Oacio
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This is going to be a long one, so buckle up.

I can't talk about this with my parents as they'll slaughter me. Every time I talk about having cold feet and feeling unready they immediatly dismiss me, telling me that I'll be rejected if I take a gap year. I've almost impuslively declined my firm and insurance choice now as they won't stop sending me emails about booking accomodation, but I can't because I'm so unsure.

I don't feel ready at all. First of all, I'm an August baby. I've always felt young compared to my year cohort. I've been forced to grow up fast, and I've always felt that I'd fit in better with the cohort below, even in primary school. I'm incredibly anxious. The thought of suddenly living alone is too much for me as I'm as clingy as a 5 year old child. I went on a trip with sixth form away from home for a week before COVID hit and cried like a toddler, having several panic attacks. How do I go to university if I can't even speak to other people too? I know for a fact I'd end up locking myself in my dorm LMAO.

The uinversities that are my firm and insurance make me uneasy. I'm in love with my insurance, but my the entry requirements are around a BCC, and I'm hoping for an ABB/ABC on results day. I can do better. I absolutely despise my current firm, and don't want to go there at all anymore even thogh it's top 10 in the league tables. I didn't do enough research when it came to applying to unis, and this is my punishment.

I'm going through clearing on results day, for sure, but I'm not sure if it would be better to just take a gap year and then apply for some solid choices next year with actual research this time. I feel like it would help me improve myself mentally (for example I've been waiting to get CBT for a while), and I'd love to get a job and make some money too. I just want to push myself - no fancy holidays or trips abroad (unless I make some money), just me improvising and building up to university.

I'd be incredibly greatful for any advice. The pressure from my parents to go to university and wanting to make friends with flatmates (I literally have about two friends currently) is tugging me one way, but the pressure to improve myself and feel confident enough to actually be there is pushing me another. It's really impacting my mental health.

* Also a point I forgot to make is COVID - No one knows if there will be another wave. You can't predict anything and I don't want my university experience to be ruined by it. Waiting another year would be a lot safer.
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Princess3085
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(Original post by Oacio)
This is going to be a long one, so buckle up.

I can't talk about this with my parents as they'll slaughter me. Every time I talk about having cold feet and feeling unready, they immediately dismiss me, telling me that I'll be rejected if I take a gap year. I've almost impulsively declined my firm and insurance choice now as they won't stop sending me emails about booking accommodation, but I can't because I'm so unsure.

I don't feel ready at all. First of all, I'm an August baby. I've always felt young compared to my year cohort. I've been forced to grow up fast, and I've always felt that I'd fit in better with the cohort below, even in primary school. I'm incredibly anxious. The thought of suddenly living alone is too much for me as I'm as clingy as a 5-year-old child. I went on a trip with sixth form away from home for a week before COVID hit and cried like a toddler, having several panic attacks. How do I go to university if I can't even speak to other people too? I know for a fact I'd end up locking myself in my dorm LMAO.

The universities that are my firm and insurance make me uneasy. I'm in love with my insurance, but the entry requirements are around a BCC, and I'm hoping for an ABB/ABC on results day. I can do better. I absolutely despise my current firm, and don't want to go there at all anymore even though its top 10 in the league tables. I didn't do enough research when it came to applying to unis, and this is my punishment.

I'm going through clearing on results day, for sure, but I'm not sure if it would be better to just take a gap year and then apply for some solid choices next year with actual research this time. I feel like it would help me improve myself mentally (for example I've been waiting to get CBT for a while), and I'd love to get a job and make some money too. I just want to push myself - no fancy holidays or trips abroad (unless I make some money), just me improvising and building up to university.

I'd be incredibly grateful for any advice. The pressure from my parents to go to university and wanting to make friends with flatmates (I literally have about two friends currently) is tugging me one way, but the pressure to improve myself and feel confident enough to actually be there is pushing me another. It's really impacting my mental health.

* Also, a point I forgot to make is COVID - No one knows if there will be another wave. You can't predict anything and I don't want my university experience to be ruined by it. Waiting another year would be a lot safer.
Honestly, "pressure to improve myself and feel confident enough to actually be there", I think that this is the most important that you have said, because at the end of the day if you truly feel like that especially with your mental health and wanting to have CBT sessions, the last thing you need is the pressure of university and as well maybe then feeling that your wasting money because you wouldn't be giving your 100%.
Honestly, I believe taking a gap year is fine while your course is 3 years and not much longer. There are plenty of people that take gap years because they want to simply travel, so I think your reason is very justified. You don't want to end up going and the quitting within the first year, because it is a very big life step.
If your parents really want you to go to university, try deferring your place so it is saved for 2022 or perhaps try and speak to the support team/ mental health team for your insurance choice. Just be completely honest, with how you're feeling and try get some advice. : )
Last edited by Princess3085; 1 month ago
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Anonymous #1
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I’m sorry you’re having to go through this, going to university is such a big change and is therefore extremely stressful. You mentioned how you’ll be rejected if you take a gap year, however if you secure a university place this year, you could defer it to 2022. This would give you a year to gain some experience and prepare yourself, while also being guaranteed your place for 2022. Good luck with everything xx
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Kat_Buchan
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I just wanted to write to say I can relate to a lot of what you've said here - and I'm a 37 year old woman!

You say you're terrified of living alone - have you talked to your firm and insurance choices about what their teaching arrangements are for the year? Is it blended learning? Would it be possible to live at home and travel to university when required? Also, please consider applying for Disabled Students' Allowance - I'm autistic and suffer from depression; and it's been really helpful.

Final point: if your parents won't listen, is there a close family member or family friend who you trust, who could speak to them on your behalf? Definitely nothing wrong with deferring for a year and getting a job, saving money for university etc. Good luck x
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