chickenalfredo
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I’m from London but moved out for medical school as a last resort because I didn’t want to take a gap year. It’s in this tiny little city that looks like a farm and there’s nothing to do and not many people in my cohort. Our school is very small.

I have quite severe anxiety so it’s hard for me to make friends and I haven’t made very many at all where I go uni. I have loads of friends back home but have also been dumped by someone who was emotionally abusive person but was also the only person I talked to for hours on end and for a very very long time whilst I was studying.

Now I’m going back after my summer break I don’t know how to live with doing this for the next 4 years. I got rejected from my dream schools not because I wasn’t good enough academically but because I messed up the interviews so badly.

I know that there’s people that would do anything for a place and I am grateful for that but no matter what I just feel like such a loser. Like I let such amazing opportunities slip out of my hand because of something that’s wrong with my head. And I think about it every single day how I let everyone down and this is what I deserve for not having some courage. I’m the reason why everyone in my life has left me or is so far from me and there’s nothing I can do to change it.

My long distance ex (who wanted to marry me) was one of the only things that made it bearable for me and made me want to do better so that I had something to look forward to but now that’s gone too.

I don’t know what to do anymore and I’ve been feeling like sometimes I wished I didn’t exist and I’m no good for anyone.
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xxx0xxxo
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When did your relationship break up?
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chickenalfredo
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(Original post by xxx0xxxo)
When did your relationship break up?
a while ago
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xxx0xxxo
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(Original post by chickenalfredo)
a while ago
Sounds like you need to move on from this past relationship, if you're ready to meet new people you won't feel as pessimistic about your social life here. Seems like you also invested a lot of your time with this person and it might have isolated you from the world. This can happen with abusive relationships too...

If thousands of students made it through in this place before you then it's definitely doable. You may need to join some social groups or clubs, a tight knit community in a small area has many benefits compared to huge cities with loads of people. It might also help with the social anxiety as they can become familiar people you can trust, a bit more communal.
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chickenalfredo
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(Original post by xxx0xxxo)
Sounds like you need to move on from this past relationship, if you're ready to meet new people you won't feel as pessimistic about your social life here. Seems like you also invested a lot of your time with this person and it might have isolated you from the world. This can happen with abusive relationships too...

If thousands of students made it through in this place before you then it's definitely doable. You may need to join some social groups or clubs, a tight knit community in a small area has many benefits compared to huge cities with loads of people. It might also help with the social anxiety as they can become familiar people you can trust, a bit more communal.
It’s near impossible for me to move on to another person because Im from a certain religion so I can only date certain people which aren’t present in my university city at all
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artful_lounger
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Hi, I've moved your thread to the Current Medical Students and Doctors forum as it's a bit more focused on life as a medical student - hopefully they will be able to help advise you on ways to move forward!

I would make a couple of points though:

a) you may have had a "dream" medical school, but at the end of the day all UK medical schools are GMC accredited and will get you a foundation post and hence allow you to continue with what is presumably your ultimate dream, to be a doctor. It doesn't really matter in that sense whether you study at one medical school or another.

b) it's probably actually a good thing you have broken up with your abusive ex and have physical distance from them. While you may feel somewhat lonely due to being away from your school friends in London, it's worth noting that most other students will have moved away from their school friends and have to make new friends too, and many will also be nervous or have clinical anxiety issues that make it a struggle to make friends. Try and persevere! You may find that you have more in common with your medical school cohort than you think.

c) if you haven't already, I'd strongly encourage you to speak with your GP about your feelings right now. It definitely sounds like you're going through a lot and they may be able to help provide practical advice (they went to medical school at one point too!) and also more formal support for your health and wellbeing.
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HHaricot
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(Original post by chickenalfredo)
I’m from London but moved out for medical school as a last resort because I didn’t want to take a gap year. It’s in this tiny little city that looks like a farm and there’s nothing to do and not many people in my cohort. Our school is very small.

I have quite severe anxiety so it’s hard for me to make friends and I haven’t made very many at all where I go uni. I have loads of friends back home but have also been dumped by someone who was emotionally abusive person but was also the only person I talked to for hours on end and for a very very long time whilst I was studying.

Now I’m going back after my summer break I don’t know how to live with doing this for the next 4 years. I got rejected from my dream schools not because I wasn’t good enough academically but because I messed up the interviews so badly.

