my family are racist and it’s making me depressed

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Anonymous #1
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my family are educated people of colour. My dad is an engineer who immigrated here 30 years ago and so is my mum . they are nice to me and are quite loving . i’m 23 and live at home for various reasons but will be moving out in 2years.

but they are so racist - despite being not white themselves… they even complain about racism against their race/religion and when i’ve asked why they seem to only care about themselves they say ‘well obviously because it affects us’. I don’t think they have the range to realise they sound selfish and bigoted .

My dad was violently robbed by black men on 2 occasions when he first came to the uk . He worked in a very poor area initially. so this has heavily influenced his opinion but he’s a well educated man i don’t know why he can’t grasp that marginalised people are more likely to get into crime and be poorer because of their social status. He seems to always believe he’s right and generally thinks others opinions are stupid anyway. He’s sexist too

Example, today he said that the plumber who came did a poor job and wasn’t helpful. He then said to me ‘and you wanna talk about racism?’ and he laughed …. I don’t know what he meant but i don’t want to find out. My mum also often clutches her belongings if black people are around. I feel like it’s deep rooted.

The racism is also to other races even ones very similar to their own…It’s so weird and everytime i challenge them they have the stupid responses that wind me up more and i am left feeling horrible after because they just can’t grasp how evil they are. They’re also homophobic too.

My brother who is extremely educated and born here is even worse, because he literally knows the facts and statistics and STILL manages to be so horribly racist. He thinks it’s stupid that footballers took the knees and often says things about certain races being ugly. When i challenge him he says i need to shut up and stop being a social justice warrior. I think he is a very insecure person because he constantly plays devil advocate to sound really clever and profound in conversations and often just makes fun of people to get everyone laughing

Before you say it I CANT MOVE OUT. I don’t have the money and my situation is very complicated the moment but it’s just not an option. My therapist says there’s no point challanging them on racism anymore and to instead change the topic because they will never understand. I try but it makes me so angry.

does anyone have any advice . I am getting so depressed by their stupid mindset and i don’t know how to care less.
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londonmyst
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Just focus on your health, doing the hobbies that make you feel most happy and working towards building the future life that you want.
There is nothing that you can do to stop your parents & sibling choosing to be habitually vicious and grumble about the racism of other people while they spew a regular supply of their own race hate nonsense inside the house.
Your priority has to be to develop coping strategies while you have to share their accomodation and to avoid being placed in a very stressful domestic situation that could ruin your health or mental welfare.
Good luck!
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Moonlight Rain
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my family were incredibly racist too and it's funny cause they made fun of black people even tho we are black ourselves. Theres nothing you can do to change a racists mind.
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Anonymous #2
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It says a lot of good things about you as a person if you are able to keep a healthy mindset whilst being surrounded by these people. The best thing to do is keep to your self and keep your conversations with them to the basics, hopefully you'll be able to move out and associate with them less.
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Zürich
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(Original post by Anonymous)
my family are educated people of colour. My dad is an engineer who immigrated here 30 years ago and so is my mum . they are nice to me and are quite loving . i’m 23 and live at home for various reasons but will be moving out in 2years.

but they are so racist - despite being not white themselves… they even complain about racism against their race/religion and when i’ve asked why they seem to only care about themselves they say ‘well obviously because it affects us’. I don’t think they have the range to realise they sound selfish and bigoted .

My dad was violently robbed by black men on 2 occasions when he first came to the uk . He worked in a very poor area initially. so this has heavily influenced his opinion but he’s a well educated man i don’t know why he can’t grasp that marginalised people are more likely to get into crime and be poorer because of their social status. He seems to always believe he’s right and generally thinks others opinions are stupid anyway. He’s sexist too

Example, today he said that the plumber who came did a poor job and wasn’t helpful. He then said to me ‘and you wanna talk about racism?’ and he laughed …. I don’t know what he meant but i don’t want to find out. My mum also often clutches her belongings if black people are around. I feel like it’s deep rooted.

The racism is also to other races even ones very similar to their own…It’s so weird and everytime i challenge them they have the stupid responses that wind me up more and i am left feeling horrible after because they just can’t grasp how evil they are. They’re also homophobic too.

My brother who is extremely educated and born here is even worse, because he literally knows the facts and statistics and STILL manages to be so horribly racist. He thinks it’s stupid that footballers took the knees and often says things about certain races being ugly. When i challenge him he says i need to shut up and stop being a social justice warrior. I think he is a very insecure person because he constantly plays devil advocate to sound really clever and profound in conversations and often just makes fun of people to get everyone laughing

Before you say it I CANT MOVE OUT. I don’t have the money and my situation is very complicated the moment but it’s just not an option. My therapist says there’s no point challanging them on racism anymore and to instead change the topic because they will never understand. I try but it makes me so angry.

does anyone have any advice . I am getting so depressed by their stupid mindset and i don’t know how to care less.
He's spot on here.
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nightingalegend
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(Original post by Moonlight rain)
my family were incredibly racist too and it's funny cause they made fun of black people even tho we are black ourselves. Theres nothing you can do to change a racists mind.
same lmfao. that’s east/northeast african parents for you... they’re strange for no reason
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nightingalegend
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good on you for being a good person in a sea of ignorantly hateful people. stay true to what you believe in, and don’t let their ignorance hinder you — maybe your strong stance will eventually inspire them, too. ❤️
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Moonlight Rain
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(Original post by nightingalegend)
same lmfao. that’s east/northeast african parents for you... they’re strange for no reason
It's embarrassing
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