Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#1
I've been at Newcastle University for two days and I just feel so lonely.
I went out last night and tonight and both times I've come home early. I like clubbing, I go clubbing once a week at home (Liverpool) and I'm a confident and social person. My friends have said I could talk to a brick wall, and like multiple people said they wish they could just like start chatting to randomers like me.
But I just don't feel it here, one of my flatmates is lovely and I can see us spending a lot of time together. We've got similar music tastes and like she seems like my type of person but I've not met anyone else. And everybody else seems like they've found their people, like they've slotted in. And even if they're not forever friends they've still got a group of mates.
I've spent most of today crying, I rang my mum saying I want to come back home and she said its too early which it is. Like its not even been 48hours but I just feel so awful and not like myself.
I never planned on Newcastle, my heart was set on Durham because it seemed so much more close knit and less party focused. I'm doubting if I loved clubbing or I loved clubbing with my friends.
And like the part of Liverpool I'm from is so close knit, I've always thought of it as a sinkhole that kinda traps people in. People don't leave, people stay friends with their school friends, if they do go to uni it wouldn't be alone. I thought I was being adventurous and independent but now I feel stupid. I miss my friends and family, I miss walking down the street and bumping into at least ten people.
I feel like I've been sold a lie, about freshers about going out and how easy making friends is because everyone's in the same boat but I missed the bit were we jumped ships.
My friends are all in other uni's with people they know. I'm in a group of 10 girls and 4 of them are in the same flat in Sheff. I can't work out if I've made a mistake or not.
I know it takes time, but I don't want it to take time. I need to find my people but that seems impossible with bad tunes on at a ridiculous volume while steaming pissed.
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Anonymous #2
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Report 1 month ago
#2
Trust me I feel the exact same I’m 4 days in and want to go home I’m so tempted to go home and take a gap year
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Something Peach
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#3
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#3
(Original post by Anonymous)
I've been at Newcastle University for two days and I just feel so lonely.
I went out last night and tonight and both times I've come home early. I like clubbing, I go clubbing once a week at home (Liverpool) and I'm a confident and social person. My friends have said I could talk to a brick wall, and like multiple people said they wish they could just like start chatting to randomers like me.
But I just don't feel it here, one of my flatmates is lovely and I can see us spending a lot of time together. We've got similar music tastes and like she seems like my type of person but I've not met anyone else. And everybody else seems like they've found their people, like they've slotted in. And even if they're not forever friends they've still got a group of mates.
I've spent most of today crying, I rang my mum saying I want to come back home and she said its too early which it is. Like its not even been 48hours but I just feel so awful and not like myself.
I never planned on Newcastle, my heart was set on Durham because it seemed so much more close knit and less party focused. I'm doubting if I loved clubbing or I loved clubbing with my friends.
And like the part of Liverpool I'm from is so close knit, I've always thought of it as a sinkhole that kinda traps people in. People don't leave, people stay friends with their school friends, if they do go to uni it wouldn't be alone. I thought I was being adventurous and independent but now I feel stupid. I miss my friends and family, I miss walking down the street and bumping into at least ten people.
I feel like I've been sold a lie, about freshers about going out and how easy making friends is because everyone's in the same boat but I missed the bit were we jumped ships.
My friends are all in other uni's with people they know. I'm in a group of 10 girls and 4 of them are in the same flat in Sheff. I can't work out if I've made a mistake or not.
I know it takes time, but I don't want it to take time. I need to find my people but that seems impossible with bad tunes on at a ridiculous volume while steaming pissed.
It's still very early days. I know it can feel like everyone else has sorted themselves out and has a solid group of friends already but that's not the reality. Right now, people will most likely just be sticking with whoever they can so that they're not left out. It's a common joke that you end up making a ton of ''friends'' during Freshers that you never see or speak to again once the week is over.

Also, Durham is definitely not less party focused. Pretty much any university you go to will have tons of partiers so there's no point thinking like that.

