Depressed - urgent help - A level choices:(

So, back in October around the time of my mocks my grandfather was seriously ill, which really ruined the family dynamic as my mum became depressed and I had to help out at home a lot more and I just couldn't concentrate and on Thursday, which was the day of my Maths mock assessment, we had received news in the morning that my grandfather's condition had significantly worsened which caused our family great anxiety and made it difficult for me to concentrate. Over 3 weeks later, we had received news that my grandfather had passed away, and it was my first time experiencing what it was like to have a close family member die and it was just so distressing and my mum had to leave for a few weeks because of this, so this period was incredibly difficult for me as I was suddenly expected to help at home, and I also began to get really bad health anxiety just non-stop googling my symptoms day and night, worrying about everyone else's health, paranoid about cancer and just lots of GP appointments . I ended up getting a 4 in Chem and Maths :frown:

So, in February, after spending months thinking about it, I decided to submit my A level choices as Chemistry, Physics, History, Maths and Further Maths as this would give me a strong engineering application, while keeping doors to Law (don't really want to do Law) and Medicine open too. However, I go to a highly selective private school and for Chem and Maths I got a 7, and I needed an 8 to take them :frown:

. So, I had to go to a meeting to discuss my A level choices instead of Chemistry and Maths. I tried my absolute best to explain to her that I would be really dedicated and willing to put in the effort and that I desperately needed these A levels for my future, but, in spite of everything, she refused - but, because I was so nervous, I forgot to mention my extenuating circumstances and now I'm trying to get in contact with the headmistress but I can't :frown:

. So, I was given the choice of either doing Physics, History, English and Economics or Physics, History, French and English. I couldn't make my mind up, as I'm really strong in French and I was wondering if I could become a French teacher, but then the first option would make a really strong application for a PPE course(which I'm not too passionate about :frown:

) Anyway, I was expected to email my A level choices to the assistant head, and I asked if I could change History to Biology (to keep the science route open) instead, and that went ahead and was confirmed, after a lot of emails. But, I just feel like bio, phys, english and econ would make for a very weak application - I can't do Engineering at a decent university, there are only 4 med schools that accept bio and physics (and even then, seeing as medicine is so competitive, I don't think they'd take me in) so it just seems too risky, I don't want to do bio med or something like that either, as the only reason I would be taking them is to get into medicine after, and grad medicine is soooooo competitive, so there isn't a guarantee there and I'd have to study for a degree I really don't want to do. Then there's History, English, Econ, Physics, which would make for a strong application for Law, PPE etc but I really don't want to do these subjects and know that I will fail in them as essays are a real struggle for me (but somehow managed to get a grade 9-8 in lang and lit igcse, but I would say that's because about 50% of the grade was coursework anyway which would take me yearsssss to complete), can't imagine having to do 3000 word essays every week! Also, I think the assistant head's getting tired and wouldn't want to change my A level choices again. I have also emailed the assistant head detailing my extenuating circumstances, and he just said that he's sorry to hear that, but that he can't let me take chem or maths! I find it so unfair, as I've heard from many other selective school students in the same boat as me that they were allowed to take their subject choices if they had extenuating circumstances, but I'm not, which I find incredibly unfair, and if it weren't for it being a private school, I would have tried to have taken legal action as I feel that the school simply hasn't taken any of my circumstances into consideration and dealt with it properly! So, on Monday, I emailed the assistant if I could get my scores for Chem and Maths, as I don't want to appeal and have my grade lowered, and he said he'd get back to me as soon as possible with the grades but he still hasn't and now I have just over a week left until school! I've tried to look into other colleges and sixth forms, but all the half-decent colleges are full, and I just don't know if the quality of teaching will be good and also issues like bullying etc I just don't want to steep any lower, give up my place at a prestigious school, then go to a normal college and realise that the teaching is crap and I'd have to self-study to get decent grades anyway! I've read reviews at some colleges and even though I'm well-aware it's not a true reflection of the school it's made me even more confused. I am honestly so depressed rn, I feel like my career prospects are pretty dim ( I don't want to go on to study English or Bioscience at uni) and I don't want to go down the apprenticeship route either (CIMA etc). It's just made me want to drop out of school altogether, this whole week I've just been crying non-stop, looking into career choices and getting even more confused. I've also considered getting a doctor's note, with the health anxiety/ depression diagnosis but I have to wait until Tuesday for that . Whatever I want to do, I want to do it to the highest level, and with these subject combinations the motivation is just not there :frown:

Depressed - urgent help - A level choices:(

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