This discussion is now closed.
Check out other Related discussions
- I dumped a guy because of the porn he wanted to watch. Was I justified?
- should i inform the police about the disgusting porn i found on my exes phone?
- Boyfriend follows naked women on insta
- Guys who can't 'finish' from sex
- I hate my boyfriend watching porn
- My boyfriend uses porn instead of pictures of me, why does it upset me so much?
- Is it okay for my boyfriend keep looking on girls online?
- I can’t make my boyfriend *** and it’s ruining my self esteem
- bf question
- Why would girls watch Pornography ?
- Sexual abuse and new relationship (TW)
- What are risks of Watching porn without masturbation??
- I’m straight but watch gay porn
- Porn/searching up only fans
- HELP my Mother found out i was watching porn
- I’m straight but only watch lesbian porn
- Watched a lot of porn
- Brother creeps me out, any suggestions ?
- Have a gf but not sure if I’m gay or not
- I'm not gay but sometimes I get off to gay porn?
My boyfriend talks to me about porn he watches
Me and my bf had such a pure relationship. We met once and really connected but then after we felt too shy around each other so we would talk on msn/phone/texts. We would spend hours and hours talking about marriage, religion, life..he made me feel so special and as I had never dated anyone in my life I really started to fall for him. I could tell him things I had told no one else before and I used to text him constantly, wait for him to come on msn to talk or spend hours into the morning chatting to him. There was never a dull moment and what I loved so much about him was he was never dirty or suggestive...he always talked about us watching sunsets together on the beach or hugging on the couch...it was so pure and sweet...
Eventually after 2 years of quick, brief meetings, I pretended I sprained my ankle and texted him because I was dying to be alone with him. He came to help me and I was so nervous but really happy to see him. He helped me home and I felt on top of the world I had been brave to see him in person.
A week later we met again and walked around town, holding hands, talking, hugging...it felt so magical because we had never had any physical contact after 2 years and I just wanted to hold him and daydream in his arms....
Anyway since then we have been bf/gf for almost a year. The relationship has been really turbulent, we argue a lot and I cry a lot at night because the magic that we had is not the same. So many factors have contributed to this, like he gets angry really quickly so I always have to watch what I say, or he gets really impatient and I have to rush around and make sure he is happy. Also it secretly makes me really sad that recently he told me he watches porn once or twice a week. He said he really likes this girl called Jenna Haza and that he is more into porn than before.
He said to me he feels really guilty about watching porn but nevertheless cant resists because he always wants to see what new girls are there and he mainly likes watching girls give guys oral. He said he imagines me doing it to him (I never have or had sex with him yet) when he watches it tho I dont know if he is lying. What hurts the most is he finds these girls pretty and also that since we are together he has watched it more.
Also I am not sure why he tells me this about porn. It makes me really sad but then he says at least he is open with me unlike other guys who always lie to their girlfriends. He is not trying to hurt me, he said it is a natural thing for guys to do whether they have a gf or not and I shouldnt feel bad.
Thing is, all I think is I want my cute, adorable sweet guy back, the one that spoke to me on msn for hours about life, art, poetry...I dont like the guy he has become...he seems like an animal..I dont think he used to be like this and even ne himself says he kinda misses the days when he was young and didnt really know much about porn.
Anyway I guess I want to know is it natural for guys to tell the gf about porn? Is it like he said a good thing he is open with me or do u think he is being insensitive? I cant decide cause while I am happy he feels he can tell me this it does hurt so badly inside when I think of him looking at other beautiful girls doing things I have no experience doing.
Really would appreciate some advice. Thank you.
Eventually after 2 years of quick, brief meetings, I pretended I sprained my ankle and texted him because I was dying to be alone with him. He came to help me and I was so nervous but really happy to see him. He helped me home and I felt on top of the world I had been brave to see him in person.
A week later we met again and walked around town, holding hands, talking, hugging...it felt so magical because we had never had any physical contact after 2 years and I just wanted to hold him and daydream in his arms....