Freshers is definitely overhyped and it puts a ridiculous amount of pressure on people. However, things will definitely start to calm down once classes start. Join societies, volunteer, get to know others in your classes, maybe even get a job on campus. You will find your group of friends soon enough.
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mike23mike
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#4
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Please dont leave. It takes time to settle into a new environment. The ones who seem to have already found their clique are very lucky or its just crap (they are probably in their rooms crying).

it will get better once your course actually starts - you will make friends off your course. Have you joined some social clubs? That is a great way to make friends. Whether its bridge or tap dancing, I am sure there is a club for you. Hang in there, its too soon to call time. It took me until Christmas to find my feet.
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Anonymous #3
#5
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#5
hi, totally get you. I moved to Newcastle yesterday so I haven’t been here long but my uni flat is super small and quiet (most people just keep to themselves) so I've not really met anyone yet. I'm just gonna join a few societies and go to a few daytime fresher events - clubbing isn't really my thing and I'm definitely not going out on my own. I think once courses begin it'll get better.
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Hdisososb
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#6
Report 1 month ago
#6
(Original post by Anonymous)
I've been at Newcastle University for two days and I just feel so lonely.
I went out last night and tonight and both times I've come home early. I like clubbing, I go clubbing once a week at home (Liverpool) and I'm a confident and social person. My friends have said I could talk to a brick wall, and like multiple people said they wish they could just like start chatting to randomers like me.
But I just don't feel it here, one of my flatmates is lovely and I can see us spending a lot of time together. We've got similar music tastes and like she seems like my type of person but I've not met anyone else. And everybody else seems like they've found their people, like they've slotted in. And even if they're not forever friends they've still got a group of mates.
I've spent most of today crying, I rang my mum saying I want to come back home and she said its too early which it is. Like its not even been 48hours but I just feel so awful and not like myself.
I never planned on Newcastle, my heart was set on Durham because it seemed so much more close knit and less party focused. I'm doubting if I loved clubbing or I loved clubbing with my friends.
And like the part of Liverpool I'm from is so close knit, I've always thought of it as a sinkhole that kinda traps people in. People don't leave, people stay friends with their school friends, if they do go to uni it wouldn't be alone. I thought I was being adventurous and independent but now I feel stupid. I miss my friends and family, I miss walking down the street and bumping into at least ten people.
I feel like I've been sold a lie, about freshers about going out and how easy making friends is because everyone's in the same boat but I missed the bit were we jumped ships.
My friends are all in other uni's with people they know. I'm in a group of 10 girls and 4 of them are in the same flat in Sheff. I can't work out if I've made a mistake or not.
I know it takes time, but I don't want it to take time. I need to find my people but that seems impossible with bad tunes on at a ridiculous volume while steaming pissed.
How old are u
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Fruity Girl
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#7
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#7
(Original post by Anonymous)
I've been at Newcastle University for two days and I just feel so lonely.
I went out last night and tonight and both times I've come home early. I like clubbing, I go clubbing once a week at home (Liverpool) and I'm a confident and social person. My friends have said I could talk to a brick wall, and like multiple people said they wish they could just like start chatting to randomers like me.
But I just don't feel it here, one of my flatmates is lovely and I can see us spending a lot of time together. We've got similar music tastes and like she seems like my type of person but I've not met anyone else. And everybody else seems like they've found their people, like they've slotted in. And even if they're not forever friends they've still got a group of mates.
I've spent most of today crying, I rang my mum saying I want to come back home and she said its too early which it is. Like its not even been 48hours but I just feel so awful and not like myself.
I never planned on Newcastle, my heart was set on Durham because it seemed so much more close knit and less party focused. I'm doubting if I loved clubbing or I loved clubbing with my friends.
And like the part of Liverpool I'm from is so close knit, I've always thought of it as a sinkhole that kinda traps people in. People don't leave, people stay friends with their school friends, if they do go to uni it wouldn't be alone. I thought I was being adventurous and independent but now I feel stupid. I miss my friends and family, I miss walking down the street and bumping into at least ten people.
I feel like I've been sold a lie, about freshers about going out and how easy making friends is because everyone's in the same boat but I missed the bit were we jumped ships.
My friends are all in other uni's with people they know. I'm in a group of 10 girls and 4 of them are in the same flat in Sheff. I can't work out if I've made a mistake or not.
I know it takes time, but I don't want it to take time. I need to find my people but that seems impossible with bad tunes on at a ridiculous volume while steaming pissed.
This is what’s called ‘being home sick’ - everyone gets it at some time. Some people in the first week, some people about four weeks in and others on a wet Sunday in term two. It’s normal and not unusual. Don’t give up yet! Get 3 weeks in when the course has started and you’ve had a chance to meet and build friendships. Uni is fun but freshers isn’t for everyone. Many freshers group friendships last that two weeks and then fizzle out. Sounds like you’ve found a good potential friend already. Give it 3-4 weeks and then review how you feel. It’s been a weird 18mth with covid and everyone has spent more time with family so leaving that strong family and friendship group will feel super scary.
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Anonymous #1
#8
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(Original post by Hdisososb)
How old are u
18, first year
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throwaway122334
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#9
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Same, i feel like everyone in my flat acts as if they've known each other for agess. I haven't really found any friends yet :// esp as i'm not rlly interested in going out.
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C_191919
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#10
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#10
(Original post by throwaway122334)
Same, i feel like everyone in my flat acts as if they've known each other for agess. I haven't really found any friends yet :// esp as i'm not rlly interested in going out.
That's sucks, I'm sure you will find people eventually. I haven't really met anyone yet either because the people in my flat are a lot older. Have you joined a society or anything?
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throwaway122334
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#11
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(Original post by C_191919)
That's sucks, I'm sure you will find people eventually. I haven't really met anyone yet either because the people in my flat are a lot older. Have you joined a society or anything?
Not yet but i def plan to, also hope to meet people on my course, just gotta wait and see what happens tbf.
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Moonlight Rain
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#12
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#12
Same, my fourth day and not a single friend
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Anonymous #4
#13
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#13
Same. Everyone appears to have found their group and when I attempt to join in they just blank me. Don't even join in now. What is this and how did they band together that fast?
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throwaway122334
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#14
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#14
(Original post by Anonymous)
Same. Everyone appears to have found their group and when I attempt to join in they just blank me. Don't even join in now. What is this and how did they band together that fast?
Glad to see i'm not the only one, let's hope we find people soon :crossedf:
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Bbles
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#15
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#15
Wait you've been there 2 days, gone out clubbing BOTH of those days and you have a flatmate who you get along really well with, share similar music tastes and can see you guys hanging out quite a lot? That sounds like a pretty big score to me! I had people tell me about their freshers experiences, ending up with completely asocial/mean flatmates, having absolutely no one etc, so your situation is quite the step up.

