Bf rarely touches me

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#1
My bf of 5+ years (engaged with kids) is barely physical with me anymore.

Before having kids he was so loving and obsessed with me. We’ve been through a really rocky path since and things have been all over the place.

He never touches me anymore. We had sex yesterday for the first time in a month. The only time he touches me is when we have sex which has become so rare, sometimes would be once a week or two weeks and has just been a whole month. Not only is he barely sexual with me, he doesn’t touch me in even the most innocent ways. In that entire month his skin hadn’t made contact with mine at all! Not even brushing past eachother or a hug or anything.

Currently not living together as we needed a little separate time to deal with our relationship issues but we were still together and he’d spend nights with me and still have sex but now it’s like I don’t exist.

It’s bothering me so much because I love physical touch, not even in a sexual way, but I want to be hugged, hold hands, hold eachother, rub etc everything. I don’t feel loved at all and feel like he dislikes me so much he doesn’t even want to be around me.

I don’t want to tell him that it’s bothering me because I don’t want to force him to have to show that love when it’s not natural. I also don’t want to embarrass myself incase he’s talking to someone else and that’s why he’s not bothered about me.

He’s 25 though. What 25 yr old male that’s obsessed with females is only having sex 1 time a month? Is it me? Is he just not interested in me?? What should I do?
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Silenceimagine
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As you mentioned before kids he was loving touchy person etc

Sometimes relationships can change after having kids and partners dont spent as much time with each other like they used to which is Normal as having children is stressful thing and there are times where the other person gets exhausted and not in the mood for intimacy etc
may i ask are the living children with him by chance? Could be reason why but i dont know the full background really

ask how he is in general as you noticed he doesnt seems himself lately i think communication is key because you never really know what someone is thinking even if they tell you you dont know if they're lying or not only they know how they feel

I have same situation with my fella hes been distant lately not messaging much hasnt been touchy lately and i do study fulltime and he doesnt so we barely spent time and sometimes i feel exhausted and i got alot going on lately so i havent stayed the night at his for 2 weeks now so lack of time together probably affected him as he felt i barely come round or it didnt feel like relationship to him

I dont know the reason you both separated the living together situation but tbh my bf hasnt had sex with me not even once and we been together for year but he always talks in dirty way but never acts on it so sex once or twice a month is good enough in my opinion but it depends really as i dont have a high drive so everyone is different

Or maybe since you both had children he might want to settle down or slow things down kind of thing basically meaning hes comfortable with you but it doesnt exactly mean hes secretly with or thinking of someone else or he's just stressed at the minute and just needs your support but you wouldn't really know if you dont ask him
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Silenceimagine)
As you mentioned before kids he was loving touchy person etc

Sometimes relationships can change after having kids and partners dont spent as much time with each other like they used to which is Normal as having children is stressful thing and there are times where the other person gets exhausted and not in the mood for intimacy etc
may i ask are the living children with him by chance? Could be reason why but i dont know the full background really

ask how he is in general as you noticed he doesnt seems himself lately i think communication is key because you never really know what someone is thinking even if they tell you you dont know if they're lying or not only they know how they feel

I have same situation with my fella hes been distant lately not messaging much hasnt been touchy lately and i do study fulltime and he doesnt so we barely spent time and sometimes i feel exhausted and i got alot going on lately so i havent stayed the night at his for 2 weeks now so lack of time together probably affected him as he felt i barely come round or it didnt feel like relationship to him

I dont know the reason you both separated the living together situation but tbh my bf hasnt had sex with me not even once and we been together for year but he always talks in dirty way but never acts on it so sex once or twice a month is good enough in my opinion but it depends really as i dont have a high drive so everyone is different

Or maybe since you both had children he might want to settle down or slow things down kind of thing basically meaning hes comfortable with you but it doesnt exactly mean hes secretly with or thinking of someone else or he's just stressed at the minute and just needs your support but you wouldn't really know if you dont ask him
No they live with me. He’s never even looked after them for an hour let alone live with him!

