The Student Room Group

What's the Uni experience like with social anxiety?

I've made no friends in Year 12 and can't see much changing in Year 13... What about Uni though?
Reply 1
Only just finished first year and during a pandemic, so it was obviously extremely bad and depressing from start to finish. For a non pandemic year, it sounds like a dream since you would have many opportunities to meet people. It's just a matter of throwing yourself in those opportunities that arise.
Reply 2
If you make the effort things will change. You can't just do nothing and expect everything to randomly change just because it's uni.

That being said, it is a lot easier to make an effort in university. You can join clubs and societies to find people with similar interests so they're easier to talk to. While living in halls you can also make friends with your flatmates.

It's also helpful to remember that everyone will be nervous when starting university, and everyone is searching for new friends.
Original post by urlocalinmate
I've made no friends in Year 12 and can't see much changing in Year 13... What about Uni though?

Hi,

Sorry to hear about that! I get anxious as well, so my advice would be to definitely try to put yourself out there, especially in the first days of first year when everyone is nervous, because then at least you're in the same boat. Even if it's just turning to someone you're sitting next to or nearby and just say hi, introduce yourself, talk about the subject material (boring? challenging? interesting?), ask them questions too. People love to talk about themselves, and it takes the pressure off of you to speak and to say the 'right thing' (which is what I normally freak out over before, during and after conversations). Lectures can be intimidating, so maybe try seminars or other small gatherings? I believe seminars are a must to have someone because of that dreaded moment - the group project - where the teacher says "everyone choose amongst yourselves" and because you never said a word to anyone, or aren't acquainted with anyone, you awkwardly have to insert yourself somewhere (or be inserted). It's easier than we think to say hi to someone, especially when we're all new to something. And even if a friendship doesn't come out of a specific situation, it's okay, uni is a much bigger pond to fish in than high school. You'll be okay! I'm rooting for you! Hope that helps! Anything else, lmk!

Samantha, Official UoP Rep
Original post by urlocalinmate
I've made no friends in Year 12 and can't see much changing in Year 13... What about Uni though?

it gets good. I didn't have that many friends during school but 1 year into uni during a pandemic and I defo feel like I've made some solid friends.
Original post by GnomioandJules
hahahahahaha.

Dont worry there will be plenty of safe spaces at uni full of other ******s who cannot make friends. You can all cry together


UNDERSTANDING 1 0 0

Before that **** kicked in, I made friends with relative ease.
Even as someone with extreme social anxiety I didn't find it too bad. There was a basic minimum of intelligence and respect that you don't find in school or college (did a computing course at college the year before and the cliquey *****iness reminded me of why I hated high school). Then again I didn't stay in halls and was a couple of years older the other students. Its definitely easier to make friends though. There's lots of other awkward people, and drinking equalises things.
Daughter just finished freshers. She joined freshers groups on social media sites prior to starting uni and got chatting on line. The ones that study her same course she chatted to; they meet in person now and chat online this summer break too.
When she started uni she brought a white board and wipe pens. That went down a treat. It ended up turning into a chunder chart, come cleaning rota, come message board. She also brought some chocolates and biscuits. Plus 2 bottles of wine and some beer (she doesnt drink) . Plus playing cards and a board game. It was just a way to break the ice and say hi.

Because of covid, they got inventive and turned their flats into a themed bar crawl, plus halloween, valentines, all chipping in for a projector for movie nights, and other themed nights such as disney, 1920s, sports night etc. It wasn't parties all the time because they all had different schedules, but at least once a week they made an effort to all get together, and meet individually/smaller flat group the rest of the time.

So get chatting on line, and bring a few bits on move in day to say hi, welcome :smile:
Reply 8
Original post by urlocalinmate
I've made no friends in Year 12 and can't see much changing in Year 13... What about Uni though?


Remember that when you go to uni you can be whoever you want to be. There is so many varietys of people unlike the people you spent all those years at school with. Go with an open mind, work on social skills and confiendce in the meantime and try to join a society that relates to a hobby of yours- this is a great way to meet likeminded people with similar interests.
While I may not have full-on social anxiety, I do still find it very stresfull to talk to people and try to avoid it. For me uni is pretty simple. I'm now in my 2nd year, I go to campus, I go to my classes, I literally talk to no one the entire time and I go straight back. Sometimes I'll stay in town a little longer and grab something to eat or just go to a cafe or something, all on my own of course. So most days when I have to travel to campus I don't even exchange a single word to another student. I haven't gone to any student parties, or even just talked with my fellow students much at all outside classes, or more specifcally outside group-work, as even during classes I just keep to myself.

One of my biggest fears was the seating situation. I didn't want to force my way onto a table with people I don't know, but I had to sit somewhere. There I thankfully got lucky. My situation starting 1st year was a bit complicated and I ended up starting a few weeks later because my original course was cancelled last second. So before I even went to campus, a girl in a group I was assigned to for our first group project emailed me and invited me into a WhatsApp group. There she offered to meet me outside the building on my first day, and basically be my guide. So that way I managed to be in that girl's friendship table ever since without doing anything on my part but starting the course a few weeks later for reasons out of my control. I still sit with her and her friends, even if I rarely ever exchange any words with her so it is a bit awkward. Especially since her and her friends all speak a different language. There is a table in our classes of people who have the same native language as me, so I wasn't such a social wreck I would've loved to have ended up in their little friendship group thing instead.

However I also hate staying on campus any longer than I have to, because it just makes me depressed. I hate waiting at my bus stop waiting to go home, and seeing all these friends talking to each other, couples holding hands, seeing cute girls I could never be with, people talking about parties and gatherings. It's like this other world which I don't belong in but I just see whenever I'm on campus, and it hurts me so much knowing I'm destined to just go through uni without experiencing any of that.
Fresher here, I have pretty severe social anxiety. Honestly, going to uni does not guarantee friends, and shared accommodation (if you don't live at home during term time) has personally been a nightmare. You may see people saying things like "it's so easy to make friends at uni" online and I've actually seen "it's impossible to be lonely at uni" too... what a lie. You are not "all in the same boat." Some of my flatmates did actually come and say hi on our first day, and we ate takeaway pizza in the corridor together a few days after, but while they were talking and getting to know each other I was just sitting there eating pizza. I couldn't butt into someone else's conversation, I was sure that they'd find me rude and/or annoying. So I never connected with my flatmates - after that pizza night they formed their own groups and basically never spoke to me again. I did take a board game but what good does that do if you're unable to start a conversation in the first place?

Have I joined societies? Yes. But attending extra lectures on astronomy and microbiology hasn't helped me make friends. You don't tend to talk during lectures. And in-person events are severely limited due to covid. That being said, I'm only one term in. I've seen people say that they didn't make close friends until second year. But I saw people say that it's easy to make friends at uni and that wasn't true so I'm not expecting to make any friends at this point.

So, yeah, it's a possibility that you won't make any friends at uni... but it's not a guarantee. You might make friends at uni. Some posts above prove that having social anxiety doesn't mean you'll be friendless. However, if your anxiety is so bad that you end up trapped in your room because you're too scared to go out into the hallway when there are people out there, then you probably won't make friends unless your anxiety is treated.

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