Anyway since then we have been bf/gf for almost a year. The relationship has been really turbulent, we argue a lot and I cry a lot at night because the magic that we had is not the same. So many factors have contributed to this, like he gets angry really quickly so I always have to watch what I say, or he gets really impatient and I have to rush around and make sure he is happy. Also it secretly makes me really sad that recently he told me he watches porn once or twice a week. He said he really likes this girl called Jenna Haza and that he is more into porn than before.
He said to me he feels really guilty about watching porn but nevertheless cant resists because he always wants to see what new girls are there and he mainly likes watching girls give guys oral. He said he imagines me doing it to him (I never have or had sex with him yet) when he watches it tho I dont know if he is lying. What hurts the most is he finds these girls pretty and also that since we are together he has watched it more.
Also I am not sure why he tells me this about porn. It makes me really sad but then he says at least he is open with me unlike other guys who always lie to their girlfriends. He is not trying to hurt me, he said it is a natural thing for guys to do whether they have a gf or not and I shouldnt feel bad.
Thing is, all I think is I want my cute, adorable sweet guy back, the one that spoke to me on msn for hours about life, art, poetry...I dont like the guy he has become...he seems like an animal..I dont think he used to be like this and even ne himself says he kinda misses the days when he was young and didnt really know much about porn.
Anyway I guess I want to know is it natural for guys to tell the gf about porn? Is it like he said a good thing he is open with me or do u think he is being insensitive? I cant decide cause while I am happy he feels he can tell me this it does hurt so badly inside when I think of him looking at other beautiful girls doing things I have no experience doing.
Really would appreciate some advice. Thank you.
Scroll to see replies
well tbh we both used to watch it lol. But before we went out i asked him n he was like yeah str8 up, idno if he watched it while i wasnt with him but im sure he did. Didnt bother me either.
About the girls being pretty, you dnt stop thinkin other people are goodlooking just cause your with someone and these are porn stars...he's never going to meet them.
Im sure alot of guys watch it. Does he know you dont like it?
About the girls being pretty, you dnt stop thinkin other people are goodlooking just cause your with someone and these are porn stars...he's never going to meet them.
Im sure alot of guys watch it. Does he know you dont like it?
You poor thing. I feel for you, and let me share some experience with you.
I think you first have to understand that guys are basically hormonally charged. It's no excuse for licenstious or promiscuous behaviour however once in a while, a guy tends to uncontrollaby shift his gaze to the girl next to you, or have dirty thoughts running through his mind, or even turn to porn to satisfy these desires. These are biological, innate desires, no matter the label. So you can't really fault him for it.
That said, I think its wrong to discuss with the gf about the porn he watches. It's downright disrespectful and hurtful. No one should ever have to go through the extremely hurtful and traumatising experience of listening to his/her love one describing someone esle's naked body or sexual act. It's abhorrent absolutely. In this regard, I suggest you talk to him. Tell him that you feel uncomfortable about him saying this to you, and tell him you feel hurt when he's actually looking at other female. Its kind of like cheating on the you.
I think its possible to watch porn and at the same time have a completely lovely, healthy relationship with one another. Many guys still tune in to porn regularly even when in loving relationships simple as an avenue to relieve their sexual urges.
The bigger problem here, I suspect, lies in the fact that he seems to be into you for the lust rather than the love. You have to start to question whether his is true love or plainly just for the sexual experience? It seems to be the pre-relationship him and the post-relationship him are radically different. This means he is truly not the person you have fallen in love with. The person you have fallen in love with is just a veneer.
I know its difficult, but what determines whether a guy truly loves his girl is not during the wooing phase, or the honeymoon period, but during the post honeymoon period when a guy's respect, patience, maturity, responsibility comes to test. Love in its post-honeymoon stage isnt all lovey-dovey, it takes responsibility, maturity, commitmment and mutual respect to sustain it.
Talk to him, and if things don't change, dont drag it any further. You deserve a guy who will love you unconditionally and eternally, not some opportunistic guy who only love you to get you into his arms [or into his bed], and then change 360 degrees thereafter.
