Toxic friend or deteriorating relationship?

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Anonymous #1
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The relationship that I have with her has since gotten worse since I got promoted -- even though I helped her get her promotion. In spite of this, she is another grade beneath me, and there is no doubt she has heavier workload, but she keeps making comparisons to my work – saying how easy it is so to that, like she did that when she was junior grade, or how much lighter it is than hers. I don’t think she realises that her grade is more operational and mine is more strategic

She snaps so much that every single sentence she sounds intensely annoyed – annoyed almost prodding like the bear. She is snapping all time – only once she has apologized but then it disintegrated into another rant about her workload incomparison to mine

I wonder if she is stressed due to her workload. Sometimes its things in my personal life when I ask for advice. I know I do this a lot, but I thought that’s were mates were there for.

Most recently, it was well over the top. I made a joke that I would play the disabilty card to which she took offence with. When I said I was classrified as vulnerbale, she basically said I wasn’t classed as a vulnerable adult and unwell – despite having my life wrecked by autoimmune disease that left me near bed-ridden and a learning difficulty. She said I was in work saying that it couldn’t have been too bad and that I wasn’t vulnerable because I make a shed load of money.

Before this, I made real because I made a rude comment about her relationship with her ex-husband who she is still friends with. I felt awful and apologized and she accepted and I thought we have moved on. Surely this negativity above is because of this..
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GabiAbi84
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Sounds like a deteriorating relationship-you’ve said some mean comments, she’s made some mean comments.
Friendships don’t always last.

Without more information it’s hard to say if either of you are more at fault than the other but I guess you’ve got to decide whether you want to fix the relationship or if you’re happy enough to let it go.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by GabiAbi84)
Sounds like a deteriorating relationship-you’ve said some mean comments, she’s made some mean comments.
Friendships don’t always last.

Without more information it’s hard to say if either of you are more at fault than the other but I guess you’ve got to decide whether you want to fix the relationship or if you’re happy enough to let it go.
I know. I have tried to apologise,and she said it was fine. Maybe you're right..
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by GabiAbi84)
Sounds like a deteriorating relationship-you’ve said some mean comments, she’s made some mean comments.
Friendships don’t always last.

Without more information it’s hard to say if either of you are more at fault than the other but I guess you’ve got to decide whether you want to fix the relationship or if you’re happy enough to let it go.
What more information do you need?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
What more information do you need?
Not great..
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Anonymous #1
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Anyone
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Anyone
Sounds like she’s pretty toxic and jealous of you.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Sounds like she’s pretty toxic and jealous of you.
You think so?
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
What more information do you need?
I mean that the incidents you have described don’t have much detail in them. And you say “I though that’s what mates were there for” but have you been there for her if you say that she’s stressed. Have you been leaning on her too much and not letting her lean on you? (I’m not saying you have I’m just saying there’s a lot of detail/information that isn’t there)

Do you want to fix the relationship or do you not care?
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
You think so?
Not really no, she could be but it could just be that you have different lives now and the friendship isn’t working for either of you anymore.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I mean that the incidents you have described don’t have much detail in them. And you say “I though that’s what mates were there for” but have you been there for her if you say that she’s stressed. Have you been leaning on her too much and not letting her lean on you? (I’m not saying you have I’m just saying there’s a lot of detail/information that isn’t there)

Do you want to fix the relationship or do you not care?
I have been asking her advice about selling and buying a house to get away from my neighbors. I want to fix the relationships. I feel like I have been leaning on her too much but I have helped her through hard times and helped her get her promotion.
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Ireplied
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I'd avoid getting into a confrontation as best you can and see whether it improves after that.
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GabiAbi84
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(Original post by Anonymous)
You think so?
My post posted prematurely-and somehow anonymously.
I was basically saying that it could be she was jealous of you but it also sounds a bit like you think she owes you for her promotion so she could be picking up on that too.
It’s hard to know without actually being in your situation.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by GabiAbi84)
My post posted prematurely-and somehow anonymously.
I was basically saying that it could be she was jealous of you but it also sounds a bit like you think she owes you for her promotion so she could be picking up on that too.
It’s hard to know without actually being in your situation.
What would you do? I am a little desperate..
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Ireplied)
I'd avoid getting into a confrontation as best you can and see whether it improves after that.
You mean avoid her
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Anonymous #3
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O la la always be careful in the workplace
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GabiAbi84
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(Original post by Anonymous)
What would you do? I am a little desperate..
I’d have two options:

Take a little time apart-stop leaning on her for things and let your relationship just settle a bit.

Or
Make some time to actually have a conversation with her about everything and clear the air.


Stop saying things like “I helped her get her promotion” -it will only make her feel like she somehow owes you or didn’t deserve it. (I don’t know if you are saying this to her or others or if it’s just on here but it’s not a great look if you think of her as a friend)
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by GabiAbi84)
I’d have two options:

Take a little time apart-stop leaning on her for things and let your relationship just settle a bit.

Or
Make some time to actually have a conversation with her about everything and clear the air.


Stop saying things like “I helped her get her promotion” -it will only make her feel like she somehow owes you or didn’t deserve it. (I don’t know if you are saying this to her or others or if it’s just on here but it’s not a great look if you think of her as a friend)
Oh I have never said that in front of her. I have ked did I help and she thanked me so much. i wanted her to get the promotion. I really did..
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GabiAbi84
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Oh I have never said that in front of her. I have ked did I help and she thanked me so much. i wanted her to get the promotion. I really did..
Okay, it’s just a little odd that you’ve mentioned it so often in your post then. Like because you helped her get promoted she should be a better friend or something.
Just something to think about-you may not even be thinking it consciously.
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Ireplied
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(Original post by Anonymous)
You mean avoid her
Don't fight in the workplace, see whether you can find another way to help and make yourself useful, be positive and take control of the situation and make an independent step towards what you think would better relationship
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