My relationship is a joke

Watch
Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#1
Me and my boyfriend have been together for nearly 3 years. We are both 30. It was his birthday the other day and as we have been arguing so much I couldn't do anything for it, all I did was wish him happy birthday. In the past we have always made huge efforts for each other's birthdays and it upset me so much not being able to do anything for him.

We have been through A LOT recently, heightened due to COVID lockdowns and other external factors. verbal abuse is the norm for us now and there has been some physical. Anytime we argue now he tells me to leave. One thing I always bring up is not being engaged yet - he has been planning to since February but it keeps getting cancelled due to COVID - he wants to do it abroad so it is extra special. We've decided to give therapy a go - he is going to pay for it, and I have to find and book someone.

When we are physically together we're fine. He's a good person, as am I and we both love each other very much. It's just very sad as we had planned to get married this year, but then I delayed it. Other couples seem to be doing well and I feel like why us? How can I cope with this?
0
reply
karlos6969
Badges: 7
Rep:
?
#2
Report 1 month ago
#2
(Original post by Anonymous)
Me and my boyfriend have been together for nearly 3 years. We are both 30. It was his birthday the other day and as we have been arguing so much I couldn't do anything for it, all I did was wish him happy birthday. In the past we have always made huge efforts for each other's birthdays and it upset me so much not being able to do anything for him.

We have been through A LOT recently, heightened due to COVID lockdowns and other external factors. verbal abuse is the norm for us now and there has been some physical. Anytime we argue now he tells me to leave. One thing I always bring up is not being engaged yet - he has been planning to since February but it keeps getting cancelled due to COVID - he wants to do it abroad so it is extra special. We've decided to give therapy a go - he is going to pay for it, and I have to find and book someone.

When we are physically together we're fine. He's a good person, as am I and we both love each other very much. It's just very sad as we had planned to get married this year, but then I delayed it. Other couples seem to be doing well and I feel like why us? How can I cope with this?
Some couples are just not meant to last and sorry to hit you with it but it true
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#3
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#3
(Original post by karlos6969)
Some couples are just not meant to last and sorry to hit you with it but it true
Would you say its prob not worth going for the couples therapy?
0
reply
karlos6969
Badges: 7
Rep:
?
#4
Report 1 month ago
#4
(Original post by Anonymous)
Would you say its prob not worth going for the couples therapy?
Yes I truly would as from what you said seems to me your relationship has run its course So go find a new fella who'll treat you like a queen and fulfill your every need
0
reply
londonmyst
Badges: 18
Rep:
?
#5
Report 1 month ago
#5
Why do the two of you want to get married when the verbal abuse between you is so frequent that it is considered normal and there have been several incidents of physical abuse? :confused:
That is only the pathway to a miserable marriage and being trapped in a dysfunctional household where one or both of you will be accumulating arrests for domestic abuse or convictions for violent offences.

You both need to calm down, exert some self-control, positively improve your communication and start effectively handling your anger management without resorting to yelling or anything illegal.
The pandemic has put intense pressure on so many people's finances, health and personal relationships.
But life is too short to waste precious time on constant negativity or trapped in a destructive situation.
Good luck!
2
reply
Moonlight Rain
Badges: 21
Rep:
?
#6
Report 1 month ago
#6
The second there's abuse in the relationship, it is destined to end.
1
reply
Son of the Sea
Badges: 20
Rep:
?
#7
Report 1 month ago
#7
I swear I saw this same thread yesterday.
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#8
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#8
(Original post by londonmyst)
Why do the two of you want to get married when the verbal abuse between you is so frequent that it is considered normal and there have been several incidents of physical abuse? :confused:
That is only the pathway to a miserable marriage and being trapped in a dysfunctional household where one or both of you will be accumulating arrests for domestic abuse or convictions for violent offences.

You both need to calm down, exert some self-control, positively improve your communication and start effectively handling your anger management without resorting to yelling or anything illegal.
The pandemic has put intense pressure on so many people's finances, health and personal relationships.
But life is too short to waste precious time on constant negativity or trapped in a destructive situation.
Good luck!
re physical abuse - I have hit him more than once, and he has squeezed my arms once to shut me up. Would you recommend us breaking up?
0
reply
ReadingMum
Badges: 18
Rep:
?
#9
Report 1 month ago
#9
(Original post by Anonymous)
We have been through A LOT recently, heightened due to COVID lockdowns and other external factors. verbal abuse is the norm for us now and there has been some physical. Anytime we argue now he tells me to leave. One thing I always bring up is not being engaged yet - he has been planning to since February but it keeps getting cancelled due to COVID - he wants to do it abroad so it is extra special. We've decided to give therapy a go - he is going to pay for it, and I have to find and book someone.