I guess it's now been 4 days since you first settled in, but even then this is a really, really short amount of time. In a month or so you probably won't even want to go back home. When I first moved out, it was with 2 random professionals who weren't even in Uni. I cried every night for like a week lol. It fades pretty quickly and you will meet people on your course, lectures, societies etc.
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Anonymous #5
#16
Report 4 weeks ago
#16
(Original post by Bbles)
Wait you've been there 2 days, gone out clubbing BOTH of those days and you have a flatmate who you get along really well with, share similar music tastes and can see you guys hanging out quite a lot? That sounds like a pretty big score to me! I had people tell me about their freshers experiences, ending up with completely asocial/mean flatmates, having absolutely no one etc, so your situation is quite the step up.

I guess it's now been 4 days since you first settled in, but even then this is a really, really short amount of time. In a month or so you probably won't even want to go back home. When I first moved out, it was with 2 random professionals who weren't even in Uni. I cried every night for like a week lol. It fades pretty quickly and you will meet people on your course, lectures, societies etc.
so true
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Anonymous #5
#17
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#17
at least u guys are meeting people and are actually present for the first days of uni.
Im an international student and due to problems at home and visa issues wont even be in uni in person until november and by then everyone will have made at least some friends.. who knows what will happen to my social life.
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throwaway122334
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#18
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#18
(Original post by Anonymous)
at least u guys are meeting people and are actually present for the first days of uni.
Im an international student and due to problems at home and visa issues wont even be in uni in person until november and by then everyone will have made at least some friends.. who knows what will happen to my social life.
Dw about it, there will probably be other international students joining late as well, maybe you could meet them? Also its never too late to get involved in a society.
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parmezanne
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#19
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#19
This is suuuch a common feeling, trust me. I myself felt that way on my first night of uni and I thought 'great, I have a dead flat and won't put myself out there after going to bed at 9pm alone on my first night' but most people actually feel that way. If I quit then, I would've never forgiven myself for missing out on all the experiences I had even the next day! Everyone needs to find their feet and their people, don't panic.

