Please Rate my poem

Please Rate this poem - 10 as superb and 1 as *****. Dont be sarcastic. Thanks!

You’re in the answers I receive and the questions I ask.
You’re at the centre of every one of my dreams.
You’re the light that shines from my eyes.
Wherever I look, I see you.
And why? For your sake.

When I behold your radiance, I forget all my woes.
The pain flowing through me asks only this.
Look at where you are, and where I am.
I'm a stranger here for your sake.

For your sake, I live, swallowing all my tears.
I also live with my lips sealed.
But in my heart, this lamp of love continues to burn.

For your sake, I could be the secret that you could hide.
I could be the impulse that you can't forget.
When I echo in your heart, why are you surprised?
Because I'm your heart's very voice.

Have mercy, cast just one glance upon me.
For your sake, I'll hazard my heart; I'll lay down my very life.
Just like the moth who dies in the flame!

Don't ask me what I complain of, or how I found such sorrow.
How could I explain to you how cruel love is?
Why are some destined to weep? Why does that happen?
Why is everyone a stranger to matters of the heart?

Without asking, I received so many answers!
For your sake, look how the world has shown such ill-will to me.
How ignorant they are, who say you are a stranger to me.
Now I and only I occupy your thoughts.
For your sake.

I've broken the world's structures and come to you.
For your sake, I would leave the world behind.
Maddened by love, I've come to your door.
Your lover has come…
A madwoman has come to your door...
Your madwoman.

Structured by BlueAngel, written by some unknowns xxx

Reply 1

residentangel

2

8 - its good, cant say i read poetry very often but i like it :smile:

Reply 2

AngelofnoColour

OP

14

residentangel

8 - its good, cant say i read poetry very often but i like it :smile:

thanks

Its taken me weeks to write it, its about a special someone, he inspired me.

0

8. Very nice poem.

Do you read poetry at all?

Reply 5

Thedarkone

Someone's been reading John Donne.

Reply 6

AngelofnoColour

OP

14

F. Poste

Do you read poetry at all?

Abit yeah, my dads a poet, he's won an award from the queen, he writes poetry in a different language though, so I cant read them, and theyre about violence and crime usually.

Why was it rubbish F. Psote?

Reply 7

AngelofnoColour

OP

14

Thedarkone

Someone's been reading John Donne.

Ive never read a book in my life, anway whose he?

Reply 8

footballhead

4

Its cool, but a bit cliche filled, unoriginal, and corny? It sounds more like a song by some pop band, than a poem, in my opinion.

Reply 9

footballhead

4

Oh John donne is one of the Britain's greatest methaphyiscal poets, its surprising that you're into poetry and not heard of him.

Reply 10

Thedarkone

BlueAngel

Abit yeah, my dads a poet, he's won an award from the queen, he writes poetry in a different language though, so I cant read them, and theyre about violence and crime usually.

Why was it rubbish F. Psote?

I dont think there was any implication it was rubbish. It's not.

The moth burning in the flame is an interesting image, perhaps you might like to have a look at 'The Canonisation' by Donne, and the way Jane Eyre compares herself to a moth throughout 'Jane Eyre'. The moth is a very symbolic insect actually!

I like the sentiments, and the strength of them expressed but it reads more like a prose description put into poetic form. Its a good start though. Good luck!

Reply 11

F. Poste

BlueAngel

Abit yeah, my dads a poet, he's won an award from the queen, he writes poetry in a different language though, so I cant read them, and theyre about violence and crime usually.

Why was it rubbish F. Psote?

Well I'm an English student... plus I'm fairly well read.. and the best writing comes from people who read. Why would you want to write a poem if you've "never read a book in your life?" :smile:

Reply 12

Thedarkone

Ah that serves me right for trying to answer someone elses question! Sorry.

I was also a bit taken aback by that comment 'ive never read a book in my life'. Well ok, its not something I would boast about.

Reply 13

F. Poste

Thedarkone

Ah that serves me right for trying to answer someone elses question! Sorry.

I was also a bit taken aback by that comment 'ive never read a book in my life'. Well ok, its not something I would boast about.

Haha no don't worry, I don't mind.. I wasn't trying to be nasty, I just don't see why anyone would want to write poetry unless they enjoyed it themselves! I mean, how the hell do you learn about the finer points of poetry without studying it closely?

Reply 14

Mr White

7

All in all, a rather mediocre sentimental poem, despite one part, that made me laugh:

"this lamp of love continues to burn"

Sorry, it just sounds funny. Forgive me for being harsh, but I disapprove of most peoms that don't have meter or a rhyme scheme

Reply 15

AngelofnoColour

OP

14

LondonBoy

Oh John donne is one of the Britain's greatest methaphyiscal poets, its surprising that you're into poetry and not heard of him.

Im not into poetry, I dont read poetry books, only magazines, lol. But Ive written loads of love poetry about Shane, only cos he makes it interesting.

Also yeh it is corny I agree, lol.

Reply 16

AngelofnoColour

OP

14

Thedarkone

The moth burning in the flame is an interesting image, perhaps you might like to have a look at 'The Canonisation' by Donne, and the way Jane Eyre compares herself to a moth throughout 'Jane Eyre'. The moth is a very symbolic insect actually!

Interesting, I just got that moth flame line from a movie, which I cant remember the name now.

Reply 17

Adhsur

15

BlueAngel

Please Rate my poem - 10 as superb and 1 as *****. Dont be sarcastic. Thanks!

You’re in the answers I receive and the questions I ask.
You’re at the centre of every one of my dreams.
You’re the light that shines from my eyes.
Wherever I look, I see you.
And why? For your sake.

When I behold your radiance, I forget all my woes.
The pain flowing through me asks only this.
Look at where you are, and where I am.
I'm a stranger here for your sake.

For your sake, I live, swallowing all my tears.
I also live with my lips sealed.
But in my heart, this lamp of love continues to burn.

For your sake, I could be the secret that you could hide.
I could be the impulse that you can't forget.
When I echo in your heart, why are you surprised?
Because I'm your heart's very voice.

Have mercy, cast just one glance upon me.
For your sake, I'll hazard my heart; I'll lay down my very life.
Just like the moth who dies in the flame!

Don't ask me what I complain of, or how I found such sorrow.
How could I explain to you how cruel love is?
Why are some destined to weep? Why does that happen?
Why is everyone a stranger to matters of the heart?

Without asking, I received so many answers!
For your sake, look how the world has shown such ill-will to me.
How ignorant they are, who say you are a stranger to me.
Now I and only I occupy your thoughts.
For your sake.

I've broken the world's structures and come to you.
For your sake, I would leave the world behind.
Maddened by love, I've come to your door.
Your lover has come…
A madwoman has come to your door...
Your madwoman.

Written by BlueAngel xxx