I know that there’s people that would do anything for a place and I am grateful for that but no matter what I just feel like such a loser. Like I let such amazing opportunities slip out of my hand because of something that’s wrong with my head. And I think about it every single day how I let everyone down and this is what I deserve for not having some courage. I’m the reason why everyone in my life has left me or is so far from me and there’s nothing I can do to change it.

My long distance ex (who wanted to marry me) was one of the only things that made it bearable for me and made me want to do better so that I had something to look forward to but now that’s gone too.

I don’t know what to do anymore and I’ve been feeling like sometimes I wished I didn’t exist and I’m no good for anyone.
There is lots to unpack there. But i am going to go with that last sentence as the one that needs addressing urgently.
You need actual real help, to see your value again, to understand that it is important to a lot of people that you exist.
Medical school etc is entirely secondary.
If you haven’t gone back yet make an urgent appointment with your gp, consider the Samaritans when you are questioning your existence.
If at med school, then you [ersona;tutor and every different bit of student support available as well as gp
It is possible to take time out for your mental health from medical school, and your mental health is what really matters
Talk to GP counsellors, parents and friends.
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chickenalfredo
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(Original post by HHaricot)
There is lots to unpack there. But i am going to go with that last sentence as the one that needs addressing urgently.
You need actual real help, to see your value again, to understand that it is important to a lot of people that you exist.
Medical school etc is entirely secondary.
If you haven’t gone back yet make an urgent appointment with your gp, consider the Samaritans when you are questioning your existence.
If at med school, then you [ersona;tutor and every different bit of student support available as well as gp
It is possible to take time out for your mental health from medical school, and your mental health is what really matters
Talk to GP counsellors, parents and friends.
The GPS in my area aren’t too friendly or understanding. I think I have more issues that just severe anxiety I’m almost a 100% I have OCD too. Idk if it’s true but if you do it through that route it takes way too long to get a proper diagnosis and there aren’t many physiatrists available right now for those kind of issues. And I don’t think I want to spend money on a private physiatrist like my brother did (over £400 for a 1 hour session)
Last edited by chickenalfredo; 1 month ago
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Lionheartat20
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(Original post by chickenalfredo)
The GPS in my area aren’t too friendly or understanding. I think I have more issues that just severe anxiety I’m almost a 100% I have OCD too. Idk if it’s true but if you do it through that route it takes way too long to get a proper diagnosis and there aren’t many physiatrists available right now for those kind of issues. And I don’t think I want to spend money on a private physiatrist like my brother did (over £400 for a 1 hour session)
May I suggest you call the BMA Counselling Service tomorrow if you do not wish to go private and do not feel reassured by your local GPs.

They offer a free counselling and wellbeing service for all Doctors and Medical Students regardless of BMA Membership.

If you have had a bad experience with your current GP, you can register elsewhere. Maybe have a look at NHS Choices and find somewhere you haven't been to before and that has good reviews. GPs are like hospital Doctors - some you will love, some you will think you'd rather dodge..... There will be ones you personally get on well with - you just haven't found them. Regardless, if you wish to try to get a proper diagnosis - it's entirely reasonable you start the process within the NHS rather than doing nothing by saying that the waiting list is too long. Might as well at the very least get your name on that waiting list

Finally you may find somebody here that is equally lonely and would love to meet up with somebody from their own medical school cohort. Your still anon but you might want to state which city you are actually in - up to you. You should focus on forming new friendships and company.
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Anonymous #1
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Are you muslim?
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chickenalfredo
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Are you muslim?
Yes
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jzdzm
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(Original post by chickenalfredo)
Yes
Does your university have an isoc? the one at my uni is super active and friendly. might be a good way to meet people.
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chickenalfredo
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(Original post by jzdzm)
Does your university have an isoc? the one at my uni is super active and friendly. might be a good way to meet people.
Nope it doesent and it’s a majority white uni
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by chickenalfredo)
Nope it doesent and it’s a majority white uni
Same with mine ugh
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Same with mine ugh
I am going to wonder why you have said ‘ugh’ on the end, what disappointment or difficulties you are conveying.

