Girls, please explain

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#1
This is a question aimed specifically at girls.

I know this doesn’t apply to all girls, but can any of them with any experience please explain something?

I like to think I’m a nice guy. My friends say I’m really nice and sweet and considerate and helpful and all that nice stuff. Yet of everyone I know, I’m by far the least successful in relationships. Girls don’t ask me out, most never really want to hang out or do anything with me regularly

For example, there’s a girl I have a major crush on. We have deep conversations, spend time together. I found out on a few days out that she doesn’t have a phone charger to take out and about. So I keep a charger which doesn’t work on my phone in my bag in case she needs it. She told me one night she loved to eat biscuits in the evening watching TV. So next time we met up I bought two packets of those biscuits for her. Just general stuff that I’d consider like basic niceties, with a little bit of consideration and thought.

And yet, I always find myself passed up for guys who, by the girls’ own admissions, are not nice guys. People who don’t want to spend time with them, want them purely for sex, so drugs or anything, and yet they’re always really popular and get all of the nice girls, despite giving nothing even slightly considerate or gentlemanly.

So for any girls who pass up nice(ish) guys for *******s, please explain? How can I change myself so I’m at least ever so slightly interesting to someone as more than just a great friend? I’m getting lonely out here…
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GabiAbi84
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#2
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#2
Have you asked her out?
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Learner777
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#3
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(Original post by Anonymous)
This is a question aimed specifically at girls.

I know this doesn’t apply to all girls, but can any of them with any experience please explain something?

I like to think I’m a nice guy. My friends say I’m really nice and sweet and considerate and helpful and all that nice stuff. Yet of everyone I know, I’m by far the least successful in relationships. Girls don’t ask me out, most never really want to hang out or do anything with me regularly

For example, there’s a girl I have a major crush on. We have deep conversations, spend time together. I found out on a few days out that she doesn’t have a phone charger to take out and about. So I keep a charger which doesn’t work on my phone in my bag in case she needs it. She told me one night she loved to eat biscuits in the evening watching TV. So next time we met up I bought two packets of those biscuits for her. Just general stuff that I’d consider like basic niceties, with a little bit of consideration and thought.

And yet, I always find myself passed up for guys who, by the girls’ own admissions, are not nice guys. People who don’t want to spend time with them, want them purely for sex, so drugs or anything, and yet they’re always really popular and get all of the nice girls, despite giving nothing even slightly considerate or gentlemanly.

So for any girls who pass up nice(ish) guys for *******s, please explain? How can I change myself so I’m at least ever so slightly interesting to someone as more than just a great friend? I’m getting lonely out here…
You haven’t even asked her out so how has she rejected you?
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gjd800
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#4
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don't wait around for them to ask you
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Napp
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#5
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This sounds suspiciously like the banned user from yesterday...
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Admit-One
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#6
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#6
You’ve befriended someone without expressing any romantic interest.
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username3477548
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#7
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(Original post by Napp)
This sounds suspiciously like the banned user from yesterday...
I doubt this is the incel guy if that's who you're talking about.
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Anonymous #1
#8
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(Original post by GabiAbi84)
Have you asked her out?
Yep — once a while back (to be fair we’d only chatted a few times so I understand why she said no then), but then the other day (we’d chatted about going stargazing before), I built myself up and asked if maybe we should get dinner together sometime and then go watch the Stars together. She ignored the entire part about dinner and said she wasn’t sure where would be a good place to watch stars near where we live
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JustSomeGuyYKnow
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Yep — once a while back (to be fair we’d only chatted a few times so I understand why she said no then), but then the other day (we’d chatted about going stargazing before), I built myself up and asked if maybe we should get dinner together sometime and then go watch the Stars together. She ignored the entire part about dinner and said she wasn’t sure where would be a good place to watch stars near where we live
Sounds like she's not interested in you. It has nothing to do with how nice or kind you are.
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Anonymous #1
#10
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#10
(Original post by Anonymous)
This is a question aimed specifically at girls.

