Older man online just won't take the hint- what should I do without being nasty?

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#1
I'm a 22 year old female and have attracted the attention of a 31 year old (yes you read that right) male online. I have tried everything I can think of to get rid of him, but nothing works. I refuse to block him cos that is just nasty

We first started talking in 2019 and seemed to get on well, but since then I've realised I have moved past him, I don't need him anymore. When I first met him online i was isolated thanks to crippling anxiety. My family couldn't reach me, I wasn't in a good place I was a mess. I loved hearing from him but since then I've moved on in life. Before coronavirus I had to think up every excuse under the sun to avoid meeting him, he won't take no for a answer

I'm getting job interviews, countless matches on dating sites, potential new boyfriends. I'm trying to make something of myself and finally discovering who I am. Slowly but surely I'm maturing. My life has changed. He is in exactly the same place he was when he first messaged me. I viewed him as nothing more than a cyber friend, but he seems to fancy me rotten. He always used to say "hiya baby love you" "night baby love you" wtf?! And why would he call me baby he doesn't even know me we've never met! He expects me to talk to him everyday

when a major life event happened late 2020 I couldn't bring myself to come online and that's when it suddenly hit me, I'm not interested in talking anymore, I don't want this and he is just a annoyance to me, a creepy older bloke who seems to think I'm his girlfriend. First I told him "I'm not ready to talk yet" but he continued bombarding me constantly disrespecting my boundaries even though I specifically told him "I'll get back to you when I'm ready" I've told him I'm dating now (which is true and I thought a massive hint I don't want him) but he just won't stop. Ignoring him for weeks on end doesn't work, telling him I'm dating doesn't work. He has even manipulated me into responding by telling me things like "I'm not doing too good" "I feel poorly" "I think I have the virus" etc. These are all lies and emotional blackmail. When I do respond he shuts up about it. He will literally stop at nothing to make me talk to him and if I disappear he starts ranting and raving. Tonight after not talking for weeks I said that I get bored by back and forth messaging. His reply? "We can make it more exciting" my reply was "in what way?" And he said " having cybersex for instance"

It's like banging my head against a brick wall. He just won't go. I despair and don't know how to make it clear i don't want to talk anymore without blocking him. What's your opinion on this situation and what should I do? Thanks
0
cleveranimal56
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#2
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#2
Block him. He clearly doesn't give two hoots about being nasty to you so why think twice about repaying the favour.
9
londonmyst
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#3
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#3
Start sending him one or two word replies and wait between 24-72 hours to send replies to his messages.
If he ever insults, sends you unsolicited explicit content or directly threatens you in any way- report him to the site.
Then block him and consider turning all your social media private for at least 90 days.
1
sunshine774
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#4
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Why don't you want to block him?

It's not 'nasty' if someone isn't behaving well.

Just do it. You need to look after yourself first.

You'll feel way better after you just block him from everything.
4
CaptainDuckie
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#5
the guy doesn’t sound very well...

aside from the usual “block him” - ask yourself why your caring about him when he has failed to respect your decisions about dating someone else?

We all grow and move on. He seems to have no sense of direction with you - just an unnecessary emotional baggage your carrying.

Reassure him that you’re grateful for him being there for you when you most needed it but unfortunately you want to move forward now. If he doesn’t get over you, that’s an expected response. Not everyone can handle being left. You’re not a bad person for this.
1
Trinculo
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#6
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#6
You used him when you needed him. Now you don't need him any more and he's not good enough for you.

Block him and move on. Who cares about him.
3
Chicken.M.
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#7
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#7
Just don't reply. I've got messages I've not opened from years ago lol.
1
girlywurly123
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#8
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#8
You sound like a good egg at heart, so it's never easy to be nasty when like that but I feel he is taking advantage of your good nature. He seems to have a unhealthy obsession with you and clearly thinks you are the key to his happiness. He thinks his obsession warrants you owing him something but hun you owe him nothing. The sob stories are a ploy you say so he is playing on your niceness. He knows you won't block him cos you don't have the heart.

