I can't do this anymore

Watch
maryab02
Badges: 5
Rep:
?
#1
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#1
My dad said how he wishes I wasn't born in his family. He said that I am a disappointment, and that he's not proud of me. He said that he would beat me(he actually didn't) and mostly blames everything on me. Most of the times he would guilt trip me into something he wants me to do, but I don't want to do by saying "What if I collapsed rn, or died rn what would you do? "You have to do this otherwise this will happen". So you need to do this and that otherwise everyone would laugh at you".

He said my outfit and shoes looks horrible and don't dress good enough for the family. But when I ask him money he never gives me any or would tell me to ask mom, but she wouldn't give me either.

I always try to avoid him, and not talk to him. This can lead me to be in my room all day, not eating, skipping meals and cry at night etc. It's like a vicious cycle, same thing everyday. Also I don't know how to describe him, maybe manipulative? How would you describe him? Emotionally/verbally abusive? And the fact that he said I was born in the wrong family hurts, it's not like I asked to be born is it. I don't know it makes me want to run away at this point. I know this is meant to be a question, I just don't have anybody to talk to so I am venting on here, any advice?
0
reply
BurstingBubbles
Badges: 20
Rep:
?
#2
Report 1 month ago
#2
(Original post by maryab02)
My dad said how he wishes I wasn't born in his family. He said that I am a disappointment, and that he's not proud of me. He said that he would beat me(he actually didn't) and mostly blames everything on me. Most of the times he would guilt trip me into something he wants me to do, but I don't want to do by saying "What if I collapsed rn, or died rn what would you do? "You have to do this otherwise this will happen". So you need to do this and that otherwise everyone would laugh at you".

He said my outfit and shoes looks horrible and don't dress good enough for the family. But when I ask him money he never gives me any or would tell me to ask mom, but she wouldn't give me either.

I always try to avoid him, and not talk to him. This can lead me to be in my room all day, not eating, skipping meals and cry at night etc. It's like a vicious cycle, same thing everyday. Also I don't know how to describe him, maybe manipulative? How would you describe him? Emotionally/verbally abusive? And the fact that he said I was born in the wrong family hurts, it's not like I asked to be born is it. I don't know it makes me want to run away at this point. I know this is meant to be a question, I just don't have anybody to talk to so I am venting on here, any advice?
Sorry to hear that you're experiencing this How old are you? Will it be long until you can move out?

He sounds emotionally abusive and has threatened physical abuse too which of course it not acceptable. Do you have a trusted adult e.g. a teacher that you can talk to? Or phone something like Childline?

If you are ever in danger e.g. are hit, please call 999!
0
reply
maryab02
Badges: 5
Rep:
?
#3
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#3
(Original post by BurstingBubbles)
Sorry to hear that you're experiencing this How old are you? Will it be long until you can move out?

He sounds emotionally abusive and has threatened physical abuse too which of course it not acceptable. Do you have a trusted adult e.g. a teacher that you can talk to? Or phone something like Childline?

If you are ever in danger e.g. are hit, please call 999!
Hi,I am 18
0
reply
BurstingBubbles
Badges: 20
Rep:
?
#4
Report 1 month ago
#4
(Original post by maryab02)
Hi,I am 18
Are you going to Uni or what's your situation in terms on where you'll be living? You can still access Childline until the age of 19 I think.

It sounds like your Dad has a lot of his own issues, probably putting you down because of his own insecurities etc. - not that this makes it okay at all, it really doesn't, just don't take what he says to be true! :hugs:
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#5
Report 1 month ago
#5
(Original post by maryab02)
My dad said how he wishes I wasn't born in his family. He said that I am a disappointment, and that he's not proud of me. He said that he would beat me(he actually didn't) and mostly blames everything on me. Most of the times he would guilt trip me into something he wants me to do, but I don't want to do by saying "What if I collapsed rn, or died rn what would you do? "You have to do this otherwise this will happen". So you need to do this and that otherwise everyone would laugh at you".

He said my outfit and shoes looks horrible and don't dress good enough for the family. But when I ask him money he never gives me any or would tell me to ask mom, but she wouldn't give me either.

