Oppressive parents

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 4 weeks ago
#1
My mum and dad have always threaten to kick me out of my house and make me homeless, I have had heated debates with them all the time and they no longer treat me as their daughter and will often ignore me. I accept them and respect islamic traditions and values, but I believe they should also accept and respect the choices that I have made I am also muslim but not as religious as them. They oppose western clothes, western music, and dating (even a muslim guy). I do get angry easily but they trigger it because if i don't wear a hijab or just talk to a guy online, they threaten I'll be kicked out and made homeless. My parents don't give me any freedom in the house, they want me 1) follow their rules 2) do what I want but be far away 3) be punished/homeless 4) or die. How is this fair treatment or islamic since even islamically you can't force anything on your children. I do need my parents but I just don't know why they can't be a little open minded
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Anonymous #2
#2
Report 4 weeks ago
#2
(Original post by Anonymous)
My mum and dad have always threaten to kick me out of my house and make me homeless, I have had heated debates with them all the time and they no longer treat me as their daughter and will often ignore me. I accept them and respect islamic traditions and values, but I believe they should also accept and respect the choices that I have made I am also muslim but not as religious as them. They oppose western clothes, western music, and dating (even a muslim guy). I do get angry easily but they trigger it because if i don't wear a hijab or just talk to a guy online, they threaten I'll be kicked out and made homeless. My parents don't give me any freedom in the house, they want me 1) follow their rules 2) do what I want but be far away 3) be punished/homeless 4) or die. How is this fair treatment or islamic since even islamically you can't force anything on your children. I do need my parents but I just don't know why they can't be a little open minded
This is just how it is I'm afraid. Has happened in some families for many years and will continue unless the individual girls or boys do something about their own situation. The options they have given you I'd recommend you contact the domestic abuse charities or even the police.

While I know there are homeless people in the UK, you won't become homeless social care will be involved or you can make social care/housing involved in your situation if it gets to a serious extent so you will get housing if you put a good claim in for it...

I am sorry to say this but opression is wrong in Islam and you can't do anything to change your parents mindset. You need to do something with your life so that you one day you can leave. You can either conform to the way they want you to behave or you start financial becoming stable or you contact the council and let them know the situation...we are living in the UK there are options available trust me you just got to contact them to find out.

The issue is some Muslim girls who are in this type of situation never want to leave their parents for many reasons like they think it will give a bad name to their parents and all the other crap. You need to take control of the situation..

I can't offer any further proper advice because we don't know your age, are you studying, in education, working, your boyfriend financially stable, is marriage on the cards in the future..
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Anonymous #3
#3
Report 4 weeks ago
#3
This is sad, sorry you're going through this, like the above user said the only way you can get out of this toxic household is to find a way out yourself, but stay on your best behaviour and abide by their rules until you are financially stable enough, old enough to move out to uni, get married etc or it will only get harder for you

Also, marriage is not a way out, you will have to prove them wrong first and become financially stable, be educated and thrive in life, everything they belittled you on prove them wrong and once you are stood on your own two feet, find someone or if you have remain halal and speak to your parents and get married, don't cut off your parents or run away as you will need them in situations like when you want to get married, but find someone suitable enough not just because you want to get married, be happy

I know it may be hard, but you will look back and realise it was worth it, stay strong and i know these kind of situations can affect your mental health especially when freedom is taken away and you are controlled, but stay on your deen and pray consistently , have faith and allah is the best of planner! Aslong as you stay on the right path and do good , good will come to you

