I [M18] seriously think this is the worst time to date for a shy/plain looking guy

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Anonymous #1
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Ofc, I can’t rely on a impressive life experience ( I’m still in high school and never dated ), but I just wanted to give my point of view.

I used to be on Instagram. Now I deleted it. Other guys were getting new followers ( especially by girls ) so it made me feel ashamed. Plus, I’ve never been the kind of guy that took photos everyday and posted them on socials. Ofc, not having an Instagram account reduces some of my possibilities to find a girl interested in me… but I wouldn’t have had any anyway. Most of my girl classmates have something like 500/1000 followers on Instagram ( some of them even 1500/2000 ), while guys only had maximum 250. I had 32.

Online dating? “Might be an option”, told myself.

Ofc, I was wrong. Online dating is a great way to find a partner ( that’s what I look for: a serious relationship ), but you got to look like a model. Literally. I don’t have high standards. Swiped right on about the half of the girls. Absolute zero. Maybe some likes, but nobody interested in having an actual conversation. Imagine a date. I’m seriously starting to think I look like an ogre ( even if i’m tall and fit ).

So, I also deleted my accounts on there.

And started asking myself “How is it possible to find a girl that is interested in me, if I got no socials and 0 success on dating apps?”

And that’s still my question. Plenty if guys who just say “approach girls randomly” but don’t notice how creepy it is. In both ways, ofc. There needs to be context, to get to know someone. But. nowadays, people have more possibilities on dating apps/instagram.
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Anonymous #1
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I can send pics of me in PMs too
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RazzzBerries
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These type of threads frustrate me so much. With your losing mindset, how do you think you’ll get a girl?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by RazzzBerries)
These type of threads frustrate me so much. With your losing mindset, how do you think you’ll get a girl?
It’s not self deprecating. It’s just the truth. And I’m not blaming girls. And I’ve asked a question which doesn’t imply self deprecation anyway. I was just stating facts (“0 success on dating apps”)
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anosmianAcrimony
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Defeatism will get you nowhere.
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Bbhey
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Hi there, firstly, if you’re serious about dating through apps - get a friend to take pictures of you in good light and do some light touch ups using filters/editing apps. Nothing that actually changes the shape of your face/radically alters appearance, just something to show you off in your best light. You’re tall and fit: many women will be attracted to that. Post photos of yourself with friends and doing sport. Make sure you write something in your profile. Something kooky and fun that expresses something about you. Many men post self deprecating stuff or post nothing at all and it’s not a good look. I’m only saying this because I’m often shocked at how bad men’s profiles are. Oh and if you message a woman - ask a question about something in her pictures/somethings she’s written. A simple ‘hey’ just won’t entice interest. Secondly, you are so much more than your no. of Insta followers. Social media can make even the most resilient of us feel like crap so keep off there if it’s not for you. This can actually be quite intriguing and alluring, it can also make the statement that you are but a superficial person.Finally, if the whole online thing is crushing your soul and self-esteem - you can stop that too. I’m sorry that you’re not feeling great and that it’s hard for you to seek connections with women at present. Without knowing you, I think that you’re going to find your future partner through a social group once the face to face world gets up and going properly again. For a lot of people, including me, physical attraction builds with getting to know someone’s personality. If I like talking to you, you ask lots of questions, we have a shared sense of humour and I get the impression you care about my life - I will care about you and start to find you more and more attractive. Take all the opportunities that come up for you: study groups, pub visits, house parties, sports club socials. Have fun and talk to new people with no agenda other than to enjoy meeting new people and it will come, I promise. Good luck!
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anosmianAcrimony
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If you're not getting any interest on dating apps, your profile is probably a bit dry and boring. Make it funnier and more interesting and show more of yourself. It's also possible that your profile somehow expressed the frustration, bitterness, and self-pity that you've shown here, which will definitely not get you any interest.
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anosmianAcrimony
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(Original post by Anonymous)
It’s not self deprecating. It’s just the truth. And I’m not blaming girls. And I’ve asked a question which doesn’t imply self deprecation anyway. I was just stating facts (“0 success on dating apps”)
I guess it's the truth that you've experienced. But it's a self-fulfilling prophecy. As long as you are in this bitter mindset that you'll never be interesting to people, you will definitely be correct. You've put yourself in a box and you're complaining about the box.
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Gavin2016
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Ofc, I can’t rely on a impressive life experience ( I’m still in high school and never dated ), but I just wanted to give my point of view.

I used to be on Instagram. Now I deleted it. Other guys were getting new followers ( especially by girls ) so it made me feel ashamed. Plus, I’ve never been the kind of guy that took photos everyday and posted them on socials. Ofc, not having an Instagram account reduces some of my possibilities to find a girl interested in me… but I wouldn’t have had any anyway. Most of my girl classmates have something like 500/1000 followers on Instagram ( some of them even 1500/2000 ), while guys only had maximum 250. I had 32.

Online dating? “Might be an option”, told myself.

