The Student Room Group

Why does she hate me?

Please keep anon.

Basically this year at college, I have two classes with this girl. Since the beginning of term we've got on well together and we have our own little jokes and stuff.

Anyway, today she basically turned on me, because she perceives me to be "middle-class" because I went to a private school. She was saying that she could see my "class" in everything - the unis I've applied, the fact I would send my own kids to private school, the fact my parents pay for tutors for me and even in my stationary as like all of it comes from WHSmith or Paperchase. She was saying that I can afford to by the stationary I do because of my parents. When I told her that I work and buy my own stationary she was like "well its still because of your parents having money, because you can afford to spend the amount that you do do on stationary". And then she was saying that my "class" is shown by me having driving lessons and I told her that I pay for them too.

Writing this now I feel stupid, but she really upset me.

She was saying that I'm a product of the school that I went to and that its a completely different world and she judges people like that as she doesn't feel that she will get on with them and if she had just met me for the first time, I would fit her stereotype.

She also said that I can rely more on my parents than most people,which I don't understand, and she thinks I'm spoilt, even though I don't act like I am spoilt.

I don't even know what my question is, I think I just needed to vent.

Do you judge people or have you ever been judged on such stupid things?

Why does she despise me so much?

Scroll to see replies

Reply 1
And no one cares...
Reply 2
It is, as you say, stupid. Someone who's willing to turn on you for such a silly thing isn't worth your time. You'd do well to remind her that you got on initially so for her to suggest that she can't get on with people like you is further stupid.
Reply 3
Lol how retarded. Reverse classism.
She's simply jealous...
Reply 5
she's really odd. i'm sorry, but to suddenly turn on you because of where you buy your stationery or the fact that you have driving lessons?
sounds pathetic. she's not worth it, move on to someone better :smile:
Reply 6
She's the one who is stuck up and arrogant here, not you. She is a product of her class, because she chooses to believe that all those who are perhaps more wealthy than her are better off in every aspect of their life. Seriously, I'd confront her about it. She's being pathetic and judging someone on the fact they may have a little more money than you is an immature, offensive way to be. You don't judge her on her class, so why does she do the same to you? Why does she decide suddenly, just because she's found out your class, she's morally higher than you?

There is no need for her to hate you, so ask her why she does.
Maybe she's having money problems at home and your an easy target because she sees you as different?

Not saying it's ok for her to be like that though. It was a mean thing to do.
Reply 8
Mate you'd be better off without her. She seems to reek of jealousy. If it was me I would just blank her from now on lol. But if you still want to maintain a friendship with her then tell her about how you feel about what she said and she might apologize.
Reply 9
Anonymous
Please keep anon.

Basically this year at college, I have two classes with this girl. Since the beginning of term we've got on well together and we have our own little jokes and stuff.

Anyway, today she basically turned on me, because she perceives me to be "middle-class" because I went to a private school. She was saying that she could see my "class" in everything - the unis I've applied, the fact I would send my own kids to private school, the fact my parents pay for tutors for me and even in my stationary as like all of it comes from WHSmith or Paperchase. She was saying that I can afford to by the stationary I do because of my parents. When I told her that I work and buy my own stationary she was like "well its still because of your parents having money, because you can afford to spend the amount that you do do on stationary". And then she was saying that my "class" is shown by me having driving lessons and I told her that I pay for them too.

Writing this now I feel stupid, but she really upset me.

She was saying that I'm a product of the school that I went to and that its a completely different world and she judges people like that as she doesn't feel that she will get on with them and if she had just met me for the first time, I would fit her stereotype.

She also said that I can rely more on my parents than most people,which I don't understand, and she thinks I'm spoilt, even though I don't act like I am spoilt.

I don't even know what my question is, I think I just needed to vent.

Do you judge people or have you ever been judged on such stupid things?

Why does she despise me so much?



