Expecting too much or too little ?

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Anonymous #1
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If my bf becomes friends with a girl. And I don’t like the relation as in I’m not comfortable with it. Should he end that friendship? How should he react to that?

I don’t know if I’m asking for too much or too little
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Anonymous #2
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I think in that situation, unless there is a real reason for you to object to that friendship - e.g. the girl is a very unpleasant person, or has done something intentionally to hurt you or someone that you are close with - you are asking for too much. Even if she's the worst person on the planet, you can't really make people end friendships, and if you are utterly against them being friends and it is nonnegotiable for you, then it's the relationship that would need ending.
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GabiAbi84
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You’re asking for too much.
You don’t and shouldn’t control what he does or who he is friends with.
If you can’t deal with that, don’t be in a relationship.

The only exception I’d make is if she had done something to you or had tried it on with him-in which case I’d be wondering why he would want to be her friend or spend time with her.

(I’m assuming this is about your boyfriend’s neighbour again?)
Last edited by GabiAbi84; 1 month ago
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londonmyst
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You are asking too much.
People in relationships must have the freedom to have friends of all biological sexes and to chat & meetup with their friends.

I'm not sure whether you are in a terrible fear of being dumped for another girl, are very insecure, have uncontrollable jealousy tendendencies towards most/all other females or only have trust issues in relation to this bf.
Whatever the reason- if you don't feel able to tolerate your bf having friends the relationship is unlikely to be a long or happy one.
Good luck!
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chloenix
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I personally think it's controlling to make your boyfriend end a friendship, borderline emotionally abusive. Unless the girl is trying to sleep/pull your boyfriend, you have no reason to control that aspect of his life. You have a right to be jealous and that's fine, but it's wrong when it goes over into control.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I think in that situation, unless there is a real reason for you to object to that friendship - e.g. the girl is a very unpleasant person, or has done something intentionally to hurt you or someone that you are close with - you are asking for too much. Even if she's the worst person on the planet, you can't really make people end friendships, and if you are utterly against them being friends and it is nonnegotiable for you, then it's the relationship that would need ending.
Someone has once said this to me. What do you think?


It's fine if a guy has a lot of female friends when you meet him and you begin dating. But as your relationship with him becomes more serious and exclusive, he should begin to put distance between himself and these other women.
It's fine if he still wants to consider them “friends,” and keep in touch with them at infrequent intervals.
But, in my opinion, it would not be okay for a guy in a serious, exclusive relationship with you to continue to be in frequent contact or hang out with other women, friends or not. The issue is not whether you trust him not to sleep with them. The issue is that he is supposed to have emotional as well as sexual exclusivity with you.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by chloenix)
I personally think it's controlling to make your boyfriend end a friendship, borderline emotionally abusive. Unless the girl is trying to sleep/pull your boyfriend, you have no reason to control that aspect of his life. You have a right to be jealous and that's fine, but it's wrong when it goes over into control.
Someone has once said this to me. What do you think?


It's fine if a guy has a lot of female friends when you meet him and you begin dating. But as your relationship with him becomes more serious and exclusive, he should begin to put distance between himself and these other women.
It's fine if he still wants to consider them “friends,” and keep in touch with them at infrequent intervals.
But, in my opinion, it would not be okay for a guy in a serious, exclusive relationship with you to continue to be in frequent contact or hang out with other women, friends or not. The issue is not whether you trust him not to sleep with them. The issue is that he is supposed to have emotional as well as sexual exclusivity with you.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by londonmyst)
You are asking too much.
People in relationships must have the freedom to have friends of all biological sexes and to chat & meetup with their friends.

I'm not sure whether you are in a terrible fear of being dumped for another girl, are very insecure, have uncontrollable jealousy tendendencies towards most/all other females or only have trust issues in relation to this bf.
Whatever the reason- if you don't feel able to tolerate your bf having friends the relationship is unlikely to be a long or happy one.
Good luck!
I am however. With one of them I feel uncomfortable with the relation. They just because friends for like no reason couple months ago.
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GabiAbi84
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Someone has once said this to me. What do you think?


