Finding out you have been cheated on

Hi,

Do not no where to turn...It was the day of my close friends funeral, on the night time my partner was absolutely drunk asleep at the table. I went outside and was hit in the face....Next thing I know my neighbour was cleaning the blood off me. I then left the house to go see a family member because they were upset about what had had happened to me.

3 weeks later a message was sent to my partner saying how much he wants to smack her arse....I instantly replied saying what the f×××× you on about. He then deleted the message.

1 we are technically relayed.
2 my son was in the house
3 a underwear is torn
4 she said he locked the doors

I am thinking of going to the police she say to not. She admits something happened but can not remember.

We have been together over 15 years...I haven't ate or slept properly in 4 days since learning this.

Is it possible to fix this?

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Reply 1

Ackhnologia

Hi there.
Depends.
If you think you can forgive him and move on, then do it.
It actually is up to you.
How do you feel about the whole situation, that is it.

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

Hi, I can't imagine what you are going through. But I think it is really important to find our exactly what happened that day, because you need to make a big decision.

And also take note of whether your partner is willing to explain what happened honestly, or if they avoid talking about the matter.

Reply 3

Greatnhappy

She has to the best of her knowledge. I only found out because I was using her phone....3 weeks down the line. She said it was killing her not mentioning it to me....but finding out like this has ripped my heart....and for someone that I counted as family done it too me....

I have the clothes She was wearing, I know for a fact he has took advantage of the situation....disgusted.

Kind Regards

(edited 2 years ago)

Reply 4

Anonymous #2

The trouble is going to be finding out whether he did something to her against her will or she went along with it and isn't telling you. Either way, if you're uncomfortable about the situation, remove yourself

Reply 5

Greatnhappy

I wish I could my son is 15yrs old, last year of school then this....ffs. I cuddled her 2 days ago feels an empty shell when I did....it is killing me inside....a feel like it is My fault....should never of left her with someone I thought I could trust....

Reply 6

Anonymous #2

Original post by Greatnhappy

It's not your fault mate, 100% was the *******'s fault. And also whoever punched you. Who the hell did that anyway?

Reply 7

username5326522

I have a massive feeling you're a troll by the way you type

Reply 8

Greatnhappy

Troll? I wish my heart is broken I am starting to wish I was not here.....he hit me because when I found out my friend died I went and seen her dead on the kitchen floor (basically like a 2nd mother to me) also my mam died when I was 18 in Thailand....took 3 weeks to get her body back,.all swelled up in the Chapel of rest...horrible.

It is my fault for leaving her in that state, I was covered in blood I would happily have that then this....

Please help

Reply 9

Surnia

Original post by Greatnhappy

I know for a fact he has took advantage of the situation....disgusted.

How is this 'cheating' when it sounds more like sexual assault or rape?

Who is this 'he'?

Did you report being hit to the police? Why did you leave to visit a family member after being attacked, why didn't they come to you?

How did someone get into the house if your partner was asleep, did they let them in?

Reply 10

Greatnhappy

It was not him it was a different person that hit me. As I said he "WAS" family...not anymore. She still remember parts of it but I can tell she not lying to me....even my own family said to get the police with a ripped clothes....a feel like I have let her down massively...I should not of left her on own passed out...

(edited 2 years ago)

Reply 11

gjd800

Ambiguous but this does sound like an assault. I think you need to have a frank discussion with partner about how to proceed here, my inclination would be to go to the police. locked doors, torn clothes - not a good look

Reply 12

Surnia

Original post by Greatnhappy

WHO hit you? Why haven't you reported that person for assault on you? Why do you say your partner cheated? Who took advantage of her?

Your story is confused and not making sense.

Reply 13

Greatnhappy

The person that hit me was the lady's, daughters boyfriend. It is pretty much my distant cousin that has done this. I did not report him a would sort that out myself....but this is so f×××d up. I know if see him I will end up locked up. My family are on my side (well 2 3rds of it).

Stuck in a loop and feel like a failure.

Reply 14

Surnia

Original post by Greatnhappy

Which lady?

Why do you think your partner cheated? How did someone get into the house and where was your son during whatever happened?

Reply 15

Greatnhappy

Lady? My neighbour. Why because she has admitted it but not sure but stated it would of happened if I did not turn up to stop it....a knickers are ripped on the left and right hand side.....and a pants smell of semen....

It will cost £450 to send her clothes off to lab for a DNA test. I have never done that too her in 15yrs it is killing me.

I do not want to live a lie.....

(edited 2 years ago)

Reply 16

Napp

So who hit you and where does cheating factor in to this? Or relatives and children for that matter?

Reply 17

Greatnhappy

She was flat out asleep at the table. I went outside got knocked out. The person I asked to look after the house is a cousin who has done this...she said he locked the doors and my son was in his bedroom. Then admitted that he hit his pens off a arm and pulled down her pants. Also said I came back just in time to stop it...otherwise it would of happened. A underwear is ripped and it smells semen.

I am struggling to cope with the fact I left her on a own in the state she was in and trusting a family member to gaurd her my house and son...then I find out 3 weeks later...

I am ill.

Any ideas?

I'm also confused. Why are you calling this cheating if she was taken advantage of and said luckily you got there just in time to stop it?

Why is he texting her, is there a relationship between them outside of this situation?