Has online dating dispelled the myth

That girls are more interested in a guy's personality? like do guys know understand that girls are just guys with some differences in hormones and body parts but still fundamentally as shallow and superficial as they are allowed to be?

Reply 1

Anonymous #1

Wanted to write 'now understand', not know understand...

Reply 2

SupposedlyIronic

I think it varies from girl to girl to be honest.

Reply 3

Anonymous #2

Well nowadays, since woman don't have to rely on a man to bring home money, as they are allowed to work themselves, I think they have started going for guys they are actually interested in.

But what's the difference between females preferences online and irl?

Reply 4

gjd800

you lot are really, really boring

billionth thread on this in the past week, tiresome

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

Original post by Anonymous

No difference, it's just online anonymity allows people to express their actual preferences without fear of getting judged.

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

Original post by gjd800

you lot are really, really boring

billionth thread on this in the past week, tiresome

Feel free to ignore this thread sir.

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

Original post by ashtolga23

I think it varies from girl to girl to be honest.

Individually yes. But I'm talking about trends or averages though.

Reply 8

gjd800

Original post by Anonymous

Individually yes. But I'm talking about trends or averages though.

tsr will not give the ecologically valid empiricism you desire

Reply 9

anosmianAcrimony

Original post by Anonymous

Individually yes. But I'm talking about trends or averages though.

I'd say the likes of Tinder naturally encourages superficiality, because it displays pictures of people first and foremost and essentially expects people to accept or reject one another on that basis. So people on Tinder will tend to seem superficial because that's what the platform attracts and that's what the platform pushes people towards. It's very possible to spend a lot of time on online dating and get brainwashed into thinking that's just the way people are. I think that's what's happened to you.

But Tinder is not real life. Most people aren't in the online dating sphere, and people exist more meaningfully outside of it. So people aren't nearly as superficial as you've been made to think they are.

Reply 10

Anonymous #1

Original post by anosmianAcrimony

School was the same, your personality is filtered through your looks. Like, for example guys who complain and are good looking will elicit sympathy like aw he's a sensitive soul... guys who complain and are fat, short or ugly will be criticised for being whiny and weak.

There's something called the halo effect and it's very real.

Reply 11

NonIndigenous

Original post by Anonymous

Women are a lot more choosy about who they sleep with and their long-term partners. So I doubt it.

I don't believe that online dating generally attracts high-quality people, and that it is a fair representation of either gender. Neither do I think it rewards 'good behavior' in people.

Personally I think these apps and sites should force people to take photos using an in-app camera feature. So that people cannot photoshop and apply filters to their selfies to make themselves look like a 10. Now... that would pretty much flip the scale. I might even consider using those sites then. I'll proudly say I've only ever used photoshop to remove red eyes, and never used a filter.

(edited 2 years ago)

Reply 12

1582

Volunteer Team

No.

Looks might get you in the door, but if you've no personality she's not going to stick around.

Reply 13

Gavin2016

Original post by Anonymous

I agree, unfortunately they are mostly interested in the same type of men with either looks, wealth, social skills/extrovert, muscular - one or more of those.

Online you get the photo as what makes & females focus on. Even on sites like Match where you (may get) a profile write up I don't think females pay much attention to that nor to what you write unless it happens to really hit the mark.

I think irl it is much similar but hot looking men & women can't hit on each other as much as online due to location, other half around, etc. While there is chemistry/eye contact can help a bit and of course being able to speak to the person and get a vibe I think largely how one looks, etc still weighs in heavy but possibly a little less than online if good chemistry and the guy can get on the same vibe.

Reply 14

Gavin2016

Original post by Anonymous

Girls used to promote the personality thing for years and call out guys for being superficial. Online dating though has shown that girls are just as superficial as guys if not more so. Few people like to be called superficial as it comes across as very shallow and hence a person of bad character traditionally. However we're pretty much all superficial even many of those that think they are not. People redecorate rooms because they don't like the way they look to modern trend or because of deterioration or colour scheme, etc.

Personality is something pretty much everyone has, some people hide it, some people are muted but most people have personality. To claim one person has 'personality' more than another is ridiculous. People's preferences of what they prefer other people's personality to be varies. Some people like a girl with a bit of spirit in her who is a but 'alive' who might get emotionally wound up fairly easily but will as result be a goer in bed and interesting to be around. Other guys may prefer a girl to be subdued, sedate but thoughtful and career minded - other guys might find such a girl a bore. When girls talk about personality as being if importance I often see it as them trying to paper over a negative of what they or another person have. Some people will come across as a great personality in terms of good charisma & social skills but some may see negatives that that may hide. I personally see social skills as somewhat separate even though to some extent it is one aspect of personality.

Reply 15

Gavin2016

Some guys swipe right on all pics or use an auto swipe. They then decide from those who also accepted them who to continue with. They then can ditch the fat ugly girls without dating them and pick the better girls out if those that swiped for them. Superficial but efficient use of time. Can mean app becomes a load of b*llocks though.

What most jars me is when women sugar coat stuff. Like they won't just come out and say stuff that they think will make them look bad or person they are talking to but will spout all sorts of silky terminology like a rich guy they will call a 'gentleman' or perhaps a 'knight in shinning armour', etc. That and they speak tosh about personality and how guys should act & behave but it's really just a charade to mask what they really want, looks, wealth, social skills/extrovert & muscular traits.

(edited 2 years ago)

Reply 16

Napp

No not really, although the myth was always *******s - some people will still be shallow and only care about looks and want a quick shag whilst others will want someone with a personality beyond that of a turnip and never see said date again

Reply 17

ANM775

Original post by 1582

No.

Looks might get you in the door, but if you've no personality she's not going to stick around.

but in the context of online dating if you don't have the looks to begin with (top 20% male) you won't even get in the door. the door will remain firmly shut, or if you're lucky the door will be open a crack before being closed again a few messages later.

this applies to most women i find.

it's very easy to switch out a photo on an online dating site and type a msg to a woman, and see if personality is really "doing anything".
and it's not.

Reply 18

Joleee

uh nope

online dating isn't like dating irl as you cannot tell a person's personality from a short 30 second bio that tells you virtually nothing about a person. the only way to judge a person is by their profile pic then - but that doesn't mean that's what women prefer or how they would react if they actually knew you and knew if you were fun, funny, hardworking etc from hanging out with you.

when you're a woman and receive probably dozens of online messages a week you can afford to be picky as well, hence a lot of men who swipe right or however it's done get no responses and tbh lots of women on these sites don't even take online dating that seriously; it's more like a fun way to pass time for a few moments (i don't do online dating; this is just from general observation of my friends that do and from comments on here). women are also choosier online cuz in the back of their minds they always have to consider their own physical safety should they choose to meet you. plus from the amount of messages they get they can assume a lot of you guys online are just desperate and only want one thing, ie to get in their pants which is a turnoff.