I’m feeling stuck

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#1
I can’t stop comparing myself with others.

I’ve spent the whole summer at the sea at my grandma’s house. My mum didn’t want me to stay alone at home, so she rented a small apartment at the sea and decided to bring me with her and her grandma. It was awful… spending an entire week at the beach, on the seashore… seeing all those guys having fun with girls in their groups, playing and doing stuff.

I’ve never experienced something like that, and i’m 18. At the same time, the worst part is that my only friend was sending me pics of him and his girlfriend on a cruise ( yeah, they’re 18, and they went on a cruise ). Ofc they both look like models, while i’m still here alone. I don’t look that good. I still remember when i spent days with my only friend. We were still wishing to find a girl. He eventually find her, they’ve been dating for a year now. I try to be funny, nice, but i always end up spending time alone and not having anyone to talk to.

All this situation led me to quit my only interests ( movies and photography ). i’m not feeling good too, cause i acknowledged i’d love to have a girlfriend, maybe a wife and a family one day, but that’s not going to happen.

Have you ever been at this point? How did you react? What’s your solution? I’d really like to read your suggestions cause i need them right now
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sophiamumtaz
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#2
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try and make friends with some people around your neighbour hood and just be urself and they might want to get to know you more.
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Anonymous #2
#3
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I can’t stop comparing myself with others.

I’ve spent the whole summer at the sea at my grandma’s house. My mum didn’t want me to stay alone at home, so she rented a small apartment at the sea and decided to bring me with her and her grandma. It was awful… spending an entire week at the beach, on the seashore… seeing all those guys having fun with girls in their groups, playing and doing stuff.

I’ve never experienced something like that, and i’m 18. At the same time, the worst part is that my only friend was sending me pics of him and his girlfriend on a cruise ( yeah, they’re 18, and they went on a cruise ). Ofc they both look like models, while i’m still here alone. I don’t look that good. I still remember when i spent days with my only friend. We were still wishing to find a girl. He eventually find her, they’ve been dating for a year now. I try to be funny, nice, but i always end up spending time alone and not having anyone to talk to.

All this situation led me to quit my only interests ( movies and photography ). i’m not feeling good too, cause i acknowledged i’d love to have a girlfriend, maybe a wife and a family one day, but that’s not going to happen.

Have you ever been at this point? How did you react? What’s your solution? I’d really like to read your suggestions cause i need them right now
- OP, go to the gym and build up muscle. As a girl, seeing a dude that's muscular is attractive. I'm assuming (I'm sorry if it's rude) that you're not that attractive, in that case going to the gym is even more important

- Get a hairstyle that matches your face shape. This can make or break a face

- I'm assuming you're not very social, and/or you can't keep conversations.
Watch youtube videos about how to be funny, charming, talk to anyone, etc. And practice them with 50 people. No, really. Do it. Easier said than done, but do it. You can watch all the vids in the world but if you don't practice, and if you don't practice with enough people, then nothing will change. Your life is in your hands. If you want you can read books about it but I just recommend videos (or, youtube summaries of books)
But, before you speak to them, make sure you analyse them first. Looking at what they say to other people, or their tone of voice, or their aura in general, are they jerks/*****es? Or feel like it? If so, don't talk to them, you don't want to be with them. Be selective about your friends.

- I strongly recommend you take the Myers Briggs personality quiz, just to find more about yourself. He theorised there are 16 personality types and everyone falls in one of those.

- For the love of god, never quit your interests, otherwise it's step backwards towards making friends

- Be confident. Fake it til you make it. Confidence is one of the most attractive things in a guy, as well as making friends

- Whenever you're in a convo, be nonchalant. Don't be rigid, take a deep breath and stretch your legs forward a bit. This will allow convos to flow smoothly. Also, if you think a convo will start a to get awkward, then stop talking. Wait a few mins, then talk again. It's common knowledge, but it's easy to forget.

Everyone can say ''don't compare yourself to others'' and all that- and they're right. You shouln't. But there gets a point where it's understandable if you are, because the reason behind that may not just be your thoughts, but because you do lack something/s crucial in life (unfortunately)
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Anonymous #2
#4
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I can’t stop comparing myself with others.

I’ve spent the whole summer at the sea at my grandma’s house. My mum didn’t want me to stay alone at home, so she rented a small apartment at the sea and decided to bring me with her and her grandma. It was awful… spending an entire week at the beach, on the seashore… seeing all those guys having fun with girls in their groups, playing and doing stuff.

