moving out for uni- when to tell parents who are against it?

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Anonymous #1
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fine evening to all you lovely beings! So I am currently on my gap year, hoping to applying for medicine! As we may all know, it's important to apply strategically to med schools depending on your strengths and weaknesses and because of this I may have to move out. Thing is my parents are against the idea of me moving out, they want me to go to a London uni (yet they are going to move houses outside of London as my dad now works elsewhere, this hasn't happened yet but it's the plan). I know for certain I want to move out buuuuuut I am not exactly sure on how to put it out there?
When would be the most appropriate time to tell them? I have brought up moving out before, but they wouldn't even speak of it. Should I tell them the week of moving out and keep lying throughout the application process as to where I applied etcetc? Or as soon as my student finances have been dealt with? Or when I (hopefully!) receive an offer? Any advice would be appreciated!!
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Anonymous #2
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Maybe just move out and tell them then. It's common sense ffs
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Maybe just move out and tell them then. It's common sense ffs
not so easy when they’re most likely going to disown me for it 😩
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
not so easy when they’re most likely going to disown me for it 😩
The choice is yours, go to uni or stay at home
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
not so easy when they’re most likely going to disown me for it 😩
Basically, go to university but no family or stay home still go to uni but just commute
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
The choice is yours, go to uni or stay at home
ah yes i have made the choice to move out, i was just looking for advice as to when and how to tell them ((:
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Anonymous #3
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I told mine after I applied, my mom was against it but I convinced her it's a good uni and good course and I had no other choice, so she agreed. If your 100% sure you're parents won't let you, tell them at the last minute.
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Anonymous #3
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just definitely don't tell them before sending off your application or they will try talk you out of it!
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
ah yes i have made the choice to move out, i was just looking for advice as to when and how to tell them ((:
Ive told you when you've left the house ffs
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1secondsofvamps
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Well what I did was deliberately apply to unis outside my hometown so i had no choice but to move out. Tell them once you get offers
Last edited by 1secondsofvamps; 1 month ago
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lojawa
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(Original post by Anonymous)
fine evening to all you lovely beings! So I am currently on my gap year, hoping to applying for medicine! As we may all know, it's important to apply strategically to med schools depending on your strengths and weaknesses and because of this I may have to move out. Thing is my parents are against the idea of me moving out, they want me to go to a London uni (yet they are going to move houses outside of London as my dad now works elsewhere, this hasn't happened yet but it's the plan). I know for certain I want to move out buuuuuut I am not exactly sure on how to put it out there?
When would be the most appropriate time to tell them? I have brought up moving out before, but they wouldn't even speak of it. Should I tell them the week of moving out and keep lying throughout the application process as to where I applied etcetc? Or as soon as my student finances have been dealt with? Or when I (hopefully!) receive an offer? Any advice would be appreciated!!
You need to get a few things certain first:

Find out exactly how much of a student maintenance loan you’re entitled to. You’ll get your fees paid in full by your tuition loan, but your maintenance loan for living is calculated based upon your parents income. You might get quite a bit which may enable you to pay the rent, bills and food/living for the term, or you might get the smallest loan available which will only cover a term’s rent and bills and nothing more. As far as I’m aware, London is the only place in the UK which would grant you more money in your maintenance loan due to high living costs, but places like Bristol and York are also very expensive to live in and you won’t get extra.

How much are you going to need to rely on your parents for financial support whilst you’re at Uni, and are they happy to/able to contribute? The Government expects them to support you a fair bit throughout your degree, which is why your student finance probably won’t cover both your rent and living expenses, but your parents by no means have to contribute. Most students use their maintenance loans for daily living (food, travel, leisure etc.) and their parents pay some or all of their rent, which can be upwards of £400/mnth for 12 months for each year of your degree. If you’ll need their help to live away from home during Uni, bearing in mind that many medicine degrees are at least 4-5 years, then you’ll need to ensure that they’re happy to commit to funding you for that length of time before applying, because it’s a vast amount of money. If you apply for Unis away from home with the expectation that they’ll be paying without asking whether that’s OK with them, they’re not likely to take that well and you might even end up not being able to afford to go.

Will you be able to get a part-time job at Uni to help pay your living costs? With a degree as demanding as medicine, you might find it difficult to sustain a job which pays the bills, as well as cramming in your studies and extra-curriculars. You’ll probably be on minimum wage and have to earn at least £500/mnth to cover your rent and bills if you’re using your maintenance loan for other living costs.

At the end of the day, you’ll be the one paying for your degree, not your parents, so make this clear to them if you believe you’ll get the best experience and degree elsewhere. You’ll probably get the most out of your degree if you don’t live at home, as University is about building you as a person in addition to getting a degree, and living with your parents will seriously impact that. But if you’re expecting them to fund you in any way, and if moving out is going to mean that they need to pour more money into supporting you than they would if you were living at home, then you absolutely should include them in your decision. If you told them at the last minute and they said no, you’ll end up having to find another University that will take you, likely through clearing, and rearrange your student finance.
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𝓖𝓱𝓸𝓼𝓽𝓵𝓪𝓭𝔂
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Explain your situation. Say exactly how you said above. Your strengths and weaknesses determine if you get in and you have to play it by choosing a wide range of unis, which could mean moving away. Maybe, they can compromise and say to them that if you are to move away you wont move too too far? That way your still an hour /two hours away.
Remember you will be over 18 and an adult and you can move to where you want, but if they are adamant, perhaps a compromise can be reached. Plus show them you can adult too. Research and work out a budget on how much things cost. Student finance calculator is pretty good working out how much you will get in maintenance loan. Cooking and doing things in the house more to show you can look after yourself.
Also, instead of it being a heated match between you, ask them. What are their fears? Is it because they want you to save money for being local? Perhaps they are worried you might not cope without them, or even them having an 'empty nest symdrome' (it does happens i'm a mum too and felt this first couple of weeks my eldest went to uni)
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by lojawa)
You need to get a few things certain first:

