Do I have a crush? (This is basically just me rambling sorry)

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Anonymous #1
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Ok so basically I think I might have a crush on my friend? I don’t have super strong feelings towards her so it’s not obvious to me if what I’m feeling is a crush or just me liking her a lot as a friend? I know it’s probably a dumb question I just find feelings confusing and get platonic & romantic feelings muddled. The last relationship I was in ended when I realised I wasn’t actually attracted to her I just had really strong platonic feelings for her and mistook it for having a crush so yeah I don’t want that to happen again lol.

Anyway, I’ll shut up about that and try and explain how I’m feeling now:
Basically I’ve noticed I’m thinking about her A LOT recently, replaying moments of her smiling at me or us joking around and stuff in my head, and it feels like she’s occupying my thoughts a little too much, more than a friend should normally be in my thoughts?? I also feel kinda light and fuzzy when I think about moments with her, and just when I think about her in general. It’s not super strong but it’s definitely there. And I feel kinda nervous when I see her around sometimes. When I’m with her I really enjoy her company, I feel happier than I do when I’m interacting with most of my other friends, and slightly giddy which makes me think I might have a crush. I don’t know if I’m physically attracted to her, she’s not really conventionally attractive but I do find her kinda cute. Ive found myself sort of checking her out sometimes, looking at her lips and stuff but it’s only because I’m trying to decide if I’m physically attracted to her. I don’t think there’s any sexual attraction there but I have had sexual thoughts about her (not about us having sex but more about her being naked, and it’s weirdly kinda appealing), but my brain has weird thoughts sometimes and I didn’t really feel turned on when I thought about it, but I have thought about it. Multiple times. Could just be random invasive thoughts though. I don’t think of other friends that way though (except for one who I’m definitely physically attracted to but I have no actual feelings for her).
Anyway, I don’t think I could actually imagine us in a relationship, but I can’t deny that I’m feeling some typa way for her, it feels different to my feelings for other friends.
The thing is idk whether I like her even more than I realise but I’ve just been in denial and mentally trying to put it out of my head (bc this is the first time I’ve properly acknowledged to myself that I might have a crush, despite feeling this way for a while), or maybe I don’t even like her that way and now that I’ve had that little suspicion that I like her she won’t get out my brain and maybe that’s why I’m thinking about her loads. Like maybe I’ve made my brain think I like her and now it’s acting like I do? I’m probably just really overthinking it tbh. I think I’m just confused because she’s my friend and I feel weird thinking about her in a more-than-friends sorta way.

I doubt there’s anything anyone can really say to help, I don’t expect anyone to help either, this is more just a way of me releasing all these thoughts in a rant. Idk if any of this even makes sense, I’m bad at explaining things. If you’ve read this far, sorry, I know I’m a confused mess lmao.
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Ok so basically I think I might have a crush on my friend? I don’t have super strong feelings towards her so it’s not obvious to me if what I’m feeling is a crush or just me liking her a lot as a friend? I know it’s probably a dumb question I just find feelings confusing and get platonic & romantic feelings muddled. The last relationship I was in ended when I realised I wasn’t actually attracted to her I just had really strong platonic feelings for her and mistook it for having a crush so yeah I don’t want that to happen again lol.