I’ve never experienced something like that, and i’m 18. At the same time, the worst part is that my only friend was sending me pics of him and his girlfriend on a cruise ( yeah, they’re 18, and they went on a cruise ). Ofc they both look like models, while i’m still here alone. I don’t look that good. I still remember when i spent days with my only friend. We were still wishing to find a girl. He eventually find her, they’ve been dating for a year now. I try to be funny, nice, but i always end up spending time alone and not having anyone to talk to.

All this situation led me to quit my only interests ( movies and photography ). i’m not feeling good too, cause i acknowledged i’d love to have a girlfriend, maybe a wife and a family one day, but that’s not going to happen.

Have you ever been at this point? How did you react? What’s your solution? I’d really like to read your suggestions cause i need them right now
Forgot to mention, use a cologne. A good smelling one.
If you do wear a shirt, pull the sleeves up (?) Brain fart moment, I don't know if that's the phrase.
A combination of those does the trick, at least from what I feel when I see guys with those 2

I gave a link to the personality types test but it's not appearing, so just type 16 personalities free test (or something like that)
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Anonymous #3
#5
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#5
(Original post by Anonymous)
I can’t stop comparing myself with others.

I’ve spent the whole summer at the sea at my grandma’s house. My mum didn’t want me to stay alone at home, so she rented a small apartment at the sea and decided to bring me with her and her grandma. It was awful… spending an entire week at the beach, on the seashore… seeing all those guys having fun with girls in their groups, playing and doing stuff.

I’ve never experienced something like that, and i’m 18. At the same time, the worst part is that my only friend was sending me pics of him and his girlfriend on a cruise ( yeah, they’re 18, and they went on a cruise ). Ofc they both look like models, while i’m still here alone. I don’t look that good. I still remember when i spent days with my only friend. We were still wishing to find a girl. He eventually find her, they’ve been dating for a year now. I try to be funny, nice, but i always end up spending time alone and not having anyone to talk to.

All this situation led me to quit my only interests ( movies and photography ). i’m not feeling good too, cause i acknowledged i’d love to have a girlfriend, maybe a wife and a family one day, but that’s not going to happen.

Have you ever been at this point? How did you react? What’s your solution? I’d really like to read your suggestions cause i need them right now
I am a 21yr old girl and I felt like that at your age. My friends had boyfriends and I never had that. But at the time I was just going with the flow and thinking it would happne in the future. Still didnt lol. IJust know theres so many guys out here who are like you, even guys my age. I spent my time indoors and very anti social. It is a process and takes time and Im still not as social but I have put myself out there on apps and do get interests. yet to find someone whos worthy enough but taking small steps. Advice id give is try to speak to people i know its really hard but even if its to ask someone for directions or where something is. I try to do this even now
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Anonymous #1
#6
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#6
(Original post by Anonymous)
- OP, go to the gym and build up muscle. As a girl, seeing a dude that's muscular is attractive. I'm assuming (I'm sorry if it's rude) that you're not that attractive, in that case going to the gym is even more important

- Get a hairstyle that matches your face shape. This can make or break a face

- I'm assuming you're not very social, and/or you can't keep conversations.
Watch youtube videos about how to be funny, charming, talk to anyone, etc. And practice them with 50 people. No, really. Do it. Easier said than done, but do it. You can watch all the vids in the world but if you don't practice, and if you don't practice with enough people, then nothing will change. Your life is in your hands. If you want you can read books about it but I just recommend videos (or, youtube summaries of books)
But, before you speak to them, make sure you analyse them first. Looking at what they say to other people, or their tone of voice, or their aura in general, are they jerks/*****es? Or feel like it? If so, don't talk to them, you don't want to be with them. Be selective about your friends.

- I strongly recommend you take the Myers Briggs personality quiz, just to find more about yourself. He theorised there are 16 personality types and everyone falls in one of those.

- For the love of god, never quit your interests, otherwise it's step backwards towards making friends

- Be confident. Fake it til you make it. Confidence is one of the most attractive things in a guy, as well as making friends

- Whenever you're in a convo, be nonchalant. Don't be rigid, take a deep breath and stretch your legs forward a bit. This will allow convos to flow smoothly. Also, if you think a convo will start a to get awkward, then stop talking. Wait a few mins, then talk again. It's common knowledge, but it's easy to forget.

Everyone can say ''don't compare yourself to others'' and all that- and they're right. You shouln't. But there gets a point where it's understandable if you are, because the reason behind that may not just be your thoughts, but because you do lack something/s crucial in life (unfortunately)
hi, thanks for the comment. I always appreciate long comments like this one.

