont be rude to each other. Stay strong. You will both grow from this experience
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username3477548
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(Original post by CaptainDuckie)
I don’t think he wants to be with you tbh.

Once you try wanting to solve his insecurities, this is how things become toxic even more.

Just give him time to get over his ex.
I agree with this.
Guys are simple. If he wanted to be with you, he would have made it clear trust me.

Go enjoy your summer <3
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Anonymous #1
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So everyone here is telling me to slowly move on and just let go?
I wish it were that simple, but yea in time i guess things will get better
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Elize W
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(Original post by Anonymous)
So everyone here is telling me to slowly move on and just let go?
I wish it were that simple, but yea in time i guess things will get better
It is not simple but yes. The guy you are in love with cant be in a relationship right now and clearly it would be too much for both of you to handle without turning very very toxic. Moving on is very hard for many people. Take your time and be kind to yourself.
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Surnia
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Before him and me got together, and we were just friends, he used to really like this other girl, and she basically led him on over and over again and he fell for it every time and just got hurt. She was just doing it to get him to buy stuff for her and her friends, and cause he's somewhat rich. But he really liked her, she made weird excuses about her not ready for dating but flirted with him and then dated one of his cousins and another dude from his school. It hurt him really bad, he was suicidal for a while too but we were super close back then and in the end we talked it out and he's okay, it's just that he worries about me leaving him for someone who looks better at times, although I'd never do that.

Yea I guess those are red flags for a toxic/controlling relationship but I really care about this guy and I want to make it work. So I wanted to know if you all knew any thing i could do
I'd missed the bit at the start where you were going to try and make your ex jealous by getting another guy to message him. Do NOT do that! Playing mind games is pathetic and not a way to try and solve relationship issues.

How old are you both? Because neither of you sound mature enough to be in a relationship. There's a saying that you can't help those who don't help themselves, so I suggest you let this guy be, so he can try and get over his insecurities. Meanwhile, you need to learn how to communicate properly.
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Anonymous #1
#12
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
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Yea I'll try doing all that. I didn't do the bit of asking the other guy to message my ex. Yea I'm 17 and he's 18 now. He's been crushing on me since he was 13. Yea I get what you all mean. Thanks
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