what is a dating league and how do you know which person to go for?

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Anonymous #1
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I have heard the phrase ''find someone in your league'' many times before but can someone explain to me what exactly it is meant by it?

Like if I want to date someone, how do I know she's ''in my league''? is it solely based on looks? or like wealth? is education a factor??
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JustSomeGuyYKnow
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Something someone with a very high opinion of themselves made up to scare people with.

There are no dating leagues, you don't compare someone's wealth or looks or whatever before you date them and go ''ah ****, she earns 500/year more than I do ==> BEST GO FIND SOMEONE ELSE!!!"

Ask out whoever you like/have a connection with.
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Old Skool Freak
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I have heard the phrase ''find someone in your league'' many times before but can someone explain to me what exactly it is meant by it?
It's generally meant to go for someone who is more or less as attractive as yourself... it can also include things like education and social status as well. Personally, IMHO, it exists mainly to protect the worlds good looking gene pool.

Lookswise here are generally 5 leagues out there:-

Stunners:- these are the ones who are drop-dead gorgeous, those with supermodel / movie star level of good looks. They are the ones that will easily turn heads in the street, always look immaculate, have an army of "followers", well I'm sure you get the idea lol

Girl / Boy next door:- These are the ones, who are presently attractive. These are the ones who are good looking, but they somehow seem obtainable to most people if they were lucky. Although attractive, they don't really stand out in the same way the stunners do. These might be the attractive / popular ones in school, or your typical Neighbours / Hollyoaks type actors / actresses.

Average Jo / Joanne:- These are your normal every day people, and obviously forms the biggest type league. During the day, they're nothing really special, but they're capable of looking fairly attractive on a night out by the usual dress, make-up etc. Things like individual tastes / types sub-divide this group up somewhat.

Below average:- These are the ones who might be overweight , or generally don't look after themselves. However, with endeavour, most people here could move up to the average Jo / Joanne leave if they really wanted to.

The Undatables:- I don't want to be nasty or upset anyone, so I'll leave this one to your own imagination

Personally, I operate on a binary league... either they're good enough for me, or they're not.

Like if I want to date someone, how do I know she's ''in my league''? is it solely based on looks? or like wealth? is education a factor??
I would get some of your girl mates to help you out here. Regardless of what they say, they DO have an opinion on how attractive they think you are, but they'll never tell you.

What you can do is, say, on a night out, get her to rate the girls on attractiveness in the place (you remember what she says), and then later get her to rate the guys in a similar way. Once she's suitably distracted by the guys, ask her which girl would be best suited for you... whatever she rated that girl is her score for you

As for education, wealth etc. I suppose it depends on what you're looking for... if it's just a hook-up the other things don't really matter (it's all about physical attraction), but if it's for a relationship, then they do become big factors... so on a night out, think of what type of venue you're in and what sort of reputation it has.
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londonmyst
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It's a reference to perceptions of an individual's dating status and sexual market value.
A whole variety of factors come into play: ambitions, body appearance, education, health, income, lifestyle preferences, personality, self-confidence, social skills, standard of living.
Within the manosphere world a lot of incels & puas subscribe to the "HQNP" ideas in relation to classifying the sexual market value of heterosexual females.

Of course- different people have very different beauty standards, dealbreakers and relationship preferences.
Dating life tends to focus on very subjective elements plus an active social life, positive mindset and good luck.
Mostly revolving around perceptions of mutual attraction and compatible relationship ambitions.
I'm a 26 year old female with a long list of dating dealbreakers; mostly connected to age, personality and sexual compatibility but with some dealbreakers that do involve appearance.

I'm tagging some male TSR users who may be able to contribute to this thread.
ANM775 Dunnig Kruger Final Fantasy JAckieee.chan ROTL94
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ROTL94
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As far as I understand it it is someone trying to place limitations on who they think you can go out with on the basis of their perception of your attractiveness. Not something you have to buy into at all.
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JAckieee.chan
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I think the term is used by people who get jealous of other's success because they achieved something beyond their expectations. Don't worry about what others say. If you like someone, just ask the person.
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Anonymous #2
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It's not a difficult concept, rate yourself from 1-10 and then someone the same as you +/- 1
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Anonymous #2
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*date
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
It's not a difficult concept, rate yourself from 1-10 and then someone the same as you +/- 1
Loads of problems with this.

