Is this cheating ?

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Anonymous #1
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A neighbour of my bf asked to use his ac so he let her into his home and cooked and they chilled while she used it as she was super hungover from the night before and didn’t have ac as her apartment was too hot. I already feel uncomfortable with him having relation with her and he knows because that’s his type.

she’s never met me but I asked her if anything happened as I find it disrespectful on his behalf and she said no. He was completely friendly no hugging and all the guys try to move to her in the block but he’s been the only nice respectful one. And how they hardly speak. They just bumped into eachorher in the lobby and she asked him if he had ac. She told me I should stay with him but express my thoughts as it was completely innocent.

He also said he invited her out with the boys to hook her up with one of the boys. I won’t know if this is true but she refused because she said she felt too hungover and sick.

He takes full accountability and says that he didn’t tell me because he knows I would have kicked off and how it was a completely innocent encounter.
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Anonymous #1
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Btw I found out she was there via social media because my friend follows her. Hence how I brought it up to him in a very angry way.

I don’t think he’s the type to cheat but he’s overly friendly. But then I didn’t think my ex was the type either as he was very religious but he did too.

I don’t want to be naive. Some my friends say it’s a red flag. Others say it could have been worse and it was clearly innocent as the girl said. And the girl asked to come use it.
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Btw I found out she was there via social media because my friend follows her. Hence how I brought it up to him in a very angry way.

I don’t think he’s the type to cheat but he’s overly friendly. But then I didn’t think my ex was the type either as he was very religious but he did too.

I don’t want to be naive. Some my friends say it’s a red flag. Others say it could have been worse and it was clearly innocent as the girl said. And the girl asked to come use it.
It would be something i would take great note of - because it’s not normal to ‘use someone’s ac’ but that alone would not make me want to end my
relationship. you either trust him or you don’t.

Does he stand by his word? Because If you do not trust him then let him go. Trust yourself to know the difference between someone who loves you and treats you with respect and loyalty and someone who does not. If he is a liar and a cheat then time will reveal him for who he really is and you will know without a shadow of a doubt and there will be nothing he can say or do to convince you otherwise. Trust is your responsibility. Not his. Knowing that you are worth it; That is your responsibility, not his. You shouldn’t have to do all this investigation on social media. If he wants someone else? Knowing that it would be his loss, is your responsibility, not his.

Hope that helps, x
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CaptainDuckie
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It does sound dodgy, can’t lie. Not cheating tho.

I’d say just take everything as they say for now until you find something that demonstrates otherwise. Especially since your bf hasn’t even let you know about her.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
It would be something i would take great note of - because it’s not normal to ‘use someone’s ac’ but that alone would not make me want to end my
relationship. you either trust him or you don’t.

Does he stand by his word? Because If you do not trust him then let him go. Trust yourself to know the difference between someone who loves you and treats you with respect and loyalty and someone who does not. If he is a liar and a cheat then time will reveal him for who he really is and you will know without a shadow of a doubt and there will be nothing he can say or do to convince you otherwise. Trust is your responsibility. Not his. Knowing that you are worth it; That is your responsibility, not his. You shouldn’t have to do all this investigation on social media. If he wants someone else? Knowing that it would be his loss, is your responsibility, not his.

Hope that helps, x
Yeah I know. I have trust issues anyways so hence why I went mad and I don’t trust people so to me throwing it away I thought about it. But because he knows I’m uncomfortable about her I find it super disrespectful he took full responsibility that I should have been told. The only thing making me want to stay is that he clearly had the opportunity to do something sexual but he didn’t espixally when they was alone together in his house. As she said ir was very innocent and she felt comfortable she said he’s never even hugged her or flirted with her is the only thing making me want to stay. But I don’t want to be naive too.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by CaptainDuckie)
It does sound dodgy, can’t lie. Not cheating tho.

I’d say just take everything as they say for now until you find something that demonstrates otherwise. Especially since your bf hasn’t even let you know about her.
Yeah we’ve had an argument before about her as I felt uncomfortable. It is very dodgy however not cheating. She also said she feels like he’s a good guy and how he was very respectful didn’t try anything or even hug her bye.

I’m just worried because that is his type. Imagine he has an altera motive. He’s had her number since jan and she said they hardly speak anyways.
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CaptainDuckie
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Yeah we’ve had an argument before about her as I felt uncomfortable. It is very dodgy however not cheating. She also said she feels like he’s a good guy and how he was very respectful didn’t try anything or even hug her bye.