Anyway, I’ll shut up about that and try and explain how I’m feeling now:
Basically I’ve noticed I’m thinking about her A LOT recently, replaying moments of her smiling at me or us joking around and stuff in my head, and it feels like she’s occupying my thoughts a little too much, more than a friend should normally be in my thoughts?? I also feel kinda light and fuzzy when I think about moments with her, and just when I think about her in general. It’s not super strong but it’s definitely there. And I feel kinda nervous when I see her around sometimes. When I’m with her I really enjoy her company, I feel happier than I do when I’m interacting with most of my other friends, and slightly giddy which makes me think I might have a crush. I don’t know if I’m physically attracted to her, she’s not really conventionally attractive but I do find her kinda cute. Ive found myself sort of checking her out sometimes, looking at her lips and stuff but it’s only because I’m trying to decide if I’m physically attracted to her. I don’t think there’s any sexual attraction there but I have had sexual thoughts about her (not about us having sex but more about her being naked, and it’s weirdly kinda appealing), but my brain has weird thoughts sometimes and I didn’t really feel turned on when I thought about it, but I have thought about it. Multiple times. Could just be random invasive thoughts though. I don’t think of other friends that way though (except for one who I’m definitely physically attracted to but I have no actual feelings for her).
Anyway, I don’t think I could actually imagine us in a relationship, but I can’t deny that I’m feeling some typa way for her, it feels different to my feelings for other friends.
The thing is idk whether I like her even more than I realise but I’ve just been in denial and mentally trying to put it out of my head (bc this is the first time I’ve properly acknowledged to myself that I might have a crush, despite feeling this way for a while), or maybe I don’t even like her that way and now that I’ve had that little suspicion that I like her she won’t get out my brain and maybe that’s why I’m thinking about her loads. Like maybe I’ve made my brain think I like her and now it’s acting like I do? I’m probably just really overthinking it tbh. I think I’m just confused because she’s my friend and I feel weird thinking about her in a more-than-friends sorta way.

I doubt there’s anything anyone can really say to help, I don’t expect anyone to help either, this is more just a way of me releasing all these thoughts in a rant. Idk if any of this even makes sense, I’m bad at explaining things. If you’ve read this far, sorry, I know I’m a confused mess lmao.
Sounds like a crush to me! Are you a boy or a girl, and what ages are the two of you?
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stomachulcer
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Love that for you.
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randomperson244
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Sounds like a crush to me! Are you a boy or a girl, and what ages are the two of you?
I’m a girl, we’re both 17. The more I’m thinking about this the more I think I might like her. But then a part of me feels weird about it, probably because I’ve always seen her in a friendly way and now I’ve started having these thoughts about her and I’m just confused haha
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anosmianAcrimony
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There's a lot there but I'll just say - it's completely fine to "try things on" with someone, e.g. go on dates with them even when you're not sure whether or in what way you're attracted, as long as you're completely clear about that with them. In fact that's part of the point of dating.
Last edited by anosmianAcrimony; 1 month ago
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Anonymous #3
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yessssss love that
are u bi?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by anosmianAcrimony)
There's a lot there but I'll just say - it's completely fine to "try things on" with someone, e.g. go on dates with them even when you're not sure whether or in what way you're attracted, as long as you're completely clear about that with them. In fact that's part of the point of dating.
Thanks, thats a good point, I probably wont ever date her though haha I’m pretty sure she doesn’t think of me like that at all
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
yessssss love that
are u bi?
Yep!
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anosmianAcrimony
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Thanks, thats a good point, I probably wont ever date her though haha I’m pretty sure she doesn’t think of me like that at all
I always encourage people to make their feelings known. From experience I can tell you that you'll look back at the years you're in now and regret when you didn't tell people you like them MUCH more than the times that you did tell them, whatever the outcome.
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by randomperson244)
I’m a girl, we’re both 17. The more I’m thinking about this the more I think I might like her. But then a part of me feels weird about it, probably because I’ve always seen her in a friendly way and now I’ve started having these thoughts about her and I’m just confused haha
Ah, I see. She's probably hetero, which is why she hasn't reciprocated. How long have you been seeing other girls in this way? You were born as a sexual being so it's only natural to feel attraction every now and again. But you should know that your feelings for your friend are out of place. She's your friend, and your innate longing for a romantic connection with another human being, has led you to confuse intense platonic affection (sometimes termed in academic circles as 'romantic friendship') with something quite different (that is, romantic love). Many of us have friends we feel one with in soul and spirit, and with whom we become inadvertently very endeared to. That spark often indicates a deep and meaningful friendship that could potentially stand the test of time.