I truly dislike to be the voice of reason, but in this case i'll give it a go. I doubt this sudden shift in her attude towards you is class hatred, she might have money problems or parent problems.. or both :eek:

now you come along, you've maybe got all the stuff she wants but can't have and being upset she loses her rag in your direction!

My advice, forget about it! Better yet apologise.. for some reason that always seems to work, even if its not your fault! :biggrin:
I agree with Chapel, there is probably a deeper root to her anguish than "class". Maybe she perceives that because you went to private school your parents were willing to invest a lot in you, they had faith in you.. which she might not have had from hers. If that's the case then by throwing this in her face - whether intentional or not - you're reminding her of unhappy times...and she won't want to be around you because of it.
Maybe let her know you're sorry if you upset her and she upset you for what she said, when you weren't trying to flaunt it. Being generous [taking her to lunch etc.] might help and so might asking her if she's unhappy about anything.
Reply 11
Juwel
It is, as you say, stupid. Someone who's willing to turn on you for such a silly thing isn't worth your time. You'd do well to remind her that you got on initially so for her to suggest that she can't get on with people like you is further stupid.


Yeah I guess so, I tried, but like she wont even listen to me properly now. I really want to clear the air, although I think we will become "hi and bye" friends now.

Bril_idioot

She's simply jealous...


My friend said that she might be, but she has nothing at all to be jealous of. We get more or less the same grades, and she's quite well know, I just fail to see what I have that she wants.

lotusx

she's not worth it, move on to someone better


Thanks lotusx. I don't want it to come to that because though, we were getting on so well and like I started college not knowing anyone and even though I've made some amazing friends, I know this sounds kinda like needy, but I'm a bit like cautious to just like disregard her if you get me.

Jessaay!
You don't judge her on her class, so why does she do the same to you? Why does she decide suddenly, just because she's found out your class, she's morally higher than you? There is no need for her to hate you, so ask her why she does


I have no idea and the thing is like one of the first things she asked me when we met was what high school I went to, so its not like she didn't know to begin with! And the thing is she can be quite elitist at times, in terms of universities and courses, so I find it a bit hypocritical.

I asked her why she hates me and she said she doesn't and we're still friends (like we're in prep school or something) but no one has ever looked at me with so much contempt. Really if looks could kill...
Reply 12
>Anna<
Maybe she's having money problems at home and your an easy target because she sees you as different?


Possibly, I guess I forgot the most important bit.

The conversation basically came from a questionnaire that we were doing for my friend for her Sociology Coursework and that was about class and childcare. So you had to like tell her your parents professions, and I could tell she was a bit uneasy about saying hers after I had told my friend what my parents do, so I was trying to take an interest, like she said her dad was at uni, so he's not working at the moment, so I asked what he was studying. I wasn't being patronising and I don't think she took it that way either.

swiftplay

Mate you'd be better off without her. She seems to reek of jealousy. If it was me I would just blank her from now on lol. But if you still want to maintain a friendship with her then tell her about how you feel about what she said and she might apologize.


To be honest I was thinking about blanking her, but due to the fact we sit so near in classes, and like our class size are quite small, I think it would be just awkward. I've tried blanking people in the past and I just feel guilty lol.

I doubt I'll get an apology, she said sorry if she had offended me, but that doesn't change her opinion of me.

Ha, I guess I'm not anon anymore!
Reply 13
Chapel
I truly dislike to be the voice of reason, but in this case i'll give it a go. I doubt this sudden shift in her attude towards you is class hatred, she might have money problems or parent problems.. or both :eek:

now you come along, you've maybe got all the stuff she wants but can't have and being upset she loses her rag in your direction!

My advice, forget about it! Better yet apologise.. for some reason that always seems to work, even if its not your fault! :biggrin:


Thanks for the advice,
I think I will try apologising, as you're right, it does work, even though I know I've not done anything to warrant that response.
Altruistic1

If that's the case then by throwing this in her face - whether intentional or not - you're reminding her of unhappy times...and she won't want to be around you because of it.