When we are physically together we're fine. He's a good person, as am I and we both love each other very much. It's just very sad as we had planned to get married this year, but then I delayed it. Other couples seem to be doing well and I feel like why us? How can I cope with this?
Why do you want a marriage where there is already verbal and physical abuse?
It sounds like there is too much pressure here. An engagement is just one saying "will you marry me" and the other saying "yes". Save the big gestures for the wedding - if at all.
I wouldn't have gone to therapy for a boyfriend - I would have accepted that we weren't right for each other and moved on, but that is just me.
1
reply
Anonymous #1
#10
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#10
(Original post by Celtic Conjurer)
I swear I saw this same thread yesterday.
well no, this is the first time ive posted this.
0
reply
Final Fantasy
Badges: 20
Rep:
?
#11
Report 1 month ago
#11
Marriage most definitely is not the solution here. You both seriously need to address your relationship problems before you even think about getting married! You need a reality check here and ask yourself whether you are compatible with each other anymore or not.
0
reply
Anonymous #2
#12
Report 1 month ago
#12
The way you’ve titled this post tells me you understand the truth about your relationship, simple as.

Yes, we have all been through a lot during the lockdown period it was improved some relationships and worsened others. You are in the latter camp clearly and I’m sorry to read this and have to state it to you so plainly. You want to get engaged and hopefully married yet you disclose there is physical and verbal abuse in the relationship. I’ve learnt in life people rarely change much with time and may be set in their habits and he may belong to that camp. Credit to both of you, you want to go to therapy but that ship may have sailed ages ago and the relationship may be broken beyond repair. Personally, if there is any form of abuse in a relationship run to the hills you deserve better. You’ve been in a relationship for years and being alone will almost scare you or even the prospect of it give you sleepless nights but you will survive and find someone better that would not abuse you whatsoever.

Lastly, never make the mistake of comparing yourself to other couples. You never know what is going on behind closed doors. They may be struggling financially, abusing each other in the quiet of their own homes, etc. You never truly know people beyond what they show or tell you it can be an act. Comparison is the thief of joy.

In conclusion, I will say attempt therapy and see if things improve. However, if any form of abuse reoccurs run to the hills and leave. You are worth more than you believe, get a good support network around you and know you deserve better. Have a good day.
0
reply
karlos6969
Badges: 7
Rep:
?
#13
Report 1 month ago
#13
(Original post by Anonymous)
re physical abuse - I have hit him more than once, and he has squeezed my arms once to shut me up. Would you recommend us breaking up?
I would recommend it luv to be totally honest
0
reply
karlos6969
Badges: 7
Rep:
?
#14
Report 1 month ago
#14
(Original post by karlos6969)
I would recommend it luv to be totally honest
Find a guy who's into you 100% and will satisfy your every need and treat you like a princess
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#15
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#15
(Original post by karlos6969)
Find a guy who's into you 100% and will satisfy your every need and treat you like a princess
He was until I started abusing him. Even now he still books a lot of trips for us & treats me etc
0
reply
karlos6969
Badges: 7
Rep:
?
#16
Report 1 month ago
#16
(Original post by Anonymous)
He was until I started abusing him. Even now he still books a lot of trips for us & treats me etc
Maybe so but abuse is abuse luv and it'll only get worse and listen luv It don't matter **** what you do to him He shouldn't treat you that way ever and only matter of time b4 violence ensues
0
reply
ReadingMum
Badges: 18
Rep:
?
#17
Report 1 month ago
#17
(Original post by Anonymous)
He was until I started abusing him. Even now he still books a lot of trips for us & treats me etc
it just doesn't sound like a healthy relationship. Something about how you interact together has made you hit him, more than once.
0
reply
londonmyst
Badges: 18
Rep:
?
#18
Report 1 month ago
#18
(Original post by Anonymous)
re physical abuse - I have hit him more than once, and he has squeezed my arms once to shut me up. Would you recommend us breaking up?
Trust your gut instinct and listen to what your common sense is telling you.
I'd recommend taking a 7-10 day break so that you can both calm down and decide whether marriage or shared accomodation is really the right option for your relationship.
Above all- stop the violent fighting.
0
reply
karlos6969
Badges: 7
Rep:
?
#19
Report 1 month ago
#19
(Original post by ReadingMum)
it just doesn't sound like a healthy relationship. Something about how you interact together has made you hit him, more than once.
Well if I were you I'd be out finding a guy who'll treat you like you deserve and be all about you
0
reply
karlos6969
Badges: 7
Rep:
?
#20
Report 1 month ago
#20
Find a guy and **** him then you'll realise that you're fella is not for you
0
reply
X

Quick Reply

Attached files
Write a reply...
Reply
new posts
Back
to top
Latest
My Feed

See more of what you like on
The Student Room

You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

Personalise

What support do you need with your UCAS application?

I need help researching unis (3)
7.32%
I need help researching courses (3)
7.32%
I need help with filling out the application form (3)
7.32%
I need help with my personal statement (20)
48.78%
I need help with understanding how to make my application stand out (9)
21.95%
I need help with something else (let us know in the thread!) (1)
2.44%
I'm feeling confident about my application and don't need any help at the moment (2)
4.88%

Watched Threads

View All