Boyfriend controls my happiness

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Anonymous #1
#1
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#1
So whenever we have fights or he’s a bit off or even if he doesn’t reply within 2 hours or so it affects my whole mood and day. Like I can’t do anything. I want to be able to brush it off and not let his actions control my happiness. Any advice of how to do this?
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MintoM3
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(Original post by Anonymous)
So whenever we have fights or he’s a bit off or even if he doesn’t reply within 2 hours or so it affects my whole mood and day. Like I can’t do anything. I want to be able to brush it off and not let his actions control my happiness. Any advice of how to do this?
If you are not happy in the relationship, end it. As a 38 year old with plenty of life experience in this area, that is the best advice I can give. Advice i wish my younger self knew at the time. Best of luck.
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CaptainDuckie
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Or you can identify what it is you’re actually fighting about; if it’s really worth the fight, and how the fights are normally resolved.

If they go unnoticed and you just pretend it didn’t happen - you’ll be more likely to lack closure, hence much more harder to move on.

So like adults (assuming you both are) discuss what it is you’re both disagreeing on and either agree to disagree or accept that one of you is wrong, and move on.

As for him being off - ask him what’s wrong and if he wants to talk about it. This way, you’ve offered a shoulder just like any respectable partner would do.
Last edited by CaptainDuckie; 1 month ago
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Anonymous #2
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stop being a ...
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by CaptainDuckie)
Or you can identify what it is you’re actually fighting about; if it’s really worth the fight, and how the fights are normally resolved.

If they go unnoticed and you just pretend it didn’t happen - you’ll be more likely to lack closure, hence much more harder to move on.

So like adults (assuming you both are) discuss what it is you’re both disagreeing on and either agree to disagree or accept that one of you is wrong, and move on.

As for him being off - ask him what’s wrong and if he wants to talk about it. This way, you’ve offered a shoulder just like any respectable partner would do.
The fights are honestly normal. Maybe fights is the wrong word I’d say just a few disagreements but we end up understanding each other anyway.

When he’s off I’ve known him for ages and his social battery even with me sometimes runs out and he likes to have alone time which is understandable.

But even generally how do I not let things that happen that I can’t control affect my emotions? Why can’t I just go on about my day being happy and brush it off?
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IlikeDonerKebab
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Yh dump him. Happiness before all
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Napp
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How does he 'control' them exactly? From your title you made it sound like he was actively doing something as opposed to just you reacting poorly?
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CaptainDuckie
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(Original post by Anonymous)
The fights are honestly normal. Maybe fights is the wrong word I’d say just a few disagreements but we end up understanding each other anyway.

When he’s off I’ve known him for ages and his social battery even with me sometimes runs out and he likes to have alone time which is understandable.

But even generally how do I not let things that happen that I can’t control affect my emotions? Why can’t I just go on about my day being happy and brush it off?

So you do understand each other, that’s ok.

Maybe you both might still not be resolving it properly though because surely after fighting, yes you feel down but after coming to a compromise you should be able to just fall back on that.

You might just be an emotional person. Not everyone is heartless and cold. Just find whatever coping mechanism works for you - but if no results, just end up single since a relationship is clearly not working for you at this point in time.
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ashtolga23
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I have this too but I think it's because of BPD. Have you got mental health issues that may be causing this? Professional help may be a good option.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by CaptainDuckie)
So you do understand each other, that’s ok.

Maybe you both might still not be resolving it properly though because surely after fighting, yes you feel down but after coming to a compromise you should be able to just fall back on that.

You might just be an emotional person. Not everyone is heartless and cold. Just find whatever coping mechanism works for you - but if no results, just end up single since a relationship is clearly not working for you at this point in time.
Great, thanks for the advice😊
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CaptainDuckie
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Great, thanks for the advice😊


Forgot to also point out that you should probably just voice your concerns with him on the next steps of your relationship.

I’m sure he cares about you, and it’s completely normal to have disagreements btw. It’s definitely not easy to just end a relationship like that.

Maybe that should reassure you a bit more.
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