We were going through many issues and really needed some space to figure it out. Even though we were still a family and still together. Having space made him change and start spending so much time with me and more interested in me. Then it randomly changed overnight one day and he distanced himself a lot from me. Started telling me we are not together anymore. The sex slowed down a lot more and now he can barely even look at me.

Currently texting and he’s just told me he’s not coming back to me and I asked if he’s seeing someone else and he just told me that his private life is not my business. That his ‘eyes have opened’ and he used to be scared of losing me but when he moved out and tasted it he realised it was the best thing ever...
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Profesh
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Currently texting and he’s just told me he’s not coming back to me and I asked if he’s seeing someone else and he just told me that his private life is not my business. That his ‘eyes have opened’ and he used to be scared of losing me but when he moved out and tasted it he realised it was the best thing ever...
Well, unless I'm misreading his (admittedly, cryptic) signals, it seems to me as though he's finally done 'figuring it out'.
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Dunnig Kruger
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You're quite right in questioning this. His behaviour indicates that he has minimal affection for you now.

He's getting his sex elsewhere. Best case scenario is that it's from masturbation. However it seems very likely from your latest post that he's with another woman. And that it's when he started seeing her that the sex with you fell off a cliff.

Get legal advice and try to extract as much money as you can to support your children.

This is not the end of the world. Your life will move on to a new chapter.

Some men aren't cut out to be fathers and husbands. He's one of them. Regardless of the woman he is with or the children that he has, he's the type that will get bored of them and be looking to move on after a few years (at most).
I'm getting the vibe that he's a selfish and inward looking man. That he derives pleasure from giving himself pleasure. And that he doesn't get a lot of pleasure from inter-acting with others or doing things with and for the people he's supposed to love. Like he's the sort of man that takes minimal interest in playing games and sports with his children or having conversations with them. That he was interested in his kids till the novelty wore off.
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Doomotron
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(Original post by Dunnig Kruger)
You're quite right in questioning this. His behaviour indicates that he has minimal affection for you now.

He's getting his sex elsewhere. Best case scenario is that it's from masturbation. However it seems very likely from your latest post that he's with another woman. And that it's when he started seeing her that the sex with you fell off a cliff.

Get legal advice and try to extract as much money as you can to support your children.

This is not the end of the world. Your life will move on to a new chapter.

Some men aren't cut out to be fathers and husbands. He's one of them. Regardless of the woman he is with or the children that he has, he's the type that will get bored of them and be looking to move on after a few years (at most).
I'm getting the vibe that he's a selfish and inward looking man. That he derives pleasure from giving himself pleasure. And that he doesn't get a lot of pleasure from inter-acting with others or doing things with and for the people he's supposed to love. Like he's the sort of man that takes minimal interest in playing games and sports with his children or having conversations with them. That he was interested in his kids till the novelty wore off.
I think you may be overreacting. Going straight to expecting cheating probably isn't a good idea. On that note...
(Original post by Anonymous)
My bf of 5+ years (engaged with kids) is barely physical with me anymore.

Before having kids he was so loving and obsessed with me. We’ve been through a really rocky path since and things have been all over the place.

He never touches me anymore. We had sex yesterday for the first time in a month. The only time he touches me is when we have sex which has become so rare, sometimes would be once a week or two weeks and has just been a whole month. Not only is he barely sexual with me, he doesn’t touch me in even the most innocent ways. In that entire month his skin hadn’t made contact with mine at all! Not even brushing past eachother or a hug or anything.

Currently not living together as we needed a little separate time to deal with our relationship issues but we were still together and he’d spend nights with me and still have sex but now it’s like I don’t exist.

It’s bothering me so much because I love physical touch, not even in a sexual way, but I want to be hugged, hold hands, hold eachother, rub etc everything. I don’t feel loved at all and feel like he dislikes me so much he doesn’t even want to be around me.

