Girls, please explain

I saw a tweet earlier that said 'girls don't want nice guys, they want bad guys who have a soft spot for them', and I feel like it's slightly true.

Also doing nice things will obviously just lead you to the friend zone. You need to be flirty and a bit cheeky.

she could also possibly be in this headspace that your just engaging with her as friends , because if someone does smt nice here and there doesn’t matter how many times , it doesn’t mean they are going to be my potential romantic and sexual interest . Also us girls barely evererrrr make a move especially if we are confused obviously.

This is a question aimed specifically at girls.

I know this doesn’t apply to all girls, but can any of them with any experience please explain something?

I like to think I’m a nice guy. My friends say I’m really nice and sweet and considerate and helpful and all that nice stuff. Yet of everyone I know, I’m by far the least successful in relationships. Girls don’t ask me out, most never really want to hang out or do anything with me regularly

For example, there’s a girl I have a major crush on. We have deep conversations, spend time together. I found out on a few days out that she doesn’t have a phone charger to take out and about. So I keep a charger which doesn’t work on my phone in my bag in case she needs it. She told me one night she loved to eat biscuits in the evening watching TV. So next time we met up I bought two packets of those biscuits for her. Just general stuff that I’d consider like basic niceties, with a little bit of consideration and thought.

And yet, I always find myself passed up for guys who, by the girls’ own admissions, are not nice guys. People who don’t want to spend time with them, want them purely for sex, so drugs or anything, and yet they’re always really popular and get all of the nice girls, despite giving nothing even slightly considerate or gentlemanly.

So for any girls who pass up nice(ish) guys for *******s, please explain? How can I change myself so I’m at least ever so slightly interesting to someone as more than just a great friend? I’m getting lonely out here…

Personally, I love the nice guys, its true the bad guys do tend to get my attention but when I want a committed relationship they're not the ones I turn to. My longest relationship and the ex I love the most and still think about a lot, is a guy who was very much a nice guy. He was thoughtful and sincere and genuine, the way you just described yourself to be, he started off as my friend, and eventually my best friend, and then we ended up dating.
Girls sometimes do tend to take these guys for granted, but when they're feeling low they always turn to them. This girl you've talked about, try talking to her about how you feel or hint at it.
Your friends might have been in more relationships, but it might not have been as long or for the right reasons. I have been with guys who wanted things which were physical, its just that when its over, I don't think about them the way I think about this guy.
When you get older, you start looking for someone to spend your life with and settle down with, someone to bring home to your family, and those kind of connections mostly only tend to work out with the nice guys.
It might get lonely sometimes, but don't worry about it too much. The right person is out there, and when you guys end up together, you'll know it in your heart and you'll be glad you saved yourself possible heartbreak with the wrong ones. Your gonna make that girl feel really lucky!

Personally, I love the nice guys, its true the bad guys do tend to get my attention but when I want a committed relationship they're not the ones I turn to. My longest relationship and the ex I love the most and still think about a lot, is a guy who was very much a nice guy. He was thoughtful and sincere and genuine, the way you just described yourself to be, he started off as my friend, and eventually my best friend, and then we ended up dating.
Girls sometimes do tend to take these guys for granted, but when they're feeling low they always turn to them. This girl you've talked about, try talking to her about how you feel or hint at it.
Your friends might have been in more relationships, but it might not have been as long or for the right reasons. I have been with guys who wanted things which were physical, its just that when its over, I don't think about them the way I think about this guy.
When you get older, you start looking for someone to spend your life with and settle down with, someone to bring home to your family, and those kind of connections mostly only tend to work out with the nice guys.
It might get lonely sometimes, but don't worry about it too much. The right person is out there, and when you guys end up together, you'll know it in your heart and you'll be glad you saved yourself possible heartbreak with the wrong ones. Your gonna make that girl feel really lucky!

