Earning less than your partner

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Anonymous #1
#1
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#1
To get straight to the point,
Let’s say u live in London, ur an accountant maybe on 60k but you meet someone that is a lawyer but is on 110k.

How would you feel about that if you’re a boy?
And if you’re a girl do u think there will be problems considering you earn more?
Ik I’m being dumb but I just want to see what the boys will think, is this an L

Also you might be south Asian so…💀
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Kallisto
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It depends on how important for you it really is. Me for instance is the importance to earn so much money to pay my livelihood and to live by my own. And - that is even more important - being happy with the circumstances at work. If it means to earn lesser than my partner in order to being happy, I would be fine with it.
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Moonlight Rain
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damn who is actually making that much money
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Anonymous #2
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tbh I get where your coming from, but I don’t see any problem... if you both contribute towards the monthly expenses then it’s cool.

I guess the problem would arise if one of you agent contributing to expenses or Saving.

But apart from that, it’s all chill. As long as you have money to survive your doing it right bro
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mnot
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Why would i be bothered. Id say good for my other half.

A salary gap wouldn’t bother me, but I would never want to leach off someone.
Last edited by mnot; 4 weeks ago
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Kallisto
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(Original post by Moonlight Rain)
damn who is actually making that much money
People who are working in London! Seriously, that is what I thought too by reading it.
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Ciel.
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(Original post by Anonymous)
To get straight to the point,
Let’s say u live in London, ur an accountant maybe on 60k but you meet someone that is a lawyer but is on 110k.

How would you feel about that if you’re a boy?
And if you’re a girl do u think there will be problems considering you earn more?
Ik I’m being dumb but I just want to see what the boys will think, is this an L

Also you might be south Asian so…💀
i make nothing, my partner is pretty wealthy. i'm a guy.
no, it doesn't bother me
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londonmyst
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I'm female and wouldn't mind as long as the guy was not a skinflint that expected me to pay for everything.
Unless the guy made a big issue out of the difference in annual income during arguments or was in the habit of mentioning it on a daily basis.
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Moonlight Rain
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(Original post by Kallisto)
People who are working in London! Seriously, that is what I thought too by reading it.
That 100k is basically 30k then cause the way breathing costs a ton in london
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Kallisto
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(Original post by Moonlight Rain)
That 100k is basically 30k then cause the way breathing costs a ton in london
Yeah, I understand what your point is. People told me that living in London is pretty expensive.
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anosmianAcrimony
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Well, mathematically one partner has got to earn less than the other one :dontknow: It's the kind of thing I'll try not to angst about when I eventually find myself in that situation.

If we call it an "L", then somebody would have to take the L, it'd be a zero sum game.
Last edited by anosmianAcrimony; 4 weeks ago
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Admit-One
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I couldn't care less.

If your ego is predicated on earning more than your partner then the relationship is on shaky ground IMO.
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NonIndigenous
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(Original post by Anonymous)
To get straight to the point,
Let’s say u live in London, ur an accountant maybe on 60k but you meet someone that is a lawyer but is on 110k.

How would you feel about that if you’re a boy?
And if you’re a girl do u think there will be problems considering you earn more?
Ik I’m being dumb but I just want to see what the boys will think, is this an L

Also you might be south Asian so…💀
Your question is gender specific, essentially: how to guys feel about having a partner (presumably female, as most tend to be) earning more? Most people here seem to have missed that.

I personally wouldn't care. But I think that's a little unusual. It would pyss me off though if she couldn't shut up about it in front of me or other people. Whether she were my partner or not, I don't like people like that.

Lots of guys gain a sense of security/self-esteem or an ego-boost from earning more than their partners. It's a cultural thing. And women are for similar/related reasons often attracted to guys who earn more. It's why men are still far more often expected to may on dates, offer/buy drinks, etc.

I've literally never heard a guy showing off how much his female partner earns (and I know a few like it). But I've heard women do it. lol. Usually indirectly, by showing off what a great career he has. And when drunk. Flexing their boyfriends. Which of them has 'the best' boyfriend. It's vulgar & I hate it.
Last edited by NonIndigenous; 4 weeks ago
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Anonymous #1
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Yeah I get it,

My mindset isn’t like that but it’s merely society which is the problem.
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asif007
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Lots of South Asian girls want everything. They want a traditional man who earns more than them and is the primary breadwinner, but they also want to work and compete against men at the workplace. Lots of women are out-earning men in high-status demanding jobs like Law and corporates. Nothing wrong with women earning more than men - but if I were you I would be very careful about how a woman's income affects her level of respect for you in a marriage. Lots of women nowadays think that earning a high salary means they deserve better in their relationships, i.e. a man who earns more than them. Which means that eventually she could start looking around at other guys, especially if she is young and attractive and still has lots of dating options open to her. It's called Female Hypergamy.