Don't disrespect your parents, remain civil even if it is minimal and if you need to stay out their way as much as possible do so, but for your own sanity and to not get a bad name you have to remain calm and patient and eventually you will be removed from this situation inshallah

you will be happy soon, stay strong x
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Anonymous #4
#4
Report 4 weeks ago
#4
(Original post by Anonymous)
My mum and dad have always threaten to kick me out of my house and make me homeless, I have had heated debates with them all the time and they no longer treat me as their daughter and will often ignore me. I accept them and respect islamic traditions and values, but I believe they should also accept and respect the choices that I have made I am also muslim but not as religious as them. They oppose western clothes, western music, and dating (even a muslim guy). I do get angry easily but they trigger it because if i don't wear a hijab or just talk to a guy online, they threaten I'll be kicked out and made homeless. My parents don't give me any freedom in the house, they want me 1) follow their rules 2) do what I want but be far away 3) be punished/homeless 4) or die. How is this fair treatment or islamic since even islamically you can't force anything on your children. I do need my parents but I just don't know why they can't be a little open minded
Actually they are responsible for what you do and will get be judged on what you do
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Anonymous #1
#5
Report Thread starter 4 weeks ago
#5
(Original post by Anonymous)
This is just how it is I'm afraid. Has happened in some families for many years and will continue unless the individual girls or boys do something about their own situation. The options they have given you I'd recommend you contact the domestic abuse charities or even the police.

While I know there are homeless people in the UK, you won't become homeless social care will be involved or you can make social care/housing involved in your situation if it gets to a serious extent so you will get housing if you put a good claim in for it...

I am sorry to say this but opression is wrong in Islam and you can't do anything to change your parents mindset. You need to do something with your life so that you one day you can leave. You can either conform to the way they want you to behave or you start financial becoming stable or you contact the council and let them know the situation...we are living in the UK there are options available trust me you just got to contact them to find out.

The issue is some Muslim girls who are in this type of situation never want to leave their parents for many reasons like they think it will give a bad name to their parents and all the other crap. You need to take control of the situation..

I can't offer any further proper advice because we don't know your age, are you studying, in education, working, your boyfriend financially stable, is marriage on the cards in the future..
I am not physically abused so the police or domestic abuse charities will not be helpful. I am just suffering from very strict parental rules that are unreasonable. I would become homeless because I have no money and no job at 19 and in year 13. I don't want to move out because I am too poor and no job so cannot afford it but I want my parents to change their rules because they are not fair it's 2021 not 1700.
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Anonymous #3
#6
Report 4 weeks ago
#6
(Original post by Anonymous)
I am not physically abused so the police or domestic abuse charities will not be helpful. I am just suffering from very strict parental rules that are unreasonable. I would become homeless because I have no money and no job at 19 and in year 13. I don't want to move out because I am too poor and no job so cannot afford it but I want my parents to change their rules because they are not fair it's 2021 not 1700.
This is emotional abuse
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Anonymous #1
#7
Report Thread starter 4 weeks ago
#7
(Original post by Anonymous)
This is sad, sorry you're going through this, like the above user said the only way you can get out of this toxic household is to find a way out yourself, but stay on your best behaviour and abide by their rules until you are financially stable enough, old enough to move out to uni, get married etc or it will only get harder for you

Also, marriage is not a way out, you will have to prove them wrong first and become financially stable, be educated and thrive in life, everything they belittled you on prove them wrong and once you are stood on your own two feet, find someone or if you have remain halal and speak to your parents and get married, don't cut off your parents or run away as you will need them in situations like when you want to get married, but find someone suitable enough not just because you want to get married, be happy

I know it may be hard, but you will look back and realise it was worth it, stay strong and i know these kind of situations can affect your mental health especially when freedom is taken away and you are controlled, but stay on your deen and pray consistently , have faith and allah is the best of planner! Aslong as you stay on the right path and do good , good will come to you

Don't disrespect your parents, remain civil even if it is minimal and if you need to stay out their way as much as possible do so, but for your own sanity and to not get a bad name you have to remain calm and patient and eventually you will be removed from this situation inshallah

you will be happy soon, stay strong x
They don't care if I am married or not they don't plan to marry me off but they won't let me find someone myself to date or marry.