I think you first have to understand that guys are basically hormonally charged. It's no excuse for licenstious or promiscuous behaviour however once in a while, a guy tends to uncontrollaby shift his gaze to the girl next to you, or have dirty thoughts running through his mind, or even turn to porn to satisfy these desires. These are biological, innate desires, no matter the label. So you can't really fault him for it.
That said, I think its wrong to discuss with the gf about the porn he watches. It's downright disrespectful and hurtful. No one should ever have to go through the extremely hurtful and traumatising experience of listening to his/her love one describing someone esle's naked body or sexual act. It's abhorrent absolutely. In this regard, I suggest you talk to him. Tell him that you feel uncomfortable about him saying this to you, and tell him you feel hurt when he's actually looking at other female. Its kind of like cheating on the you.
I think its possible to watch porn and at the same time have a completely lovely, healthy relationship with one another. Many guys still tune in to porn regularly even when in loving relationships simple as an avenue to relieve their sexual urges.
The bigger problem here, I suspect, lies in the fact that he seems to be into you for the lust rather than the love. You have to start to question whether his is true love or plainly just for the sexual experience? It seems to be the pre-relationship him and the post-relationship him are radically different. This means he is truly not the person you have fallen in love with. The person you have fallen in love with is just a veneer.
I know its difficult, but what determines whether a guy truly loves his girl is not during the wooing phase, or the honeymoon period, but during the post honeymoon period when a guy's respect, patience, maturity, responsibility comes to test. Love in its post-honeymoon stage isnt all lovey-dovey, it takes responsibility, maturity, commitmment and mutual respect to sustain it.
Talk to him, and if things don't change, dont drag it any further. You deserve a guy who will love you unconditionally and eternally, not some opportunistic guy who only love you to get you into his arms [or into his bed], and then change 360 degrees thereafter.
I sympathise with the OP, but I do also think that some of the other posters on this thread are being a bit harsh towards her boyfriend. Obviously I think he's wrong to tell the OP about the porn he watches, but it doesn't sound like he is in the relationship purely for sex - surely he's just a bit sexually frustrated? After all they've been in the relationship for a couple of years and haven't had sex yet.
Basically I agree with junglemonkey:
Edit: I'll just add that OP, maybe he feels that you don't find him sexually attractive? I'd be pretty upset if my boyfriend didn't show any signs of desiring me, after all!
Basically I agree with junglemonkey:
junglemonkey
I think in a really abstract, backwards way he's trying to make you feel like you're sexually attractive to him. Granted he could have been more tactful. To me, it sounds like you're making him horny but he can't do anything about it with you, hence his porn watching has gone up.
Edit: I'll just add that OP, maybe he feels that you don't find him sexually attractive? I'd be pretty upset if my boyfriend didn't show any signs of desiring me, after all!
it sounds like both of you are seriously inexperienced.
it's perfectly normal and natural for a guy to watch porn and bash to it. him telling you about it is a bit weird though, considering you're in a non-sexual relationship.
this msn thing though... how old are you? i don't mean to be harsh, and i know msn is a popular means of talking to someone, but... didn't you think that in real life this guy would be someone different? i don't know any dude that willingly wants to talk about art, poetry, sunsets, cuddling on the couch.. at least not at my age. the only things they tend to think about is sex, minge, sex, alcohol, porn, women etc (unless they swing the other way).
ultimately, yes, you have every right to feel hurt etc, because, yes... you are inexperienced and have no idea what to expect. but truthfully, your guys behaviour is mostly normal. try talking to him about what you've said here?
it's perfectly normal and natural for a guy to watch porn and bash to it. him telling you about it is a bit weird though, considering you're in a non-sexual relationship.
this msn thing though... how old are you? i don't mean to be harsh, and i know msn is a popular means of talking to someone, but... didn't you think that in real life this guy would be someone different? i don't know any dude that willingly wants to talk about art, poetry, sunsets, cuddling on the couch.. at least not at my age. the only things they tend to think about is sex, minge, sex, alcohol, porn, women etc (unless they swing the other way).
ultimately, yes, you have every right to feel hurt etc, because, yes... you are inexperienced and have no idea what to expect. but truthfully, your guys behaviour is mostly normal. try talking to him about what you've said here?
