I feel like I'm losing the most interesting part of my life or already lost.

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Vel_
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Report Thread starter 1 month ago
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Hey, I'm 22 years old. I'm a first-year student, who went to university lately. In a month ending my first session, the first 60 credits. And I've already paid for another 45 credits. So in total, I've paid for 105 credits of 360.

More specifically, I study Computer Science at the University of London remotely.

Studying remotely really bothers me, I even like the subject. But it is really for me to study like that. I can't remove those thoughts from my head. It drains all my energy in a way with negative thoughts.

I'm 22 years old, which is already a graduation age and I'm not only losing my student life, but I will never have it again.

I'm not a party person and not really into alcohol.
But I still feel like missing this social aspect of my life. Making connections, living in halls with friends, and so on.

I've been trying to hide these thoughts, not to think about them and it worked for some time. But yesterday I watched an anime about students living in a dorm(Honey and Clover) and my mind exploded. It got me so hard. Awakened a part in me that I hid.

Maybe I'm romanticizing college life too much, but that's what's on my mind right now.

Being inside all the time reinforces these thoughts even more.
Living in an extremely boring small town. Not leaving the apartment the entire time, and 2.5 years to go until I graduate...

The only ray of light I see in my current situation is that I will soon be able to get a job in my major and start gaining experience, etc. And I'm actually interested in this field, I'm improving in it regularly.

But even that leaves some sad thoughts that I will forever lose something very important in my life. And never be able to get it back.
And then I'll become a robot employee, with the most boring life on the planet.

Even have thoughts about changing the university and going to a brick one. But this would result to even bigger financial and time losses

I feel lost
Last edited by Vel_; 1 month ago
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PinkMobilePhone
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I'm sorry you're feeling so down, but in many ways I can relate.

I was 2 years late to start uni, so I already felt older than the other freshers. I didn't live in halls, I lived in my own house with my (then) fiance, and what with part time work I didn't really get to socialise much...

and THEN I got pregnant 3 months after starting at uni.
So I couldn't go out drinking, or partying, or anything. I barely made any friends at all.

Then I took a year out after the baby was born.

Then when I returned I started on a completely new course. So at that point, everyone on my new course was an 18 year old fresher. Whereas there I was, a 23 year old married mother with a young toddler.

And then, get this, I got pregnant again 2 months after the new course started. This pregnancy was planned, but still it definitely didn't help with the social situation.

I ended up dropping out. That was a long time ago mind you. That first kid is almost 16! I'm now going to do distance learning instead to finally get my degree.

I absolutely really understand where you're coming from. It can really feel as though you've missed out on an experience that other people seem to have - the uni days being the best years of your life, and all that. The socialising is a big aspect of it.
BUT try to focus on the biggest picture. Like you say, you have an end goal. The degree, the job prospects...

You say it's the most boring job on the planet though that you're aiming for. Are you sure it's the right path for you?

Ultimately you're actually only 22. You're not old. Maybe you can make friends in a different way, and still have an active and fun social life, even though you are distance learning.
Last edited by PinkMobilePhone; 4 weeks ago
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Vel_
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Report Thread starter 3 weeks ago
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(Original post by PinkMobilePhone)
You say it's the most boring job on the planet though that you're aiming for. Are you sure it's the right path for you?
Hey! Thanks a lot for the reply.

Yeah, it probably sounds weird. As I mentioned I study Computer Science. And in fact, I find studying it pretty interesting.
I was interested in Software Engineering even before university. If not this I don't even know what instead I'm going to do, lol.
The thing is that that I quite like the process! But at the same time, I feel somewhat "insecure" maybe? Really lacking some confidence. Not feeling that it is going to be something meaningful, something that I will be proud of.
That I will become another gray software engineer in a big company and routinely going from home to work every single day till I die.

Previously I had very bad office experience, working in a Call-centre as a slave. Probably that's where all my concerns and doubts are coming from
Last edited by Vel_; 3 weeks ago
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Anonymous #1
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Hey mate! Sorry to hear you're feeling like that. But don't worry too much about your age. I had many friends back uni that were a few years older than the 18-21 range and were still trying to figure things out before they started uni. You're currently 22 so you'll graduate at age 24 right? That's perfectly normal.

Its a shame things are all remote now but hopefully they will go back to normal (I'm assuming your course is temporarily remote rather than distance learning?). I'd really recommend trying to meet new people in your course online and try to build up your network. Is there any forums on your university portal where you can chat with other students? This will be really useful for you in the future when you have a job.

If you feel that you are missing out because you're learning remotely, you could maybe try to get a year internship to postpone a year until things get back to normal (If you are distance learning, is it possible to switch to a normal course or different uni? I know people who did their first year at one uni and graduated in another). You can also gain some useful experience in the industry and this should definitely help in getting a job when you graduate (you can talk about this in interviews). You could also try a MSc at a different uni after you graduate BSc if you are really interested in a specific field in computer science though I'm aware this may not be financially viable (Is it possible for you to commute while living with parents?).

Also, try not to stay inside all day. Are you living in London? Is there any sports/activities that you could do in your area/uni? Do you have a gym close by that you can go to regularly? Working out can help you take your mind off work/uni while boosting your confidence. And Its fine if you don't like to party or drink alcohol. I personally think its overrated lol. As long as you can meet like minded people who you can trust and be apart of your social group, it should be all good.

About the whole employee situation, you'll definitely feel like a robot and feel like you have a boring life if you work a job you hate. But with a computer science degree you'll have so many options! Technology is constantly changing and there's always new things to learn a long the way throughout your career. Just make sure you explore all your options and figure out what area of computer science interests you the most. I guarantee you, whatever degree related job you get, it will be 1000x better than the experience you had at the call centre
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