Once you conquer the mind, you conquer the world. [TW]

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Ferrograd
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#1
Report Thread starter 8 months ago
#1
I'm 18 years old. 2020 was the worst year of my life. I lost my grandfather, had a breakup with my first and only girlfriend, and ultimately, had a mental breakdown after years of battling bullying, anxiety, stress and undiagnosed PTSD and Aspergers (the latter has now been diagnosed). I've had more mental health assessments than you've had hot dinners. I've been passed around from therapist to therapist like pass the bloody parcel. Every kind of therapy there is, I've had it. Hypnotherapy, CBT, EMDR, psycotherapy, you name it, I've had it.

The period from October 2020-February 2021 was the worst period of my entire life. For the early period, I didn't get up from bed. I didn't eat. I didn't go to school for around 8 weeks. When I did go back, I bunked form and spent my breaktimes standing at the very back of a field, alone. I came into school on my first day back after lockdown, swigging down whiskey out of my water bottle. I attempted suicide no less than twice in that period, and self harmed more than a dozen times. I spent up to 30 minutes at a single time crying my eyes out on an almost daily basis. I hated myself, my life, and I wished to be dead. My life was ultimately saved by being put on antidepressants with a private psychiatrist, but your mindset is what needs to change.

For most of my adolescence, I've been looked at, and looked at myself as a "victim". I've had no friends for 5 years, I was severely bullied, and I felt like the loneliest person in the world. In those darkest moments, I thought there was no light. I had had so many knockdowns, I thought I couldn't get back up again.

BUT I GOT BACK UP.

When I get knocked down, I get back up again, and I got back up stronger than ever.

I tossed the "victim" label in the bin and began to think of myself as "survivor" instead.

Survivor because I've survived more sh*t than most people will deal with in their entire lifes, never mind as a child for god's sake. I survived bullying, suicide attempts, self harm, years of loneliness, and god know's what else. It was this change in my mindset that enabled me to become quite literally, fearless. Because I've been so low, there's no way that can I can ever get any lower unless I literally die. The only way is up. The only thing I fear is my own mind, knowing how I am capable of feeling so low. But knowing I am capable of pickign myself up from such a low - in juist a matter of months - makes me realise how strong I am. I hold my head high now. I don't care what you think of me. At one time, I would hide my face, never leave the house because i was afraid of getting attacked by the bullies again. Now, if I would see them again, I'd deck them. I don't bear any grudges though. But I'm tough. Because you have to be tough to beat mental illness, and so iof you are suffering: ffs, you are not WEAK. you do not have "low resilience". If you stood or sat on the end of a bridge like I did, and managed to climb back off it, knowing that you're going to experience even more pain than you will if you jump,then yeah, you're tough af. There's people out there who have beewn through even more, much more than I have, and have gotten through it. Once you conquer the mind, you conquer the world; you can do anything. My DMs are open. Embrace a new mindset. Mental illness is not a weakness or a vulnerability. Battling your mind on a day to day basis and coming out stronger a sign of strength, testament, and self-belief.
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username5794123
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#2
Report 8 months ago
#2
“The biggest enemy is yourself.”
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Anonymous #1
#3
Report 8 months ago
#3
this means a lot. i relate so much to this and i hope i can be as strong as you one day.
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jenerous
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#4
Report 8 months ago
#4
Truer words have never been spoken. Kudos to you for going through whatever **** you've been through, and still getting back up like a warrior. No bigger fight than that.
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Napp
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#5
Report 8 months ago
#5
Good for you, i feel what youre saying on that, even if i wouldnt put it in such terms. Props for being able to surmount those odds though.
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