Guys look at porn. Its not really that big a deal, and in fact it's really uncommon to know a guy that doesn't to be honest. You just need to know that you are the person they have chosen to be with, the person they love, and that porn is simply fantasy. In a lot of cases, guys look at porn because they would never really want that in real life, and its more exciting for them because they know it could never happen.
I wouldn't feel for a second that you don't compare to anything he watches on the internet, because it sounds like he values you way way higher than anything like that. Don't worry so much
I wouldn't feel for a second that you don't compare to anything he watches on the internet, because it sounds like he values you way way higher than anything like that. Don't worry so much
well I hate to burst the bubble but almost ALL guys watch porn, even when in relationships it's perfectly normal. It's not disgusting it's just what men are programmed to do, much like how dogs salivate when they see a good meal. lol. Yonanz had a good reply - I might just want to add that because you guys haven't had sex, he's maybe trying to hint to you with watching porn that he wants to be physically closer, to be more intimate (ie: he wants to be desired). You've been in a relationship for a long time and haven't had sex (that will test most men) so it's likely he feels sexually frustrated.
It's a pity that his attempt to communicate his feelings was immature (its good to leave the lines of communication open, but he could go about it so he doesn't hurt your esteem.) Likewise, it's best you don't see it as being replaced, unless he is intentionally trying to emotionally hurt you. Porn isn't the same as cheating, but when guys turn to obsess over porn, all it takes is a loving woman to show him the 'real deal'. Watching porn once or twice a week is actually not that bad (but the figure might be everyday, but even then that can be quite healthy). The question is whether you feel that his needs are worthy of being meant (ie: approaching him with the issue of sex, which is hugely important to most men). A man can't always be adorable, accept the good with the bad, if you feel its worth it. Why not engage in dirty talking?
I think you will need to lower your expectations. We can't all be romantic, platonic lotharios, I think it's a good thing he is being honest with his porn watching, so try not to rationalise it too much (because I talk to my girlfriend about porn, and in some cases watch it together)
It's a pity that his attempt to communicate his feelings was immature (its good to leave the lines of communication open, but he could go about it so he doesn't hurt your esteem.) Likewise, it's best you don't see it as being replaced, unless he is intentionally trying to emotionally hurt you. Porn isn't the same as cheating, but when guys turn to obsess over porn, all it takes is a loving woman to show him the 'real deal'. Watching porn once or twice a week is actually not that bad (but the figure might be everyday, but even then that can be quite healthy). The question is whether you feel that his needs are worthy of being meant (ie: approaching him with the issue of sex, which is hugely important to most men). A man can't always be adorable, accept the good with the bad, if you feel its worth it. Why not engage in dirty talking?
I think you will need to lower your expectations. We can't all be romantic, platonic lotharios, I think it's a good thing he is being honest with his porn watching, so try not to rationalise it too much (because I talk to my girlfriend about porn, and in some cases watch it together)
I agree with Kew. Guys and girls will always look at other people. Whether it be celebrities or a random person in the street. I sometimes get told by my bf who he thinks is hot. I just end up giving him my opinion of her.
Its just something that happens. But yeah it can be hurtful.
It does suck that he watches porn and tells you. Why don't you talk to him about it?
Its just something that happens. But yeah it can be hurtful.
It does suck that he watches porn and tells you. Why don't you talk to him about it?
Tinty
I agree with Kew. Guys and girls will always look at other people. Whether it be celebrities or a random person in the street. I sometimes get told by my bf who he thinks is hot. I just end up giving him my opinion of her.
Its just something that happens. But yeah it can be hurtful.
Its just something that happens. But yeah it can be hurtful.
It wasn't me who said that actually. Personally I agree with whoever it was who said that if you love someone, everyone else become less attractive. I know for a fact that since I started going out with my boyfriend I haven't fancied anyone else!
junglemonkey
Finally! 