I know this doesn’t apply to all girls, but can any of them with any experience please explain something?

I like to think I’m a nice guy. My friends say I’m really nice and sweet and considerate and helpful and all that nice stuff. Yet of everyone I know, I’m by far the least successful in relationships. Girls don’t ask me out, most never really want to hang out or do anything with me regularly

For example, there’s a girl I have a major crush on. We have deep conversations, spend time together. I found out on a few days out that she doesn’t have a phone charger to take out and about. So I keep a charger which doesn’t work on my phone in my bag in case she needs it. She told me one night she loved to eat biscuits in the evening watching TV. So next time we met up I bought two packets of those biscuits for her. Just general stuff that I’d consider like basic niceties, with a little bit of consideration and thought.

And yet, I always find myself passed up for guys who, by the girls’ own admissions, are not nice guys. People who don’t want to spend time with them, want them purely for sex, so drugs or anything, and yet they’re always really popular and get all of the nice girls, despite giving nothing even slightly considerate or gentlemanly.

So for any girls who pass up nice(ish) guys for *******s, please explain? How can I change myself so I’m at least ever so slightly interesting to someone as more than just a great friend? I’m getting lonely out here…
Also just to clarify, I don’t just mean this one particular situation, I have tried asking her out and dropping hints before. I just mean generally why is it that girls tend to favour guys who aren’t nice / do nice stuff over guys who do and are loyal etc?
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Napp
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(Original post by Qxi.xli)
I doubt this is the incel guy if that's who you're talking about.
Indeed it is, what makes you think that though?
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username5737602
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Also just to clarify, I don’t just mean this one particular situation, I have tried asking her out and dropping hints before. I just mean generally why is it that girls tend to favour guys who aren’t nice / do nice stuff over guys who do and are loyal etc?
Is this the only girl you've tried asking out?
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username3477548
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(Original post by Napp)
Indeed it is, what makes you think that though?
Incel guy can't type in coherent sentences, let alone a paragraph. This guy, on the other hand, sounds like a genuine person.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Napp)
Indeed it is, what makes you think that though?
Hi, erm idk who this Incel guy you’ve seemingly had issues with is, but just want to clarify it’s not me — I don’t normally post stuff on here, I’m just a guy wondering why he’s lonely and single when most others find someone. Sorry for the confusion
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Anonymous #1
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#15
(Original post by tej3141)
Is this the only girl you've tried asking out?
Oh no of course not. I’ve asked lots of girls out before and can proudly say I have a 0% success rate ✌🏻
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Anonymous #2
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Congrats, you've made a friend. You doing nice things for her doesn't mean you entitled to her romantic or sexual interest. Most people do nice things for friends without expecting a relationship at the end of it. My best advice is that you change this attitude of nice guy entitlement. Look up 'reformed nice guys' on Reddit and read their comments and see if any of it resonates with you.
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Anonymous #2
#17
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#17
Guys who say they're nice are never actually as nice as they think they are, btw.
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Anonymous #1
#18
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Guys who say they're nice are never actually as nice as they think they are, btw.
That may be true — I may not be as nice as I think I am or would consider myself to be. I just like to remember what someone’s said to me about their plans for the week, remember what their interests are so I can get them something thoughtful on their birthday. I like to remember what their siblings are like and what they enjoy. I like to ask how their family is. I like to remember when they have that big test or job interview to wish them luck on the morning. I may not be a pure holy 100% total top guy, but I’d like to think I care
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Ten-Ten
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#19
Personally I’d rather mop the ocean than try to move to a guy. So if you’re waiting for her to make a move there’s a high possibility that it will never happen, not because she doesn’t like you could just be because she doesn’t want to make the first move
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EltonnBB
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I saw a tweet earlier that said 'girls don't want nice guys, they want bad guys who have a soft spot for them', and I feel like it's slightly true.

Also doing nice things will obviously just lead you to the friend zone. You need to be flirty and a bit cheeky.
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