why do south asian parents have to be so strict abt dating +everything

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Anonymous #1
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hi, so both my parents are indian and are reasonably strict. i grew up in england and understandably i grew up in a non indian culture, so to the topic of dating. im not allowed to date whatsover, i mean i didnt really care until i met someone, we work together and have gotten super close. im scared to date him since my parents are against it and also they dont want me dating ppl outside our culture and race which i find so annoying bc they cant force who i fall for yk, like im constantly upset over the fact that i cant be in a relationship with someone who likes me equally as much. and i feel like if i date him secretly, it would be way too stressful for the both of us as im not allowed to go out and stuff. anyways does anyone know why they gotta be so goddamn strict about this???
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mmaozedong
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(Original post by Anonymous)
hi, so both my parents are indian and are reasonably strict. i grew up in england and understandably i grew up in a non indian culture, so to the topic of dating. im not allowed to date whatsover, i mean i didnt really care until i met someone, we work together and have gotten super close. im scared to date him since my parents are against it and also they dont want me dating ppl outside our culture and race which i find so annoying bc they cant force who i fall for yk, like im constantly upset over the fact that i cant be in a relationship with someone who likes me equally as much. and i feel like if i date him secretly, it would be way too stressful for the both of us as im not allowed to go out and stuff. anyways does anyone know why they gotta be so goddamn strict about this???
In Xinjiang region, such islamic practices are not tolerated.
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Anonymous #1
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um islamic ? my parents arent islamic lol ?
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mmaozedong
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(Original post by Anonymous)
um islamic ? my parents arent islamic lol ?
You wrote you are Indian so I assume you are Hindu or Muslim?
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Anonymous #1
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we are christians
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ldn5
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Who cares about what they say.
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Anonymous #1
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its really not that simple with indian parents lmao
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JosephJ1234
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(Original post by Anonymous)
its really not that simple with indian parents lmao
are u from kerala
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londonmyst
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It depends on whether the parents are traditionists staunchly committed to a lifestyle that emphasize elements like: arranged marriage, caste, education, favouring specific careers, religion, nationality, obedience to ancestors/older people and how authoritarian their preferred parenting style is.
Similar situation with many other traditionalist or very controlling and unreasonable parents who are not asian.

My best friend was born in india, her parents are liberal and welcome all her friends & dates.
She & her older brothers all moved out for uni, received generous allowances and have always enjoyed a great relationship with their parents.
While other asian friends have very harsh traditionalist parents that seek to control almost every aspect of their lives as children, teenagers and adults in the 20s-40s age range. :facepalm:
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JosephJ1234
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(Original post by JosephJ1234)
are u from kerala
if u are tho im just saying its kind of a thing to follow tradition and let ur parents arrange a marriage for u . And its gonna look pretty bad if ur parents find out about dating the english guy .there are a ton of indian guys born and brought up in england like u so u might as well take parents advice
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summerbirdreads
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(Original post by JosephJ1234)
if u are tho im just saying its kind of a thing to follow tradition and let ur parents arrange a marriage for u . And its gonna look pretty bad if ur parents find out about dating the english guy .there are a ton of indian guys born and brought up in england like u so u might as well take parents advice
she mentioned she likes the guy? and that she wants to date someone who likes her equally? so how does her parents arranging a marriage for her work? because if she likes someone else but marries the guy her parents chose, that could potentially ruin her and the guy's lives
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by JosephJ1234)
if u are tho im just saying its kind of a thing to follow tradition and let ur parents arrange a marriage for u . And its gonna look pretty bad if ur parents find out about dating the english guy .there are a ton of indian guys born and brought up in england like u so u might as well take parents advice
I like how you are basically saying that her parents should control and dictate her life because thats just how it is loi? Not to mention that you sound like a bigoted person by saying she should only marry other indians.

Your morals are very very backwards and Im not even going to say sorry for that because its the truth. Grow up

Btw this is coming from someone who also comes from south asia but my parents are not morons.
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TonyKhan
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Im Pakistani pashtun ..but my parents arent strict
Im openly in relationship with afghan girl
i think my parents are secular
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by JosephJ1234)
are u from kerala
yea i am lol
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JosephJ1234
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(Original post by Anonymous)
yea i am lol
i could tell cause i am to
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JosephJ1234
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I like how you are basically saying that her parents should control and dictate her life because thats just how it is loi? Not to mention that you sound like a bigoted person by saying she should only marry other indians.