I cannot understand why when you have a real life girl you would still choose porn. Same goes for women, mind you.
I cannot understand why when you have a real life girl you would still choose porn. Same goes for women, mind you.Typical female response. Grow some balls then try saying that, because atm you can't say **** because you're not a man.
There's nothing unnatural about watching porn. And it's especially not unnatural if you're not getting any ass from your girl.
Lust and attraction are two completely different things.
Being in love stops you finding other people attractive? I'd love to see the peer reviewed research on that one!
We are very much animals at our core, and part of the reason we are even here as a species is that our sex drive is pervasive. It is normal that he is interested in sex, especially since he isn't having it with you. What you and the other poster up there need to understand is that it doesn't mean you are any less attractive to him, or that he cares about you any less. That's just insecurity talking.
As for him talking to you about it, I think it's pretty obvious why he is. He wants to have sex and you apparently you do not. If it bothers you, ask him to stop. He is still the same guy you talked to for hours, he just ALSO has a sex drive which doesn't get any less just because you don't feel ready for it yet.
Your relationship was always going to get more sexual, becuase that's what the norm for adult relationships is. If you don't like it, tell him.
We are very much animals at our core, and part of the reason we are even here as a species is that our sex drive is pervasive. It is normal that he is interested in sex, especially since he isn't having it with you. What you and the other poster up there need to understand is that it doesn't mean you are any less attractive to him, or that he cares about you any less. That's just insecurity talking.
As for him talking to you about it, I think it's pretty obvious why he is. He wants to have sex and you apparently you do not. If it bothers you, ask him to stop. He is still the same guy you talked to for hours, he just ALSO has a sex drive which doesn't get any less just because you don't feel ready for it yet.
Your relationship was always going to get more sexual, becuase that's what the norm for adult relationships is. If you don't like it, tell him.
junglemonkey
I'm not condemning porn use when single/not getting any. I just can't comprehend why you would sit and jack off to porn if you have a girl who would have sex with you.
Unfortunately, most girls won't drop whatever they're doing, at any time, to have sex with their boyfriend. You make it sound like it's a choice to have one or the other. Yes I would find it weird if someone was actually turning down sex to go and look at porn, but most of the time it's in addition to sex.
somnambulistic grace
it sounds like both of you are seriously inexperienced.
it's perfectly normal and natural for a guy to watch porn and bash to it. him telling you about it is a bit weird though, considering you're in a non-sexual relationship.
this msn thing though... how old are you? i don't mean to be harsh, and i know msn is a popular means of talking to someone, but... didn't you think that in real life this guy would be someone different? i don't know any dude that willingly wants to talk about art, poetry, sunsets, cuddling on the couch.. at least not at my age. the only things they tend to think about is sex, minge, sex, alcohol, porn, women etc (unless they swing the other way).
ultimately, yes, you have every right to feel hurt etc, because, yes... you are inexperienced and have no idea what to expect. but truthfully, your guys behaviour is mostly normal. try talking to him about what you've said here?
it's perfectly normal and natural for a guy to watch porn and bash to it. him telling you about it is a bit weird though, considering you're in a non-sexual relationship.
this msn thing though... how old are you? i don't mean to be harsh, and i know msn is a popular means of talking to someone, but... didn't you think that in real life this guy would be someone different? i don't know any dude that willingly wants to talk about art, poetry, sunsets, cuddling on the couch.. at least not at my age. the only things they tend to think about is sex, minge, sex, alcohol, porn, women etc (unless they swing the other way).
ultimately, yes, you have every right to feel hurt etc, because, yes... you are inexperienced and have no idea what to expect. but truthfully, your guys behaviour is mostly normal. try talking to him about what you've said here?
You're so full of ****.
I feel sorry for you... My ex girlfriend would get upset about me watching certain music videos, never mind porn! I understood why she felt the way she did, so I can see why you would be upset. Just tell him how you feel. If he cares about you, then he'll understand, comfort you and tell you how much you mean to him...