Rate how? like what factors should I weigh to get a number?

And I am not gonna date myself, other people may see different things in you which you may not rate highly or at all. Don't we all have different preferences?

and why +/- 1? seems arbitrary.
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CaptainDuckie
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(Original post by Anonymous)
It's not a difficult concept, rate yourself from 1-10 and then someone the same as you +/- 1


it’s not very easy to rate yourself in terms of appearance...

the problem I think most people have when it comes to dating is that people often rate themselves higher than they actually are.

this is doing nothing but limiting your chances when it comes to finding a relationship - so, instead, I feel like people should lower their expectations, and just be content with something that’s not extraordinary.
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Dunnig Kruger
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I have heard the phrase ''find someone in your league'' many times before but can someone explain to me what exactly it is meant by it?

Like if I want to date someone, how do I know she's ''in my league''? is it solely based on looks? or like wealth? is education a factor??
JustSomeGuyYKnow was spot-on with what he or she said.
I'd extend it by saying that anyone that said "find someone in your league." is an complete and utter idiot when it comes to dating with no clue what they're on about.

If there is a league, then there was a time when I got promoted from playing in the South West Peninsula League to the Premier League in one fell swoop. Making it not much of a league system at all.

Although having said that, relationships tend to be best and strongest when they are on the basis of win-win.
So forget about leagues and just aim for win-win.

Never ever feel intimidated by someone that you initially think is some kind of wonderful, special person. They're not. They're just another person. Pretty much the same as you and me. With their own blend of stresses, worries, insecurities, needs and desires.

(Original post by CaptainDuckie)
the problem I think most people have when it comes to dating is that people often rate themselves higher than they actually are.
In my experience most women are too modest and too self critical about their looks.
And most men - especially younger ones - lack self confidence. IE are better than they think they are. Especially in the context of which women they think they can date and have successful relationships with.

96% of women - in one survey - said that they wouldn't describe themselves as beautiful.
And look at all the threads on this forum from women with perfect and extremely attractive 32B bust lines that wish they had a bigger bosom. Or all the hourglass shaped women that wished they were as thin as a fashion model.
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CaptainDuckie
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(Original post by Dunnig Kruger)
In my experience most women are too modest and too self critical about their looks.
And most men - especially younger ones - lack self confidence. IE are better than they think they are. Especially in the context of which women they think they can date and have successful relationships with.

96% of women - in one survey - said that they wouldn't describe themselves as beautiful.
And look at all the threads on this forum from women with perfect and extremely attractive 32B bust lines that wish they had a bigger bosom. Or all the hourglass shaped women that wished they were as thin as a fashion model.


Should have clarified what I meant.

I meant that we are not good judges of our appearance.
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tazarooni89
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Some people are more attractive than others. I know attractiveness is a matter of opinion, but you can put it into objective terms by saying that some people have more who would be willing to date them than others.

“Go for someone in your league” means just consider the odds. If a certain guy has hundreds of girls wanting to date him, then the chances he will pick you is pretty low, just based on the numbers. Unless you are also the kind of girl who has hundreds of guys wanting to date you, in which case the likelihood that he will want to is higher.

Now this could be based on all the typical features that make someone a desirable partner (looks, wealth, good personality, whatever), but it could also just be based on how well known someone is as well. The more people know of you, the more people you are likely to have who would be willing to date you.
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Rakas21
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I have heard the phrase ''find someone in your league'' many times before but can someone explain to me what exactly it is meant by it?

Like if I want to date someone, how do I know she's ''in my league''? is it solely based on looks? or like wealth? is education a factor??
'Leagues' are a mental objection created by those who wish to blame their failings on other people in the same way that classical civilisations created gods to explain the unknown but real happenings.