It's hard to foresee any of these problems before you get married. This woman might want to settle down with you, have children with you, respect you and grow old with you while never looking at anyone else. Or it could go completely the opposite way. You never know until you go through with it. If I were in your position, I would put a woman that earns more than you through a very extensive vetting process. Find out about her attitude towards money, her spending and saving habits, look at how much she would contribute towards your family. I don't know if you're Muslim but some women still believe in "women's Islamic right" that whatever a man earns is for the whole family but whatever she earns is hers to keep. A woman who earns more than the man in the marriage can't have this kind of view - it's dangerous and will set a bad precedent. Usually a man can earn respect from a woman by earning the higher income, but if that's not the case for you then you need to earn her respect and loyalty in other ways.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by asif007)
Lots of South Asian girls want everything. They want a traditional man who earns more than them and is the primary breadwinner, but they also want to work and compete against men at the workplace. Lots of women are out-earning men in high-status demanding jobs like Law and corporates. Nothing wrong with women earning more than men - but if I were you I would be very careful about how a woman's income affects her level of respect for you in a marriage. Lots of women nowadays think that earning a high salary means they deserve better in their relationships, i.e. a man who earns more than them. Which means that eventually she could start looking around at other guys, especially if she is young and attractive and still has lots of dating options open to her. It's called Female Hypergamy.

It's hard to foresee any of these problems before you get married. This woman might want to settle down with you, have children with you, respect you and grow old with you while never looking at anyone else. Or it could go completely the opposite way. You never know until you go through with it. If I were in your position, I would put a woman that earns more than you through a very extensive vetting process. Find out about her attitude towards money, her spending and saving habits, look at how much she would contribute towards your family. I don't know if you're Muslim but some women still believe in "women's Islamic right" that whatever a man earns is for the whole family but whatever she earns is hers to keep. A woman who earns more than the man in the marriage can't have this kind of view - it's dangerous and will set a bad precedent. Usually a man can earn respect from a woman by earning the higher income, but if that's not the case for you then you need to earn her respect and loyalty in other ways.
With that i know what you mean but when you say extensive vetting process I think that will not work, some people have sassy attitude but they’re not really rude.
It will be very hard to see that and yes I’m south Asian and Muslim hence why my post but you still haven’t answered the question would that make you feel small keeping in mind that your salary ain’t bad but your partners is quite a lot
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asif007
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(Original post by Anonymous)
With that i know what you mean but when you say extensive vetting process I think that will not work, some people have sassy attitude but they’re not really rude.
It will be very hard to see that and yes I’m south Asian and Muslim hence why my post but you still haven’t answered the question would that make you feel small keeping in mind that your salary ain’t bad but your partners is quite a lot
If I was in your position, I would look elsewhere at a woman that earns less than me. You're a man - you have to lead in the relationship, and a woman that earns more than you will not let you lead. She will end up wearing the trousers and calling the shots. A woman that earns more than you could use this as justification for disrespecting you. I don't know about you, but I would have little patience for bad attitude and rudeness from a potential wife. You're going to talk to your wife kindly and respectfully, which means you deserve the same in return. For women, money changes the dynamic of respect and attraction immensely. A woman that earns less than you is more likely to let you dominate and lead the relationship than a woman that earns more than you, especially if she is attractive and thinks she can do better than you.
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1582
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Been in a similar situation and it wasn't an issue. Someone is going to earn more than the other and their gender shouldn't really be important.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by asif007)
If I was in your position, I would look elsewhere at a woman that earns less than me. You're a man - you have to lead in the relationship, and a woman that earns more than you will not let you lead. She will end up wearing the trousers and calling the shots. A woman that earns more than you could use this as justification for disrespecting you. I don't know about you, but I would have little patience for bad attitude and rudeness from a potential wife. You're going to talk to your wife kindly and respectfully, which means you deserve the same in return. For women, money changes the dynamic of respect and attraction immensely. A woman that earns less than you is more likely to let you dominate and lead the relationship than a woman that earns more than you, especially if she is attractive and thinks she can do better than you.
That’s not for all people, I think you have to make things clear with them and be honest , some girls are like that in which they think they’re top of the world just by earning more money and because of a partner earning more that doesn’t mean they wear the pants and call all shots

lol it’s my own post but the way I’m taking it’s like I’m not op
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asif007
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(Original post by Anonymous)
That’s not for all people, I think you have to make things clear with them and be honest , some girls are like that in which they think they’re top of the world just by earning more money and because of a partner earning more that doesn’t mean they wear the pants and call all shots

lol it’s my own post but the way I’m taking it’s like I’m not op

True it's not all women, but it is a lot and it's something you have to be careful of. Which is why I said about finding out her spending and saving habits, how much she would contribute to your family etc. When a partner earns more, it makes sense that they should contribute a bigger share towards supporting the family, but women don't always think like this. Some of them think they deserve to keep all their money while the man supports the family single-handedly on a lower income. All things you need to be aware of before you enter a marriage. You might have no problem and your potential wife could pass all the tests, but you won't know until you give her those tests.

Something I forgot to mention earlier is getting a pre-nup. God forbid your marriage ends in divorce, would you want a woman who already earns more than you to end up taking half or even more of what you earned? On top of women having the advantage in getting custody of children. Women have all the advantages in divorce courts and end up taking the majority share of the couple's assets. Any couple in which both partners are earning and have shared assets should get a pre-nup.
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