tips on how to stop being needy?

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CAB18022
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Hello wonderful people!

Recently, i have come to terms that I am needy and I would like to stop it because I have a feeling it's affecting my relationship with other people.

To describe it - essentially if there are signs or behaviours that would appear to me that there is something wrong or they'll abandon or reject me then it'll trigger my neediness and insecurity. I hear it's connected to low self-esteem as well, but I am confident in some things but not on others and I act like a different person when the former happens, as in more assured.

Any tips are welcome and I'm happy to hear them

Many thanks!
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Surnia
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All you are describing is normal human behaviour in other people! Just because someone is acting a bit 'off' doesn't mean they have anything against you personally, they could be having a bad day due to any number of things.

I'm sure you aren't friends with every single person you've ever met, and some people you will dislike more than others. Well, that works both ways! Not everyone will want to be friends with you, and the harder you try the more you may put off some people that otherwise may have accepted you.

You need to get help to read body language and understand social cues, paticularly as words don't always match actions.
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Oxford Mum
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(Original post by CAB18022)
Hello wonderful people!

Recently, i have come to terms that I am needy and I would like to stop it because I have a feeling it's affecting my relationship with other people.

To describe it - essentially if there are signs or behaviours that would appear to me that there is something wrong or they'll abandon or reject me then it'll trigger my neediness and insecurity. I hear it's connected to low self-esteem as well, but I am confident in some things but not on others and I act like a different person when the former happens, as in more assured.

Any tips are welcome and I'm happy to hear them

Many thanks!
You sound like a nice, caring person to me.

Do not let your life revolve round others. Do something for yourself, that you enjoy.

You may be reading too much into someone else's behaviour. They may be caught up in their own problems and not realise that something they have said or done has upset you. Is it something minor?

On the other hand, if there is genuinely something off and you are being treated badly, and then they abandon you, would that be a bad thing? Do you really wish to be with such a person?

I went out with someone recently, for 12 weeks. I treated him very well indeed. He fed me all kinds of fairy tales about what our life together would be like. It turned out to be all lies. I got more and more uneasy until he turned up and dumped me in the most brutal way possible. Finally, he was showing his true, ugly heart. As i am a nice person, he wanted to stay friends with me but I turned him down because why should I? An hour later I blocked his number and our WhatsApp conversation. Friends and family rallied round me, and it will be a cold day in hell before I have anything to do with him again. Some people see nice people coming and take advantage. That doesn't mean to say this will happen to you at all. Just make sure you put yourself first and listen to your gut feeling.

Keep going and being strong.
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CAB18022
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(Original post by Surnia)
All you are describing is normal human behaviour in other people! Just because someone is acting a bit 'off' doesn't mean they have anything against you personally, they could be having a bad day due to any number of things.

I'm sure you aren't friends with every single person you've ever met, and some people you will dislike more than others. Well, that works both ways! Not everyone will want to be friends with you, and the harder you try the more you may put off some people that otherwise may have accepted you.

You need to get help to read body language and understand social cues, paticularly as words don't always match actions.
The last paragraph is very true, as I do get confused when words don't correlate with actions!

Thank you for the post, it was really lovely
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CAB18022
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(Original post by Oxford Mum)
You sound like a nice, caring person to me.

Do not let your life revolve round others. Do something for yourself, that you enjoy.

You may be reading too much into someone else's behaviour. They may be caught up in their own problems and not realise that something they have said or done has upset you. Is it something minor?

On the other hand, if there is genuinely something off and you are being treated badly, and then they abandon you, would that be a bad thing? Do you really wish to be with such a person?

I went out with someone recently, for 12 weeks. I treated him very well indeed. He fed me all kinds of fairy tales about what our life together would be like. It turned out to be all lies. I got more and more uneasy until he turned up and dumped me in the most brutal way possible. Finally, he was showing his true, ugly heart. As i am a nice person, he wanted to stay friends with me but I turned him down because why should I? An hour later I blocked his number and our WhatsApp conversation. Friends and family rallied round me, and it will be a cold day in hell before I have anything to do with him again. Some people see nice people coming and take advantage. That doesn't mean to say this will happen to you at all. Just make sure you put yourself first and listen to your gut feeling.

Keep going and being strong.
Oh I'm so sorry to hear about the situation, I commend you for putting your feelings first!

And yeah, I can totally emphasize as I have been taken advantage of numerous times. Not to trivialise it but, I think it's universal!

You definitely pose a good question that makes me feel better about cutting people, as in those who are generally not good people.

Thank you so much for this kind post It was really lovely!
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