While there is probably an objective measurable in different in the success rate of developing relations between a 2/10 and a 9/10 (because one is ugly to the point of probably having no self esteem while the other will live off their beauty) most people (and especially women because they are much more social creatures who require validation from the pack so to speak) don't actually like to set themselves apart from the norm. This means that there are plenty of 3/10 and 8/10 women who have similar confidence levels and are likely to be as receptive to the same male if he asks enough of this perfectly distibuted sample.

Ultimately if you value your self worth then you should view rejection as the other persons loss regardless of how attractive she is. If you lack that degree of self worth then the only advise to engage in what self improvement you can and attempt to overcome any mental demons that would lead you not to attain your target woman.
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righteousx
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I have heard the phrase ''find someone in your league'' many times before but can someone explain to me what exactly it is meant by it?

Like if I want to date someone, how do I know she's ''in my league''? is it solely based on looks? or like wealth? is education a factor??
Look at your face, look at your height, shave your body and look at yourself naked in the mirror. Then decide how attractive you are. Be humble and realistic in your decision.

Then you know your league. Observe yourself closely. How many friends do you have? Are you popular? Do people smile at you or are they very reserved? Do people avoid you? Or flock to you?

Are you average? Below average? Unattractive? Attractive? Pretty? Good looking? Only you will know but society decides it
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Old Skool Freak
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(Original post by JustSomeGuyYKnow)
Something someone with a very high opinion of themselves made up to scare people with.

There are no dating leagues, you don't compare someone's wealth or looks or whatever before you date them and go ''ah ****, she earns 500/year more than I do ==> BEST GO FIND SOMEONE ELSE!!!"

Ask out whoever you like/have a connection with.
(Original post by Dunnig Kruger)
JustSomeGuyYKnow was spot-on with what he or she said.
I'd extend it by saying that anyone that said "find someone in your league." is an complete and utter idiot when it comes to dating with no clue what they're on about.

If there is a league, then there was a time when I got promoted from playing in the South West Peninsula League to the Premier League in one fell swoop. Making it not much of a league system at all.

Although having said that, relationships tend to be best and strongest when they are on the basis of win-win.
So forget about leagues and just aim for win-win.
It seems that the whole "league" thing has come in for some flack (on this thread at least)... I agree with some of the comments to an extent, so this may make what I'm about to say somewhat hypocritical, but... I don't think there's any harm in giving the whole concept some consideration.

Regardless of what you or I think about the so-called leagues, a lot of people do religiously follow this protocol. Think about it for a second, whenever you see couples around, if you look past any of the obvious differences (e.g. age, race etc.) quite often they look suited to each other. There have been numerous studies that strongly suggest that people are more drawn to those who are of a similar level of attractiveness to themselves (e.g. Brown et al's Matching Hypotheses (1986)).

Therefore, I don't see the harm in knowing what sort of league you'd naturally fall into, as those in that league are statistically more likely to say "Yes". Look at all the posts in this forum that say how people have never had partners, or complain that everyone they ask says "No"... I would place a large wager that they're going for the kind of girls who aren't right for them. Even in that link Londonmyst posted, it seems the so-called incels desire a woman who is very attractive, educated and modest. I could be wrong, but I'm guessing most of the incels are, at best, nothing special to look at.

Furthermore, it's (not) easy to forget how brutal some people (girls in particular) can be when blowing someone out. From several sources (this board included), I've heard girls saying who felt insulted because a particular type of person has approached them. I know some people will say, "it doesn't matter", "she's up her own backside" etc, but at that moment, when those words are directed at you, it still cuts like a knife.

So I think it's good to know the types of people who are more likely to find you attractive... and if you then want to go outside your league, then by all means, try punching above your weight... you never know when you'll deliver a knockout blow
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Dunnig Kruger
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(Original post by Old Skool Freak)
Furthermore, it's (not) easy to forget how brutal some people (girls in particular) can be when blowing someone out. From several sources (this board included), of girls who felt insulted because a particular type of person has approached them. I know some people will say, "it doesn't matter", "she's up her own backside" etc, but at that moment, when those words are directed at you, it still cuts like a knife.