I always try to avoid him, and not talk to him. This can lead me to be in my room all day, not eating, skipping meals and cry at night etc. It's like a vicious cycle, same thing everyday. Also I don't know how to describe him, maybe manipulative? How would you describe him? Emotionally/verbally abusive? And the fact that he said I was born in the wrong family hurts, it's not like I asked to be born is it. I don't know it makes me want to run away at this point. I know this is meant to be a question, I just don't have anybody to talk to so I am venting on here, any advice?
my dad was physically and emotionally abusive since i was 12. please tell someone, childhood trauma stays with you your entire life. wish you all the best <33
0
reply
PhoenixRose338
Badges: 18
Rep:
?
#6
Report 1 month ago
#6
(Original post by maryab02)
My dad said how he wishes I wasn't born in his family. He said that I am a disappointment, and that he's not proud of me. He said that he would beat me(he actually didn't) and mostly blames everything on me. Most of the times he would guilt trip me into something he wants me to do, but I don't want to do by saying "What if I collapsed rn, or died rn what would you do? "You have to do this otherwise this will happen". So you need to do this and that otherwise everyone would laugh at you".

He said my outfit and shoes looks horrible and don't dress good enough for the family. But when I ask him money he never gives me any or would tell me to ask mom, but she wouldn't give me either.

I always try to avoid him, and not talk to him. This can lead me to be in my room all day, not eating, skipping meals and cry at night etc. It's like a vicious cycle, same thing everyday. Also I don't know how to describe him, maybe manipulative? How would you describe him? Emotionally/verbally abusive? And the fact that he said I was born in the wrong family hurts, it's not like I asked to be born is it. I don't know it makes me want to run away at this point. I know this is meant to be a question, I just don't have anybody to talk to so I am venting on here, any advice?
:console:
Do you have another family member/close friend who you could talk to about this?
0
reply
Final Fantasy
Badges: 20
Rep:
?
#7
Report 1 month ago
#7
(Original post by maryab02)
Hi,I am 18
Are you able to move away for a while? E.g. university accommodation?
0
reply
maryab02
Badges: 5
Rep:
?
#8
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#8
(Original post by BurstingBubbles)
Are you going to Uni or what's your situation in terms on where you'll be living? You can still access Childline until the age of 19 I think.

It sounds like your Dad has a lot of his own issues, probably putting you down because of his own insecurities etc. - not that this makes it okay at all, it really doesn't, just don't take what he says to be true! :hugs:
I am actually going into Year 13 this year, I am a year behind as English isn't my first language.

I also have a sibling to look after as he has a disability, If I wasn't there my mom could look after him as she is the main carer. I don't know who's gonna look after him in the future, I worry a lot.
I look after him when my mom isn't here.(am I supposed to get paid for this? I do not know) but then he would be alone and I would worry about him.

I currently do not have a job rn( I have made another thread regarding that i you could read that too that would be great (It is called My first waitressing job- in the part-time and temporary employment section). Maybe I would want to move out, however I do not have money to. I am not sure of what to do for when I have to go to uni as my dad would like me to stay in the town that I am in, which I didn't mind in the past. But at the moment I have changed my mind that I don't want to stay at this house, I could barely study in peace throughout year 11,and 12 in this house ,I can't imagine how it's going to be when I have to go to university.

And also how can I live by myself when I have strange phobias such as being scared to turn the gas stove and have autistic traits on top of that, however, haven't been fully diagnosed with it. And I have anxiety as well
0
reply
maryab02
Badges: 5
Rep:
?
#9
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#9
(Original post by BurstingBubbles)
Sorry to hear that you're experiencing this How old are you? Will it be long until you can move out?

He sounds emotionally abusive and has threatened physical abuse too which of course it not acceptable. Do you have a trusted adult e.g. a teacher that you can talk to? Or phone something like Childline?

If you are ever in danger e.g. are hit, please call 999!
I mean it is kind of normalised in my culture to hit someone as a way of discipline, which I totally disagree with. No, I do not have a trusted adult to say this too and I don't want to contact Childline because then I don't know what's gonna happen I don't want to lose this home, if my dad is not in it I could lose it. If you know what I mean.

Also I didn't think this was bad, because they way he says things he intentionally says them to make me feel bad about myself, so I end up doing what he says even though I didn't agree in the first place. I don't know because I thought it was kind of normal and that everyone went through this, so I never talked about it until now.

"Such as getting the vaccine for example he forced me to get it until I got it, I'm 18 as well, he said why not take it when most of the family got the vaccine but you didn't, " He kept on reminding me everytime, or if I got in his car(which now I avoid getting in his car because he would just say hurtful things to me, and I can't even be comfortable looking through my phone because he would say he would take it away from me, or want to look at what I am doing(not doing anything bad at all)
0
reply
BurstingBubbles
Badges: 20
Rep:
?
#10
Report 1 month ago
#10
(Original post by maryab02)
I am actually going into Year 13 this year, I am a year behind as English isn't my first language.