Although that’s very sweet of you that’s the biggest issue. She is the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. She’s been there for me like no one ever has before and she’s amazing in every single way. It’s just unfortunate that to my knowledge (and HOURS of thinking and overthinking about this) she doesn’t feel the same way

Yeah, I'm not the OP, but what you said reflects the truism that people don't seem to care about men's problems inasmuch as they do to women's problems. I mean, how many women would "die for" (i.e. sacrifice what they hold dear for the sake of) men?

Yea I guess that's because of how society was initially built, in the idea that men have to be strong all the time and provide for the family and showing their insecurities or talking about their feelings can be perceived as a sign of weakness, whereas women on the other hand are dependent and they are portrayed as emotional and submissive in a way. But, today's world I feel like there are more people out there willing to break free from these stereotypes. I for one, have always given my all for someone who I genuinely believe loved me and I loved back. It's mostly about communication and how the person's mindset is in general I guess.

One of my ex's used to be soo troubled by different things going on in his life, and when we were together I really cared about him and I wanted to know what was going on, and make him feel better, but he found it soo hard to communicate with me. He'd hide things, then lie about things, even if they weren't important, then he'd go about changing stories, he found it soo hard to trust. But then the last guy I was with, he was more willing to open up to me, and that gave a sense of reassurance, I was ready to be there for him no matter what, and he's the one who I thought I was gonna end up spending my life with.

And most women, they don't completely open up, in the sense of sacrifice, usually because of previous experiences with guys in the past. Which su*ks because, in the end the good guys get hurt and clam up, and the good girls get hurt and clam up, and the world just ends up being a sad place to be in.

Are you sure she doesn't though?
Because I swear you sound a lot like how my last bf was. And I loved him so much, he ended things because he felt like he couldn't do a relationship anymore and stuff from my past hurt him which he already knew about. But point is, he used to feel that way about me too, and he'd crushed on me for 3 years before we even talked for the first time.

When we first started talking, if someone would have told me that he'd be the one for me, then I wouldn't have believed it, but over time I grew to depend on him, the more I knew him the more I realised I couldn't spend my life without him. We stuck around for each other, in ways no one had before, we understood each other more than all our friends, and even some family. He told me he'd crushed on me and that's when I told him I liked him a lot too. I would have NEVER made the first move honestly, because I had dated "bad guys" before and it left me in pieces, and even though I knew he wasn't like that, I didn't want to take that chance. Tbh I even purposefully messed up my chances when I realised I was falling for him, because I wanted to avoid possible heartbreak from dating him and maybe ruining our friendship.

Thing is when we started dating, I knew he was "the one" for me. I'm not sure how to explain it, but that's how he felt too. It was different, and we really cared about each other, and we were young and still ready to commit and listen to each other, we wanted to spend our lives together. He used to overthink a LOT about me leaving him for someone who looks better because he'd say I'm amazing and deserved better, and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't insecure some point or the other about it being too good to be true. But point it, unless you are absolutely sure she doesn't feel the same way, don't overthink it and let it get to heart. Because you sound like an amazing person and I'm sure you'll make some girl really happy some day.

I know I've written all of this anonymously, but if you want to talk some point, then I wouldn't mind it if you'd dm.

I’m not 100% sure she doesn’t feel the same way to be totally honest. But I do feel like I get a lot of mixed messages to the point where I do wonder if it’s all just a hopeful dream or could actually be something. Yeah I’d be happy to DM if you are

That cycle of trouble needs to stop really.

Exactly! And I feel like when someone tries and keeps their hearts and minds open, it is possible.
There's this song by this duo who I love a LOT called Hurt People (By Jack & Jack), and it kinda describes this idea of how hurt people hurt more people, how its a vicious cycle.

That may be true — I may not be as nice as I think I am or would consider myself to be. I just like to remember what someone’s said to me about their plans for the week, remember what their interests are so I can get them something thoughtful on their birthday. I like to remember what their siblings are like and what they enjoy. I like to ask how their family is. I like to remember when they have that big test or job interview to wish them luck on the morning. I may not be a pure holy 100% total top guy, but I’d like to think I care