BOYS or girls- does it sound like he was upset when I ended us talking?

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Anonymous #1
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I met a guy online. He is experienced and I am not. I told him from the get go that I am not and thought he understood what that meant- that I am saving myslef. We talked for a few weeks and developed a good friendship. We liked each other and hed compliment me. I started to somewhat like him and we would talk constantly through voice notes. I know how boring girls can be online and not to boost my own ego but I was wuite fun and hed be laughing and joking around. THis is also rare for us girls when we talk to guys as a lot of them are boring. Then the talk of us meeting up came up and we were beginign to make plans. He then brought the convo up of what I wanted out of this and i told him a realtionship and he asked what Id be willing to do and I said im not comfortable being intimate and he said that would be an issue for him as hes quite a touchy person. His texting tone was light hearted at this moment. When I saw what he said I was so upset I just broke down. I knew there was nothing more that could happen. The whole situation became so serious so quick which was unlike us. Hed always be laughing with me. I dont understnad if you have a real connection with someone why would it be an issue. I know guys have needs but you definitely could control yourself. I was very upset and it made me think that maybe he just wanted to sleep with me. We went from such a jokey fun tone to then him asking me a serious question (what I wanted out of us talking) in such a short amount of time. I then replied saying theres no point even talking anymore and added a lol at the end so its not so serious but I think it was obvious that I was upset. He then left me on open which is very unlike him , hed double text me if i did, always so nice to me understanding etc. I felt like he knows we had a good thing gonig and its down the drain because of me, but i think its because of him. I thought maybe he was trying ot use me all along and idnt get what he wanted and so didnt even bother replying but then the other part of me feels like hes really upset. He was the one who talked to me in the begining and even when i wasnt super attracted to him and was giving late replies he still showed interest, and then it grew when i heard his voice and his vibe. If I was this uspet over us not talking anymore I cant imagine how upset he is as he alwyas complimented me and chased me first. He is always the first one to see my stories etc and I know he wants to reply to them as he would usually but cant. It seems like im happy frmo my stories but im really not, I can tstop thinking about the connection what we had, i have talked to others but nothings the same theyre all so boring. I feel like we really couldve become best friends
From a guys point of view does he seem upset/ hurt?
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Pugsly
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Guy here. This boy doesn't seem very legit, in my opinion. In fact I would suggest that his behaviour borders on manipulation and grooming (you said he was "experienced", but how old is he?).

A lot of men try their luck with suggesting or implying their desires, but the fact that you haven't even met yet and it's already going down that avenue suggests you are being used. Think about how "experienced" this guy supposedly is, and ask yourself whether you want to be added to his (likely fictional) list of sexual conquests. Do not cave in to a few sweet words and friendly chat - respect your own body and do what you want to do.

I would suggest excommunicating this creep, because this is a classic situation where he is just trying to get some action. If you do end up going out with him, go somewhere public and not involving alcohol. Tread very carefully with this one.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Pugsly)
Guy here. This boy doesn't seem very legit, in my opinion. In fact I would suggest that his behaviour borders on manipulation and grooming (you said he was "experienced", but how old is he?).

A lot of men try their luck with suggesting or implying their desires, but the fact that you haven't even met yet and it's already going down that avenue suggests you are being used. Think about how "experienced" this guy supposedly is, and ask yourself whether you want to be added to his (likely fictional) list of sexual conquests. Do not cave in to a few sweet words and friendly chat - respect your own body and do what you want to do.

I would suggest excommunicating this creep, because this is a classic situation where he is just trying to get some action. If you do end up going out with him, go somewhere public and not involving alcohol. Tread very carefully with this one.
He is 21and i forgot to mention that in our faith its not allowed to be intimate outside of marriage hence he asked because wer are both from the same faith and its common to ask about these things before proceeding. Most of our conversation wasnt se**** at all it was joking around. Other guys are extremely se**** with me and just in general and he wasnt like that at all.He actually talked to me about my day and what not
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CaptainDuckie
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In all honesty, he doesn’t seem very patient. I say that little things like this is definitely enough to end whatever it is you have with him.

You’re absolutely right about him having no self control but, at the same time, different people have different values.

I wouldn’t say he’s done a bad thing at all - and quite frankly, it’s hard to say if he wanted to just use you. He was honest and respected your decision to not do anything.

You both are not compatible, and honestly, you should probably move on. It sucks but that’s just how it is.
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Anonymous #2
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Hey girl, i know you’re asking for a guys perspective, but i just wanted to reply. Honestly, nowadays its so rare to find muslim guys who are genuine because they all are after the same thing and its become the norm now I’m assuming you’re muslim? I am too and have been in the same boat, but luckily for me i cut him off, and realised his intentions were impure from the start and that I was just invested in this thing we had going and that I thought i could look past it, and just wasted weeks speaking to him.