Go out, explore places, and say yes to people if they want to meet up. :yep:
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mariposaAA
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#20
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#20
(Original post by Anonymous)
I've been at Newcastle University for two days and I just feel so lonely.
I went out last night and tonight and both times I've come home early. I like clubbing, I go clubbing once a week at home (Liverpool) and I'm a confident and social person. My friends have said I could talk to a brick wall, and like multiple people said they wish they could just like start chatting to randomers like me.
But I just don't feel it here, one of my flatmates is lovely and I can see us spending a lot of time together. We've got similar music tastes and like she seems like my type of person but I've not met anyone else. And everybody else seems like they've found their people, like they've slotted in. And even if they're not forever friends they've still got a group of mates.
I've spent most of today crying, I rang my mum saying I want to come back home and she said its too early which it is. Like its not even been 48hours but I just feel so awful and not like myself.
I never planned on Newcastle, my heart was set on Durham because it seemed so much more close knit and less party focused. I'm doubting if I loved clubbing or I loved clubbing with my friends.
And like the part of Liverpool I'm from is so close knit, I've always thought of it as a sinkhole that kinda traps people in. People don't leave, people stay friends with their school friends, if they do go to uni it wouldn't be alone. I thought I was being adventurous and independent but now I feel stupid. I miss my friends and family, I miss walking down the street and bumping into at least ten people.
I feel like I've been sold a lie, about freshers about going out and how easy making friends is because everyone's in the same boat but I missed the bit were we jumped ships.
My friends are all in other uni's with people they know. I'm in a group of 10 girls and 4 of them are in the same flat in Sheff. I can't work out if I've made a mistake or not.
I know it takes time, but I don't want it to take time. I need to find my people but that seems impossible with bad tunes on at a ridiculous volume while steaming pissed.
No advice, just relating. I moved in hella late. Practically missed all of freshers. I've made a handful of friends aka people I hang out with, get coffees with or go on night outs with. I've been to 3 house parties, 2 dinners and 2 coffee dates and it's been a week in. I get that lectures and seminars have started but it just sucks that I don't get as much time to bond with as many people so I feel like I've missed a lot of those opportunities. Especially since people have started to form their own circles and stuff. I'm not in a circle per say, just friends in their own little circles that I'm not really a part of.

My flat situation is **** right now. It's not that anyone is rude or mean, it's just that I was hoping that maybe I'd get lucky and get one of those flats where everyone's friends but that's just not the case. Person 1 already dropped out because of imposter syndrome, so that's already one down and I didn't even get to meet them. Person 2 hasn't arrived yet and no one knows who or when they'll come or IF they even will. Person 3 and 4 are in serious relationships and spend most of their time with their SO off-campus. Person 5 is an exchange student who has their own friends and then person 6 is either inviting their friends over (and not letting us know about the motive) or is out always.

When we're in the kitchen cooking and stuff, it's literally just small talk and then silence. And I get that flatmates don't make or break the uni experience but it really is peak when you can hear music and voices coming from your communal but aren't invited. And also, it's been a week and we haven't done one thing as a flat yet. Forget about dinners and lunches, we haven't even sorted out the cleaning or bin days.

I've got a few nights out and dinners planned for this weekend and next week with some friends and I'm hoping that by going to lectures I get to meet with more people but obviously it does just feel super lonely right now. No one I've made friends with lives at my accom and if they do, they've got their own friends they're much closer to. And what's worse is that I don't really have any friends at home. I have like 1 friend from back home and we're not even that close. The pandemic killed off my 6th form circle (not that that was a surprise, we all knew that going to uni was going to break it anyway). Honestly just haven't been able to retain any friends from secondary or 6th form and I was hoping uni would be the place where I'd meet my 4lifers and I get it takes time but I've never felt time move so slowly before. And imagine moving to uni miles away just to get away from your **** hometown and the **** people and **** family to now counting the days to go back.

So yeah, just feeling super lonely right now. I'm hoping the 2 newcomers will liven up our flat and that I'll find my people soon. I've joined loads of societies and I'm hoping going to the events will liven up my social life.
Last edited by mariposaAA; 4 weeks ago
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