Ofc, I was wrong. Online dating is a great way to find a partner ( that’s what I look for: a serious relationship ), but you got to look like a model. Literally. I don’t have high standards. Swiped right on about the half of the girls. Absolute zero. Maybe some likes, but nobody interested in having an actual conversation. Imagine a date. I’m seriously starting to think I look like an ogre ( even if i’m tall and fit ).

So, I also deleted my accounts on there.

And started asking myself “How is it possible to find a girl that is interested in me, if I got no socials and 0 success on dating apps?”

And that’s still my question. Plenty if guys who just say “approach girls randomly” but don’t notice how creepy it is. In both ways, ofc. There needs to be context, to get to know someone. But. nowadays, people have more possibilities on dating apps/instagram.
Don't worry your well on your way to becoming an Incel already lol

Just joking. Idk if I was you I would keep hold of any Facebook & Instagram social media and not delete even if yours looks poor in comparison. Not only is it one of the ways people get to know of other people and get into contact with each other a lot of girls your age will expect you to have social media. It's handy for them to get an idea of your life and see you are not a complete psycho. If you don't have a profile it's going to make it harder to reach out to girls you may meet in future, at uni, etc. Girls will have tons more connections on them than guys as guys are up for it with many a girl so it's not difficult for them. Only the not very desirable girls will have less contacts. I'm not saying you can't meet a girl without it but honestly it can make it easier especially if you're a quiet guy.

Problem is when you get older and to uni a lot of your fellow students will be connecting on social media. You may not be the most popular but you're immediately counting yourself out of the game if you don't do it. You'll be marginalising yourself still further, they'll all be connecting and having it as a point of reference to get to know others they don't know while you'll be cut out of it all. Most girls are obsessed with social stuff and want guys that are seen as at least somewhat social. If you isolate yourself that will be a big negative for them.

Now for sure they are going to connect with the pretty boys and extrovert guys the most. You will unlikely be able to compete there it's just luck of the draw of what you get from birth. However I would look to create a decent social media profile that women will find attractive. Anything can be brought up as a discussion point and this can aid interest level in your profile. Try not to post too much cr*p though and keep it to stuff that works well. If you can put up stuff of sone sort of sport you do, even the gym that may help. Find stuff that shows you in a good light, gives a bit of an idea as to your family life without showing anything too personal or too much detail of course.

I'm not going to pretend that dating is easy for the everyday guy, it's not. Most dating apps are a boon for the pretty boys. It hands them silly girls on a platter who all think they are going to get in with them in a relationship. Instead the only thing their getting in is their d*ck and then they move on. Some girls may not mind that but most will feel let down but probably will still feel obliged to try again in the hope of landing a pretty boy. Personally I wouldn't put too much effort to dating apps and online dating. I would utilize social media more. Look up online what women like to see in a guy's social media, get back your account and work it back up. A photo or post once a week or fortnight is not too much to do, find time to do it, when out doing something. Comment on stuff girls put up on their social media in a positive way, they like that. It's not all about women coming to your profile but about you reaching out to them. See if you can get to a point where you can get to know the girl a bit offline as well, one you seem to get in a level with. I'm not saying to date them just to build up the level of activity with women on social media. Over time you may get to a point with one of them that you click enough to go dating. Don't just aim for the pretty girls they will be inundated with guys but get involved online communicating with the less pretty girls as well. Ones that may have an interesting hobby, etc that can make good discussion points.
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1582
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You don't need to be on social media to get a girl. Dating apps are the way to go if you're looking for an online way to meet girls, because by having an active profile those girls are advertising they want to speak to and potentionally meet men. It isn't a fast process though. You might have your account active for months before you meet someone. Make sure to be logging in regularly to ensure your profile is being shown to potential matches.

When asking out a girl offline you need to be able to read the mood. Acceptable places to strike up a conversation with someone are universities, social clubs, gigs, pubs, etc. Approaching someone in the gym or walking down the street with her headphones in is less acceptable.

Meeting girls isn't impossible. Be patient, be considerate, and try to stay optimistic. You'll meet someone eventually.
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myhairispeng
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Let me guess, you used Tinder...
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tipexmaster25
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Look mate, I really feel for ya cuz it does hurt when you feel unwanted. But the above users are right, you're definitely not gonna attract anyone with the pessimistic attitude you've got right now. You don't want to come across as needy either, because then you'll attract the wrong kinds of people (i.e, you're setting yourself up to be manipulated).

Social media totally can feel like its intended for models only, so something which I found helpful was to change the people I was following. If you're following a ton of celebrities like the Kardashians or influencers, you get brainwashed into thinking that looking like that is 'the norm' when it really isn't. Of course, if the only people you're following on insta are incredibly pretty girls and boys your age, those are the only people who are gonna pop up in your feed! You CANNOT be the only person who doesn't look like a model your age, its just not possible. Maybe you're judging yourself with too harsh of a perspective - most people don't look like models, so don't hold yourself to model-standards either.

