a random blog?Watch
it’s as the title says. I’ve chosen to do a blog anonymously because last time I didn’t and well, it was cringe and someone i know found out so that was embarrassing.
anyways, i’m going into year 13, doing a level bio chem and psych and already did AS EPQ. Planning on applying to medicine. My UCAT is on the 4th of september but i may reschedule as i’ve done 0 revision, literally 0.
Anyways, i’ll try update yous on what i’ve done each day, whether that be studying or just going out or doing nothing.
I speak a lot and like blurting things out as it makes me feel less everywhere so yep. Idk if someone’s reading but hello if you are
so i did nothing really. My 8 year old niece slept over and a random cat (a regular) came outside my house so we played with it for like 2 hours. We also made lip balms. Her mum (my sister) and my nephew (5) came and they’re sleeping over tonight too. My niece knows how to wind up my buttons sigh, as she’s doing rn. The way she only likes to annoy ME ugh puts me off kids. But yeah, that was my day. Was meant to shower and wash my hair but i’ll just do it tomorrow. My laptops taking hours to update, i left it at 5pm and 6 hours later it’s not even 1/4 way done.
Tomorrow i’m babysitting in the morning as my mum and sister are going to an appointment. We’re going to my grandmas later on in the day as they’re moving to turkey. Feeling sadish as if my grandma isn’t here, then no more seeing my relatives as often since we all gather there but I do hope they enjoy the move and some change.
On saturday I might go out with a friend to get nandos and then bake and watch a movie. Hopefully before then I can go to the library, whether that be 1 or 2 hours, as long as I get started. On sunday I’m volunteering for a few hours. I volunteer monday- wednesday (8 hours total) and then on either saturday or sunday (varies from 3-5 hours).
There’s like 27 days till school, 25 days till UCAT from today i think so yeah. My UCAT is looking like a last 2 week revision thing but oh well.
I’m planning on revising for school by having a week per subject and then the rest of the days doing hw. Or i’ll probably do my hw whilst i revise each subject since most my hw is exam questions but I’ll see. I just need to get started.
But yeah, feels good blurting it all out. I’m stressing out lowkey but I feel like I’ll get it done, i always do… i hope so anyways
slept at my sisters house. Today I wanted to go out with my friend so next week is completely free but she’s not free smh, i’m thinking of cancelling the plans bc i really cba. But i guess i’ll see. I rather do it on a day where i’m already out instead of getting ready just for that occasion if that makes sense.
I’m getting the medify bursary and just waiting to get it sorted out. I’m determined to revise for the ucat in 2 weeks and get a good score loool but if i’m underprepared, i’ll just do it around the 20th of september or something idk.
Maybe i’ll take a gap year or do a foundation year idk. Anyways today i’m not doing anything, i’m going home later (getting picked up) so idk what time. But when i get home, i’m planning to sand my wall down depending on the time or just sleep bc i’m TIRED. maybe i’ll make a revision timetable or something
yesterday in the car ride home i had some realisation about change and how everything will change. It’s a bittersweet thing. Like i like change but at the same time, everything familiar to me will move away. Like all my family members will move away one day (as they are now slowly) and i’ll move away. I’ll be busy with uni and the connection i have with my family now won’t be promised, i mean it could get better but could always get worse. And then one day i’m gonna get married and it’s crazy i’ll be living with the opposite gender (i feel AWKWARD AS HELL around them) but i mean that’s why you marry someone you like lol
but anyways it’s fine, slept for a good 10/11 hours and lay in bed for 2 hours making fake scenarios in my head😭😭
anyways i’m not stressed atm sitting here, like i’ll get revision and everything done by force idc and i’ll get into a routine by FORRCE like i’ll get it done
I just wanna get into medicine and like be part of them student programmes where i speak to younger students and show them that you don’t have to cure cancer to be a medicine student. Something that was stopping me was that i just liked medicine, not that I knew i wanted to be a doctor since i was in my mums womb. People overcomplicate it, and i’ll only know if it was necessary once i get into medicine.
My sister ended up coming over, we went shopping since i’m helping her re do her house. I do love redoing peoples rooms and decorating and stuff, can’t wait till i get my own home.