But now that you have managed to mentally interweave your friendship with this girl with something else, it's a signal that you need to take a step back and stop idolising her. She's as much of a normal girl as you are, and she too has weaknesses and vulnerabilties. Give her some space and take time out to re-evaluate your friendship with her. Spend some time developing yourself so the two of you can reach more equal footing. Recognise the value of your friendship in and of itself, and see that it isn't actually a component of anything else; this is just your mind attempting to fill a void that currently exists in your life. Open yourself more to the guys you see on a daily basis, you'd be surprised at the extent of the interest some of them may have in you. Try to show (not tell) that you might be interested in reciprocating. I wish you godspeed in your dating life
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Ah, I see. She's probably hetero, which is why she hasn't reciprocated. How long have you been seeing other girls in this way? You were born as a sexual being so it's only natural to feel attraction every now and again. But you should know that your feelings for your friend are out of place. She's your friend, and your innate longing for a romantic connection with another human being, has led you to confuse intense platonic affection (sometimes termed in academic circles as 'romantic friendship') with something quite different (that is, romantic love). Many of us have friends we feel one with in soul and spirit, and with whom we become inadvertently very endeared to. That spark often indicates a deep and meaningful friendship that could potentially stand the test of time.

But now that you have managed to mentally interweave your friendship with this girl with something else, it's a signal that you need to take a step back and stop idolising her. She's as much of a normal girl as you are, and she too has weaknesses and vulnerabilties. Give her some space and take time out to re-evaluate your friendship with her. Spend some time developing yourself so the two of you can reach more equal footing. Recognise the value of your friendship in and of itself, and see that it isn't actually a component of anything else; this is just your mind attempting to fill a void that currently exists in your life. Open yourself more to the guys you see on a daily basis, you'd be surprised at the extent of the interest some of them may have in you. Try to show (not tell) that you might be interested in reciprocating. I wish you godspeed in your dating life
I’ve been seeing other girls this way my whole life, I only just accepted it when I was 14 though. I get vibes that she’s not straight tbh, but I also don’t get any vibes that she’s into me.
I think you’re probably spot on about longing for romantic connection and mistaking strong platonic affection for romantic feelings - hence why I’m always so confused about these things haha. I think I do have a bit of a crush on her but I’ll just see what happens.
Thank you for all the advice btw, I’ve found it really helpful and insightful!
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I’ve been seeing other girls this way my whole life, I only just accepted it when I was 14 though. I get vibes that she’s not straight tbh, but I also don’t get any vibes that she’s into me.
Surely not? This sounds very much like a hormonal adolescent experience to me, at least as you described it. And everyone had a time they never thought about attraction, it's called the pre-pubertal stage, when we were still too busy learning about life. In short, there was a time before you felt attracted to girls, and there can certainly be a time after. Don't buy into the school of thought that claims these feelings are beyond your control -- that's a myth. Other people have managed to get past it and progress with their lives, as can you.

As for 'getting vibes that she's not straight', you do realise this doesn't make any sense, right? This is purely a function of your confirmation bias. It's impossible to know with any reasonable degree of accuracy a person's sexual orientation from their general behaviour. On the balance of probabilities, she's almost certainly straight and you'll get yourself upset by entertaining the notion of her any further. You need to step back a little.
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anosmianAcrimony
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Surely not? This sounds very much like a hormonal adolescent experience to me, at least as you described it. And everyone had a time they never thought about attraction, it's called the pre-pubertal stage, when we were still too busy learning about life. In short, there was a time before you felt attracted to girls, and there can certainly be a time after. Don't buy into the school of thought that claims these feelings are beyond your control -- that's a myth. Other people have managed to get past it and progress with their lives, as can you.

As for 'getting vibes that she's not straight', you do realise this doesn't make any sense, right? This is purely a function of your confirmation bias. It's impossible to know with any reasonable degree of accuracy a person's sexual orientation from their general behaviour. On the balance of probabilities, she's almost certainly straight and you'll get yourself upset by entertaining the notion of her any further. You need to step back a little.
You've never met either of these two people, but you're acting like you know more about them than they do. She's right there in herself and interacting with the other girl - surely she'd have a better sense than you? Frankly, it sounds like you're trying to persuade the OP that she isn't bi, which is really unacceptable.

OP - your feelings about your friend may be complicated and confusing right now but they are valid and legitimate, and well worth thinking about and exploring further. I don't have to tell you this isn't just a phase you're going through, and it isn't something you need to "get past"
Last edited by anosmianAcrimony; 1 month ago
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Surely not? This sounds very much like a hormonal adolescent experience to me, at least as you described it. And everyone had a time they never thought about attraction, it's called the pre-pubertal stage, when we were still too busy learning about life. In short, there was a time before you felt attracted to girls, and there can certainly be a time after. Don't buy into the school of thought that claims these feelings are beyond your control -- that's a myth. Other people have managed to get past it and progress with their lives, as can you.