I don’t want to tell him that it’s bothering me because I don’t want to force him to have to show that love when it’s not natural. I also don’t want to embarrass myself incase he’s talking to someone else and that’s why he’s not bothered about me.

He’s 25 though. What 25 yr old male that’s obsessed with females is only having sex 1 time a month? Is it me? Is he just not interested in me?? What should I do?
Is he good with the kids? It's likely that he is more focused on the children than you at the moment (although he almost certainly still loves you). As mentioned earlier, relationships change after having children.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Doomotron)
I think you may be overreacting. Going straight to expecting cheating probably isn't a good idea. On that note...

Is he good with the kids? It's likely that he is more focused on the children than you at the moment (although he almost certainly still loves you). As mentioned earlier, relationships change after having children.
He doesn’t spend any time with them. I raise them completely by myself. He believes working and providing money & material things in the future for them is the only important thing.

We had a deep chat and he told me he’s not coming back to me. So I guess that clears it up for me
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Oxford Mum
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(Original post by Anonymous)
He doesn’t spend any time with them. I raise them completely by myself. He believes working and providing money & material things in the future for them is the only important thing.

We had a deep chat and he told me he’s not coming back to me. So I guess that clears it up for me
Just like my ex husband, I am afraid. After 20 odd years, he still wants nothing to do with our kids. That's fine, as we are much happier without him. If he is this rotten, why would you want him back?

Even when he heard his younger child got into Oxford for medicine (his own subject), he didn't want to know. Some people really ARE that awful and have no feelings for others whatsoever.
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Oxford Mum
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(Original post by Dunnig Kruger)
You're quite right in questioning this. His behaviour indicates that he has minimal affection for you now.

He's getting his sex elsewhere. Best case scenario is that it's from masturbation. However it seems very likely from your latest post that he's with another woman. And that it's when he started seeing her that the sex with you fell off a cliff.

Get legal advice and try to extract as much money as you can to support your children.

This is not the end of the world. Your life will move on to a new chapter.

Some men aren't cut out to be fathers and husbands. He's one of them. Regardless of the woman he is with or the children that he has, he's the type that will get bored of them and be looking to move on after a few years (at most).
I'm getting the vibe that he's a selfish and inward looking man. That he derives pleasure from giving himself pleasure. And that he doesn't get a lot of pleasure from inter-acting with others or doing things with and for the people he's supposed to love. Like he's the sort of man that takes minimal interest in playing games and sports with his children or having conversations with them. That he was interested in his kids till the novelty wore off.
This is not overreacting, but the honest truth. I know from a lot of experience, what it is like to have a toxic partner in your life. The latest was someone at work. When he found out I had got another job, he sent me another one of his charming texts, but, knowing the real him and wanting to get rid, I blocked him and deleted the chat. At least I didn't get married to the loser, or have kids with him.
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ashtolga23
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Complicated because you have kids but it really doesn't sound like this is the guy you should be marrying if things stay as they are. Maybe look at couples counselling.
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Silenceimagine
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(Original post by Anonymous)
No they live with me. He’s never even looked after them for an hour let alone live with him!

We were going through many issues and really needed some space to figure it out. Even though we were still a family and still together. Having space made him change and start spending so much time with me and more interested in me. Then it randomly changed overnight one day and he distanced himself a lot from me. Started telling me we are not together anymore. The sex slowed down a lot more and now he can barely even look at me.