-I’m already going to the gym. In this last period, i’m working on muscle growth ( less definition, more muscle ), so i’ll be able to switch to the definition part in January. My physique is not bad… ofc if i compare myself to HUGE guys at the gym. But i’m usually told i’m pretty big and i got broad shoulders by other guys. Plus, i’ve just ended swimming after 10 years, so i’m a pretty sporty person. I don’t even think i’m unattractive… lately, i’ve been noticing some more glances. They might mean nothing, sure, but it’s still something. I’ve met an old friend of my dad, and he said i should consider modeling cause i’m tall too.
But i still got a pretty low self esteem regarding my looks. Ofc, there’s not a way to know if you’re objectively attractive cause everything is subjective.

-regarding hair… yeah, i’m growing them back😂. I had the fantastic idea to shave my head, and basically everyone in my class could see my hairline ( it looks like it’s receding, but it probably won’t cause my grandpa had it exactly like me and the dermatologist told me it won’t recede ). Every guy is now looking forward to seeing my hair falling out completely… how toxic.

-yeah i’m not very social. In reality, i’m very social but when i already know the person, or i don’t have to break up the ice ( we got a friend in common, he/she approached me and so on ).
So my main issue is breaking the ice. And i don’t even have common interests with other guys of my age, so it might influence conversations.
To give you a clear example, the friend that is now on the cruise previously invited me to hang out with her girlfriend and another girl friend of her. I had 0 issues to talk to both of them from the first minute, and we had a lot of fun, really. If someone approaches me casually, or if i’m introduced to someone new, i have no problems to talk to that person. My only problem is probably that i can’t think about questions i can ask.
A possibile solution might be to get a job in order to improve my socializing skills. It has to force me to talk to people in general. Consider that in my country, approaching people is considered very creepy, no matter what’s your goal. So i need another way to approach people.

-i’ll try that test🙃

-I’m not really sure about quitting my interests, but it’s also true that it’s not my main goal in my life. As i said, the lack of dating and friends really is a weight much heavier than quitting my interests

-regarding the cologne, i’m a fan of them. I mean… it’s probably one of the best presents a person can give me. I don’t have lots of them ofc, but i like to go to shops and find out about new ones. The last one i bought was Sauvage, and it’ll probably last decades cause it costed a bit too much imo.

-regarding style… i’m doing lots of changes. I used to wear a simple pair of jeans and a black t shirt. I’ll probably keep doing it, but not that often. In this last period ( 2 weeks ) i’ve been buying different clothes, and leaving old ones. I’ve bought some elegant trousers ( just 2, i’ll probably use jeans more often ), some nice t shirts and a cool elegant jacket, also some shirts. I’ll probably keep using usual clothes like jeans or t shirts ( not black ones anymore for sure ), but at least my style has changed a lot. I noticed i had no personality regarding clothes.

Sorry for this long comment😵
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Alaska_Bear_25
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#7
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I can’t stop comparing myself with others.

I’ve spent the whole summer at the sea at my grandma’s house. My mum didn’t want me to stay alone at home, so she rented a small apartment at the sea and decided to bring me with her and her grandma. It was awful… spending an entire week at the beach, on the seashore… seeing all those guys having fun with girls in their groups, playing and doing stuff.

I’ve never experienced something like that, and i’m 18. At the same time, the worst part is that my only friend was sending me pics of him and his girlfriend on a cruise ( yeah, they’re 18, and they went on a cruise ). Ofc they both look like models, while i’m still here alone. I don’t look that good. I still remember when i spent days with my only friend. We were still wishing to find a girl. He eventually find her, they’ve been dating for a year now. I try to be funny, nice, but i always end up spending time alone and not having anyone to talk to.

All this situation led me to quit my only interests ( movies and photography ). i’m not feeling good too, cause i acknowledged i’d love to have a girlfriend, maybe a wife and a family one day, but that’s not going to happen.

Have you ever been at this point? How did you react? What’s your solution? I’d really like to read your suggestions cause i need them right now
Honestly you sound like a cool person, the photography and movie being your interests and stuff, you shouldn't worry about how other people may seem to have a better time than you because things like social media and stuff just portray this abnormally perfect life that most people don't have tbh, everyone goes through something or the other at some point or the other in their life, so when you find yourself comparing think about the good times you've had and about people who may not have had such an experience and feel lucky.

Also I don't think you need to tell yourself that you won't have a family one day because you're still young and its alright, and over time things work out for the better, just keep working on yourself and avoid getting into that mindset, and the moment you do distract yourself, love yourself and find new hobbies and live your life
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