Hello.
I'm 30 years old now. I came to the UK after a lot of struggle and verbal as well as physical abuse from my family who constantly abused me for dropping out from University in 2011. I was considered a failure, a mockery who was made to sit in front of family members, who made hurtful comments at me. I was hit, slapped, called illiterate everyday.
In late 2016/early 2017, after 4 long years of abuse and disappointments, luck finally favoured me and I came to study here. However, everything went wrong. I fell in love with someone who probably never loved me or cared for me. We couldn't date as he was being so difficult, wouldn't even communicate properly, and when I tried to reach out to him to fix our "relationship, , he didn't want to hear it and left after ghosting me. I did not get closure and to this day, I only have "ifs and buts" questions with no answers. I last saw him last year with another girl. He eventually thought I hated him because he tried to say something to me but I wasnt able to as my friend was talking to me.
I did not see him again.
I lost my pet bird, my health has also dwindled. I ended up getting spinal cord issues and now I think I have a problem with my intestines as well as a spot on the side of my head which hurts to touch since weeks.
Due to health and emotional issues, I ended up getting a 2.2 at UG and now I'm on my way to a "Pass" degree at MSc level. I ve tried applying for jobs but never secured any jobs either. To add on, I have no friends and since late 2018, I have been alone. I speak to a few staff members who are acquainted and a few girls but I can't call them friends.
Ultimately, all my efforts, all my struggles and the amount of my misery I suffered had no rewards. I am so depressed and lost at this point. Regarding the guy, there are so many coincidences. I was learning Spanish, and the base book had his name in it (it's an uncommon Hebrew name in the west) , he studies at a university which was founded on the day we met (5th June) , he was a history student but is now studying masters in ecology and I'm studying ecology too. I never expected him to study that. There are so many, I can't even remember.
I feel terrible and don't know what to do, where to go. My wounds never healed and no matter how hard I try, I cannot get closure or healing.
What should I do? I am only existing. I have lost all enthusiasm and happiness. I just feel like I'm unlucky and ill fated. What do I do ?