Anonymous #1
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Bit of a strange title, I understand. I will explain.

So, I'm an only child on my mums side. I have two half-siblings from my dad: an older sister and a younger brother.

To cut a long story short, I have never met (and have no interest in meeting) my biological dad. I tried to reach out to him several times as a child, to which he was full of lies and excuses as to why he never bothered to contact me first. From the back of speaking to him, I got him to forward my contact info to my older sister. Eventually she did get in contact, and we met for the first time around 3 years ago. We still keep in contact, I see her usually once/twice a year (due to the fact she lives the complete other end of the UK to me, as well as uni/work commitments), but we regularly chat.

We also have a younger brother, who is probably now around 15/16 years of age (about 6-7 years younger than myself, and 11 years younger than our sister). The sad story to this is that he actually never knew about either of us. My sister didn't realise I existed, but she knew of our brother as she actually did meet our dad when his mum was pregnant with him. Let's just say, his mum has never wanted to admit he has siblings.

After many years of not knowing how to contact my brother, my mother actually told me she did have his number (bit of a long story and not necessary for this), but she never contacted him, obviously. The only information I knew was his first name, roughly wear he lived, and I was also told he 'should' be about 16. Bare in mind, this was almost two years ago. One day I decided I was going to contact him. I spoke to my sister and she agreed that it was the right time to do it. So I messaged him, which is a bit strange because like, how do you explain over a text that you're a random sister you've never heard of before? So we actually spoke on the phone, to which he told me he was 14. It was a huge kick in the teeth because if I was told the truth about his age (I don't know why I wasn't to be honest), I would never have contacted him at that point in his life. Considering I thought he was at least 16, I didn't think it would've been that much of an issue - oh, I was wrong.

After we spoke, he told me he needed to speak to his mum about it. She had never told him he had siblings, even though she knew, which is a whole other situation that frankly I don't agree with.

To keep it as short as possible, his mother had a fit down the phone at me, telling me he will never have anything to do with me and she doesn't want to hear from any of us again. I then spoke to my dad (first time in about 5 years) and he continued the lies and bs. He messaged me after the whole deal happened, but I couldn't be bothered to keep in contact with him.

My question really is, if you were in my brothers position (baring in mind he said he really wanted to keep in contact, the only reason I know he's probably deleted my number is because his mum made him) - would you want to seek out your siblings years later, now you know they exist? I still have his number but, I don't want to be the first one to reach out again in case I get shut down again. I just want to know my brother - he had more to do with our dad, but more recently to when I spoke to him, he was seeing him less and less. My siblings are the only family from that side I have, and it upsets me to think he knows about me but hasn't been in contact yet. He will now be 16, which I'm hoping is an age where his mother might accept that he needs to know his family.

Am I stupid for having hopes of him being in contact, or will it ever happen at all?

Apologies in advance for it being so long.
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Kallisto
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Wow, tough family story, really. But that reminds me of the situation I had with my younger half-sister (from father's side): she contacted me when she learnt about my existence and asked for a meeting - she wrote a lovely letter instead of a message. But I refused, because I was so stubborn and mad against my father. And she had to suffer it. And she tried it again and again. And I always refused and one day I stopped contacting me.

I know that my story isn't the best to give hopes for your concerns. I just advice you to try it again and again as my half-sister did. I wish that your younger half-brother is not so tough and stubborn as I was in the past. I wish you the best and success.
Last edited by Kallisto; 1 month ago
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ROTL94
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Depends on a number of things, I for instance know about the existence of one half brother and one half sister and I have no desire to meet them at all, we have nothing in common except a dad, so I just think that would be awkward. If they know you exist, and they've not yet then they're unlikely to in future.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Kallisto)
Wow, tough family story, really. But that reminds me of the situation I had with my younger half-sister (from father's side): she contacted me when she learnt about my existence and asked for a meeting - she wrote a lovely letter instead of a message. But I refused, because I was so stubborn and mad against my father. And she had to suffer it. And she tried it again and again. And I always refused and one day I stopped contacting me.

I know that my story isn't the best to give hopes for your concerns. I just advice you to try it again and again as my half-sister did. I wish that your younger half-brother is not so tough and stubborn as I was in the past. I wish you the best and success.

(Original post by ROTL94)
Depends on a number of things, I for instance know about the existence of one half brother and one half sister and I have no desire to meet them at all, we have nothing in common except a dad, so I just think that would be awkward. If they know you exist, and they've not yet then they're unlikely to in future.
In reply to both: Unfortunately, I think this has more to do with his mother than anything else. She knowingly went out of her way to hide the fact he had siblings, which I personally don't think was done in the smartest way considering he would've eventually found out, if not by me then by someone else. I don't blame her for protecting him in any way at all, I've nothing to say about her as I don't know her in all honesty. But I do hope he accepts the idea of it like my sister did, rather than completely closing off altogether. We both sometimes discuss about what he could be up to, finishing school and what he's doing in the future etc. It is frustrating but also I don't think about it too often to avoid it being a huge distraction to my own life. I'm just grateful my mum was honest with me about my family from a young age.
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Kallisto
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My advice to you is write him messages for first to hold the line to your brother - if he really wants to. Don't urge him to meet you and your sister, let it decide by himself. Otherwise he could break the contact before it really began.
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londonmyst
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It's a 50-50.
He may want to get in touch with you when he is 18+ and a uni student or living away from his mother.
Maybe consider sending him a short private message over social media when he is 18, letting him know that that you are open to meeting up or a chat if he ever wants to get in touch.
Then leave the ball in his court.

I can think of some reasons why his mother chose not to tell him that his biological father had other descendants.
I'm an only child and never wanted to have any siblings.
I believe in the one child family and plan to have one biological child who will be an only child raised without grandparents or any extended family involvement.
I won't date guys who want multiple children, have any descendants or have parental responsibility for any child.
I consider it appalling when guys that want a date blatantly lie to me about having children or try to trick me.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by londonmyst)
It's a 50-50.
He may want to get in touch with you when he is 18+ and a uni student or living away from his mother.
Maybe consider sending him a short private message over social media when he is 18, letting him know that that you are open to meeting up or a chat if he ever wants to get in touch.
Then leave the ball in his court.

I can think of some reasons why his mother chose not to tell him that his biological father had other descendants.
I'm an only child and never wanted to have any siblings.
I believe in the one child family and plan to have one biological child who will be an only child raised without grandparents or any extended family involvement.
I won't date guys who want multiple children, have any descendants or have parental responsibility for any child.
I consider it appalling when guys that want a date blatantly lie to me about having children or try to trick me.
Unfortunately he was made to block me on the only social media platform I use, which is a shame.

Yes, unfortunately I realise that her reasons are not like yours haha. She was just a selfish person in general, thought she could change our father for the better. Clearly, that did not happen. Alas, fingers crossed in the future he does.
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