Your morals are very very backwards and Im not even going to say sorry for that because its the truth. Grow up

Btw this is coming from someone who also comes from south asia but my parents are not morons.
(Original post by summerbirdreads)
she mentioned she likes the guy? and that she wants to date someone who likes her equally? so how does her parents arranging a marriage for her work? because if she likes someone else but marries the guy her parents chose, that could potentially ruin her and the guy's lives
im just saying my point of view because this will also ruin the parents relationship so its 50/50 . Ruin parents relationship or ruin ur own and the other guy. 2 options man. and btw its very easy for u guys to say what u just said but being from Kerala everyone in ur family and the people will know of u as the girl who married the English guy. Not saying this is a bad thing but it will take time to resolve the problem. My aunty married a foreign guy from north India and my family being from Kerala and knanaya took it personally. Only after about 20 years did they start to become a real family and talk to each other again and come to kerala. I'm not bigoted @Anonymous , im just clearly stating what will happen if this takes place from witnessing what happened.
Last edited by JosephJ1234; 4 weeks ago
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Anonymous #3
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Hey I'm an Indian girl living in Ireland and I totally get where you're coming from. I had this issue when I was 16-18 too! Ugh it can be so frustrating but I found one of the best things to do is just to have an open discussion, don't be scared of them getting angry cause at first they probably will be lol. Just make it clear to them what you want, why you want it and be ready to hold your ground. They just want the best for you but the culture divide just makes it hard for them to understand your perspective.
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Anonymous #3
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(Original post by JosephJ1234)
im just saying my point of view because this will also ruin the parents relationship so its 50/50 . Ruin parents relationship or ruin ur own and the other guy. 2 options man. and btw its very easy for u guys to say what u just said but being from Kerala everyone in ur family and the people will know of u as the girl who married the English guy. Not saying this is a bad thing but it will take time to resolve the problem. My aunty married a foreign guy from north India and my family being from Kerala and knanaya took it personally. Only after about 20 years did they start to become a real family and talk to each other again and come to kerala. I'm not bigoted @Anonymous , im just clearly stating what will happen if this takes place from witnessing what happened.
You can't guarantee this will happen. Theres lots of people marrying outside their culture. My cousin married a malayali girl and yeah it took a while for the whole family to accept that but now they're so happy and everyone is happy for them. It's better to struggle alongside someone you love rather than live a boring life with a guy you don't even know.
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summerbirdreads
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(Original post by JosephJ1234)
im just saying my point of view because this will also ruin the parents relationship so its 50/50 . Ruin parents relationship or ruin ur own and the other guy. 2 options man. and btw its very easy for u guys to say what u just said but being from Kerala everyone in ur family and the people will know of u as the girl who married the English guy. Not saying this is a bad thing but it will take time to resolve the problem. My aunty married a foreign guy from north India and my family being from Kerala and knanaya took it personally. Only after about 20 years did they start to become a real family and talk to each other again and come to kerala. I'm not bigoted @Anonymous , im just clearly stating what will happen if this takes place from witnessing what happened.
well my Indian Muslim uncle married a Hindu girl and my family accepted that pretty quickly and we're pretty religious even
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JosephJ1234
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(Original post by summerbirdreads)
well my Indian Muslim uncle married a Hindu girl and my family accepted that pretty quickly and we're pretty religious even
(Original post by Anonymous)
You can't guarantee this will happen. Theres lots of people marrying outside their culture. My cousin married a malayali girl and yeah it took a while for the whole family to accept that but now they're so happy and everyone is happy for them. It's better to struggle alongside someone you love rather than live a boring life with a guy you don't even know.
summerbirdreads if ur uncle married the hindu girl and then she became muslim of course your family will accept her and Anonymous yes i can guarantee this will happen mate cause being from kerala all the people will only know of her as the girl who married the english guy. No ifs or buts mate it is what it is but overall its your life and u have the free will to do whatever you like with it and im not stopping you but will tell you the aftermath of what will happen.
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