If I don't listen to anything they say I will be left homeless
(Original post by Anonymous)
Actually they are responsible for what you do and will get be judged on what you do
Maybe responsible for a young child but when you are old enough to make your own decisions, islamically, they should remain respectful, forcing your grown daughter is not good. And they should provide for me also. I know many religious muslim parents who children lead opposite lifestyles but the parents still are okay with their child.
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Anonymous #2
#8
Report 4 weeks ago
#8
(Original post by Anonymous)
I am not physically abused so the police or domestic abuse charities will not be helpful. I am just suffering from very strict parental rules that are unreasonable. I would become homeless because I have no money and no job at 19 and in year 13. I don't want to move out because I am too poor and no job so cannot afford it but I want my parents to change their rules because they are not fair it's 2021 not 1700.
I'm sorry to say this but your parents are like many old traditional parents who won't change their rules to please their modern daughter. They know it's 2021 themselves. How about getting a local scholar or extended family involved in this situation.

There are different types of abuse like mental abuse. In some cases women or men don't even recognize the abuse you are facing yourself. It's clear they are forcing you to behave the way you don't want to and yes you could try charities or the police and see what advice they give you, worth a shot nothing to lose.

Maybe try this Muslim youth charity live chat option and let them know your issue and what advice they offer in your circumstance
https://myh.org.uk/

You wouldn't become homeless if you contact the Council beforehand or after and inform them off your situation we are living in the UK and not any other country. If you are in education so that is college council will definitely help even more. You can even tell you college the situation. There should be hostels you can go to.

Think about your plans after college and how you can start your journey to become financially stable or meet your parents in the middle with their strict rules.

You can't get out of this situation unless you try to and look into the different options available in the UK.
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Anonymous #1
#9
Report Thread starter 4 weeks ago
#9
(Original post by Anonymous)
This is emotional abuse
Not emotional abuse but they have unreasonable rules like someone living in 500 ad prophet muhammad times, they don't accept any modern lifestyle from the smallest of things such as western clothes or music to other things like dating.
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Anonymous #4
#10
Report 4 weeks ago
#10
(Original post by Anonymous)
Not emotional abuse but they have unreasonable rules like someone living in 500 ad prophet muhammad times, they don't accept any modern lifestyle from the smallest of things such as western clothes or music to other things like dating.
Ok but that's fine your being excessive plus technically dating wouldnt be considered "small"
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Anonymous #1
#11
Report Thread starter 4 weeks ago
#11
(Original post by Anonymous)
Ok but that's fine your being excessive plus technically dating wouldnt be considered "small"
They are the ones who are being unreasonable, not me, I'm just average.
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Anonymous #1
#12
Report Thread starter 4 weeks ago
#12
(Original post by Anonymous)
Ok but that's fine your being excessive plus technically dating wouldnt be considered "small"
How do most people form genuine relationships or even get married these days? They start by talking, texting, going out to dinner, going out to cinema, and the girls wear a lot of makeup, do their hair, do their nails. Not necessarily anything sexual. Those are normal things for men and women to do together but rejected by my parents who consider it deviant.
My parents even ruined my education, they made me depressed so I got worse grades, at my age I should be at university
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Anonymous #4
#13
Report 4 weeks ago
#13
(Original post by Anonymous)
How do most people form genuine relationships or even get married these days? They start by talking, texting, going out to dinner, going out to cinema, and the girls wear a lot of makeup, do their hair, do their nails. Not necessarily anything sexual. Those are normal things for men and women to do together but rejected by my parents who consider it deviant.
My parents even ruined my education, they made me depressed so I got worse grades, at my age I should be at university
Ok but that's when ur starting too look for a serious relationship which will possibly lead into marriage not when your still young and dependant on your parents

and plus the part about alot of makeup and nails arent necessarily true firstly guys probs wont realise ur nails and most guys dont like heavy heavy unatural makeup
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Anonymous #1
#14
Report Thread starter 4 weeks ago
#14
(Original post by Anonymous)
Ok but that's when ur starting too look for a serious relationship which will possibly lead into marriage not when your still young and dependant on your parents

and plus the part about alot of makeup and nails arent necessarily true firstly guys probs wont realise ur nails and most guys dont like heavy heavy unatural makeup
I just don't like being controlled. I want to live with my parents but I want them to let me do what I want. So I want dress normally like British people do, not eat halal and date. But my parents would never let me. I'd end up homeless.