OP, you haven't done anything sexual with him in all this time and you don't expect him to watch porn either. Why are you expecting the poor guy to go through what I assume are his teenage years without anything sexual?
Everytime I've been with a girl I've still looked at porn, and they've also known about it. Porn is totally normal, you get to watch anything you're in the mood for, and it's so easy. Plus if you're in a LDR you can't just have sex with your girlfriend anyway .... choosing porn over available sex is worrying but many men look at porn when sex ISN'T available, as it isn't with you.
If you're judging your current boyfriend on this I have news for you, you're limiting your pool of potential boyfriends by a LOT - and not even for a good reason. I think your problem here is that the spark is gone. That happens, and what's the blame there is assuming that you're going to get married and live happily ever right from the start before you even fully know eachother. I know a lot of people do this, it's understandable, but it's really not very realistic. It's nearly always going to end in tears.
Accept that nobody is perfect, and nobody is perfect for you. You just have to find someone you care about and try and make them work for you as well as anyone can. But don't start calling them an animal as soon as they do something that isn't exactly the behaviour you want from someone, that's just unfair and if you keep up this attitude you'll never be happy with someone in the long-term.
Everytime I've been with a girl I've still looked at porn, and they've also known about it. Porn is totally normal, you get to watch anything you're in the mood for, and it's so easy. Plus if you're in a LDR you can't just have sex with your girlfriend anyway .... choosing porn over available sex is worrying but many men look at porn when sex ISN'T available, as it isn't with you.
If you're judging your current boyfriend on this I have news for you, you're limiting your pool of potential boyfriends by a LOT - and not even for a good reason. I think your problem here is that the spark is gone. That happens, and what's the blame there is assuming that you're going to get married and live happily ever right from the start before you even fully know eachother. I know a lot of people do this, it's understandable, but it's really not very realistic. It's nearly always going to end in tears.
Accept that nobody is perfect, and nobody is perfect for you. You just have to find someone you care about and try and make them work for you as well as anyone can. But don't start calling them an animal as soon as they do something that isn't exactly the behaviour you want from someone, that's just unfair and if you keep up this attitude you'll never be happy with someone in the long-term.
I watched porn a lot when I was single, didn't particularly enjoy it but it allowed me to have a quick, easy ****. I think you need to understand he is a human being not an animal, it his natural for him to want sex and if he's not getting any from you then ******* to porn is an easy option.
Sounds like a desperate attempt for the poor guy to tell you that he wants to have sex with you, already.
Related discussions
- I dumped a guy because of the porn he wanted to watch. Was I justified?
- should i inform the police about the disgusting porn i found on my exes phone?
- Boyfriend follows naked women on insta
- Guys who can't 'finish' from sex
- I hate my boyfriend watching porn
- My boyfriend uses porn instead of pictures of me, why does it upset me so much?
- Is it okay for my boyfriend keep looking on girls online?
- I can’t make my boyfriend *** and it’s ruining my self esteem
- bf question
- Why would girls watch Pornography ?
- Sexual abuse and new relationship (TW)
- What are risks of Watching porn without masturbation??
- I’m straight but watch gay porn
- Porn/searching up only fans
- HELP my Mother found out i was watching porn
- I’m straight but only watch lesbian porn
- Watched a lot of porn
- Brother creeps me out, any suggestions ?
- Have a gf but not sure if I’m gay or not
- I'm not gay but sometimes I get off to gay porn?
Latest
Trending
Last reply 3 weeks ago
How can I apply for university and get my letters without my parents finding outLast reply 1 month ago
Dealing with and keeping lies to my aggressive parentsLast reply 1 month ago
(Serious) How do I get rid of weird feelings with my boobs and femininity?Last reply 1 month ago
For those of you who have younger cousins or nieces and nephews why do you do this?Fitness
6
8
Last reply 1 month ago
People who claim to wash in 5mins aren’t showering properlyLast reply 1 month ago
2024 has been a horrible year for me overall and I just wanted your thoughtsLast reply 2 months ago
My friend might be getting extra time and i hate it.