You need to make him see once and for all he is on a hiding to nothing with you, that whatever he thinks you have is not really there and whatever he's expecting to happen will never happen. If that was me, I'd do one of two things. Either tell him straight up how you feel, "you make me feel uncomfortable" etc. and see what he says. Or challenge him by saying " you know you love me yeah " and when he's all "I do love you yeah baby" respond with "if you really loved me you would respect my wishes and leave me alone" that's a devious trick, but a polite way of hopefully getting rid of him. If he wants to know why list every reason why aǹd every flaw he has. Tell him he is too old for you and then ghost him permanently. If he tries to contact you again, tell someone.

Good luck! I hope you can finally get rid of this creep! xx
3
Steve H
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#9
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If it's reached the point of emotional blackmail, then blocking isn't really a 'nasty' option. In fact it's probably necessary.
5
lalalandoo
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#10
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I'm a 22 year old female and have attracted the attention of a 31 year old (yes you read that right) male online. I have tried everything I can think of to get rid of him, but nothing works. I refuse to block him cos that is just nasty

We first started talking in 2019 and seemed to get on well, but since then I've realised I have moved past him, I don't need him anymore. When I first met him online i was isolated thanks to crippling anxiety. My family couldn't reach me, I wasn't in a good place I was a mess. I loved hearing from him but since then I've moved on in life. Before coronavirus I had to think up every excuse under the sun to avoid meeting him, he won't take no for a answer

I'm getting job interviews, countless matches on dating sites, potential new boyfriends. I'm trying to make something of myself and finally discovering who I am. Slowly but surely I'm maturing. My life has changed. He is in exactly the same place he was when he first messaged me. I viewed him as nothing more than a cyber friend, but he seems to fancy me rotten. He always used to say "hiya baby love you" "night baby love you" wtf?! And why would he call me baby he doesn't even know me we've never met! He expects me to talk to him everyday

when a major life event happened late 2020 I couldn't bring myself to come online and that's when it suddenly hit me, I'm not interested in talking anymore, I don't want this and he is just a annoyance to me, a creepy older bloke who seems to think I'm his girlfriend. First I told him "I'm not ready to talk yet" but he continued bombarding me constantly disrespecting my boundaries even though I specifically told him "I'll get back to you when I'm ready" I've told him I'm dating now (which is true and I thought a massive hint I don't want him) but he just won't stop. Ignoring him for weeks on end doesn't work, telling him I'm dating doesn't work. He has even manipulated me into responding by telling me things like "I'm not doing too good" "I feel poorly" "I think I have the virus" etc. These are all lies and emotional blackmail. When I do respond he shuts up about it. He will literally stop at nothing to make me talk to him and if I disappear he starts ranting and raving. Tonight after not talking for weeks I said that I get bored by back and forth messaging. His reply? "We can make it more exciting" my reply was "in what way?" And he said " having cybersex for instance"

It's like banging my head against a brick wall. He just won't go. I despair and don't know how to make it clear i don't want to talk anymore without blocking him. What's your opinion on this situation and what should I do? Thanks
send a nice end-of-convo message like 'Thank you' of 'Nice talking to you" then block immediately....cause if he's old,he'll probably think somethings wrong with his phone lol
1
Anonymous #1
#11
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#11
Thank you for your replies so far. Besides calling me baby, sending me loads of kisses and telling me he loves me he also calls me by my name which I've told him repeatedly not to do but still does, he sent me his phone number "it would make my day if you text or rung me" and he copies my dialect. I have the yorkshire/manc dialect and say "ey?" A lot. He is scottish so doesn't talk like this but always says "ey" when talking like I do. I can't tell if he deliberately enjoys creeping me out or is socially inept
0
Moonlight Rain
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If you were really that bothered you would've blocked him
5
Anonymous #1
#13
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He has also repeatedly asked my surname and where I live but I've fobbed him off
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Dunnig Kruger
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#14
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#14
Start asking him for money. Tell him how hard up you are. Make up some story about how you've got a sudden financial crisis. The equivalent of your buffalo being sick. Ask him to buy you gift cards and to give you the codes as a way to help you out.

