what should i do - friendzoned by best friend and flatmate

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Anonymous #1
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apologies in advance for the length...

so i've been friends with this girl for coming up to 6mths now, i've seen her around for much longer and have always found her attractive. i'd say, especially in the last three months, we've been very close, texting everyday, facetiming every other day, hanging out alone during term time and so on. funny thing is she is the one who usually initiates messaging, facetiming, asking if I want to go out. and she always says she likes spending time alone with me.

having said this, when we do talk, she friendzones me in the classic ways - 'bro', 'mate', talking about other guys things like that. whenever I try and flirt/hint i don't feel any reciprocation.

she's gonna my a flatmate next year (we decided on this well before we got quite close and before I started to have feelings for her) and I do value our friendship a lot, but my feelings are eating me up inside sometimes. i've tried distancing myself but either she continues to message me or sometimes i just feel the urge to call her.

please could someone help me i don't know what to do.
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Max1989
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Why haven't you made your feelings known? That's the only way she'll know how you feel.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Max1989)
Why haven't you made your feelings known? That's the only way she'll know how you feel.
but i know she doesnt feel the same way. and that will just ruin our friendship and plus I'm living with her...
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Anonymous #2
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You be her friend? What else would you do?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
You be her friend? What else would you do?
it's hard to just keep being her friend when I have feelings for her and it eats me up when she talks about other guys...
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Anonymous #3
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You have to completely cut off contact and make sure you change your living arrangements for next year. You know yourself being around her will make you miserable long run. Better to end the friendship now. Block her number and block her from all social media. It'll be better for you long term.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
You have to completely cut off contact and make sure you change your living arrangements for next year. You know yourself being around her will make you miserable long run. Better to end the friendship now. Block her number and block her from all social media. It'll be better for you long term.
it's a bit late for that now seeing as we have secured the flat for next year. like I said I've tried to distance myself and not reply...but she keeps messaging. do you have any other solutions?
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Anonymous #3
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(Original post by Anonymous)
it's a bit late for that now seeing as we have secured the flat for next year. like I said I've tried to distance myself and not reply...but she keeps messaging. do you have any other solutions?
If you can find someone else to take your place in the flat it should be fine, then look for a different flat for next year (I know several people who have done this).

Failing that, keep doing what you're doing and concentrate very hard on not replying or taking a very long time to reply to her messages. When you reply make sure to adopt a terse tone, only reply using a few words max. Either she'll get the message and reduce how often she messages or she'll become sexually attracted to you.

If it's the former, make sure to avoid her as much as possible in the flat next year and just exchange a brief 'hi' if you do see her. Make sure to wear headphones a lot around the house too. Expand your social circle and talk to as many new people as possible and go out with them a lot. Best of luck pal!
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
If you can find someone else to take your place in the flat it should be fine, then look for a different flat for next year (I know several people who have done this).

Failing that, keep doing what you're doing and concentrate very hard on not replying or taking a very long time to reply to her messages. When you reply make sure to adopt a terse tone, only reply using a few words max. Either she'll get the message and reduce how often she messages or she'll become sexually attracted to you.

If it's the former, make sure to avoid her as much as possible in the flat next year and just exchange a brief 'hi' if you do see her. Make sure to wear headphones a lot around the house too. Expand your social circle and talk to as many new people as possible and go out with them a lot. Best of luck pal!
it would be difficult to abandon the flat because we all sort of hang out in the same friendship group as well...

re your second advice - so you suggest I so it suddenly or phase it out because at the end of the day she hasn't done anything wrong but I cant help feeling the way I feel either.
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Anonymous #4
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This is why you make your feelings known from the start. I would say you only really have two options here, the first is let her know how you feel even though you may make it awkward, but with this way at least you'll be able to get over the situation much sooner. The second way is to just wait it out until your crush fades away, but this way will make you more miserable and would likely take longer.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
This is why you make your feelings known from the start. I would say you only really have two options here, the first is let her know how you feel even though you may make it awkward, but with this way at least you'll be able to get over the situation much sooner. The second way is to just wait it out until your crush fades away, but this way will make you more miserable and would likely take longer.
i dk if i can do the first option, it would be too difficult to live with her if she knows. and so the second option it is!
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Zarek
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Agree that if in your heart you know she’s not up for it it’s best to stick with the friendship. The answer is to put your energy in to finding someone else. I would consider a different accommodation option too if you’re feeling a lot of angst over the situation. Once you have someone else you will still have the benefits of the friendship on equal terms, if it still matters.
Last edited by Zarek; 1 month ago
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Anonymous #5
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i think you should continue being her friend because it’s not anyone’s fault that you have feelings and it’s not worth losing a friend over. You both could lose each other if you admit your feelings and she rejects you. I think you should stay friends with her and try to focus on yourself. When uni starts up again try joining some societies and clubs and going to the SUnion and you could potentially meet another girl and still be friends with this girl
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Trinculo
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When you live together, get a photo from her insta and print it out, and put it inside a frame, use it to make a shrine to her in your room with candles and a single red rose.

One way or another, that will sort the whole thing out.
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Anonymous #3
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(Original post by Anonymous)
i think you should continue being her friend because it’s not anyone’s fault that you have feelings and it’s not worth losing a friend over. You both could lose each other if you admit your feelings and she rejects you. I think you should stay friends with her and try to focus on yourself. When uni starts up again try joining some societies and clubs and going to the SUnion and you could potentially meet another girl and still be friends with this girl
This is terrible advice OP. Staying friends with her will cause you long term pain over time, I would highly recommend you do not continue to be friends whether that be cutting it off instantly or letting it fade over time.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
This is terrible advice OP. Staying friends with her will cause you long term pain over time, I would highly recommend you do not continue to be friends whether that be cutting it off instantly or letting it fade over time.
how do you suggest letting it fade without making obvious? I'm going to be living with her next year and in her mind she thinks we're best friends... I've tried distancing myself a couple of times e.g., by not replying or replying slowly but she just continues to message me and picks up on my distancing
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Trinculo)
When you live together, get a photo from her insta and print it out, and put it inside a frame, use it to make a shrine to her in your room with candles and a single red rose.

One way or another, that will sort the whole thing out.
haha love it
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