How should I be around a girl?

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#1
I'm a 19 year old CS student and just want to admit I've never had a girlfriend. I never kissed a girl and I'm just scared I'm going to end up alone, without even having a "short" relationship with someone.

I can't say I went on dates. I asked someone out some months ago and we went on a ride with my car, stopped in a quiet place and started talking about... I don't know... stuff. But I felt like I wasn't myself. I somehow felt that I "tried" to sound interesting, or to always give the "proper" answer, the one that "should" somehow "satisfy" her. Or sometimes I just tried to be "funny". That's my "defense system": when you can't handle a proper conversation because of the anxiety, try to do some jokes, or transform everything into a joke.

Okay, the "date?" went decent but didn't talk to her that much since then. Now, she asked me if I want to join her at some concert and I said yes. The problem is, I'm really anxious. I'm afraid I'm just going to sit there and look at her and not say or do anything. I'm afraid I'm going to "force" some subject to talk about and become boring.

I can't call myself "socially awkward". I've got a lot of friends and most of them think I'm a great person. I can be a good listener and help them with their problems, be them emotional or of some other nature.

The problem is, I always try to "impress", mostly when I'm around girls. I just imagine "what should I do now?", "When should I try to kiss her?" or "Should I even think about kissing her?". When I meet someone that's nice to me I usually think "Is she interested into me?" and then I get emotionally attached to that person.

How can I change this? What should I do in this case? (If the answer is going to be some kind of "just be yourself" - please argue why).

Also, I'm a very disorganized person (mostly because of my anxiety issues and my neurotic personality - in general). I think this also has somehow an "impact" on what I mentioned before.

Thank you.
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gtty123
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Putting on a facade won't end well - that's why you should be yourself.
Last edited by gtty123; 1 month ago
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ellhirmelbo
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i’m kind of similar in terms of anxiousness or discomfort but of course it varies by person but a few things to consider are maybe asking why you feel like you have to impress them exactly? what more do you have to prove to a potential romantic partner than a friend? also what often works for me is playing into the uncomfortable feeling, like making a joke about it somehow or being startlingly honest but in a joking way (sorry kinda vague) so it’d be more likely to seem like an endearing thing. about the ‘just be yourself’ part, as infuriating as it is it’s something we should all put into practise i think. you said you’re a little disorganised and neurotic but a pretty cool person according to your friends, so what you need to find is a romantic partner who is interested in that side of your personality, every part in fact, and if she asked you out again, maybe this girl is one of them? and if not, well at least it is a little more experience, which i imagine you may benefit from in terms of learning to feel more relaxed and natural. also i think communication never hurts when it comes to relationships, good luck, sorry if this is no help at all!!
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Elize W
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Hey you sound like a cute guy to be honest.
It seems like you arent very experienced with girls and put them above you as tho you were the one who needs to impress her and she just decides if you are good enough. You need to remember it is not a one way street. She is probably just as stressed and the same things go through her own mind. We girls are people too and stress about how we look and behave before or during dates. If you have female friends look at your interactions with them. When you dont approach a girl with the intention to impress her are you this nervous too? My guess is that you then act much more natural. Dont try to impress a girl try to have fun 😄
As a girl it worked for me. Never had a boyfriend but the several times i went out with a guy i had a lot of fun and that what dates are for right? To have fun with that person. Good luck 😊
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Chicken.M.
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You need to build your confidence up to the point where you can be your authentic self without any anxiety or having to put on a facade. You'll have to keep practicing being in social situations with strangers without being fake.
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