So I think it's good to know the types of people who are more likely to find you attractive... and if you then want to go outside your league, then by all means, try punching above your weight... you never know when you'll deliver a knockout blow
On the rejection thing. Being rejected NEVER cuts like a knife. The only thing that cuts like a knife is an individuals way of processing that they've been rejected.

IE the cutting or the pain is self imposed.

For anyone with their head screwed on properly and a realistic internal model of the world, being rejected is as painful as being hit by a tennis ball. It's nothing.
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ANM775
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I have heard the phrase ''find someone in your league'' many times before but can someone explain to me what exactly it is meant by it?

Like if I want to date someone, how do I know she's ''in my league''? is it solely based on looks? or like wealth? is education a factor??
Dating leagues is a thing and isn't a thing at the same.

If a huge majority of people think of you as ugly or hot then you are essentially in that league.
this person for example would probably be regarded as below average by most https://ibb.co/bbQ7NRC

yeah, there's probably one or two simps out there who think she's stunning ....but lets face it, most people won't.

I would expect a girl like this to struggle badly if she wanted to monogamously date a Chad.
She can no doubt get laid by a chad (she's a woman isn't she), but in terms of a monogamous relationship i'd be quite surprised if she managed to get one.


This girl for example would probably be regarded as above average/beautiful/conventionally attractive by most https://i.pinimg.com/originals/db/fc...a2591e1d93.jpg

now she's not going to be every guys cup of tea as she doesn't envision that girl next door look, but lets face it..., this girl will hardly struggle getting dates with good looking males, and is the type of girl you'd expect to see on the cover of some top fashion magazine.

Most people however, do not fall into the ugly or beautiful category ... in terms of how the majority perceives them.
this guy i can definitely see a few girls finding him appealing, but at the same time i can definitely see quite a few girls totally not finding him sexually attractive.
https://imgur.com/a/Pu6AkjJ

he might on a night out walk upto 8 single beautiful conventionally attractive girls on a night out and get rejected by 5 or 6 of them because they don't think he's attractive enough but get accepted by 2 or 3 of them who think he's really attractive.

likewise he might walk upto 8 single conventionally unattractive women on a night out and get rejected by 4 of them because they don't like his looks and get accepted by 4 of them because they like his looks.

For a person such as himself I think it would not serve him well if he tried to allocate himself in a league and only date within in. imo he is not good looking enough to put himself in the Chad league, and he is not ugly enough to put himself in the ugly league either. It's going to be a mixed bag in terms of girls finding him attractive, ..it would be better for him to just go for who he's attracted to.

Personally myself i've been rejected by conventual unattractive girls before, and approached by stunning ones before too.
what league am I?
It's clear there is split opinion on my looks, so limiting myself to one league would be pointless.

also looking at yourself, giving yourself a rating, and then approaching a girl of a similar rating in the hopes she will like you has flaws.
first of all you have presumed she is rating you how you are rating yourself. often her rating will differ. secondly you are rating her, and you are assuming the girl is rating herself the same as you are rating her. However having watched hundreds of girls rate themselves on rating videos on youtube I would say the majority of girls overrate themselves and give themselves higher ratings than I would give them. I was actually quite shocked actually at how some girls were rating themselves. they seemed delusional...

heck, I might even be delusional in how I see myself. heck, everyone reading this thread might be too.
ratings is that flawed......
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Anonymous #3
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I have heard the phrase ''find someone in your league'' many times before but can someone explain to me what exactly it is meant by it?

Like if I want to date someone, how do I know she's ''in my league''? is it solely based on looks? or like wealth? is education a factor??
Personally i think it depends on what both parties are looking for however in general i see that guys tend to care a lot more about looks then women and women tend to care more about wealth and education than men.
Also remember you can improve your like "score" as some people say by like working on yourself such as getting into shape or like getting into a good career.
so yeah I would say the average person could probably get to about 7 or 8 with some hard work
however myself i kinda just want someone who i share hobbies with and i find somewhat attractive
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