Similar to the way that scammers on Kitboga's youtube channel try to get him to buy gift cards.

You badgering him for money will either scare him off or lead to a pay for play (your time and attention) arrangement.

If he comes back with some BS about how he can't send you any money, you just play the "You don't love me" and the "I thought you said you'd do anything for me?" and the "You're not serious about this, are you?" cards.
1
Anonymous #2
#15
Report 1 month ago
#15
(Original post by Anonymous)
I'm a 22 year old female and have attracted the attention of a 31 year old (yes you read that right) male online. I have tried everything I can think of to get rid of him, but nothing works. I refuse to block him cos that is just nasty

We first started talking in 2019 and seemed to get on well, but since then I've realised I have moved past him, I don't need him anymore. When I first met him online i was isolated thanks to crippling anxiety. My family couldn't reach me, I wasn't in a good place I was a mess. I loved hearing from him but since then I've moved on in life. Before coronavirus I had to think up every excuse under the sun to avoid meeting him, he won't take no for a answer

I'm getting job interviews, countless matches on dating sites, potential new boyfriends. I'm trying to make something of myself and finally discovering who I am. Slowly but surely I'm maturing. My life has changed. He is in exactly the same place he was when he first messaged me. I viewed him as nothing more than a cyber friend, but he seems to fancy me rotten. He always used to say "hiya baby love you" "night baby love you" wtf?! And why would he call me baby he doesn't even know me we've never met! He expects me to talk to him everyday

when a major life event happened late 2020 I couldn't bring myself to come online and that's when it suddenly hit me, I'm not interested in talking anymore, I don't want this and he is just a annoyance to me, a creepy older bloke who seems to think I'm his girlfriend. First I told him "I'm not ready to talk yet" but he continued bombarding me constantly disrespecting my boundaries even though I specifically told him "I'll get back to you when I'm ready" I've told him I'm dating now (which is true and I thought a massive hint I don't want him) but he just won't stop. Ignoring him for weeks on end doesn't work, telling him I'm dating doesn't work. He has even manipulated me into responding by telling me things like "I'm not doing too good" "I feel poorly" "I think I have the virus" etc. These are all lies and emotional blackmail. When I do respond he shuts up about it. He will literally stop at nothing to make me talk to him and if I disappear he starts ranting and raving. Tonight after not talking for weeks I said that I get bored by back and forth messaging. His reply? "We can make it more exciting" my reply was "in what way?" And he said " having cybersex for instance"

It's like banging my head against a brick wall. He just won't go. I despair and don't know how to make it clear i don't want to talk anymore without blocking him. What's your opinion on this situation and what should I do? Thanks
any need for this long winded story, just block him
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Anonymous #1
#16
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#16
I have just had a email from the site telling me he has messaged me again this morning. His message says "***** why do you keep disappearing i love you so much baby and I need you xxxxxxxxxxx"

How can he need me he doesn't even know me! This is getting out of hand
0
ageshallnot
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#17
(Original post by Anonymous)
I have just had a email from the site telling me he has messaged me again this morning. His message says "***** why do you keep disappearing i love you so much baby and I need you xxxxxxxxxxx"

How can he need me he doesn't even know me! This is getting out of hand
Then block him rather than seek attention from TSR.
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nonogray
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#18
(Original post by ageshallnot)
Then block him rather than seek attention from TSR.
honestly the answer is just report and block
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Moonlight Rain
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#19
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#19
(Original post by Anonymous)
I have just had a email from the site telling me he has messaged me again this morning. His message says "***** why do you keep disappearing i love you so much baby and I need you xxxxxxxxxxx"

How can he need me he doesn't even know me! This is getting out of hand
At this point you just want attention
1
Rakas21
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#20
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You either have to be direct, feign a lie (your seeing somebody and he does not like other men talking) or block him.

You have never met the guy so I'm fairly sure you like the attention or are just too nice.
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