I’m just worried because that is his type. Imagine he has an altera motive. He’s had her number since jan and she said they hardly speak anyways.


Tbh after re reading your post, it’s a very high possibility that she’s just saying that so she doesn’t ruin what you both have.

I would investigate further if I was you.

why hasn’t she got AC in her own house? Let her invest in a fan?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by CaptainDuckie)
It does sound dodgy, can’t lie. Not cheating tho.

I’d say just take everything as they say for now until you find something that demonstrates otherwise. Especially since your bf hasn’t even let you know about her.
I ended things out of anger. He’s taken full accountability and said he understands completely. However it was innocent and she said so to so he didn’t want me being angry again about this situation by telling me she came over as I would go mad as I did. He’s been calling me 7 times I’m not sure to go back I don’t want to look stupid
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Yeah I know. I have trust issues anyways so hence why I went mad and I don’t trust people so to me throwing it away I thought about it. But because he knows I’m uncomfortable about her I find it super disrespectful he took full responsibility that I should have been told. The only thing making me want to stay is that he clearly had the opportunity to do something sexual but he didn’t espixally when they was alone together in his house. As she said ir was very innocent and she felt comfortable she said he’s never even hugged her or flirted with her is the only thing making me want to stay. But I don’t want to be naive too.
so i feel like what you’re saying is you have a suspicion but you can’t be sure which is why your reluctant to leave. As i said if he is a cheater you will know and you won’t have any doubts - sounds like there’s little proof he’s cheating now. Until you have real proof i would let it go. And i would stop trying to play detective and be paranoid about this. Let it go if you’ve worked it out. You are not being naive because you are very upset about this so don’t panic about that :’) . I would say work on your trust issues because they’ll push him away regardless of if he’s cheating or not.

It is not your responsibility to make sure he doesn’t cheat on you.

READ THAT AGAIN SIS. If he’s the one for you he just won’t !!!

If he is cheating time will tell!! For now just relax and trust his word if he has lived up to it before!
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nikkiblonsky
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ermmm I dont see the problem
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by CaptainDuckie)
Tbh after re reading your post, it’s a very high possibility that she’s just saying that so she doesn’t ruin what you both have.

I would investigate further if I was you.

why hasn’t she got AC in her own house? Let her invest in a fan?
Honestly. I’ve investigated as much as I could by asking her and seeing text messages. She did tell me ‘ I’m going to save you the heart ache bur I did see him before with another 2 girls but the other girl was his cousin as I showed her a pic snd she said yeah her.

So I guess she would of told me if anything happened if she is willing to tell me that?
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CaptainDuckie
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Honestly. I’ve investigated as much as I could by asking her and seeing text messages. She did tell me ‘ I’m going to save you the heart ache bur I did see him before with another 2 girls but the other girl was his cousin as I showed her a pic snd she said yeah her.

So I guess she would of told me if anything happened if she is willing to tell me that?


just take her word for it.

dunno man because people lie so much when their life is on the line.

anyone saying that you should just ignore this would be foolish.
I feel like he’s hiding some stuff from you, since he didn’t tell you that.
Last edited by CaptainDuckie; 1 month ago
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Honestly. I’ve investigated as much as I could by asking her and seeing text messages. She did tell me ‘ I’m going to save you the heart ache bur I did see him before with another 2 girls but the other girl was his cousin as I showed her a pic snd she said yeah her.

So I guess she would of told me if anything happened if she is willing to tell me that?
Okay after reading this I think it’s clear he is not a man of his word and you’ve had a lot of suspicions about him. trust me i been there when your this suspicious is obvious you know he is a cheater. I thought it has just been the situation before. It seems like your worried about what people think if you take him back but i think you already know people think he’s a cheater from what the girl said.

I think you being so untrusting towards him is a red flag. You know you do not trust him, so i would say leave.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by CaptainDuckie)
just take her word for it.

dunno man because people lie so much when their life is on the line.

anyone saying you need to just ignore this would be foolish. it’s perfectly fine to protect what you have, and not be took as a fool.

just give it a couple of weeks and time will tell itself.
Yeah honestly I just am really really upset by it so I don’t want to end up getting over it and something pops up.