Currently texting and he’s just told me he’s not coming back to me and I asked if he’s seeing someone else and he just told me that his private life is not my business. That his ‘eyes have opened’ and he used to be scared of losing me but when he moved out and tasted it he realised it was the best thing ever...
Firstly i would like to apologise for not realising that they dont live with the father but if i had to be honest sounds like a proper ******** and some dads are like that

You know what i can relate to this with my bf alot hes starting to get fed up with me i remember once he said "i know this sounds fuked up but since the thought of being on my own i felt better" i remember that hurting me so much i cant imagine having a child with him as i know they would mostly be living with me and he cant even take care of himself nevermind children
But i noticed he never holds my hand anymore when ever he walks me back home hes been messaging less and just seems fed up with me in general and he doesn't compliment me anymore when i post a photo on media so i feel you on this

But this guy honestly if i was you i would cut things off and i probably wouldnt even let him see the children like it seems like they haven't even got a bond with their father whatsoever i would put them first because i know for a fact parents splitting can be damaging for the children but it depends on their age really but do whats best for your children because i wish my mother did that with me due to my toxic father and how abusive my mum and my dads relationship was and how it affected me alot

I know truth hurts but i feel for what you said that there could be something going on
Because when changes occur in partner behaviour could indicate something
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Oxford Mum
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(Original post by Silenceimagine)
Firstly i would like to apologise for not realising that they dont live with the father but if i had to be honest sounds like a proper ******** and some dads are like that

You know what i can relate to this with my bf alot hes starting to get fed up with me i remember once he said "i know this sounds fuked up but since the thought of being on my own i felt better" i remember that hurting me so much i cant imagine having a child with him as i know they would mostly be living with me and he cant even take care of himself nevermind children
But i noticed he never holds my hand anymore when ever he walks me back home hes been messaging less and just seems fed up with me in general and he doesn't compliment me anymore when i post a photo on media so i feel you on this

But this guy honestly if i was you i would cut things off and i probably wouldnt even let him see the children like it seems like they haven't even got a bond with their father whatsoever i would put them first because i know for a fact parents splitting can be damaging for the children but it depends on their age really but do whats best for your children because i wish my mother did that with me due to my toxic father and how abusive my mum and my dads relationship was and how it affected me alot

I know truth hurts but i feel for what you said that there could be something going on
Because when changes occur in partner behaviour could indicate something
And I would take this thread as a sign to finish with your own boyfriend. I notice you do not have any children. Is he living with you? If not, there is no reason to continue going out with him.
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
He doesn’t spend any time with them. I raise them completely by myself. He believes working and providing money & material things in the future for them is the only important thing.

We had a deep chat and he told me he’s not coming back to me. So I guess that clears it up for me
So you have broken up?

Tbh if you never hug, never kiss, rarely have sex, then the relationship is doomed.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
So you have broken up?

Tbh if you never hug, never kiss, rarely have sex, then the relationship is doomed.
Yes I guess so.

The problem is he is never serious with what he says. He will say things without meaning them. He’ll tell me we’re done but then come back like everything’s normal or be telling his mum the opposite. However this time is very different. Again he’s reiterating that we are done, he doesn’t like me and won’t be coming back.

Even when we were together we’d only have sex maybe once every 2 weeks - ish sometimes longer
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InfiniteWill
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(Original post by Anonymous)
No they live with me. He’s never even looked after them for an hour let alone live with him!

We were going through many issues and really needed some space to figure it out. Even though we were still a family and still together. Having space made him change and start spending so much time with me and more interested in me. Then it randomly changed overnight one day and he distanced himself a lot from me. Started telling me we are not together anymore. The sex slowed down a lot more and now he can barely even look at me.

Currently texting and he’s just told me he’s not coming back to me and I asked if he’s seeing someone else and he just told me that his private life is not my business. That his ‘eyes have opened’ and he used to be scared of losing me but when he moved out and tasted it he realised it was the best thing ever...
oo *****.. I'm so sorry this has happened. Honestly some people are heartless. I'm speechless tbh... he had kids with you and left at the worst time possible. What a ******.
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Silenceimagine
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(Original post by Oxford Mum)
And I would take this thread as a sign to finish with your own boyfriend. I notice you do not have any children. Is he living with you? If not, there is no reason to continue going out with him.
No he doesn't i barely see him only once a week but hes been distant alot lately always seems pissed off with me i was thinking of snooping to see whats up as hes been on phone alot lately but i got enough going on to do that no point just makes things worse really

(Original post by Anonymous)
Yes I guess so.