Anyways, since i didn’t do what i planned to do, i should try and make a plan for this week to get some sort of routine in.
tuesday (today) : volunteering 11-2, other sister coming? if yes, do uni and PS stuff. If no, revise at library 2-5 (UCAT revision!), paint 1 wall and window, cut blinds to size
wednesday : volunteering 11-1, if sister comes, do uni stuff and PS stuff, if no revise 1-5 at library
thursday : revise for ucat, begin psychology revision of haven’t already
friday : same as thursday
saturday : volunteering from 8.30am till 7:30pm😔, relax or clean room
sunday : beach?
rough plan. I have a big family so literalky any come over at any time, my mum wants them to come over everyday. I do love them but it’s tiring. I just want a few days not seeing rhem. My mum won’t listen sigh and says anyone is welcome. I get distracted easily when they’re around and can’t concentrate, i rather sit with them then revise locked up in my room
it’s concerning how i’m barely panicking for ucat or school. now should’ve been the best time to revise but no. Wish i could turn back time and revise my heart out and do my ucat like today so that i could’ve spent the rest of the holiday revising for school. But it’s passed now so.
anyways gn. I also realised i will never wake up early unless i sleep at 9.30pm, so my goal for tomorrow is to sleep by 9.30-10pm
anyways i’ve attached a picture annndddd imma check stuff off hopefully… i hope so
Attachment 1030346 ew the photo attached horribly oh well
going into year 13, bringing my shambolic self, stay true to yourself forever and always eventho it basically means you’ll fail at life😌
anyways, instead of doing my work i should relax i’m stressed time to do a facial and then shower and then maybe do work
just came back on here to add that i’m hoping to apply to medicine. Yes MEDICINE with the way psh. Ucat on the 21st after i’ve rescheduled 3 times and done 0 revision
ah i want to say i’m a failure but i wouldn’t stoop that low lmao i can’t be doing that to myself
anyways luckily a gap year is what i’m
planning to do but if i can apply this year and get in/get a deferred offer, great! let’s just hope my mum doesn’t marry me off in my gap year lol
guys i’m having a pre life crisis thays lasted 10 years like what do i dooooooo why am i like thiiiiisssss
but i mean it’s ok it’s ok i’ll change into a better person i swear i am capable of growth and improvement like i used to be verrrry depression last year for a good 5 years but hey who got out of that? ME and my mindset towards myself changed so if i can do that surely i can change even if it’s slow
this is so cringe ew i’m blurting everything out of my head forgetting that someone’s reading this
anyways let’s hope i update you lot regularly
I was planning to sleep at 2 and do some work but i cba, i’m feeling upset idk and it’s getting hard to breathe. Maybe because i’m fat and so when i’m bloated i feel like that boy from charlie and the chocolate factory but anyways. I need to crrrrryyyyyyy it all out but the tears won’t come lol. My period is over due and it’s tricking me, making me feel like it’s came every minute when it hasn’t smh
anyways i’m angry i left those little metal thingys for my airforce shoelaces somewhere and i can’t find it UGH.
today was productive in my eyes: i washed all my shoes, put them out to dry, had a shower, done a facial, put new bedding on, what a day
anyways hopefully i wake up at 8.30 and find them ugly things for my airforces and get some work done. I know i’ll probably wake up at 9.30 instead l o l but let’s just pretend i won’t
this might be long bc i kinda need to rant and blurt everything out
so i have liek 10 free periods so that’s cool,i’m enjoying year 13 much more i feel like. Idk why i know the content will only get harder and stuff but in terms of the vibes and stuff, defo year 13. Maybe it’s bc i have much more frees and during that time i do some revision/hw which makes me feel productive so. And then i go to the library after school for an hour (revising for my UCAT that’s on the 21st - i’ve barely done any revision tho aha ha started this week and haven’t revised for 2 days lol)
anyways my teachers litttterally didn’t check hw. My bio teacher i was STRESSING over didn’t even check the row i sit on since class finished early so she told us to take a pic/email it. I just went to her class the next day and she was flicking through it and just said “ah i’m just more worried about what you got in the exam papers” bye. I stayed up till 3 for that hw (my own fault) but anyways.
Chem hw my teacher said “i don’t expect you to have done it all” bye i stayed up till 2 for that but tbh i didn’t do many of them, they were our old progress checks we had to re do and i just got the old ones out lol
When i say i stayed up at 2 or 3am that means i started at like 11pm or 12 lmao or it was an on and off thing since 9.
so yeah first week was good i guess. I’m kinda motivated to do life but there’s so much to do like i have a progress check on monday and thursday for chem, i’ve got my UCAT on the 21st, i have all my AS content to catch up on and also A level. Eh it’s fine i’ll do it somehow.
