HELP!! Need someone to check this A-Level Geography 9 marker for me!

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oliviabarnett24
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#1
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#1
“Globalisation is simply the growth of the global economy”
To what extent do you agree with this idea? (9)

Globalisation is the process by which national economies, societies and cultures have become increasingly integrated through the global network of trade, communication, transportation, immigration, and the internet. Globalisation has transformed the world we live in today, also enabling connections between different nations across the globe. Globalisation is the spread of ideas worldwide, where countries can access different material, food, and art which before globalisation, was not possible.
I do strongly disagree with this idea that globalisation is ‘simply the growth of the global economy’, as in most cases, globalisation is also the spread of cultural ideas and beliefs across the world. Globalisation may affect the rate of global economic growth; however it does depend on the size and structure of the country or countries where the process globalisation is occurring. Globalisation has not been seen to individually cause an increase nor a decrease global economic growth, meaning other factors such as political policies, the stability of a countries environment and social media attention will have to exist worldwide for globalisation to make a significant change such as the increase of the total global economy. For example, in countries where average rainfall is relatively low, they won’t be able to produce primary products such as rice and wheat. This is a huge disadvantage for those countries, meaning globalisation can then come into force and produce communication between them and countries where rice and wheat production is high. This couldn’t be done without globalisation as that use of communication through the media would not be possible.
However, one may agree with this argument by saying that the main purpose and goal of globalisation is to boost economies across the world for the growth of the global economy to happen. Globalisation allows markets and companies worldwide to become more self-sufficient and independent, which will then make trading and foreign investments easier to occur, overall beginning to strengthen the global economy. With the increase of global trade and foreign investment, companies will be able to enter into more of a competitive environment within the trading world, therefore increasing the spread of wealth more equally.
In conclusion, I believe that globalisation isn’t just the growth of the global economy. The term ‘globalisation’ does not just refer to economic properties, but social, environmental, and political factors. Not only does globalisation affect the growth of the global economy, but it also has a large, positive effect on global ideas and cultural matters, as well as social factors such as TV, music, and material. Without globalisation today, countries such as the UK would not benefit from foreign companies and cultural differences such as Chinese food, IKEA, and K-Pop music.
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flaurie
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#2
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A couple comments: (don’t know if they’ll help or not!)

Your introduction and conclusion are both saying the same thing several times in a slightly different way each time (not sure if this was intentional or not!)

When you give an example, e.g. “For example, in countries where average rainfall is relatively low”, could you name a country to make your answer more specific (you don’t have any case studies, facts/figures in your answer so it’s quite general atm)

Then just below that where you say “globalisation can then come into force and produce communication”, do you mean enable/accelerate instead of produce?

For the conclusion we got taught to answer to what extent.. questions with e.g. “I agree/disagree with the statement to a moderate/large extent that….” or even use percentages for how much we agreed/disagreed so that we made sure we fully answered the question.
Last edited by flaurie; 2 months ago
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oliviabarnett24
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(Original post by flaurie)
A couple comments: (don’t know if they’ll help or not!)

Your introduction and conclusion are both saying the same thing several times in a slightly different way each time (not sure if this was intentional or not!)

When you give an example, e.g. “For example, in countries where average rainfall is relatively low”, could you name a country to make your answer more specific (you don’t have any case studies, facts/figures in your answer so it’s quite general atm)

Then just below that where you say “globalisation can then come into force and produce communication”, do you mean enable/accelerate instead of produce?

For the conclusion we got taught to answer to what extent.. questions with e.g. “I agree/disagree with the statement to a moderate/large extent that….” or even use percentages for how much we agreed/disagreed so that we made sure we fully answered the question.
Wow you are amazing. Thank you so much!!!
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oliviabarnett24
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#4
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Apart from those corrections, was the essay ok?

I have amended those corrections btw. Thanks so much
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flaurie
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(Original post by oliviabarnett24)
Apart from those corrections, was the essay ok?

I have amended those corrections btw. Thanks so much
Yep only other thing I would say is to check the length incase it’s a bit short (I never typed mine so I don’t know if it’s a good length or not!)
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oliviabarnett24
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#6
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#6
(Original post by flaurie)
Yep only other thing I would say is to check the length incase it’s a bit short (I never typed mine so I don’t know if it’s a good length or not!)
Ok cool thank you!!
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