I also have a sibling to look after as he has a disability, If I wasn't there my mom could look after him as she is the main carer. I don't know who's gonna look after him in the future, I worry a lot.
I look after him when my mom isn't here.(am I supposed to get paid for this? I do not know) but then he would be alone and I would worry about him.

I currently do not have a job rn( I have made another thread regarding that i you could read that too that would be great (It is called My first waitressing job- in the part-time and temporary employment section). Maybe I would want to move out, however I do not have money to. I am not sure of what to do for when I have to go to uni as my dad would like me to stay in the town that I am in, which I didn't mind in the past. But at the moment I have changed my mind that I don't want to stay at this house, I could barely study in peace throughout year 11,and 12 in this house ,I can't imagine how it's going to be when I have to go to university.

And also how can I live by myself when I have strange phobias such as being scared to turn the gas stove and have autistic traits on top of that, however, haven't been fully diagnosed with it. And I have anxiety as well
You may be able to claim carers allowance (I don't think it's that much money to be honest) but your Mum may get this being his main carer.

You Dad should not be trying to keep you in the same town (again this is manipulative of him). Can you apply to universities outside of your town/city e.g. especially if your local uni doesn't offer the right course or the grades needed are too low/high.

Regarding jobs and money - you may want to check out Citizen's Advice: https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/

You may be best seeing your GP about the phobias, autistic traits, and anxiety.
0
reply
+hmmmmm
Badges: 4
Rep:
?
#11
Report 1 month ago
#11
(Original post by maryab02)
My dad said how he wishes I wasn't born in his family. He said that I am a disappointment, and that he's not proud of me. He said that he would beat me(he actually didn't) and mostly blames everything on me. Most of the times he would guilt trip me into something he wants me to do, but I don't want to do by saying "What if I collapsed rn, or died rn what would you do? "You have to do this otherwise this will happen". So you need to do this and that otherwise everyone would laugh at you".

He said my outfit and shoes looks horrible and don't dress good enough for the family. But when I ask him money he never gives me any or would tell me to ask mom, but she wouldn't give me either.

I always try to avoid him, and not talk to him. This can lead me to be in my room all day, not eating, skipping meals and cry at night etc. It's like a vicious cycle, same thing everyday. Also I don't know how to describe him, maybe manipulative? How would you describe him? Emotionally/verbally abusive? And the fact that he said I was born in the wrong family hurts, it's not like I asked to be born is it. I don't know it makes me want to run away at this point. I know this is meant to be a question, I just don't have anybody to talk to so I am venting on here, any advice?
Avoid him. Talk to your mum and be friends with your mum
0
reply
BurstingBubbles
Badges: 20
Rep:
?
#12
Report 1 month ago
#12
(Original post by maryab02)
I mean it is kind of normalised in my culture to hit someone as a way of discipline, which I totally disagree with. No, I do not have a trusted adult to say this too and I don't want to contact Childline because then I don't know what's gonna happen I don't want to lose this home, if my dad is not in it I could lose it. If you know what I mean.

Also I didn't think this was bad, because they way he says things he intentionally says them to make me feel bad about myself, so I end up doing what he says even though I didn't agree in the first place. I don't know because I thought it was kind of normal and that everyone went through this, so I never talked about it until now.

"Such as getting the vaccine for example he forced me to get it until I got it, I'm 18 as well, he said why not take it when most of the family got the vaccine but you didn't, " He kept on reminding me everytime, or if I got in his car(which now I avoid getting in his car because he would just say hurtful things to me, and I can't even be comfortable looking through my phone because he would say he would take it away from me, or want to look at what I am doing(not doing anything bad at all)
It doesn't matter what's normalised in your culture - it's illegal here. What is your Mum like about all of this? Can you talk to her? I understand what you mean but also you and your family don't want to be at risk of being hurt.

This is definitely not normal!

He should not be able to force you especially since you are now an adult and these decisions are yours to make, not his. He is extremely controlling. Unfortunately I cannot fix this situation for you, I can only advise - you need to seek help from school/GP/Childline etc. if anything is to change. Good luck!
1
reply
maryab02
Badges: 5
Rep:
?
#13
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#13
(Original post by PhoenixRose338)
:console:
Do you have another family member/close friend who you could talk to about this?
Not really. I have talked to a close friend about this and she said she thinks my parents are toxic. And I told her that I was thinking of running away, but obviously I wouldn't know where to go. Maybe I could go to my friends house.

Although I'm 18 my parents, I mean my dad doesn't allow me to go to people's house like that. I' m not saying that my mom would not let me go at my friend's house, as she goes with whatever my dad says, she doesn't get a say, whatever my dad says is the final decision. I have never had a sleepover with any of my friends.