Babygirl, don’t do wrong for him, a guy who has genuinely good intentions wouldn’t even suggest that or doing anything out of your comfort zone, especially a guy who see’s something with you. They just have this way of manipulating girls like us but don’t give into anything you don’t want even if the chemistry is amazing he will wait if he wants you. The right guy will come along and i know its hard waiting, but trust me you will look back and be glad and don’t feel peer pressured because he is ignoring you , talking about it is fine as you would want to know what the person is like. If he had good intentions doing haram things would be the last thing on his mind.

Don’t chase him let him chase you, because you did nothing wrong from the start, if he wants you and see’s you as a potential for the future he will not expect anything of you.

Focus on yourself babygirl , the right one will come
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Pugsly
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You say he is 21, how old are you if you don't mind me asking?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Pugsly)
You say he is 21, how old are you if you don't mind me asking?
same age nearly 22
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Hey girl, i know you’re asking for a guys perspective, but i just wanted to reply. Honestly, nowadays its so rare to find muslim guys who are genuine because they all are after the same thing and its become the norm now I’m assuming you’re muslim? I am too and have been in the same boat, but luckily for me i cut him off, and realised his intentions were impure from the start and that I was just invested in this thing we had going and that I thought i could look past it, and just wasted weeks speaking to him.

Babygirl, don’t do wrong for him, a guy who has genuinely good intentions wouldn’t even suggest that or doing anything out of your comfort zone, especially a guy who see’s something with you. They just have this way of manipulating girls like us but don’t give into anything you don’t want even if the chemistry is amazing he will wait if he wants you. The right guy will come along and i know its hard waiting, but trust me you will look back and be glad and don’t feel peer pressured because he is ignoring you , talking about it is fine as you would want to know what the person is like. If he had good intentions doing haram things would be the last thing on his mind.

Don’t chase him let him chase you, because you did nothing wrong from the start, if he wants you and see’s you as a pote ntial for the future he will not expect anything of you.

Focus on yourself babygirl , the right one will come
hey girl and yes I am muslim. He is somewhat on his deen so this whole thing confused me. To be honest I dont think he was manipulating me. Usually guys are really se**** and disrespectful from the begining and typical fboys and I get a sense of that quite quickly. He wasnt anythnig like that so i think for him he did wanna get to know me as a person but is just quite hor** lol. And definitely I am not chasing after anyone as its him who has the problem not me eventhough at first I felt like I was the problem. How old are you if you dont mind me asking?
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
hey girl and yes I am muslim. He is somewhat on his deen so this whole thing confused me. To be honest I dont think he was manipulating me. Usually guys are really se**** and disrespectful from the begining and typical fboys and I get a sense of that quite quickly. He wasnt anythnig like that so i think for him he did wanna get to know me as a person but is just quite hor** lol. And definitely I am not chasing after anyone as its him who has the problem not me eventhough at first I felt like I was the problem. How old are you if you dont mind me asking?
Hey, oh yes I understand, ( the guy I’m talking about he was like that too) was far better than the typical ones you get with every girl but still expecting stuff. Even so, he shouldn’t of put you in that position, and respected you for you. Hahaha yeah i know they get hor** like that, and then expect you to be the same but don’t understand not all girls are like that, especially as he was experienced and you wasn’t he should’ve took that as a positive thing and refrained from temptations( aiming for marriage). But if he was hor** at the time he would have messaged you back later right and apologised? Because girl this is not your fault and I’m 21, are you from the UK ?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Hey, oh yes I understand, ( the guy I’m talking about he was like that too) was far better than the typical ones you get with every girl but still expecting stuff. Even so, he shouldn’t of put you in that position, and respected you for you. Hahaha yeah i know they get hor** like that, and then expect you to be the same but don’t understand not all girls are like that, especially as he was experienced and you wasn’t he should’ve took that as a positive thing and refrained from temptations( aiming for marriage). But if he was hor** at the time he would have messaged you back later right and apologised? Because girl this is not your fault and I’m 21, are you from the UK ?
Yess its like we were chatting to the same person lol. And EXACTLY what I expected or thought wouldve happened is that he shouldve seen it to be a positive thing and refrained with the idea of marriage in the future. And he wasnt hor** at the time I think he was just explaining that its a dealbreaker for him and what not. I do feel like he wants to come talk to me again but hes scared and its awkward now but then again if he wanted to he would just do it. And yess im from the UK as well
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