Maybe i’ll revise UCAT before school (god knows how) then as content during school since i have free periods everyday except friday and then after school do UCAT more or soemthing idk
This weekend was a rollercoaster lol i got into a fight with everyone in my household, #fulfillingmyroleastheyoungest😌. It was and is my fault but i won’t say that since it’s too late so gotta stand my ground i guess or let it evaporate. I got mad because my baby nephew slept over then my niece decided to sleepover when i told my sister not to let her bc when my nephews over she is SO ANNOYING and doesn’t let me hold him for 5 mins eventho i’m HER AUNT AND OLDER and she’s basically rude and slaps me and when i fight back my mum shouts at ME bye. Bla bla i’m older but IDC she may be 8 year olds but she acts like a 42 year old caucasian karen.
anyways yeah so the day my nephew came (friday) i let her spend as much time with him since i was like oh she’s leaving soon (my nephew was sleeping over) but NO, my mum INSISTS she sleepover. My mum takes the PIIIIIISSSSSS LIKE she doesn’t spend time with the children in her own home yet wants her other children to come over???? So youre telling me if i want her to want me i have to have kids? bug off. 24/7 on the phone like STOP.
I literally put in all the effort with my mum. Like i start the conversations first, i tell her everything about my life without her asking and i don’t really care bc i want to say it but it pisses me off because she does that same effort with my other siblings since they’re older and have kids. even they said she didn’t even look after them when they were younger. we were alllll playing online games chatting to random strangers saying god knows yet she had no clue.
anyways yeah didn’t speak to anyone in my household till today but i said minimal words. Pissed at my sister for leaving her at mine idc i’m evil guys i’m negative i KNOW that
anyways barely spent time with my baby nephew since literallt that brat was in his face from when he WOKE UP so there was no point even trying and plus he woke up in a bad mood since he couldn’t sleep properly with someone constantly hovering over him like a moth to light.
yeah chile anyways had a short cry last night out of frustration then today i went on tiktok to check something and got sucked in for an hour. I deleted it for a reason, aka the fact that it amkes me so upset and my heart sink. Then i cried for a long time in the shower and contemplated life then i went upstairs and redownloaded tiktok to make me feel even more sad but now instead of getting content with people being productive and pretty i got content on medical school and now i’m contemplating whether picking medicine is the thing for me
like i want the jobs medicine brings after and i’m set on it like i only want those jobs but now i’m wondering if i’m underestimating it’s difficulty. Like i’ve been saying “i don’t have to cure cancer to get into medicine” BUT WHAT IF I DO??? I tell myself you don’t need to feel upset for not having that productivity 24/7 no sleep toxic hustle culture mindset but WHAT IF I SHOULD FEEL IPSET BC I DONT HAVE IT????????
like wtf do i dooooooo
yes i’m upset i’m ok now ew when i realise what i write i cringe but this isn’t like a soppy sad post it’s just a rant tbh like a day in the life sorta thing
i don’t make sense but anyways
it’s 00:13 i had costa coffee well my sister got it for me thinking i’d magically speak to her (was i angry
because she let my niece sleepover? yes. Am i evil for that? probably). now i can’t sleep well acruallt i can i’m tired as hell OH i slept at 11 yesterday woke up at 8 today had a nap from 11-4. But yeah i’m thinking maybe i should do all my hw tonight then sleep then revise for my chem test on monday. I shall do that.
i’m also on my period so i don’t think i’ll clean my room tomorrow, i just want to wallow in my filth. My room isn’t dirty tbh theres just dust and hair under my bed and window sill (i hate dust i’m tired of it) and my sheets probablt need a wash but i’ll do it when i’m done with my period
anwyays if you’re reading then stop good night all
i don’t think anyone’s reading but yeah i feel like this is literally just me speaking. to me like you know how when you’re alone you pretend you’re making a youtube video? yeah that’s what i think this is.
I don’t think i’m fit on TSR with all you A*x 1000000 + revision for 23 hours a day students but it’s cool yolo
i say i’ll do my hw i’ll probably sleep