Online dating is just a mixed bag overall, it isn't necessarily due to how you look. How many couples do you personally know who have met online? It's probably less than the amount you know who have met through work/college/parties etc.

My advice is to not worry about online dating(you've got better alternatives at this age) and hang out with friends in nightclubs or parties instead. I've met tons of people, even just new friends, at those sorts of things and I am definitely not a model. Also get back on social media, it'll make talking to your new friends way easier. You're so young anyway, enjoy life for a bit and see what happens
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Gaddafi
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(Original post by Anonymous)
And that’s still my question. Plenty if guys who just say “approach girls randomly” but don’t notice how creepy it is.
It isn't in the right place. In a bar or club it would be socially acceptable.
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Jen2603
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You remind me of quite a few guys i know / knew at sixth form (i’m also 18 and going into uni now). As a female friend i used to try and give them advice from an unbiased point of view, so if you really were interested in improving your image i could try my best to help in PM’s! Honestly though, this may sound stereotypical, but the less confidence you have the more it’ll show in your image. If you find self-love and become more comfortable in yourself other people will be able to see it!
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RazzzBerries
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(Original post by Anonymous)
It’s not self deprecating. It’s just the truth. And I’m not blaming girls. And I’ve asked a question which doesn’t imply self deprecation anyway. I was just stating facts (“0 success on dating apps”)
I didn't say you're blaming girls, I'm highlighting your bad mindset. Leaving girls aside, you will never win anything in life if you continue to feel sorry for yourself.
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Gavin2016
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Most people are actually everyday average looking make & female. My guess is that there is probably only about 10-15 percent roughly in each year group at school that are pretty looking. The rest of the people that are average looking then follow most heavily the 10-15 percent that are pretty looking. As someone has said on here of recent pretty looking comes with a halo effect and people buy into them a lot more as a result. In addition there are probably some more people that are good socially who also are popular on social media I'm guessing.

So yeah there are probably more people like you, many more, but whether they can turn their attention away from the pretty people is another matter. You've really got to just chug on with it and try and interact with them more. The pretty people are inundated with fans like a celebrity, they get off on it even. As an everyday average looking dude like the rest of us you can't really expect to be a part of that scene, luck of the draw I'm afraid.
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Admit-One
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Fundamentally, to have a good time and be successful in dating, (online or face to face), you need to:

A) Be happy and content with your life regardless of your relationship status
B) Be respectful of the people that you are interacting with.
C) Be resilient to the fact that most of your interactions won’t be fruitful and acknowledge that it isn’t the ‘fault’ of either party.

Social media is completely dreadful for dating and I would just generally avoid it in general.
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anosmianAcrimony
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(Original post by Admit-One)
Fundamentally, to have a good time and be successful in dating, (online or face to face), you need to:

A) Be happy and content with your life regardless of your relationship status
B) Be respectful of the people that you are interacting with.
C) Be resilient to the fact that most of your interactions won’t be fruitful and acknowledge that it isn’t the ‘fault’ of either party.

Social media is completely dreadful for dating and I would just generally avoid it in general.
This is a really good summary of a good dating attitude. Probably going to use this on other threads unless you don't want me to.
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user987654123
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Ofc, I can’t rely on a impressive life experience ( I’m still in high school and never dated ), but I just wanted to give my point of view.

I used to be on Instagram. Now I deleted it. Other guys were getting new followers ( especially by girls ) so it made me feel ashamed. Plus, I’ve never been the kind of guy that took photos everyday and posted them on socials. Ofc, not having an Instagram account reduces some of my possibilities to find a girl interested in me… but I wouldn’t have had any anyway. Most of my girl classmates have something like 500/1000 followers on Instagram ( some of them even 1500/2000 ), while guys only had maximum 250. I had 32.

Online dating? “Might be an option”, told myself.

Ofc, I was wrong. Online dating is a great way to find a partner ( that’s what I look for: a serious relationship ), but you got to look like a model. Literally. I don’t have high standards. Swiped right on about the half of the girls. Absolute zero. Maybe some likes, but nobody interested in having an actual conversation. Imagine a date. I’m seriously starting to think I look like an ogre ( even if i’m tall and fit ).

So, I also deleted my accounts on there.

And started asking myself “How is it possible to find a girl that is interested in me, if I got no socials and 0 success on dating apps?”

And that’s still my question. Plenty if guys who just say “approach girls randomly” but don’t notice how creepy it is. In both ways, ofc. There needs to be context, to get to know someone. But. nowadays, people have more possibilities on dating apps/instagram.
you need to meet some girls in real life - do any of your male friends have friends who are girls? or do you have any friends that are girls that can introduce you to other girls? that's the best way to meet someone tbh since you have mutual friends so it's easy to start a convo
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Gavin2016
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I think the number of posts like these that we get on this forum point to what happens when you break with the old provider/breadwinner model for the man and the more domestic role for the woman.

I said we will only see Incels (& femcels) getting larger as a result as it seems apparent here. Society isn't functioning well as so we'll likely see many more of these posts and likely more Incel incidents I wager.
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