I understand where you're coming from but I'm so careful about what I say. My college is in a quite deprived area of manchester (lets just say gun crime) so I know some people will automatically dislike me due to my background - I just never thought they'd be so open about it. So like I never said anything to brag or boast - partially because I don't feel like I have anything to be conceited about, and I'm not materialistic.
I think that she may be having problems at home, I know her siblings are away at the moment and her brother is in the forces, so I guess it may be a hard time for her.

I'd rather she'd talk to me about her problems than use me as a scapegoat for them!

Thank you so much for you're advice everyone!
I know it sounded stupid, but it was getting me down - I guess I didn't realise how much I care about what others think of me.
:smile:
Well come on, basically anyone can be a prat...
you've just come across a surprise one.
Reply 15
Anonymous
Please keep anon.

Basically this year at college, I have two classes with this girl. Since the beginning of term we've got on well together and we have our own little jokes and stuff.

Anyway, today she basically turned on me, because she perceives me to be "middle-class" because I went to a private school. She was saying that she could see my "class" in everything - the unis I've applied, the fact I would send my own kids to private school, the fact my parents pay for tutors for me and even in my stationary as like all of it comes from WHSmith or Paperchase. She was saying that I can afford to by the stationary I do because of my parents. When I told her that I work and buy my own stationary she was like "well its still because of your parents having money, because you can afford to spend the amount that you do do on stationary". And then she was saying that my "class" is shown by me having driving lessons and I told her that I pay for them too.

Writing this now I feel stupid, but she really upset me.

She was saying that I'm a product of the school that I went to and that its a completely different world and she judges people like that as she doesn't feel that she will get on with them and if she had just met me for the first time, I would fit her stereotype.

She also said that I can rely more on my parents than most people,which I don't understand, and she thinks I'm spoilt, even though I don't act like I am spoilt.

I don't even know what my question is, I think I just needed to vent.

Do you judge people or have you ever been judged on such stupid things?

Why does she despise me so much?




she despises you so much because middle class people are annoying as ****

BUT HEY YOUR AT COLLEGE

so its not too bad , i mean your at college and not six form ,

Point is i find middle class people annoying the most common ones are people like this

HI IM ANNA
im studying art dance and sociology.I come from a lovely family and have a dog a cat and I love mcfly

there are about 10 -15 people from my church that are like that.

its annoying , and if your from a councill estate you kinda hate it , you hate how they look down on you , how they think there so much better then everyone else.


Yes your friend is being a nob, but she may have her reasons im afaid.
Reply 16
she's jealous, nuff said.
She's just jealous. You know you're not spoilt so it's not like she can change that, as much as she obviously wants to..
Reply 18
reikazen
she despises you so much because middle class people are annoying as ****

BUT HEY YOUR AT COLLEGE

so its not too bad , i mean your at college and not six form ,

Point is i find middle class people annoying the most common ones are people like this

HI IM ANNA
im studying art dance and sociology.I come from a lovely family and have a dog a cat and I love mcfly

there are about 10 -15 people from my church that are like that.

its annoying , and if your from a councill estate you kinda hate it , you hate how they look down on you , how they think there so much better then everyone else.


Yes your friend is being a nob, but she may have her reasons im afaid.


Well I'm afraid I don't fit your stereotype, I actually find people who are overly happy all the time for no reason annoying at times to.

I just don't understand how you can judge someone based purely on their class without even knowing them.

And the funny thing is, I don't even consider myself to be a part of any class. I'm not as rich as the rich kids and the poor kids think i have more than them, so I don't fit in, in that sence. (I used rich and poor as a metaphor, I don't actually think or call people poor or rich).

And I definitely don't look down on anyone.
So what if your parents pay for things for you? That's what they're for. I expect my parents to help me out until I'm qualified and able to look after myself. And then they'll be old and I'll look after them. It's called family. You don't have to be rich to understand that.