And even if I want to hang out with one of my friends he wants me to drop me off so bad, when I said I can get there by myself thank you. And I am scared to go to in the car with him cause that's where he would say the most hurtful things ever that would make me hold back my tears so bad, you know when you cry so bad, yeah.
I feel like he just doesn't trust me or thinks I'm lying about where I 'm going. I wish I had more of a social life growing up, clearly couldn't have that.
0
reply
BurstingBubbles
Badges: 20
Rep:
?
#14
Report 1 month ago
#14
(Original post by Anonymous)
If any troll tells you to move out, ignore them. Best not to move out - if you have anxiety or autistic traits

Plus moving out requires money from mum and dad. And your dad is not great
Moving out from living with someone who is being manipulative is of course a good thing. Just because someone has anxiety and/or autistic traits does not mean that they can't move out - otherwise so many people would live at home their whole lives.

Often, especially when going to uni, there is student finance etc. to help.

OP should not have to continue to deal with this abuse.
0
reply
Anonymous #2
#15
Report 1 month ago
#15
(Original post by BurstingBubbles)
Moving out from living with someone who is being manipulative is of course a good thing. Just because someone has anxiety and/or autistic traits does not mean that they can't move out - otherwise so many people would live at home their whole lives.

Often, especially when going to uni, there is student finance etc. to help.

OP should not have to continue to deal with this abuse.
moving out requires money from mummy and daddy

I doubt her abusive dad is going to give her any money for rent
0
reply
Anonymous #2
#16
Report 1 month ago
#16
(Original post by BurstingBubbles)
Often, especially when going to uni, there is student finance etc. to help.
Don't you need a guarantor for student finance? That is usually your parents.
0
reply
BurstingBubbles
Badges: 20
Rep:
?
#17
Report 1 month ago
#17
(Original post by BurstingBubbles)
Moving out from living with someone who is being manipulative is of course a good thing. Just because someone has anxiety and/or autistic traits does not mean that they can't move out - otherwise so many people would live at home their whole lives.

Often, especially when going to uni, there is student finance etc. to help.

OP should not have to continue to deal with this abuse.
(Original post by Anonymous)
moving out requires money from mummy and daddy

I doubt her abusive dad is going to give her any money for rent
"there is student finance etc. to help."

Please read my whole post There's also Citizen's advice who may be able to help e.g. around jobs/benefits if needed.
0
reply
maryab02
Badges: 5
Rep:
?
#18
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#18
(Original post by BurstingBubbles)
It doesn't matter what's normalised in your culture - it's illegal here. What is your Mum like about all of this? Can you talk to her? I understand what you mean but also you and your family don't want to be at risk of being hurt.

This is definitely not normal!

He should not be able to force you especially since you are now an adult and these decisions are yours to make, not his. He is extremely controlling. Unfortunately I cannot fix this situation for you, I can only advise - you need to seek help from school/GP/Childline etc. if anything is to change. Good luck!
I haven't told mom any of this, but she was present when my dad said I was born in the wrong family, not sure why she didn't defend me but yeah. My mom just follows with whatever my dad would say. And if I tell her something she would definitely tell dad anyways, which again could make things worse.
0
reply
BurstingBubbles
Badges: 20
Rep:
?
#19
Report 1 month ago
#19
(Original post by Anonymous)
Don't you need a guarantor for student finance? That is usually your parents.
Often yes but OP could see if Uni/student finance can help given the situation. Even if they don't go to uni there is help out there too.
0
reply
Anonymous #2
#20
Report 1 month ago
#20
(Original post by BurstingBubbles)
"there is student finance etc. to help."

Please read my whole post There's also Citizen's advice who may be able to help e.g. around jobs/benefits if needed.
You suggest moving out as the solution to every problem

Sure if you have the money from mummy and daddy you can move out. Apart from that, you are going to have to find ways to just avoid the abuse at home.
0
reply
X

Quick Reply

Attached files
Write a reply...
Reply
new posts
Back
to top
Latest
My Feed

See more of what you like on
The Student Room

You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

Personalise

Feeling behind at school/college? What is the best thing your teachers could to help you catch up?

Extra compulsory independent learning activities (eg, homework tasks) (14)
6.73%
Run extra compulsory lessons or workshops (33)
15.87%
Focus on making the normal lesson time with them as high quality as possible (34)
16.35%
Focus on making the normal learning resources as high quality/accessible as possible (31)
14.9%
Provide extra optional activities, lessons and/or workshops (56)
26.92%
Assess students, decide who needs extra support and focus on these students (40)
19.23%

Watched Threads

View All