Postgrad and dating

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Anonymous #1
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So I've been talking to a girl for three months over the summer through text, though our initial contact was in person. We've talked about meeting up again, doing things later and recently she's asked about my birthday, told me more things about herself and her friend (who was with her when she met) added me back on snapchat after not accepting me over the holidays. She's a final year undergrad and I'm an incoming postgrad.

However, I'm not sure if she really does like me. We text most days, but she'll usually reply either in the evening/night or the next day though she takes a long time to type and matches my convo length with interest/jokes etc. Some days we do have a good few exchanges but others just the one message between each other. We've had a continuous convo with different topics over the months but she never sends me any actual snaps nor messages me first despite her snap score going up before messaging me, though she did mention at the beginning her battles with social anxiety. Out of respect of that, I didn't ask again to do a video call and have given her space to open up although she's moved back to uni early and nothing's going on there.

Am I overthinking or is she somewhat not as interested?
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TheCFiles
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It sounds like she genuinly is interested in you, but may be busy or having personal issues as most of us are right now. I'd just give her some space and see what happens.
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1582
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There isn't really anything in your post to suggest it, so I'm just going to ask: does she know you're interested in her romantically?
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TheCFiles
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(Original post by 1582)
There isn't really anything in your post to suggest it, so I'm just going to ask: does she know you're interested in her romantically?
You wouldn't say she interested? She was asking about him. If she wants to know about him on a personal level wouldn't you say she'd be interested?
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1582
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(Original post by TheCFiles)
You wouldn't say she interested? She was asking about him. If she wants to know about him on a personal level wouldn't you say she'd be interested?
Not necessarily in a romantic sense, no. Everything the OP has described could apply to a platonic friendship, hence why I asked if she even knows they're interested in her in that way.
Last edited by 1582; 1 month ago
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Anonymous #1
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Well I’ve teased and hinted at meeting up, doing things one to one and whatever else so it’s not like I hid what I thought.

Asked her out for a few days time but shocked to see she responded but then as I open the messages they’ve been deleted. Not sure what to think
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TheCFiles
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(Original post by 1582)
Not necessarily in a romantic sense, no. Everything the OP has described could apply to a platonic friendship, hence why I asked if she even knows they're interested in her in that way.
Yeah, your right, I didn't think of it that way.
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TheCFiles
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Well I’ve teased and hinted at meeting up, doing things one to one and whatever else so it’s not like I hid what I thought.

Asked her out for a few days time but shocked to see she responded but then as I open the messages they’ve been deleted. Not sure what to think
Yeah that's odd. Have you ever asked her what happens when you see the messages deleted?
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Dunnig Kruger
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Would I be right in thinking that she's physically attractive?

Are you sure you want to get involved with someone with social anxiety? How bad is it? Is it just mild shyness when meeting people she doesn't know, or is it more self-limiting than that?

There will be hundreds of young women at your uni that are beautiful and don't have social anxiety. Go get yourself one of those.
Aim to date women that you think would make a good wife and mother.

By all means, meet up and spend time with this shy girl. And assess whether her social anxiety is something that she will largely grow out of, or whether it's more chronic than that. And by all means become a great friend to her regardless. Whilst keeping in the back of your mind that you should be selective and set high standards on the women you are prepared to have sex with.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by TheCFiles)
Yeah that's odd. Have you ever asked her what happens when you see the messages deleted?
No as this was the first time I’ve asked her and we’re both at uni soon. Maybe she’s unsure or wants to think about it or just doesn’t know how to say no, but very confused and a little hurt
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TheCFiles
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(Original post by Anonymous)
No as this was the first time I’ve asked her and we’re both at uni soon. Maybe she’s unsure or wants to think about it or just doesn’t know how to say no, but very confused and a little hurt
Like I said maybe try giving her some space and seeing what happens. Or just flat out ask her if she's interested in a relationship with you.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Dunnig Kruger)
Would I be right in thinking that she's physically attractive?

Are you sure you want to get involved with someone with social anxiety? How bad is it? Is it just mild shyness when meeting people she doesn't know, or is it more self-limiting than that?

There will be hundreds of young women at your uni that are beautiful and don't have social anxiety. Go get yourself one of those.
Aim to date women that you think would make a good wife and mother.

By all means, meet up and spend time with this shy girl. And assess whether her social anxiety is something that she will largely grow out of, or whether it's more chronic than that. And by all means become a great friend to her regardless. Whilst keeping in the back of your mind that you should be selective and set high standards on the women you are prepared to have sex with.
Well I’d say she’s probably bang average but never been with anyone from what I know. She doesn’t seem to be talking to anyone either.

I myself have social anxiety so although it doesn’t sound great, I don’t mind as she’s been able to hold down a job and have her own friends so I guess its just mild shyness with unknown people.

Doing a masters it does seem quite intense and nerve wracking. Would love to meet more girls and do things but making friends will be harder than undergrad and the time just isn’t there for new partners, unless I’ve missed something. I gained no dating experience in my first 3 years at uni so I’m always quite upset by that despite trying. My standards aren’t really that high as long as the woman likes me, gets along with me and appreciates my issues and I hers; a lot of girls I’ve liked in the past my mates have thought they were ugly.

I think you’re right and I will try to do those things. Still don’t know whether I’ll even get to meet her now if she read my message, sent me a few then deleted her responses because I feel like I’ve done something wrong but ah well..
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by TheCFiles)
Like I said maybe try giving her some space and seeing what happens. Or just flat out ask her if she's interested in a relationship with you.
I will do my best but I’ve given her ample space, I.e no double texting or asking ‘why haven’t you texted back’ over the past 3 months. Maybe it is a lot to process but she was up for going out for Christmas amongst other things up until now.

She’s back at uni hanging with her friends but I just don’t get it. Last week she was asking me when I was getting back and eager to look around campus/spend time with me now this
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Dunnig Kruger
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The key to a lot of things in your life will be overcoming or mitigating your social anxiety.

Give that your highest priority after maintaining your health and safety.
Give it a higher priority than your masters.

Check out the Owen Cook Freetour channel. There's some videos on there that you might find useful.
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Dunnig Kruger
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The key to a lot of things in your life will be overcoming or mitigating your social anxiety.

Give that your highest priority after maintaining your health and safety.
Give it a higher priority than your masters.

Check out the Owen Cook Freetour youtube channel. There's some videos on there that you might find useful.
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Anonymous #1
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Ok so she’s still not replied but saved my message.
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Anonymous #1
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Still no reply and I’d asked for tomorrow. Very very nervous
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