Should I stay with him? Also is there anything I need to set in place should I tell him I don’t want him to have her number and speak much to her and stuff or what ? Do I need to set any boundaries with him ?
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anosmianAcrimony
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Yeah honestly I just am really really upset by it so I don’t want to end up getting over it and something pops up.

Should I stay with him? Also is there anything I need to set in place should I tell him I don’t want him to have her number and speak much to her and stuff or what ? Do I need to set any boundaries with him ?
It sounds like, with the kind of trust issues you have, and his general untrustworthiness, and the damage that has already been done, it might be better not to be with him and perhaps just take some time out of romance. You don't have to prove that someone has cheated on you to decide not to be with them.
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CaptainDuckie
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Yeah honestly I just am really really upset by it so I don’t want to end up getting over it and something pops up.

Should I stay with him? Also is there anything I need to set in place should I tell him I don’t want him to have her number and speak much to her and stuff or what ? Do I need to set any boundaries with him ?


I say you should just stay with him.

just don’t try demanding that he changes, when you start doing that - the relationship is done.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by anosmianAcrimony)
It sounds like, with the kind of trust issues you have, and his general untrustworthiness, and the damage that has already been done, it might be better not to be with him and perhaps just take some time out of romance. You don't have to prove that someone has cheated on you to decide not to be with them.
Cheating is the last straw for me so that is when I would break up with someone I love.

One thing is that we have a lot of miscommunication that we’re working on
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by nikkiblonsky)
ermmm I dont see the problem
Okay so. He lied about getting her number in the lobby although I’ve seen messages it was just friendly snd neighbourly but he didn’t have to lie. He lied because the way I reacted. She’s pretty and is defo his type her body is his type and everything. Anyways we had an argument about it multiple times and he knows I felt uncomfortable but I just gave him the benefit of the doubt without asking her if he tried to speak to her in that way.

Anyways months later ^^ is what I said in the thread.
He went out to buy food to make and they ate together spoke together he cooked or whatever etc in his house. She said it was completely innocent but why would he also invite her out the next day. Btw I went to his house later he didn’t tell me she was there or nothing. He claims he invited her out to set her up with one of his friends I think that’s a lie because she is sooo his type.

She said it was completely innocent but why would he need to lie so much. He said because of the way I would react. I get I do react badly to a lot of things and get angry etc but I would prefer the truth than finding out lies. All this drama and making me feel so insecure just for it to be innocent like she said. It’s making me sick to my stomach because I’m like that’s sooooo his type.

Ok it was innocent. But why do is fill feel sick to my stomach.

Do u know what I mean?
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nikkiblonsky
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Okay so. He lied about getting her number in the lobby although I’ve seen messages it was just friendly snd neighbourly but he didn’t have to lie. He lied because the way I reacted. She’s pretty and is defo his type her body is his type and everything. Anyways we had an argument about it multiple times and he knows I felt uncomfortable but I just gave him the benefit of the doubt without asking her if he tried to speak to her in that way.

Anyways months later ^^ is what I said in the thread.
He went out to buy food to make and they ate together spoke together he cooked or whatever etc in his house. She said it was completely innocent but why would he also invite her out the next day. Btw I went to his house later he didn’t tell me she was there or nothing. He claims he invited her out to set her up with one of his friends I think that’s a lie because she is sooo his type.

She said it was completely innocent but why would he need to lie so much. He said because of the way I would react. I get I do react badly to a lot of things and get angry etc but I would prefer the truth than finding out lies. All this drama and making me feel so insecure just for it to be innocent like she said. It’s making me sick to my stomach because I’m like that’s sooooo his type.

Ok it was innocent. But why do is fill feel sick to my stomach.

Do u know what I mean?
I’d leave it for now but if you do see more sus things then maybe consider leaving the relationship since it seems like theirs a lack of trust
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by nikkiblonsky)
I’d leave it for now but if you do see more sus things then maybe consider leaving the relationship since it seems like theirs a lack of trust
Yeah I think he’s broken my trust. So I’m finding it difficult thinking if I want a relationship. I have like this gut feeling and sick feeling because I do feel abit threatened because I know that’s his type but yeah.

Do you think this is cheating ? I’ve been cheated on before twice and dread for it to happen. We got back together after I broke up with him and this happened 5 days after he told her I was his ex girlfriend. She said probably because we just got back together but Yh that’s also made me 🤢
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