It's fine if a guy has a lot of female friends when you meet him and you begin dating. But as your relationship with him becomes more serious and exclusive, he should begin to put distance between himself and these other women.
It's fine if he still wants to consider them “friends,” and keep in touch with them at infrequent intervals.
But, in my opinion, it would not be okay for a guy in a serious, exclusive relationship with you to continue to be in frequent contact or hang out with other women, friends or not. The issue is not whether you trust him not to sleep with them. The issue is that he is supposed to have emotional as well as sexual exclusivity with you.
No, that’s pretty much nonsense.
You can not and should not expect to be the only person in your SO’s life. That’s not a choice you get to make for them.
If you want to drop all the male friends/people in your life just because you have a boyfriend that is a) your decision but you don’t get to make that decision for your partner and b) a sign you’re a pretty crappy friend in the first place.
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chloenix
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In my opinion that is a very immature way of looking at things. A man can have emotional and sexual exclusivity with you, whilst maintaining friendships with other people (including other women). You wouldn't ask him to cut off his male friends, would you? You wouldn't say 'you being friends with men causes our emotional exclusivity to dwindle'. No. The problem here is that you think that men and women cannot be 'just friends', that there is always something more. If you're dating the right man, a man who is mature and not an absolute weirdo, then his female friends will be 'just friends' and nothing more. So he can be friends with them, and date you, at the same time.
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agnos987
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(Original post by chloenix)
In my opinion that is a very immature way of looking at things. A man can have emotional and sexual exclusivity with you, whilst maintaining friendships with other people (including other women). You wouldn't ask him to cut off his male friends, would you? You wouldn't say 'you being friends with men causes our emotional exclusivity to dwindle'. No. The problem here is that you think that men and women cannot be 'just friends', that there is always something more. If you're dating the right man, a man who is mature and not an absolute weirdo, then his female friends will be 'just friends' and nothing more. So he can be friends with them, and date you, at the same time.
(Original post by GabiAbi84)
No, that’s pretty much nonsense.
You can not and should not expect to be the only person in your SO’s life. That’s not a choice you get to make for them.
If you want to drop all the male friends/people in your life just because you have a boyfriend that is a) your decision but you don’t get to make that decision for your partner and b) a sign you’re a pretty crappy friend in the first place.
100% agree with both of you
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CaptainDuckie
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Someone has once said this to me. What do you think?


It's fine if a guy has a lot of female friends when you meet him and you begin dating. But as your relationship with him becomes more serious and exclusive, he should begin to put distance between himself and these other women.
It's fine if he still wants to consider them “friends,” and keep in touch with them at infrequent intervals.
But, in my opinion, it would not be okay for a guy in a serious, exclusive relationship with you to continue to be in frequent contact or hang out with other women, friends or not. The issue is not whether you trust him not to sleep with them. The issue is that he is supposed to have emotional as well as sexual exclusivity with you.

sexual exclusivity, yes.

but you’re saying that he should only have emotional exclusivity with you?

why?

if you trust him, you wouldn’t care he has emotional exclusivity with female friends, all as long as he doesn’t overstep regrettable boundaries.

you sound incredibly insecure, overprotective and manipulative, IMO.......
Last edited by CaptainDuckie; 1 month ago
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Anonymous #1
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[QUOTE=CaptainDuckie;95636908]sexual exclusivity, yes.

but you’re saying that he should only have emotional exclusivity with you?

why?

if you trust him, you wouldn’t care he has emotional exclusivity with female friends, all as long as he doesn’t overstep regrettable boundaries.you sound incredibly insecure, overprotective and.

He then lied about some things for no reason because he clearly knew I would feel abit threatened. When they started getting close as friends 5 days after we got together after a 3 weeks breakup he told her I was his ex girlfriend 5 days after we got back together to me it’s like why would you say that. To me people would say that to look single. She said he didn’t flirt with her but yeah. What boundaries can I put in place?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by chloenix)
In my opinion that is a very immature way of looking at things. A man can have emotional and sexual exclusivity with you, whilst maintaining friendships with other people (including other women). You wouldn't ask him to cut off his male friends, would you? You wouldn't say 'you being friends with men causes our emotional exclusivity to dwindle'. No. The problem here is that you think that men and women cannot be 'just friends', that there is always something more. If you're dating the right man, a man who is mature and not an absolute weirdo, then his female friends will be 'just friends' and nothing more. So he can be friends with them, and date you, at the same time.
Nope. He has a lot of girl friends I don’t care. This one I don’t feel okay with the relation also I’ve been around him whilst he is with her.
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Anonymous #1
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[QUOTE=Anonymous;95638081]
(Original post by CaptainDuckie)
sexual exclusivity, yes.

but you’re saying that he should only have emotional exclusivity with you?

why?

if you trust him, you wouldn’t care he has emotional exclusivity with female friends, all as long as he doesn’t overstep regrettable boundaries.you sound incredibly insecure, overprotective and.