But, having chosen and accepted a place at medical school, and the NHS being pretty multicultural, it is probably a time to start making those multicultural friendships and integration. You will be happier for it. Friends dont have to have the same faith or culture as long as they are respectful of it as being part of who you are just as you will be respectful of others with different [or no] faiths and cultures.
Join other clubs whose vibe isnt based around alcohol or faith, and start small.
It might be that when you have confidence that you might want to start a multicultural sharing/outwards facing group
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Anonymous #3
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I am going to wonder why you have said ‘ugh’ on the end, what disappointment or difficulties you are conveying.

But, having chosen and accepted a place at medical school, and the NHS being pretty multicultural, it is probably a time to start making those multicultural friendships and integration. You will be happier for it. Friends dont have to have the same faith or culture as long as they are respectful of it as being part of who you are just as you will be respectful of others with different [or no] faiths and cultures.
Join other clubs whose vibe isnt based around alcohol or faith, and start small.
It might be that when you have confidence that you might want to start a multicultural sharing/outwards facing group
she said ugh because being surrounded by white people makes you feel alienated, especially when we've all experienced either overt or discreet discrimination. It's better and safer for us to be surrounded by our own people or a more diverse environment. Out of curiosity, which city in the UK is this? I transferred from Lincoln for the lack of diversity and racism aimed at me (someone graffitied the N-word outside my window). Although I agree that not all your friends have to be of similar cultures, but having none of yours is worse, especially when racism/discrimination/white supremacy is prominent in our societies.
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
she said ugh because being surrounded by white people makes you feel alienated, especially when we've all experienced either overt or discreet discrimination. It's better and safer for us to be surrounded by our own people or a more diverse environment. Out of curiosity, which city in the UK is this? I transferred from Lincoln for the lack of diversity and racism aimed at me (someone graffitied the N-word outside my window). Although I agree that not all your friends have to be of similar cultures, but having none of yours is worse, especially when racism/discrimination/white supremacy is prominent in our societies.
Ty for your answer.
My answer then may not have been at all helpful, and I apologise.
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(Original post by Anonymous)
she said ugh because being surrounded by white people makes you feel alienated, especially when we've all experienced either overt or discreet discrimination. It's better and safer for us to be surrounded by our own people or a more diverse environment. Out of curiosity, which city in the UK is this? I transferred from Lincoln for the lack of diversity and racism aimed at me (someone graffitied the N-word outside my window). Although I agree that not all your friends have to be of similar cultures, but having none of yours is worse, especially when racism/discrimination/white supremacy is prominent in our societies.
Omg yes it’s lincoln what on earth. And you’re right I’m afraid to even go to the mosque because there have been instances of racist attacks there and people throwing bricks and what not. And I feel like alienated as someone who grew up with mostly people from BAME groups my whole life. and before anyone tells me to move on I can’t there’s no one I would date thats not from London
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becausethenight
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Omg yes it’s lincoln what on earth. And you’re right I’m afraid to even go to the mosque because there have been instances of racist attacks there and people throwing bricks and what not. And I feel like alienated as someone who grew up with mostly people from BAME groups my whole life. and before anyone tells me to move on I can’t there’s no one I would date thats not from London
Is there a way you could reach out to other Muslims or BAME students at Lincoln? I'm sure there must be some and they probably feel equally alienated, so a post on a year GC (say) asking for support starting an ISOC or a BAME support group could go down really well.

Equally I'd suggest speaking to your personal tutor and seeing what options there are (such as if a room could be used as a prayer room at uni or if the uni is interested in something like a racism investigation or signing the BMA anti-racism charter).

I'm sorry to hear you're experiencing this at uni and it sounds horribly stressful and unpleasent, but I really would hope there are steps you can take to make things better or at least try and create positive change. You could also look into external groups like the British Indian Medical Association or Melanin Medics for extra-uni support?
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Omg yes it’s lincoln what on earth. And you’re right I’m afraid to even go to the mosque because there have been instances of racist attacks there and people throwing bricks and what not. And I feel like alienated as someone who grew up with mostly people from BAME groups my whole life. and before anyone tells me to move on I can’t there’s no one I would date thats not from London
NO WAY. Honestly ramadan was the worst for me, going mosque whilst there were so many racist drug addicts taunting me. I’m from London too and it’s so diverse here I was shocked at the lack of it in Lincoln! The N-word was the final straw I had to transfer to university here in London. I don’t feel comfortable living away from London now. These other white people don’t understand, don’t listen to them undermining your feelings. They are completely valid💕 Hope things get better for you sis.
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