My gf is too kinky

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#1
Yeah it's probably an unusual title so here goes. I'm a guy that's always been pretty vanilla I'm open to new things but I don't really have anything special I want to do sexually. My gf however is into all kinds of stuff and says vanilla sex is boring.

I voiced that it sorta makes me insecure that i'm not good enough sexually because she obvs has desires that might not be fulfilled or take a long time to be. She says she can live with it because what's most important is she loves me so it's not a problem. But I still can't help but feel like is it possible were just sexually incompatible?

She finds pain pleasurable yet I love care and compassion inflicting pain would just make me uncomfortable. Idk this feels like an odd case is it a big deal if were quite different from each other in the bedroom?
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LeafMeAlonee
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#2
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#2
Ah, thats awks, she did say she loves you though, so isn't she fine with how you are?
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HunterxK
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#3
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#3
I've never heard a man complain about his gf being too kinky before.

This is an uncomfortable situation to be in. I'm sure there's a comfortable middle ground you 2 can reach but tbh, sexual compatibility is a big deal In a relationship.
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Anonymous #2
#4
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#4
I would say yes. As someone who is into more of a kinky sex, some pain etc, I know I could not be with someone who’s totally vanilla. It gets annoying and is a huge turn off for me when you want to be, say, dominated and the guy is too much of a pussy to even choke you or be “rough” with you (please don’t take this the wrong way this is about my personal experiences/feelings). But everyone is different so you should have another honest conversation with your girlfriend and if it goes well just stop worrying about ifs and maybes
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GabiAbi84
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#5
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I would say yes. As someone who is into more of a kinky sex, some pain etc, I know I could not be with someone who’s totally vanilla. It gets annoying and is a huge turn off for me when you want to be, say, dominated and the guy is too much of a pussy to even choke you or be “rough” with you (please don’t take this the wrong way this is about my personal experiences/feelings). But everyone is different so you should have another honest conversation with your girlfriend and if it goes well just stop worrying about ifs and maybes
Whilst I agree with what you’re saying , someone being unwilling or not wanting to “even choke” their partner does not make them a pussy.
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Anonymous #3
#6
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#6
Met a girl recently and in the same situation. Messaging to see what people say about this.
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ashtolga23
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#7
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#7
Difficult one really. She doesn't seem to give it that much weight in the relationship as a whole, so I don't think there's a massive issue and you're not meant to be together or anything.

Maybe you could find a way to incorporate pain if you think it would help. You're not hurting her as such if she finds it pleasurable, so don't worry about that. Not saying you have to because she really seems fine without it, just if you feel you should try.

It shouldn't be a dealbreaker in my opinion, just got to find a compromise in this area.
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Anonymous #2
#8
Report 1 month ago
#8
(Original post by GabiAbi84)
Whilst I agree with what you’re saying , someone being unwilling or not wanting to “even choke” their partner does not make them a pussy.
I agree per se, like I said I don’t want anyone to take it the wrong way cause there’s so much more to a person than sex but it’s just how I personally see it/feel in the moment so I was just being honest
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Anonymous #4
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As someone who was into BDSM with someone who wasn't as heavily into it as I was, you have to communicate and let them know where you stand/how to feel. It's perfectly fine and normal to be in this sort of situation where people have conflicting feelings towards something. What I did and what I think should be done is let her know that for the time being, this isn't something you can jump straight into. At the same time, as long as this is something you are willing to explore and understand that she asking for you to participate consensually with her - try something small first. Over time, you'll either be able to manage it more because you hopefully realise that as long as it's not causing you any sort of harm, her enjoyment is greater than your apprehension and eventually (after communication and experience) it'll come naturally. Not to ramble but I personally think this is really sweet and hope you guys manage to resolve it!
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Final Fantasy
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#10
(Original post by Anonymous)
I would say yes. As someone who is into more of a kinky sex, some pain etc, I know I could not be with someone who’s totally vanilla. It gets annoying and is a huge turn off for me when you want to be, say, dominated and the guy is too much of a pussy to even choke you or be “rough” with you (please don’t take this the wrong way this is about my personal experiences/feelings). But everyone is different so you should have another honest conversation with your girlfriend and if it goes well just stop worrying about ifs and maybes
PRSOM
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Nugthugg
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#11
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I wonder if there is a middle ground you can find, ask her specifically what she likes and wants and I suppose all you can do is give it a go if you’re comfortable, if it turns out you don’t like it you don’t have to do it again.
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Anonymous #5
#12
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#12
Tbf vanilla sex is boring but that’s okay if that’s your preference you shouldn’t feel bad about that. You girlfriend and you should have a balance, sometimes vanilla and sometimes something she wants to do or a bit of both each time. She can’t just have it her way Are there new things that you’ve tried that you’re into? Perhaps, you’re not enjoying it as much or exploring your sexual desires further because she’s rushing you. Try and move more slowly, if she likes you then she will respect that but if not then maybe you shouldn’t be together. You could just put boundaries down.... if that’s her sexual desire then it’s up to her whether she can live without it or not.
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