He then lied about some things for no reason because he clearly knew I would feel abit threatened. When they started getting close as friends 5 days after we got together after a 3 weeks breakup he told her I was his ex girlfriend 5 days after we got back together to me it’s like why would you say that. To me people would say that to look single. She said he didn’t flirt with her but yeah. What boundaries can I put in place?
(Original post by CaptainDuckie)
sexual exclusivity, yes.

but you’re saying that he should only have emotional exclusivity with you?

why?

if you trust him, you wouldn’t care he has emotional exclusivity with female friends, all as long as he doesn’t overstep regrettable boundaries.

you sound incredibly insecure, overprotective and manipulative, IMO.......
He then lied about some things for no reason because he clearly knew I would feel abit threatened. When they started getting close as friends 5 days after we got together after a 3 weeks breakup he told her I was his ex girlfriend 5 days after we got back together to me it’s like why would you say that. To me people would say that to look single. She said he didn’t flirt with her but yeah. What boundaries can I put in place?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by GabiAbi84)
No, that’s pretty much nonsense.
You can not and should not expect to be the only person in your SO’s life. That’s not a choice you get to make for them.
If you want to drop all the male friends/people in your life just because you have a boyfriend that is a) your decision but you don’t get to make that decision for your partner and b) a sign you’re a pretty crappy friend in the first place.
The only reason I feel a type away about this relation is He then lied about some things for no reason because he clearly knew I would feel abit threatened. When they started getting close as friends 5 days after we got together after a 3 weeks breakup he told her I was his ex girlfriend 5 days after we got back together to me it’s like why would you say that. To me people would say that to look single. She said he didn’t flirt with her but yeah. What boundaries can I put in place?
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GabiAbi84
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(Original post by Anonymous)
The only reason I feel a type away about this relation is He then lied about some things for no reason because he clearly knew I would feel abit threatened. When they started getting close as friends 5 days after we got together after a 3 weeks breakup he told her I was his ex girlfriend 5 days after we got back together to me it’s like why would you say that. To me people would say that to look single. She said he didn’t flirt with her but yeah. What boundaries can I put in place?
None.
You’ve already accused him of cheating on you when he wasn’t.
The boundaries you can put in place are stop obsessively looking at her social media, stop trying to control him and stop posting about how he “must be cheating” because he’s friends with his neighbour.
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CaptainDuckie
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(Original post by Anonymous)
He then lied about some things for no reason because he clearly knew I would feel abit threatened. When they started getting close as friends 5 days after we got together after a 3 weeks breakup he told her I was his ex girlfriend 5 days after we got back together to me it’s like why would you say that. To me people would say that to look single. She said he didn’t flirt with her but yeah. What boundaries can I put in place?

well, you were broken up in that 3 weeks, so there’s nothing completely wrong with him saying that you were his ex at the time.

not everyone is supposed to exactly know your business, as that’s a major invasion of privacy.

the boundaries you have with him, at most, should be that you trust him not to do anything.
Last edited by CaptainDuckie; 1 month ago
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GabiAbi84
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Op ignore the user. It's the one that does not want to use the bus and something not right about them, they are on the internet and going about abusing people on TSR


Also they think it’s embarrassing to use the bus and that those who do are losers.

Doesn’t want to go to uni, doesn’t want to work in a “crap job like McDonald’s” just wants to get their drivers license and buy a car. And everyone else can go away if they dare tell them about the real world and that his views are offensive... then they blame it all on their mental health
If you could stop trolling my account that would be lovely thank you.
You know fine well I’m not that user.
Nor am I the one who “laughed at your dead family” you’ll be reported again.
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Anonymous #3
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(Original post by GabiAbi84)
If you could stop trolling my account that would be lovely thank you.
You know fine well I’m not that user.
Nor am I the one who “laughed at your dead family” you’ll be reported again.
You accused someone of laughing at your dead famliy member as well. Thanks for reminding me. Have you passed your driving test yet?
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