And you are a probably a man or a muslim woman with freedoms or from a liberal family, you don't understand my situation.
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Anonymous #2
#15
Report 4 weeks ago
#15
(Original post by Anonymous)
I just don't like being controlled. I want to live with my parents but I want them to let me do what I want. So I want dress normally like British people do, not eat halal and date. But my parents would never let me. I'd end up homeless.

And you are a probably a man or a muslim woman with freedoms or from a liberal family, you don't understand my situation.
Stop saying you'll end up homeless, you will if you don't do anything about your situation. We are living in the UK so the chances of that happening are zilch unless YOU yourself DO nothing about it then yes you will become homeless. There's a Muslim youth charity contactable via Live chat I suggest you Google MYC and go on their website for some advice.. you need to accept what's happening and that your parents will not change for you, it's as simple as that.

There are people outside of your family like professionals you can talk to. You say you go college well use the tutor as an opportunity to share your concerns that's the only way you will get help.
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Anonymous #1
#16
Report Thread starter 4 weeks ago
#16
(Original post by Anonymous)
Stop saying you'll end up homeless, you will if you don't do anything about your situation. We are living in the UK so the chances of that happening are zilch unless YOU yourself DO nothing about it then yes you will become homeless. There's a Muslim youth charity contactable via Live chat I suggest you Google MYC and go on their website for some advice.. you need to accept what's happening and that your parents will not change for you, it's as simple as that.

There are people outside of your family like professionals you can talk to. You say you go college well use the tutor as an opportunity to share your concerns that's the only way you will get help.
Yes that is the situation of someone who leaves their parents and is poor / has no money either. They'll end up like those abandoned homeless people on the street. Use your common sense.
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Anonymous #4
#17
Report 4 weeks ago
#17
(Original post by Anonymous)
I just don't like being controlled. I want to live with my parents but I want them to let me do what I want. So I want dress normally like British people do, not eat halal and date. But my parents would never let me. I'd end up homeless.

And you are a probably a man or a muslim woman with freedoms or from a liberal family, you don't understand my situation.
😂

no if anything my parents are probs more religious than yours i also am not allowed to date no music and deffo not eating haram food so I do understand your situation and my verdict is its not even that bad

plus every teen wishes they could do whatever they want ur not the only teen who has rules put on them
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Anonymous #1
#18
Report Thread starter 4 weeks ago
#18
(Original post by Anonymous)
your parents will not change for you, it's as simple as that.
Only because they are dumb. I like my parents but they are so arrogant they think everything they say is correct.
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Dunnig Kruger
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#19
Report 4 weeks ago
#19
Bring on the you being kicked out of the house. The sooner the better.

If you're under 18, you'll need to contact the local council for suitable housing for you. The council would look very bad if their inaction led to you living in a cardboard box in the streets. So they should be motivated to help you.

If you're over 18 it's past time you left home anyway. You're an adult now. Time to stand on your own 2 feet.

Also give yourself a huge pat on the back for questioning things and coming to your own conclusions.
Logical free thinking should always be applauded.
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Anonymous #1
#20
Report Thread starter 4 weeks ago
#20
(Original post by Anonymous)
😂

no if anything my parents are probs more religious than yours i also am not allowed to date no music and deffo not eating haram food so I do understand your situation and my verdict is its not even that bad

plus every teen wishes they could do whatever they want ur not the only teen who has rules put on them
I'm sure your parents don't make you wear a scarf everytime you leave the house
i don't dislike my parents lol, I like them but they are unreasonable in some aspects
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