Find out exactly how much of a student maintenance loan you’re entitled to. You’ll get your fees paid in full by your tuition loan, but your maintenance loan for living is calculated based upon your parents income. You might get quite a bit which may enable you to pay the rent, bills and food/living for the term, or you might get the smallest loan available which will only cover a term’s rent and bills and nothing more. As far as I’m aware, London is the only place in the UK which would grant you more money in your maintenance loan due to high living costs, but places like Bristol and York are also very expensive to live in and you won’t get extra.

How much are you going to need to rely on your parents for financial support whilst you’re at Uni, and are they happy to/able to contribute? The Government expects them to support you a fair bit throughout your degree, which is why your student finance probably won’t cover both your rent and living expenses, but your parents by no means have to contribute. Most students use their maintenance loans for daily living (food, travel, leisure etc.) and their parents pay some or all of their rent, which can be upwards of £400/mnth for 12 months for each year of your degree. If you’ll need their help to live away from home during Uni, bearing in mind that many medicine degrees are at least 4-5 years, then you’ll need to ensure that they’re happy to commit to funding you for that length of time before applying, because it’s a vast amount of money. If you apply for Unis away from home with the expectation that they’ll be paying without asking whether that’s OK with them, they’re not likely to take that well and you might even end up not being able to afford to go.

Will you be able to get a part-time job at Uni to help pay your living costs? With a degree as demanding as medicine, you might find it difficult to sustain a job which pays the bills, as well as cramming in your studies and extra-curriculars. You’ll probably be on minimum wage and have to earn at least £500/mnth to cover your rent and bills if you’re using your maintenance loan for other living costs.

At the end of the day, you’ll be the one paying for your degree, not your parents, so make this clear to them if you believe you’ll get the best experience and degree elsewhere. You’ll probably get the most out of your degree if you don’t live at home, as University is about building you as a person in addition to getting a degree, and living with your parents will seriously impact that. But if you’re expecting them to fund you in any way, and if moving out is going to mean that they need to pour more money into supporting you than they would if you were living at home, then you absolutely should include them in your decision. If you told them at the last minute and they said no, you’ll end up having to find another University that will take you, likely through clearing, and rearrange your student finance.
thank you so much for your reply!! I wasn’t expecting my parents to cover my everyday living expenses, and rent i would pay half of each month if I were to live with them. I am hoping to save up over my gap year to help pay for accommodation. I’ve also checked with the student finance calculator how much I’d receive! There are grants and bursaries I am looking into that could help((: I’m planning to tell them as soon as I sort out student finances and receive a confirmed offer then! I think it’d be much better than last minute! Thank you once again, I really appreciate it.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by 𝓖𝓱𝓸𝓼𝓽𝓵𝓪𝓭𝔂)
Explain your situation. Say exactly how you said above. Your strengths and weaknesses determine if you get in and you have to play it by choosing a wide range of unis, which could mean moving away. Maybe, they can compromise and say to them that if you are to move away you wont move too too far? That way your still an hour /two hours away.
Remember you will be over 18 and an adult and you can move to where you want, but if they are adamant, perhaps a compromise can be reached. Plus show them you can adult too. Research and work out a budget on how much things cost. Student finance calculator is pretty good working out how much you will get in maintenance loan. Cooking and doing things in the house more to show you can look after yourself.
Also, instead of it being a heated match between you, ask them. What are their fears? Is it because they want you to save money for being local? Perhaps they are worried you might not cope without them, or even them having an 'empty nest symdrome' (it does happens i'm a mum too and felt this first couple of weeks my eldest went to uni)
Thank you so much for your reply! You’re right, I’d rather it be us having a conversation than for it to be a debate match! I think the main issue here is that in my culture, we don’t move out at 18... all the girls in my family moved out only once they got married! Quite playing into the typical stereotype ik ik lol but it’s just even bringing up the topic of moving out gets my parents upset. Almost like I am betraying them, that I don’t love them and that I am forgetting my background. Quite complicated... but I guess the conversation can happen after I applied to unis outside of London. I will definitely try the compromising technique!
And hey you bb sound like an awesome mum, it must have been real hard overcoming your eldest child moving out. I just so happen to be the eldest too! : D thank you for your help once again
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by 1secondsofvamps)
Well what I did was deliberately apply to unis outside my hometown so i had no choice but to move out. Tell them once you get offers
I’m thinking of doing that too! But perhaps applying to one uni that’s close?
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lojawa
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(Original post by Anonymous)
thank you so much for your reply!! I wasn’t expecting my parents to cover my everyday living expenses, and rent i would pay half of each month if I were to live with them. I am hoping to save up over my gap year to help pay for accommodation. I’ve also checked with the student finance calculator how much I’d receive! There are grants and bursaries I am looking into that could help((: I’m planning to tell them as soon as I sort out student finances and receive a confirmed offer then! I think it’d be much better than last minute! Thank you once again, I really appreciate it.
No problem, just bear in mind that if you move out and need to pay rent, if it’s £400/mnth (absolute minimum, more for London) throughout a 5 year degree, you’ll be paying around or over £25,000 during that time just for rent. As the user above said, make sure you draw up a budget with your parents to figure out whether that’s affordable and if they’re willing to pay. Even with grants and a good loan, it might still be a struggle.
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