Mental Health (My truth)

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Turk16
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#1
Report Thread starter 8 months ago
#1
To be on the receiving end of someone’s jealousy, is one of the worst situations I have ever found myself in. I couldn’t understand what I had done wrong. I even questioned my sanity and ability to be able to tell the wood from the trees. The continuous, subtle digs struck like a blow, but were so sneaky that they could be explained away as banter. I have always been a high achiever and take pride in my work. As a student, I thought that this would be a good thing, but for me it was my downfall. I was being targeted and bullied for being good at what I do, by a person that was supposed to be looking out for me. At every opportunity, he attempted to undermine me. Every time I looked for help I was denied it. I couldn’t fathom what was the problem or what I had done wrong. All I knew, is that I was doing my best and was getting nowhere. I could sense the resentment but couldn’t prove it. I could sense and feel the envy but knew he would call it a figment of my imagination. My ideas were shot down time and time again. My competence was too. I knew that it had to be a personal grudge against me but who was going to believe me? After all, he was the professional and I was just a student. I knew that he would worm his way out of whatever allegations I threw against him. He was a long-term employee with tenor. I was just a passing blow-in, that probably had a chip on her shoulder. I felt utterly hopeless. I used to dread my days and tiptoed around him. Knowing that no matter what I did, I was bound to piss him off. I didn’t have to do anything other than breath and he would start his slights. He had wormed his way in and infected my mind. It was toxic and I was a prisoner. I had no way out and felt completely lost. I knew that if I reported it, that no one would believe me. I knew how good of an actor he was. No one would believe that someone who comes across so saintly could be so evil. The fact that I was an outsider, set me and them miles apart. Better the devil you know as they say. I would have been seen as an infiltrator. A disgruntled student, out to stir trouble. Nobody would believe that a strong, intelligent woman would feel so helpless. I knew that my words would fall on deaf ears and he knew it too. He took comfort in the fact that the ball was in his court. He could play me like a puppet because he knew that I depended on his grades, in order to excel. He knew that he had the ability to make or break me and he enjoyed watching me squirm. It brought out the sadist in him and he reveled in it. He pushed me to a point where I could take no more. I finally drew a line and stood up for what I believe in. He almost broke me but he didn’t. I fought back long and hard and am here to tell the tale. Lesson learnt, don’t ever let anyone define you.
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