As for 'getting vibes that she's not straight', you do realise this doesn't make any sense, right? This is purely a function of your confirmation bias. It's impossible to know with any reasonable degree of accuracy a person's sexual orientation from their general behaviour. On the balance of probabilities, she's almost certainly straight and you'll get yourself upset by entertaining the notion of her any further. You need to step back a little.
I don’t mean I’ve been sexually attracted to them my whole life, that only started happening as a teen, but I’ve had innocent crushes on both girls and guys since I was a kid, since before I even knew that being gay or straight was a thing, bc kids can understand the basic concept of having a girlfriend/boyfriend. When I learnt what being gay was and how it was apparently a bad thing, I didn’t accept that part of myself for a while, but it was still there despite being suppressed. But I started feeling the sort of attraction that you’re probably thinking of when I was 14 I guess, because that’s when I finally let myself. It’s hard to explain, I’m sure I’ve made it clear I’m bad with feelings by now lol.
Also I know you can’t tell someone’s sexuality from just vibes, which is way I’m not claiming she’s bi or gay or straight or anything, but I’m just saying that I get the feeling that she isn’t. She makes jokes about how one of our friends “couldn’t get any straighter” and how there’s “not a hint of rainbow in her” and whatever, so although she’s never actually stated that she’s not straight, when she says things like that it’s hard to believe that she is.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by anosmianAcrimony)
You've never met either of these two people, but you're acting like you know more about them than they do. She's right there in herself and interacting with the other girl - surely she'd have a better sense than you? Frankly, it sounds like you're trying to persuade the OP that she isn't bi, which is really unacceptable.

OP - your feelings about your friend may be complicated and confusing right now but they are valid and legitimate, and well worth thinking about and exploring further. I don't have to tell you this isn't just a phase you're going through, and it isn't something you need to "get past"
Thanks for being so supportive!! also I have an update on the situation: I’ve accepted that I definitely have a crush on her. After acknowledging the possibility of having a crush on her last night, today when I was with her my feelings felt way stronger than they had before. I think I must’ve been suppressing them before now, but now I’ve realised I really ****ing like her. The way I’m feeling is definitely not how I feel around my other friends. God I like her so muchhh <3333
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anosmianAcrimony
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Thanks for being so supportive!! also I have an update on the situation: I’ve accepted that I definitely have a crush on her. After acknowledging the possibility of having a crush on her last night, today when I was with her my feelings felt way stronger than they had before. I think I must’ve been suppressing them before now, but now I’ve realised I really ****ing like her. The way I’m feeling is definitely not how I feel around my other friends. God I like her so muchhh <3333
Wow this is cute as hell You should wait a while to see if it persists and then let her know if it does! Don't suffer in silence
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Anonymous #2
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And this is all we have to do:

If my people who are called by my name humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and heal their land.
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anosmianAcrimony
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FFS, how did I know that anon 2 was a religious fundamentalist before they even started talking about religion??
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by anosmianAcrimony)
FFS, how did I know that anon 2 was a religious fundamentalist before they even started talking about religion??
Fundamentalism is an interesting description which, regrettably, is thrown around far too oft nowadays. I say 'regrettably' as the term, in most cases, bespeaks a total lack of familiarity with what is the lifeblood of Christianity. Christian 'fundamentalism' is all that Christianity truly is. We believers know that the the Scriptures are the ultimate authority on the will of God, complete and unbreakable. I do not mean to say that their meaning is always easy to divine (oftentimes there is a demand of both knowledge of Scripture and spiritual enlightenment for accurate interpretation), but, all else being equal, anyone who claims to know better than God how our lives should be lived has already fallen out of the faith:

But be doers of the word, and not merely hearers who deceive themselves. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like someone who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. But those who look into the perfect law, the law of liberty, and persevere, being not hearers who forget but doers who act—they will be blessed in their doing.
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