The problem is he is never serious with what he says. He will say things without meaning them. He’ll tell me we’re done but then come back like everything’s normal or be telling his mum the opposite. However this time is very different. Again he’s reiterating that we are done, he doesn’t like me and won’t be coming back.

Even when we were together we’d only have sex maybe once every 2 weeks - ish sometimes longer
Fck im in the same situation like i think we both need to rethink our relationship

my bf the same action dont match his words i make so much effort in him some men are just generally d!ckheads and i was too soft to realise im more upset that all them times he told me he loves me he could of been lying and you know the phrase actions speak louder than words says it all

Honestly even reading what this guy is like towards you is already doing my heading aha expecially that he had children with you he aint husband material nevermind father material

You see what i see as a good partner is someone whos got honesty, good with children, sense of humour, caring and loyal but this guy is complete opposite i wouldnt be able to put up with it anymore

Find yourself better guy who treats you and your children the way you deserve there are plenty of men out there who would take a woman with children and that would be your husband right there just not this guy

Its time to end it you dont need him i promise you that
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Napp
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It seems you answered your own question there, if you have probllems deep enough to live apart then it stands to reason that sex would not be at the front of his mind.
Either way, seeing as no one here can ever answer this question, it would seem apt to ask him why he refuses to touch you as, from personal experience at least, theres only a couple of reasons for someone refusing to touch their partner... Something youd probably want to get an answer to sooner rather than later, especially with kids.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Napp)
It seems you answered your own question there, if you have probllems deep enough to live apart then it stands to reason that sex would not be at the front of his mind.
Either way, seeing as no one here can ever answer this question, it would seem apt to ask him why he refuses to touch you as, from personal experience at least, theres only a couple of reasons for someone refusing to touch their partner... Something youd probably want to get an answer to sooner rather than later, especially with kids.
I’ve asked and rarely get a real answer. He keeps telling me I didn’t something to make him not ‘like’ me and be acting this way but says he can’t remember what it is that I’ve done. He’ll just tell me I was rude but can’t remember what it was specifically? That just makes me think there’s way more to it

Also, he said because I was ‘rude’ and for whatever reason it ‘turned him off’ and now his eyes have opened?
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Ducky Donna
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(Original post by Anonymous)
My bf of 5+ years (engaged with kids) is barely physical with me anymore.

Before having kids he was so loving and obsessed with me. We’ve been through a really rocky path since and things have been all over the place.

He never touches me anymore. We had sex yesterday for the first time in a month. The only time he touches me is when we have sex which has become so rare, sometimes would be once a week or two weeks and has just been a whole month. Not only is he barely sexual with me, he doesn’t touch me in even the most innocent ways. In that entire month his skin hadn’t made contact with mine at all! Not even brushing past eachother or a hug or anything.

Currently not living together as we needed a little separate time to deal with our relationship issues but we were still together and he’d spend nights with me and still have sex but now it’s like I don’t exist.

It’s bothering me so much because I love physical touch, not even in a sexual way, but I want to be hugged, hold hands, hold eachother, rub etc everything. I don’t feel loved at all and feel like he dislikes me so much he doesn’t even want to be around me.

I don’t want to tell him that it’s bothering me because I don’t want to force him to have to show that love when it’s not natural. I also don’t want to embarrass myself incase he’s talking to someone else and that’s why he’s not bothered about me.

He’s 25 though. What 25 yr old male that’s obsessed with females is only having sex 1 time a month? Is it me? Is he just not interested in me?? What should I do?
it's time to find a new boyfriend
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Oxford Mum
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(Original post by Ducky Donna)
it's time to find a new boyfriend
Amen to that.
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